I Can Still Be Your Superman

“Welcome home Uncle John!” Morgan said, watching him walk cautiously into the house despite her many attempts to try and help.

A broad smile spread across his face. “Thank you, it’s good to be back. And welcome home to you too Morgan.” John said, slowly moving to the couch in the living room. “You can leave the bags there for now Nick. Thank you for helping.”

I placed the bags down next to the staircase and followed them into the room. “It’s no problem, anything I can do to help.” I said.

John reclined on the couch, putting his booted foot atop the coffee table. He no longer had the casts on his arm and ribs and his cuts and bruises healed weeks ago. The large black boot was the only thing left to remind us of what happened a little more than a month and a half ago. It’s strange how much has changed since then. “So, Morgan, tell us about Canada.”

A goofy smile fell onto Morgan’s face and her eyes glazed over as she sat on the couch next to him. “Oh, it was so amazing. I had so much fun and the guys were great and the concerts were flawless. If I told you everything, we’d be here for hours.” She said laughing.

“I can’t imagine.” I mumbled under my breath, rolling my eyes. Morgan came back late last night and she stayed at Cameron’s house. She said she didn’t want to bother me that late, but I know the real reason. It was the last night they spent together. Just the thought of it made my stomach turn.

“I’m glad you had fun. But, I need to tell you both something. I hate to be such a killjoy, but the record company is putting a time limit on the album.”

“What!?” I spurted out, standing up straighter.

“Yeah, I called Plesac this morning to tell him I was coming back to work when he told me. He wants the CD to come out the last week of September.”

“But that’s only four months away! We only have three songs completely finished.” Morgan said her eyes wide.

“I know, I told him that. But, even with your other projects, he thinks it can be done.”

“Well he’s insane!” She jumped up and began pacing. “Music doesn’t have a time restraint! In order to get a CD out in the time he wants, we need to be finished recording, producing, and mixing by the middle of June. That only gives us two weeks – three at the most!” She stopped talking, but the look in her eyes said she was still fuming in her mind.

She had a right to be. It was a crazy thought, but it wasn’t impossible. I’ve done it before. “Did he say when he wants us to start and everything?” I asked, sighing.

“Yeah, there’s a meeting at three explaining everything. Sonny, Michael, and Tommy already know about the meeting and will be there.”

“Are you coming?” Morgan asked.

“Of course! I’m back in action now. That’s probably why he’s putting us on the spot like this.” John said, shaking his head.

Morgan sighed, rubbing her face with her hands, before walking away, the sounds of her feet hitting the stairs filling the air.

“You should go talk to her.” John said, stretching for the remote. “She needs someone to calm her down and see that it’s possible to do.”

I nodded and went up the stairs and walked to the only closed door which, I assumed, was her room. I knocked on the door before pushing it open, not waiting for her to say anything. “Morgan, what is the matter?” I asked once I saw her lying face down on the bed.

She twisted her head to the left, not moving her body, before she spoke. “Did you not just hear anything that was just said?”

I sighed and walked over to her, sitting on the floor next to the bed. “Yes I did. It’s going to be fine, the last album I did, my first solo record, was recorded in two weeks. So it’s possible.”

“I know it’s possible, but it just isn’t right.” She said, turning to lie on her side facing me. “Music shouldn’t be rushed to be recorded by a deadline. It should take time, be cultivated. I just want to make sure we put out the best album we can.”

“And we will, I’ll make sure of that.”

“I know you will. It’s just, I feel like every song I write is better the last or one version gets across what I want to say better than the other. So, I’m not sure I’ll ever be completely confident in whatever song list we choose. Especially since this is my first time.

“I mean, I know this is your CD and project and stuff, but…”

“You want to be proud of it because your name is on it too.” I finished for her. “You just need to remember that everything you write is amazing. This album is going to be great. We’ll go through every song to see what we want to share. Just take a breath Morgan, don’t worry. We can do it.”

She sighed, “I know, I believe you. It’s just frustrating you know? I really thought that, out of everything, our CD would be the one thing I’d be able to control and have it go the way I wanted.” Before I could respond, she continued. “I’m sorry for ranting, this isn’t even my project. It is Nick Jonas and the Administration.” She said, laughing slightly.

