I Can Still Be Your Superman

Listen While You Read: 'Good Enough' - Evanescence

DATING WAR?

It’s no secret that Nick, 18, and Joe Jonas’, 21, old flame and newest member of Nick’s solo group, Morgan Fields, 18, has been dating Cameron Quiseng, 21, member of Allstar Weekend. It’s also no secret that Nick himself has been seen around L.A. with the beautiful Delta Goodrem, 28. They say nothing’s going on, but we all know there’s something more than a friendship going on there.

But, could there be something else going on between Nick and Morgan? A competition on whose boyfriend/girlfriend is better? There are quite a few similarities between Cameron and Delta:
1. Both older (Cameron’s only 3 years while Delta’s 10)
2. Both have limited fame in the states (Cameron and his band are up and coming while Delta’s fame is mostly in Australia and overseas)
3. Both are working on new music (Cameron and his band have a CD coming out in a few months and Delta is working on new stuff with – you guessed it – Nick Jonas)

Seeing as Nick started ‘seeing’ Delta after Morgan left to go on tour with Cameron, is he trying to make her jealous? Only time will tell.

…I’ll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I’ll know my name is called again –

“Hello,” I answered my phone, falling back onto the couch to watch the Yankee game.

“Hey bro, have you seen the latest US Weekly?” Joe’s voice flowed through the receiver.

“No, why?”

“’Cause you and your romance square are in it.”

“What are you talking about? What romance square?”

Joe sighed, “You, Delta, and Mohoe, Cameron. You take up a whole page and a half. Now that’s impressive.”

“First, I’ve told you not to call her that – get over it. It happened months ago. Second, there is no ‘romance square’.”

Joe laughed, “Well according to the magazine there is. Apparently, you’re dating Delta to make Mohoe –”

“Joe!”

“Sorry, Morgan jealous. Like you two are competing actually. It’s quite funny; it’s titled ‘Dating War’.

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, it’s very funny.” I said dryly.

“Wait… you mean it’s true!?”

I sighed and sunk further into the couch just as Jeter hit a homerun. “Not necessarily.”

“Dude! You can’t use Delta like that!”

“I’m not using Delta. I’m dating her because I like her; if Morgan gets jealous… that’s just an added bonus.”

“It’s still shady.”

“You don’t get it Joe. Your judgment is clouded by what you think Morgan did to you.”

“What I know she did to me.” Joe retorted.

“We’re not getting into this argument again!” I snapped. “If all you wanted was to tell me about the article, I thank you and I’m gonna go.”

Joe sighed. “Fine. You should call her to tell her though.” He said before hanging up.

I sighed and stared at my dark, lifeless phone. I know I should call Morgan and tell her about the article, but I didn’t want to. Who knew what she was doing, what time it was wherever she was. More importantly, I didn’t want to hear her voice again, I didn’t want to open that part of me again. That part of me that longed for her until the point of physical pain.

But it was the right thing to do and if I didn’t, it would hurt her. And I never wanted to hurt her – not again. After I dialed the familiar numbers, I put the phone up to my ear and tried to steady my rapid breathing.

“Hello,” She answered breathlessly. Her voice hit my ear hard – I’ve heard her voice like that before.

My fingers gripped tighter around my phone. “Hey Morgan,” I said trying to keep my voice calm.

“Hey, I’m a little busy right now. Can I call you back later?” She said to me, a new airiness to her voice before she giggled slightly. From a distance, I guess she pulled the phone away, I heard her say, “Cameron stop, I’m on the phone” as she continued to giggle.

I tried to clear my throat of the large lump that settled there. “Yeah, sure.” I said and heard silence as a reply. I looked at the face of my phone – she hung up.

I wanted to throw the useless piece of machinery against the wall. I wanted it to crack and shatter into hundreds of little pieces. I wanted it to feel every ounce of pain it brought me. But I couldn’t move. Nothing I would do would raise my arm to chuck my phone across the room. Even though it’s what brought me the pain, it was the last connection I had to her, and I couldn’t lose that.

So I sat and waited, staring blankly at the baseball game I was excited to watch before. It was the bottom of the eighth inning when my phone rang again.

