Alex Gaskarth Fan Fic.

My mind was full of negative thoughts. High school… Middle school… The bullying. My mom. My sisters. My brother. My cousins. I’m not good enough, I’m not enough. They’re always a step ahead. Always telling me what to do, out doing me… It’s not fair… I bit my lip to stop my sob from coming out. I won’t cry, I won’t cry… My head phones were blaring ‘last flight home’ by All Time Low. I missed high school.

I looked up at the street light and then down at the street again. I noticed a figure standing next to the stop sign. It looked like Alex… WHAT THE FUCK?

The person was standing at the corner of the street when I walked up. My mouth dropped open. “Alex?”

“Umm… Yeah. Hey? Do I know you?” He squinted, it was dark out.

“Oh, I- No, I .. I‘m a fan. What are you doing in this little town?”

“Oh.” He replied, smiling as I stepped closer and up onto the side walk next to the stop sign with him. “Just was in town, off tour for a little bit. Thought I‘d stay a week or so with some friends. I‘m leaving in a couple days.”

“Oh.. I didn‘t wanna bother you.. I just-” I was still in shock. I smiled. “Youre lyrics kinda saved my life, if that‘s not too cheesey to say. I can‘t believe I‘m talking to you right now.”

“Oh, aw. Well, What‘s your name? Wanna hang out for a bit? Or we‘re you on your way somewhere else?”

“I…. My friends can wait. Haha!” I laughed and waved to him, shyly, “I‘m Felicia.”

“Felicia? Aw, that‘s pretty.” He grinned and raised his arm, pointing to the left of us, “Shall we?”

I smiled and pushed my phone in my pocket. “Sure.”

I was fangiriling SO hard on the inside right now. But his opinion of me was very important. So I tried my best not to show it. I wondered where he was taking me. Honestly, he could be taking me to my death bed right now and I wouldn’t care. “So, you have friends out here?” We’d taken a couple steps.

“Yeah, A few back from high school.”

“Oh, really? That‘s really cool. I just was on vacation up on the east coast, actually. It was my first time ever seeing the ocean. Oh, and Baltimore is beautiful. People were so nice there.”

He looked over at me surprised, “You went to Baltimore for vacation?”

“Well… Sorta. My baby sister got nominated for this 4-H thing and we had to go up to D.C. When my mom told me I‘d be staying in Pikesville and I realized that it was like.. 20 miles from Baltimore, I kinda started to fan girl like no one would believe. I love All Time Low.”

“Well, that‘s really cool.” He smiled his lovely smile again and spoke more, “I‘m glad you liked it up there! What exactly did you sister get nominated for, did you say? 4-H? I barely remember what that is. Gah, I‘m so old.”

“Oh, I‘m… Not even really sure. Being a good, smart, perfect little munchkin I guess you could say. Goody Two Shoes.”

“Hmmm… Do I sense some sibling rivalry?” He laughed and sat on a bolder at the next blocks edge.

“Yes. Yes, you do.” I set my purse down in the grass and sat down, looking up at him from the ground. “I used to be the good kid. Then I started realizing how much school sucked.”

“Oh, are you out of school now?”

“Yeah, for a while. I‘m starting college next year.” I smiled, “I‘m only here in New York for a couple more weeks. S‘my first time here, too…”

“Where are you really from?”

“Misery.” I sighed and laughed a little, “They only changed the spelling so people would move there, you know.”

He laughed and smiled down at me, “Ha, I like playing St. Louis. Ever been to Warped Tour?”

“Yeah, a couple times. I saw you guys in ‘09. Loved it.” I laughed to myself and mumbled under my breath, quoting what he’d said that day.

“What was that?” he leaned down, curious.

“’Trunk of a car, best place to put a baby!’ I was like.. 12. My dad was with me. And laughed my ass off. He loves you guys. Although the boyfriend I had then diddddddn‘t like it too much when my cousin and I screamed after you‘d asked to teach us some “sexual education” on the hillside after the show. ‘Didn‘t like that too much.”

“Haha!” He laughed again, “That was a good day. Hot as hell though. We we‘re probably drunk…”

“Yeah, you were taking shots on stage. You made jack drink from a red college party cup. It was mean.”

Alex was just as great in person as he is on stage. I smiled, I think he’s not scared of my fangirly-ness. My heart smiled. Dream come true… AHHHH.

“So you wanna go to college?”

“Yeah, I wanna be a therapist for 12-17 year olds. I wanna help people through what I went through.”