“Morgan this is just as much your project as it is mine. It’s evolved into much more than just ‘Nick Jonas and the Administration’. You have just as much right to complain as I do.”

Morgan smiled, but didn’t say anything right away. So, we sat there in silence for a few minutes; she thinking over what I said and me thinking about her. Thinking about how beautiful she looked just lying there. Thinking about how much I missed her while she was in Canada. Thinking about how I was so stupid for letting her go.

“What are you thinking about?” She asked softly.

“How much I missed you.” I responded without missing a beat. “The apartment was very quiet without you.”

A small smile crept onto her face as her eyes lit up. “I missed you too.” She responded. “But now we’ll be seeing each other every day.” She said, flipping onto her back and slid off the bed. My stomach twisted in happiness with the thought I was going to get my Morgan back.

“What are you smiling about?” She laughed as she pulled out a large box from under her bed.

“Nothing,” I said quickly, trying to pull back the corners of my mouth that subconsciously formed into a smile. “What’s that?”

“It’s a box.” She responded, smirking.

I rolled my eyes playfully. “What’s inside the box?”

“Songs. I wanted to go through them quickly to see what would be good for the CD, like extra stuff. That okay?”

I nodded eagerly, moving closer to her as she shifted through hundreds of pieces of sheet music. “How many songs are in here?” I asked, poking through one of the piles she put to the side.

Morgan shrugged. “I don’t know, I lost count a few years ago.”

“Years?”

“Yeah, I’ve had this box since eighth grade I think. Older songs are in notebooks and the newer are on sheet music.” She glanced up at me quickly, a glimmer of laughter in her eyes. “There is a method to my madness.”

I laughed. “I never doubted that.” I said as I continued to look through the pile next to me as she added songs to it. As I flipped past pages and pages of music, a title caught my eye. “The song,” I whispered to myself, taking the sheet music out of the pile.

“Whatchya say?” She asked, not looking up.

“Nothing,” I replied shaking my head quickly, staring at the pages in front of me. Sheet music – it was a newer song. I searched the page for a date, anything to tell me when she wrote it, what it meant. I noticed two numbers in the top right corner. “Morgan, what do these numbers mean?” I asked, pointing at the ‘12/9’.

“Oh, that’s the date. The day is first.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “My mom used to write it like that, so I do too. It got me in some trouble during school.” She said laughing.

I nodded but stayed silent as I stared at the song. 12/9… that meant it was September 12th when she wrote the song; four days before I asked her out; two days after she broke up with Joe. Was this song about me? I though as I read through the lyrics I already committed to memory by listening to it so much.

“Nick, are you listening?” Morgan asked suddenly. I guess she was talking to me.

“Sorry?”

“I’m ready to go. What’d you got there?” She asked, pulling the sheets out of my hand. The smile on her face instantly faded once she saw the title. “Why are you looking at this?” She asked her tone distraught.

“Uh… it caught my interest.” I said hesitantly. She knew I was holding something back as she kept her intense glare on my face. I felt the will to keep my secret slowly shatter as she stared. I sighed slightly, “I’ve heard you sing it.”

“What!? How?” She asked, her eyes growing wide.

“I guess you accidentally sent it with your files for the CD before you left for Canada.”

She covered her face with her hands and moaned.

“Don’t be upset.” I said softly, grabbing her hands and pulling them off her face. “It’s amazing. Your voice is so… haunting and morose.”

She pulled her hands out of mine and rose. “But you weren’t supposed to hear it.”

“Why not?” I asked, rising as well, looking directly into her eyes. “Was it written about me?” I asked in a whisper.

He eyes held mine for a moment, emotions running wild behind them. Quickly, she tore her gaze away. “We should get going.” She said softly, pushing past me into the hallway. I took that as a ‘yes’.

***

For most of the two hour long meeting, Morgan was silent. She only spoke when directly spoken to and nodded her head at all the right times. Even though she seemed like she was paying attention, her eyes were distant; staring at an invisible dot on the wall as her mind ran in circles. I had no idea what exactly she was thinking about, but I assumed that it was about that song. She was so consumed in her thoughts that she didn’t even flinch when Mr. Pleasac talked about the tour like she usually does whenever someone brings it up.

