I Can Still Be Your Superman

Listen while you read: Your Song (Acoustic) - Mayday Parade

...It’s time to say goodbye

To turning tables

To turning tables

I finished singing, my fingers lightly dancing over the keys for a few more bars before I stopped. Quickly, I picked up my pencil and scribbled a few changes onto the sheet music in front of me.

...Hey Princess

In a white -

“Hey Cameron,” I said brightly, answering my phone.

“Hey, I though you said you were going to call me back last night.” He said, his tone slightly deflated.

I hit my forehead with the palm of my hand. “Oh God, I completely forgot. I was so exhausted yesterday, I barely remember anything I did. I’m so sorry.”

He sighed. “It’s alright. I just miss you, that’s all.”

A small, sad smile crept onto my face. “I miss you too Cameron.”

“Could’ve fooled me.” He mumbled under his breath, low enough that I could just barely hear the words. “So, what’ve you been up to?”

“Excuse me,” I said harshly, rising from my seat behind the piano. “What do you mean ‘could’ve fooled me’? Of course I miss you Cameron.”

He sighed violently. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that you haven’t called me -”

“Cam, I’ve been busy.”

“I know that.” He said, his voice rising. “It’s just... you haven’t even texted me or anything for days. I know you’re busy Morgan; I completely understand that. But it’s been a week since we have had an actual conversation that didn’t end suddenly or with you saying ‘I’ll call you back later’ and then you never do. You even stop texting me when we’re in the middle of a conversation. You don’t have ten-seconds to text me just once? I doubt you’re that busy.”

I sighed and rubbed my face with my free hand. “I don’t know what to say, Cameron, that you don’t already know. You know I’ve been busy and you know I’m sorry about not talking to you as much as I promised. I don’t know what to do.”

“There’s nothing you can do, and that’s the problem!” He yelled before taking a deep breath. “I just feel like I’m competing with Nick for your attention and I hate it.”

“Cam, I’m in Nick’s band, so of course I’m going to be spending most of my time with him. But there’s no competing or anything like that going on.”

“It doesn’t feel that way.” He said before pausing briefly. “Look, I gotta go. I’ll text you later or something.”

“Okay, see -” I started, but my phone beeped three times telling me he hung up before I could finish. I pulled my phone away from my ear and stared blankly at the black screen. Where did all that come from? I know that I’ve been horrible at finding time to talk to him lately, but I didn’t know it would make Cameron that upset. What worried me the most was that he didn’t say ‘I love you’ when he hung up. He’s said it every time we hung up or left each other since he said it to me, no matter how many times I never said it back (and I never did). And now that he didn’t...

I sighed, trying to shake my thoughts away, or at least push them to the back of my mind, and returned to my seat behind the piano. I stared at the sheet music, but wasn’t really reading it anymore. My head wasn’t in Adele’s music anymore, so I set my fingers on the keys and let them move on their own. Before long, they played a recognizable melody and I began to sing along.

You say that Gainesville’s got no soul

Well that sounds like a good excuse for coming home

And all these Tallahassee skylines

They keep singing out a song

I know it’s your song

They’ve been singing all night long

And this Galley Alley rooftop

Just keeps calling out your name

To come and stay

So stay

So stay

Stay and watch the stars come up and then the sun as they all fade away

I’ll sing every song I wrote if it will make you want to stay

And then I’ll say

That I missed you

And these words 

They’ll convince you

I poured through every song I wrote

Every line that I’ve cried, every note that was spilt with this pen

And every line in every song, they all seemed to come out wrong

Until your song

And we’ll sing it all night long

And this Tallahassee skyline hasn’t changed

And well, the view from every rooftop says to stay

Stay and watch the stars come up and then the sun as they all fade away

I’ll sing every song I wrote if it will make you want to stay

And it’ll say

That I missed you

And these words

They’ll convince you

And I could call you ‘baby doll’ all the time

And you’d whisper in my ears, you’d say, “I miss you, boy”

Sing it over again, and over again, and over again

I could call you “baby doll” all the time

And you’d whisper in my ears, you’d say, “I miss you, boy”