My phone buzzed in my pocket. ‘“Ron Weasly” is calling!’ showed on the screen when I ignored the call. Alex had saw. “Yeah, I wouldn‘t ask. If she knew I was talking to you right now, she‘d teleport and probably try to rape you. SO. She‘s not going to know.”

“… Yeah, I like the privacy of this little bitty neighborhood right here. I can barely go in public now. I love the fans, but the privacy rape is a little overwhelming sometimes. We love it, but yeah. I like one on one chats a little better than mobs.”

“Me too… I never thought I‘d even get to tell you how much you jack zack and rian have helped me…”

“Yeah, I was gonna see if you‘d mind me asking what exactly we helped you through. Stories like that really interest us.”

“Family problems.. Self-Acceptance. Boys being dickheads. My grandpa living with us. He died of cancer. He was this really grouchy, old ass hole who pretty much told me I was worthless on a daily basis. Your music helped me escape. I loved him.. But.. He hurt me a lot. Same with the boys. You guys made me realize that life‘s about adventure.. Having fun. Not being sad all time time.” I was talking all dreamy.

“Oh, wow.. We‘ll I‘m glad we could help. I‘m sorry for you loss? I think..?” He looked unsure.

“Yeah… Don‘t worry about it.” I fake laughed and looked down.

“Self-Acceptance?” He really was interested. I felt important. He knew my name. And he wanted to know more. I mattered to him, just like I thought I did. He really does care about his fans.

“Sexual Orientation. Hard to explain really, I‘m still not sure.”

“Ohhh. Care to talk about it? I know most people aren‘t very accepting of it. Did you get bullied in school, or is it just because you‘re unsure?”
“Both. I got bullied a lot in school. I like guys fully, I‘m attracted to girls though. But not emotionally. It makes me feel bad, and I don‘t wanna use anyone, because I‘ve been there. So I just don‘t go there.”

“Oh. I can see why that could be a bit stressful, I‘m sorry, hun.”

“It’s alright. I’m better now.” I smiled, “You know, now that I have proof, it really pisses me off thinking about all the bashing I hear about you.”

“It happens. People are gonna talk shit no matter what we do, why not make it fun, eh?”

“This is true.“ I looked up at him and stood up, “Weren’t we going somewhere?”

“Here might be better if you‘d like to continue the one-on-one talk. There‘s a lot of people in that house.”

“Oh, well either way is fine. What sucks is as soon as I leave tonight, nobody‘s gonna believe me.”

“Awww.. Well, do you want a picture together? I can post it on twitter or something and you can put it on fb?” He smiled and I grinned really big.

“THAT, my good sir, would be LOVELY.” I crossed my arms and shivered a little. It was cold out.

“Okay. Are you cold?” He took off his jacket and put it on me, like a gentlemen. “You need it more than I do.” He smiled and got out his phone, to take a picture. He stood behind me, realizing I was too short to take it any other way and leaned his head on mine. I had my hands back at my stomach, crossed still cold but smiled really big and nodded my head after he’d shown me. “That‘ okay?”

“Perfect.” I looked up at him. “Are you gonna want this back? Cause I‘ll probably forget.” I looked at it, the sleves too big for my arms. I cuddled it closer to me.

“You can keep it.” He showed his wonderful smile and hesitated, messing with his phone, “Um, how do you spell your name?”

“F-e-l-i-c-i-a. Why?”

“I thought we could keep in touch. You seem really cool.”

I tried not to let my jaw drop again and clutched my arm, trying not to smile too big. “Oh, that‘d be great! 314 659 9151.” I bit my lip then spoke again, “Text me, telling me it‘s you?”

“Of course.” …. “Annnd saved. Picture‘s on twitter, too.” My phone buzzed… and I laughed. “Yeah, I‘m not subbed to your twitter updates… PSHHHH…”

He laughed and rested his arm on my shoulders, walking with me toward the house, “Yeah, they‘re probably drinking in there. You aren‘t old enough yet are you?”

“Legally, no. But I do on a regular basis anyways… Shhh. They don‘t have to know.”

He looked down, “Alright. Ha. By the way. Do I seem pedophile-ish right now?”

“No, nothing‘s happened?”

“Riiiight.” He smiled and flipped his hair. “Do you feel like hearing a couple songs? I feel like playing tonight. Just .. Because. We could go to the back room I‘m staying in right now?”

I smiled really big… “That sounds great. I should probably call Marlena back though. That’s where I was headed. We were supposed to leave in the morning. But if I’m drinking, I shouldn’t drive back to the hotel.”

“I could take you later, if you want?” He offered me a ride sweetly.

