I Can Still Be Your Superman

WARNING! EXPLICIT LANGUAGE AND ACTIONS.

Nothing changed overnight, but no one knew either. After I signed the contract, Nick said that he wanted to keep my addition to the band a secret from the public until ‘the time was right’ – whatever that meant; with Nick, I can never be sure. Like after my little ‘revenge’, he barely talked to me. If it wasn’t an order or request, he didn’t say a word. Not even when I asked him if he was okay when we were leaving. I guess the song worked better than I intended. He didn’t even ask about Cameron.

But now, I didn’t want to think about Nick; all I wanted to think about was Cameron. I had no idea what we were going to do or where we were going; it was all a mystery. As the minutes ticked closer to six o’clock, the knot in my stomach grew bigger and bigger. I was so nervous I felt like I was going to puke, but I took that as a good thing. I was excited for my date.

I decided to go with heels (with a pair of flats in my bag just in case). They were neon blue peep toe, four inch heels that matched my tube top. Over that, I wore a fitted black lace button jacket with capped sleeves. Slightly faded black jeans adorned my legs that paired with the black fingerless gloves that I wore to the Grammy's. I straightened my hair and made sure my freshly cut fringe sat perfectly on my forehead. I decided that because my outfit was very vibrant, my make-up would be low key – only eye liner and mascara with a light layer of foundation. It was when I was putting on my eye liner that the door bell rang.

“Shit,” I said, panicked as I tried to quickly finish my make-up. Uncle John was going to open the door and who knows what kind of questions he’d ask Cameron.

As soon as I finished, I darted out of my room with my bag and ran down the stairs as quickly as my heels would allow (which wasn’t very). Cameron and Uncle John were in the foyer, the interrogation already begun.

“How old are you again?” Uncle John asked.

“I just turned twenty-one on the fifth.” Cameron replied coolly.

“Go to a bar?”

“No, we had a show that night.”

“Do you drink?”

“Uncle John, stop it.” I said, alerting them to my presence.

“What? It’s a legitimate question. I need to make sure he’s a good influence.” Uncle John said to me, but didn’t break eye contact with Cameron.

“I haven’t been legal long enough to answer that question confidently, sir.” Cameron said before turning to smile at me.

“Smoke?”

“No, sir.”

“Uncle John, we really should get going.” I said, slightly pushing Cameron towards the door.

“Nice seeing you again Mr. Fields.” Cameron said, extending his hand for a handshake.

“You too,” Uncle John said, shaking his hand. “Nothing illegal and have her home by one or else.”

“Will do, sir.”

“Bye Uncle John.” I said, twisting the door knob, pulling it open.

“Don’t do anything stupid Morgan.” He said just as I began shutting the door behind Cameron.

“I’m really sorry about him,” I said to Cameron as we walked towards his car. “I told him to be nice.”

He laughed. “That’s alright; he’s just looking out for you. Plus, it wasn’t nearly as bad as Jenn’s interrogation.”

“Oh no, I’m sorry. She I have no control over, despite the numerous times I’ve tried.”

He opened the passenger side door for me and helped me inside. “It’s okay, I passed didn’t I?” He said smiling.

I smiled back. “That’s true.” He shut my door when he knew I was in completely and walked around the hood to the driver’s side. I was finally able to get a good look at Cameron. His usual messy mop of hair was styled and parted slightly off center. He was wearing black skinny jeans with a button up pale blue, green, and white plaid shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Let’s just say, he cleans up very nicely.

He got into the car, started it, and pulled away from the curb. “You look really nice Morgan.” He said softly, keeping his eyes on the road in front of him.

I smiled shyly. “Thanks. You, uh, you look good too.” What was wrong with me? This was only Cameron, why was I all flustered? The knot in my stomach tightened. I knew I was nervous, I did like Cameron. But when did I become this bashful idiot that blushes at a single compliment?

“So where are we going?” I asked, trying to calm my nerves.

“Dinner.” He replied, smirking.

I laughed, rolling my eyes. “I figured as much. Where, would be the better question then?”