Sing it over again, and over again, and over again

Still you'd say

That I miss you

And these words

They'll convince you

And I'm hoping as I kiss you

And I could call you “baby doll” all the time

And you'd whisper in my ears, you'd say

"I miss you boy"

Sing it over again, and over again, and over again

I could call you “baby doll” all the time

And you’d whisper in my ears, you’d say

“I miss you boy”

Sing it over again, and over again, and over again

I sighed, finishing the song, the last notes vibrating in the air around me, and pulled my fingers off the keys. Everything seemed so much easier when Cameron was here - there was no jealousy, no arguments (well, few and petty). But, would it have been like that if he were here now? Or would I still have gotten closer to Nick as I felt Cameron slip away?

I pushed myself out from behind the piano and started to walk back upstairs. I could never win. The closer I got to one, the farther I became from the other. If one person was happy, the other was miserable. All because of me. I started to move mechanically - left foot, right food, breathe in, left foot, breathe out, right foot. I faintly heard the doorbell ring through the empty house (Uncle John was running errands for a few hours), but I ignored it and continued walking - focusing on where my feet were taking me.

I was halfway up the stairs when a hand grabbed my arm, making me scream in terror; I didn’t even hear the door open or close.

“Morgan, relax! It’s me!” The person behind me said, gripping my other arm to make me stop thrashing and spun me to face him. My body instantly relaxed when my eyes met with his brown ones - Nick.

“Nick, wh-what are you doing here?” I asked frazzled, pulling my arms to my body once he let go.

He looked at me, worried. “We were going to finish the Adele medley, remember? You said to come around one.”

I shook my head; I completely forgot, but he was right. “How’d you get in my house?”

“I still have the spare key John gave me when he was in the hospital. And when you didn’t answer the door, I thought you were downstairs, so I let myself in. Are you okay? Why didn’t you answer the door?”

I nodded half-heartedly. “Yeah, I’m fine. I guess I just didn’t hear the doorbell or something.” I said, wrapping my arms tighter around my body. “I, uh, had to grab something upstairs. I’ll meet you downstairs.” I said, turning quickly and walked up the last few steps.

I was in the doorway between my bedroom and my bathroom when I heard his voice again. “Are you sure you’re -” He started before noticing where I was going. “What do you need in the bathroom?”

I sighed shakily, but refused to turn around to face him. If I did, he’d know - though, I had a feeling he already did. “I needed to get some, uh, toilet paper. The, uh, downstairs bathroom was out.”

“Now, why don’t I believe you?” He asked, his voice louder and much closer. His hands landed softly on my shoulders and turned my body to face his. I couldn’t lift my head to look at his face, so I kept it down, staring at his shoes and my bare feet as his hands trailed down to my wrists and turned them palm up. A sigh of relief fell from his lips when he saw the smooth, unblemished skin, but didn’t let go. “You were going to, weren’t you?” He asked softly. He wasn’t angry or disappointed like I thought he was going to be, but scared. Scared for me. Scared because of me.

I tried to pull my hands away, but he gripped tighter, his fingers wrapping around my wrist. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I lied, my voice barely above a whisper. I put all my energy into focusing my breathing and making sure my voice didn’t shake or falter in any way.

“Why are you lying to me?” He asked, his voice broken and deflated.

My head was spinning. I hurt Cameron because I was spending time with Nick instead of him. I hurt Nick because I was lying to him; I promised I wouldn’t do it again and here I was about to. It’s all my fault - it’s always my fault. All I do is hurt people no matter who they are. It’s always me.

I was shaking - all the thoughts in my head weighing down on me, I was about to fall. I deserved to fall, to hurt. So I did.

But Nick’s hands stayed firm around my wrists, pulling me toward him. His arms immediately wrapped around my body as my hands gripped his T-shirt tightly. The tears that I didn’t even know formed, falling onto his shirt as I buried my head in his chest.

He didn’t move. He didn’t even speak. He just placed his head on top of mine and held me tightly, pulling me closer to me.

Turns out, that’s all I ever really needed.