I had no idea what I should do. Should I talk to her about it? Should I just ignore it and let her come to me? All I knew was that song made my heart clench and my stomach twist every time I heard it. I hated how it made me feel; I didn’t want to feel those things anymore. I wanted to move on just as she did. I wanted Delta to be the one I thought about all the time. But there was no comparison. I couldn’t stop thinking about Morgan.

“Alright, I’ll leave you guys to figure out what songs you want to record and which will be the single. I will see you all tomorrow at nine for another meeting.” Mr. Pleasac said before rising and walking out of the conference room.

The atmosphere in the room immediately became calmer as everyone relaxed (Mr. Pleasac always made everyone tense). “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m hungry. Want to grab an early dinner before we start?” Sonny suggested, earning quick nods from Michael, Tommy, and John.

“I’m not hungry.” Morgan said softly, breaking her gaze from her imaginary spot and placed it on Sonny as she tried to smile. “Have fun though.”

“Nick, you coming?” Michael asked as everyone rose except Morgan.

I paused briefly, looking at Morgan who was still looking at Sonny, but with that same blank expression she had before. I shook my head. “Nah, I’m not that hungry either. Enjoy you guys; we’ll be here when you get back.” I replied. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Morgan slump slightly in her chair. She didn’t want me to stay.

John shrugged. “Okay, more for us then. We’ll be back soon and we’ll bring some food for you if you guys get hungry later.” He said, casting a worried glance between Morgan and I before limping out of the room behind Sonny, Michael, and Tommy.

Once the door shut, Morgan spoke. “You didn’t have to stay,” Her gaze didn’t stray from the table top.

“I didn’t want to go.” I replied cautiously, looking at her hands that were playing with the fringe of her sweater sleeves. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” She replied quickly.

I sighed. I know she didn’t want me to push the subject, but I want to know what was running though her mind. “You’ve been quiet.”

She shrugged and continued to play with the hum of her sleeves. “I have nothing to say.”

“We both know that isn’t true.”

She looked up at me sharply, her eyes hard. “Then what exactly do you want me to say Nick, since you seem to know what’s going on in my mind.” She bit at me.

I flinched slightly at her tone. I didn’t want her to get mad at me, I was tired of it. I missed the days where we could just sit together and talk about anything, laughing the entire time. We haven’t had one of those days since tour. There was always a moment of anger or awkward silence now and I hated every moment of it. “I’m not saying that I know what you’re thinking about.” I started, trying to keep my voice calm. “I just know that you are.”

She crossed her arms, “How could you possibly know that?”

“Because you get this look on your face, like you’re debating with yourself.”

She sighed, her gaze falling back towards the table as she uncrossed her arms and began playing with the hem of her sleeves again. “I was debating whether or not I should tell you about the song or not.”

“And what’d you decide?” I asked my tone hopeful.

She smirked but didn’t pick up her head. “I haven’t yet.”

“Why not?”

“There’s more to the story than I might want to share right now.”

My eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “What do you mean?”

She lifted her gaze up to meet mine, her eyes soft and thoughtful. “I think you know.” She said softly.

I sat back, my eyes dancing around her face as my mind searched for the answer. But I couldn’t get pass how beautiful I thought she looked. She wasn’t dressed fancily or had make-up on, but that’s what I loved about her. I loved that even when her hair wasn’t styled and her contacts weren’t in and her face was make-up free and she only had a t-shirt and jeans on, just a glance at her could make my stomach flip.

“I miss you.” I said in a whisper, thinking that she wouldn’t have heard it. But the growing smile on her face said otherwise.

“I missed you too. It was weird being on tour without the Jonases.” She said.

That’s not what I meant, I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell her that I miss her; I miss being with her. I miss hugging her and holding her hand. I miss laughing and talking with her. I miss the feel of her lips on mine and the beat of her heart upon my chest. That’s what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t. If I said that, those words would destroy much more than what they would create. I couldn’t do that. So, I just simply nodded and sank into my chair.