“At a restaurant.”

“You’re not giving anything away are you?”

“Not in the slightest. It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you.” He said, quickly glancing at me.

I smiled, “Did I at least wear appropriate shoes?”

He laughed, “For now, yes.”

“Uhoh,”

“Don’t worry, it’ll work out.”

I didn’t respond as Cameron pulled into the parking lot of Roy’s Restaurant. Being the giant foodie that I am, I heard of it before and it was supposed to be amazing. It’s a Hawaiian fusion place, making it the perfect date for Cameron to ‘show me his Hawaiian side’. The one thing that bothered me were the prices. But no matter how much I argued, Cameron wouldn’t listen. So, I ordered the cheapest dinner on the menu – Ginger Scallion Mochiko Chicken Paillard – and it was still twenty-five dollars.

Despite the prices, I had an amazing time. Cameron and I laughed, talked, and just hung out. I don’t think I ever smiled as much as I did that night. Cameron was sweet, caring, funny, smart, a total dork – everything that I wanted in a guy. I couldn’t believe that it was happening to me and I was letting it happen.

After dinner, we got back into his car and grabbed some ice cream. We sat on the roof of his car as we ate. “I had a lot of fun tonight.” I said, eating a large spoonful of my chocolate ice cream.

“Oh, it’s not over yet.” He said. “We still have one stop left.” He slid off the hood and extended his hand to help me. “Plus, it’s only nine. I still have four hours.”

I laughed, grabbing his hand. “Well then, let’s go.”

We got in his car and drove for a half hour in a comfortable silence. Every once in a while one of us would say something, but nothing broke the trance that we were both in for long. I could tell Cameron was nervous as his fingers continued to drum on the steering wheel. The question that bothered me was why. Why was Cameron so nervous?

Eventually Cameron parked the car in a parking lot and hopped out.

“Where are we?” I asked him after he opened my door.

“Santa Monica.” He replied and started walking forward.

“Why are we in –” I paused once my eyes registered the view in front of me. The ocean waves crashing, the sand – it was the beach. I spun towards him, smiling. “You brought me to the beach?”

He laughed, “Of course. What’s a Hawaiian experience without a beach?”

“Touché.” I said as we reached the edge where the shore began. I pulled off my shoes; thankfully, I left my bag in the car, so I only had to carry my shoes. “Race you!” I yelled before charging towards the ocean.

I couldn’t tell if Cameron was following me or not until, just as I was a few feet from the tide line, a pair of arms wrapped around my waist. I screamed slightly as I laughed. “Cameron!” He lifted me up, cradling me in his arms.

“Yes?” He asked, smirking.

“Don’t you dare throw me in that freezing water; my phone is in my pocket.”

“Ruin all my fun why don’t you.” Cameron said before setting me down. He fell to the sand, pulling me down with him. “Hope you don’t mind a sandy butt.”

“Of course not, that is my favorite part of the beach." I said sarcastically, fixing myself to slightly lean against him.

We sat there for a few minutes silently, listening to the crashing waves. There was a slight breeze coming from the ocean that gave me goosebumps. It was either that or Cameron’s hand that was gently running up and down my arm and playing with my fingers in my lap. I sighed in content and looked up at the stars that could be seen. I couldn’t believe I was here. Just a year ago I was in Jersey, sad, alone, and confused. I didn’t know what was going to happen to me nor did I really care. I never imagined I would end up here.

“Morgan,” Cameron’s soft voice broke me out of my mind. “Can I ask you something?”

I looked up at him. “You just did.”

He looked at me with a slanted smile, “Smart ass.”

“I know.” I said laughing. “What is it?”

He took a slow, deep breath before he spoke. “Morgan, I was wondering –”

…’Cause Jersey just got colder and
I’ll have you know I’m scared to death
That everything –

“Hold that thought.” I said, pulling my phone out quickly. “What?” I hissed at Nick.

“What’s with the attitude?” He hissed back.

“I’m in the middle of my date with Cameron. What do you want?”