“Oh, I couldn‘t ask you to do that.” I sighed and blushed lightly.

“But.. If you wanna drink, I‘ll hold back it‘s fine.”

“I don‘t have too. I‘d actually prefer if we just hung out? Marlena doesn‘t really like me drunk…”

“Eh, not drunk, just relaxed. I don‘t usually drink to get drunk. … Light weight?”

“Ehhhhh… Not too bad. I can hold my own pretty well. But.. Just to relax? I‘m trusting you. I can feel my dad‘s stinging disapproval all the way from Missouri right now. You‘re a guy. AH.”

“I‘m Alex Gaskarth. Completely different story.” …. I blocked out the thought of him sounding like a tool and laughed, “Oh, woowwww… How’s that a completely different story?

“I‘m not as predictable.” He picked me up and carried me inside. He walked me through the house. I saw people doing keg-stands, singing, dancing. It was dark, but colorful. “Are the other guys here? Rian, zack? Jack?”

“Nah, they‘re back home right now. Leaving tomorrow night. I think jack‘s trying to buy the home alone house again.. God, he needs to give that up. It‘s almost as bad as matt‘s mickey mouse thing.”

I laughed and covered my mouth, “Yeah. Kinda.”

He plopped me on a bed with big covers and I looked around again. Posters, computer… Accoustic guitar in the corner. Not his room, but someone close to him, it seemed. I smiled and he reached for the accoustic, sitting back down. The door was shut and I smiled. He strummed the guitard strings a couple times and then cut the short.“What would you like to hear?”

“I…” I laid back, looking at him still and cuddling into his jacket. “Anything is fine.”

“What songs do you know?”

I laughed and rolled my eyes, “Don‘t insult me.”

He strummed a couple notes that started to sound like ‘Therapy’. I smiled a bittersweet smile and looked down. “That‘s my favorite.”

“Really? Same here, I love playing it. It means more and more to me every time..”

“I know every word…” He sang more and motioned for me to join in. I smiled, with a new confidence, singing too. The song was so strong.. It was flabbergasting how intense he was with the notes, the tune… He loved what he did for a living. It was so beautiful.

He sang beautifully… to me. He flipped his hair and played the chords perfectly. He looked in my eyes for a while, then at the guitar and stayed devoted to the song. We sang together and at the ending note… He looked at me again. “Do you play?”

“I wish… I play piano.” I smiled.

“There‘s a piano in the other room. Downstairs, actually. No ones down there. ‘Wanna play something for me instead? I wish I could play piano. It amazes me…”
“I… What do you wanna hear?”

“’Know any gaga?” I smiled and replied with a yes.

He took my hand, pulling me lightly through the crowds of cliques at the party. Through the kitchen and down the tunneling stairs. I looked at the grand piano, “It‘s so beautiful! Oh my god…”

It was black, slick, smooth. I sat down, amazed. All I ever had to learn on was a worn out older baby piano.
It was gorgeous… He smiled and looked down at me amused, “You’re so cute!”

… I shook my head, confused. “Do wh- how?”

“You‘re so excited.”

“Nobody‘s ever asked me to play. I‘ve always wanted to, but nobody cared enough to listen.”

He sat next to me on the bench. “I‘ll listen.”

I hesitated… He was being such a sweeetheart… “Do you know speechless?”

“Yes, lovely song. So intense.” He nodded his head.

“If I play, will you help me sing?”

He nodded again and grinned again. I started to play. The rich notes filled the air with an astonishing force and I knew after a bit that the people upstairs would hear. I was self conscious. But I didn’t mess up. Under pressure, but sure of myself… I stated to sing the opening line.

At the chorus, Alex joined in and we sang out hearts out. A couple people had come down stairs to watch. I didn’t see them. We made lovely music together. He made me feel so locked on the music. He shared his passion for the music with everyone in the room, and it had sucked me in. I felt safe within it’s sounds. At the ending note, people clapped. But they were a blur. Alex was looking in my eyes… and his face was close to mine. He raised his right hand to my cheek and lifted my lips to his, kissing me softly.

I blushed, but didn’t care about anything else. I closed my eyes and kissed him back without a second thought. He lead his hands through the back of my hair and pulled me closer gently, kissing more… I kissed him more passionately and held his other hand… I laced my fingers in with his. I felt him smile as he leaned back. He let his forehead stay on mine for a little bit then kissed it, looking behind us at the people now in the room. I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say. What the hell had just happened? My whole face was burning red. I could feel it. I took my foot off the pianos draggers and sat up straight, looking at the crowd.