…You’re all that I hoped to find
In every single way
And everything –

“Hello,” I answered eagerly, knowing it was her already; the beauty of personal ringtones.

“Hey Nick, sorry about before. What’s up?” She said, her voice hitting my ear in soft waves.

I cleared my throat. “That’s okay. There’s just something I want to tell you.”

“What?”

“There’s an article about us in US Weekly –” I started but she cut me off.

“Oh yeah, the ‘dating war’ thing, right? Nathan showed it to me this morning on their website. It’s so stupid how they make up news to fill pages.”

“Yeah, I know.” I said softly.

“Nick, you okay?” Morgan asked, worry laced through her words.

“Yeah, just tired.” I replied, even though it was only seven. Truthfully, I wasn’t fine. I was everything but fine. I didn’t have to tell her, she knew already. It was like she replaced me, and she did – with Cameron. “When are you coming home again?”

“Um… a few days; four I think. We’re on our way to Alberta now.”

“You’re on their bus?” I asked, trying to keep my voice calm and unattached.

“Of course. How else would I be getting around Canada?” She responded, laughing slightly.

I forced a laugh. "I was just wondering.” I felt the jealousy build up inside me. She was on his bus, probably in his bed, when she should be here. With me.

“How’s Uncle John? I haven’t talked to him in a few days.”

I tried to refocus my mind. “He’s good. He has a boot on his foot so he can kind of walk now. He told me that the doctor said he’ll be able to go home sometime next week.”

“That’s great.” I could hear the genuine happiness in her voice. “How’s recording going?”

I sighed. “It’s alright. We haven’t done much since you left. A few bits and pieces of songs. I’ve been busy working on stuff with Delta and other people that the company wants me to work with.” I left the part out where I’m not the same musician as I am when she’s standing there, listening and watching.

“No biggie, we’ll just work on it once I get back. I gotta go, need to let the guys get a few hours before we get to the hotel. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay, see you Morgan.” I replied and was hit with the sound of silence from the other end. Sighing, I put my phone down and ran my hand through my hair. I tried to remind myself that this wasn’t my fault; she pushed me away, not the other way around. But there was that nagging thought that if I just tried a little harder or a little longer, I wouldn’t be where I am now.

It’s not that I’m not happy being with Delta, she’s kind, caring funning, smart, beautiful – everything a guy would wish for in a girlfriend. But she wasn’t Morgan. She didn’t leave me breathless by just walking into the room. She didn’t make me think about everything I believe in a completely different way. She didn’t make my heart stop by just looking at her eyes. There’s just no connection like the one Morgan and I had – still have, even though neither of us will admit it out loud.

I glanced at the TV to see the game was over, the sports announcers doing the post game report with bright smiles on their faces. I turned the TV off, disgusted and got off the couch. I walked to my small, home studio and collapsed on the chair behind the sound board with my laptop.

I opened my email and downloaded the files Morgan sent for the first time. Like I told her, I was busy so I wasn’t able to work on the album. But really, without her, it just felt incomplete.

There were six files. I sat up straighter. Six, I thought there was just five? I pulled up the email to double check.

Nick –

Here are the bass parts for Like a Million Lights, Stay, Goodnight Moon, and the bass and violin for Sing for Me. Call me if there are any problems.

- Morgan

There was supposed to only be five files. Then what was the sixth? I shifted through the files and found the one out of place, ‘Good Enough’, double clicked and listened.

Under your spell again
I can’t say no to you
Crave my heart and it’s bleeding in your hand
I can’t say no to you

Shouldn’t let you torture me so sweetly
Now I can’t let go of this dream
I can’t breathe but I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough for you

Drink up sweet decadence
I can’t say no to you
And I’ve completely lost myself, and I don’t mind
I can’t say no to you

Shouldn’t let you conquer me completely
Now I can’t let go of this dream
Can’t believe that I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough
It’s been such a long time coming but I feel good

And I’m still waiting for the rain to fall
Pour real life down on me
‘Cause I can’t hold on to anything this good enough
Am I good enough for you to love me too
So take care of what you ask of me
‘Cause I can’t say no

I could barely hear a few soft sobs before the audio cut off.

“What did I just listen to?” I asked myself, sinking back into the chair.