I heard him take a sharp breath. “John’s in the hospital.”

My mind went blank. My body went rigid.

“What’s wrong?” Cameron asked, noticing my mood shift.

“Where are you?” I asked Nick as I stood, pulling Cameron with me.

“It’s not –”

“God damnit Nick, just tell me where the fuck you are!” I yelled into the receiver as I walked back to the car, Cameron in tow.

“Good Samaritan, but –”

“I’m on my way.” I cut him off, hanging up.

“What happened? What’s wrong?” Cameron asked, clearly worried.

“My uncle’s in the hospital.” I said softly, jumping into the car.

Cameron’s eyes widened and shut my door, running to the other side. “Which one?” He asked, turning the key in the ignition.

“Samaritan,” I said and raked my hands through my hair. “I can’t believe this.” I said shakily.

“It’s going to be alright.” Cameron said, grabbing my hand off my lap and laced his fingers through mine.

I kept quiet and stared out the window as he drove. I didn’t say a single thing that ran through my head. I didn’t say that I was scared. I didn’t say that the universe flipped on me once more. I didn’t say that my past is doomed to repeat itself. I just stayed silent as my mind raced and Cameron went back to Los Angeles as fast as he could, his hand grazing the back of my hand, trying to soothe my raging nerves.

As soon as Cameron parked, I hopped out and ran towards the lobby.

“Good evening, how may I help you?” The not perky woman behind the front desk asked after I nearly ran into it.

“Yeah, I’m looking for my uncle, Fields – John Fields.” I panted just as Cameron joined me.

The woman looked down at her computer. “Sorry ma’am, but he’s not in our register. Are you sure he’s here?”

“No, no, he has to be here. My friend –”

“Morgan!” I heard my name from behind me.

I spun around and ran toward him, ignoring the annoyed woman behind the desk. “Nick, where is Uncle John?”

“They’re with me.” Nick said to a security guard who let us walked down a hallway, leading us farther into the hospital.

“Where is my Uncle, Nicholas!?” I exclaimed, following him.

“He just came out of surgery. This way,” He said, leading us down another hallway.

“Surgery! What happened?” I asked, panicked.

Nick sighed and stopped at a small waiting area, sitting in one of the chairs. “You might want to sit Morgan.”

“Nicholas, just tell me what the fuck is going on.” I growled, but sat down anyway with the helping hand of Cameron.

“I called him at around six to meet at the studio to talk about the album. At around eight, we decided to grab some food. We went to that burger place I brought you that one time and when we were coming back…” He paused and his voice grew quiet and haunting. “That car came out of nowhere.”

I turned my head into Cameron’s chest beside me, his arm wrapping around my shoulder, shaking as I tried to keep my tears inside. “How badly is he hurt?” Cameron asked for me.

“He has a broken arm, leg, and a few ribs. Thankfully, he didn’t hit his head too hard against the pavement.”

“Thankfully my ass,” I mumbled into Cameron’s shirt. I pulled my head up and looked at Nick. “I can’t believe you let this happen.”

“Me!? You think it’s my fault that your uncle was hit by an idiot who was on the phone while driving? Try again.” He spat before noticing my fearful expression. He sighed before speaking again. “I’m sorry.”

I nodded but kept quiet as Cameron’s hand brushed up and down my arm as we waited. Waiting for what exactly, I wasn’t sure; but I did notice Nick glancing at us every once in a while.

It wasn’t until an hour later when a doctor, donned in green scrubs, walked over to us. “Mr. Jonas, may I speak with you for a moment?” He asked.

“This is John Fields’ niece, speak to her.” Nick said, pointing to me.

The doctor nodded and urged me to follow him down the hallway. My legs were stiff from sitting so long, but I somberly followed him before stopping in front of the nurses’ station. “I assume Mr. Jonas filled you in on your uncle’s injuries.”

I nodded.

“Your uncle has experienced some severe trauma. However, surgery went well and everything should be in place now. I have arranged for him to stay in the hospital for two weeks for now, we’ll see how he is afterwards. He’s in his room sleeping now. You may see him, but only for a short while. Visiting hours are over and overnight guests are not allowed. I’m sorry.”

I nodded. “That’s okay. Thank you, doctor.”

He smiled weakly at me. “Third door on your left,” He instructed before walking away.

I walked back to the waiting room where Nick and Cameron were sitting in an awkward, tense silence. Immediately, they booth stood once they saw me. “How’s your uncle?” Cameron asked.

“He’s alright. I’m allowed to go see him, but I can’t stay for long.” I said. “Thank you for staying, Cameron.”

“It’s nothing Morgan.” He said, walking over and giving me a tight hug. “Do you want me to take you home after you see him?”

I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. Nick can take me home, right?” I said, twisting my head towards Nick.

“Of course, it’s on the way.” Nick said, nodding.

“I’ll walk you to the elevator.” I said, taking Cameron’s hand.

We didn’t say another word to each other until we reached the elevator doors. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” Cameron asked, turning towards me.

“Yeah, it’s okay. It’s late and I don’t want you driving out of your way.” I responded.

“It’s really not a problem.”

I smiled, “It’s okay. Thank you though, for being here.” I said and wrapped him in a hug. “I did have fun tonight.”

I felt Cameron smile against the fabric of my shirt. “I did too.”

I pulled away, remembering something. “You were about to ask me a question before. What was it?”

“Oh, um…” He stammered. “It was nothing. It can wait.”

“Okay, night Cameron.” I said as the elevator doors opened.

“Night Morgan,” He said, ducking his head as he kissed me on the cheek before walking onto the elevator.

I walked back to Nick in the waiting room with a small grin on my face, my cheek tingling with heat where Cameron’s lips once where.

“Ready to see your uncle?” Nick asked, bringing me back to reality.

“No,” I answered quietly but began to walk down the hallway towards Uncle John’s room. He was in the ICU, so there were no completely enclosed rooms; just walls with windows so the doctors and nurses could see them clearly.

I couldn’t bring myself to walk into the room. I just stood in front of the window, looking into his room. He looked horrible. His face, neck, and arms were scratched and cut up, a few bruises on his face and his arm. He had casts on his left arm, right leg, and probably rib cage, I just couldn’t see. There were monitors all around him, keeping him breathing, keeping him alive. I couldn’t believe I was here again. I couldn’t believe another person that I cared about was in the hospital. It’s always me. Silent tears began to fall down my face as I looked on. Nick tried to comfort me by placing a hand on my shoulder, but I just shrugged it away. There was nothing he could do to make this any better.

“Come on, let’s go home.” He said, taking my hand and pulling me away from the window. I didn’t say a word in protest or agreement; I just followed him down to the parking lot to his car.

The ride to my house was silent besides the soft hum that came out of the radio. I didn’t want to speak, and even if I did, I would never have been able to find the words that I wanted to say. I knew that if I opened my mouth now, the tears would start coming harder and faster than before. And I didn’t want to deal with that. I didn’t want to deal with anything.

Nick pulled up in front of my house and put the car into park. “Do you want me to stay tonight?” He asked softly.

I shook my head. “No.”

“Are you sure?”

“I just want to be alone.”

Nick sighed, “Okay, but I’ll come over in the morning.”

I nodded, but didn’t really absorb what he said. I just slunk out of the car and dragged my feet up to the front door. I shut the door, slipped off my shoes, and let the quiet house surround me.

I was alone. All alone. Just like I always have and always will be. What happened today is just the universe reminding me that the people I care about will always get hurt, no matter how much I try to prevent it. It happened to my mother, my father, Julia, and now Uncle John… it was a never ending cycle. I walked upstairs and into my room. I went into the bathroom, starting the shower.

Slowly, I pulled off the pieces of clothing I had on from my date and got in. I let the warm pellets of water hit my skin, trying to relax my tense muscles, but not succeeding. The water mixed in with my salty tears that ran down my face. I stood there for a while and watched the water turn red as it went down the down the drain.