I Can Still Be Your Superman

Listen While You Read: Stronger (Back on the Ground) - Nick Jonas and the Administration

Even though I made one of the biggest decisions for myself without taking in account someone else’s opinion for the first time in years, I couldn’t dwell on it. I could barely think about it. I had to focus on tonight; it was all I could do really. And what I mean by focus is obsessively worry and get nervous and anxious with every passing second.

Since I was the only girl on tour, I told Nick it was pointless to get a hair and make-up team just for me, so I was left to my own devices. After soundcheck, we’re all thrown into wardrobe and then I go and do my own thing. That was an hour ago. I sat in front of a large make-up mirror, staring at my reflection blankly. I was at that point where I couldn’t comprehend my thoughts clearly anymore. I was lost in a sea of words and emotions and fear that I felt was going to suck me in and drown me from the inside. No matter how much I willed myself to get up, to stop thinking about the past I just couldn’t.

A soft knock came from the door before it opened slightly. “Hey Morgan, can I come in?”

I turned around in my chair to face the door and nodded, watching Nick open the door wider, carrying a vase of long-stemmed red roses.

“These came for you,” He explained, walking over to place them on the make-up table. “I’m assuming they’re from Cameron; ‘good luck’ present and all that.” He said shortly, staring at the flowers.

I touched the petals of one of the roses delicately, letting it rest in the palm of my hand. Cameron. I didn’t even want to think about him. “Yeah, I would think so too.” I said quietly, retracting my hand and placing it back on my lap.

“You okay?” He asked, his eyes pulling away from the vase of flowers to me. “Nervous?”

I sighed deeply, but didn’t meet his gaze. “Something like that.”

“Don’t worry too much, you’ll be great. I wouldn’t have asked you to join the band if I didn’t think you could do it.”

“I know that in theory, but there’s just so much that can go wrong.” I argued, throwing my head into my hands.

A few moments later, I felt Nick’s fingers gently wrap around my hands, pulling them off my face; leaving them in my lap, but still full uncased within his grip. “Nothing is going to go wrong.” He said confidently, his eyes blazing into mine.

“You can’t guarantee that.”

“Yes I can. Everything’s going to be perfect.” He paused briefly before continuing. “Remember that night in New York where we sang Moulin Rouge?”

I nodded.

“Remember what that felt like - just you and me singing, having fun - that’s all this is.”

I scoffed a laugh. “Yeah, with a thousand other people watching.”

Nick shook his head. “Forget about them. It’s just you and me, that’s all. If you keep that in your head and you stop second guessing yourself, you’re going to be amazing. You’re going to shine.”

“How can you be so certain?”

“Because I believe in you.” He said firmly before crouching down so his face was directly in front of mine. “And because,” He paused, his voice much softer and hushed. “Because you always do.”

I stared at him for a moment, meeting his gaze, and tried to see what he saw. He always saw me as more than I am, always saw that I could do things I never thought I could. I tried to see the girl he got to sing in the booth all those months ago, and then again in his basement, and then over and over again. The girl who wasn’t closed off to the world, the one that opened up so easily. The girl I had the potential to be, or maybe already become because he brought her out of me.

I started to nod slowly. “Okay,” I said, taking a deep breath. “Okay, I think I can do this.”

A bright smile lit up Nick’s face. “I know you can.” He said, rising and pulling me out of the make-up chair. “Come on, we have to go to the green room for dinner and lockdown.” He pulled me out the door and lead me down the venue’s hallways from the dressing room to the green room in silence, but didn’t let go of my hand.

Everyone was already eating by the time we arrived (everyone being Sonny, Michael, Tommy, Uncle John, the crew - lighting, sound, etc. - and Ethan Gibson who was the opening act for the shows). I sat next to Uncle John and Nick, eating my dinner in silence. I tried to concentrate and relax at the same time, which seemed like an almost impossible task.

After we ate, I felt like all I was doing was waiting - waiting for lockdown to be over, waiting for Ethan to go on, waiting for Ethan’s set to finish, waiting for the stage to be set up - until the time came for us to go out. One of the stage hands, Chelsea, came up to me about ten minutes before the show and helped me put my earbuds in. She did say something, but I barely heard her. All I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears and my heart pounding in my chest. I never understood the phrase ‘my heart beat out of my chest’ until that moment, and it didn’t feel like my heart was just going to beat out my chest, but fly out and jump across the room.

I was standing on the side of the stage, waiting for my turn to walk on, when I felt someone grab my hand beside me. I looked over and saw Nick with a soft smile on his face.

He leaned closer to me and said, “Relax, remember what I said.”

I took a deep breath and nodded. If he had faith that I could do this, maybe I could.

He let go of my hand and pushed me gently forward and I started to walk onto the stage. It was dimly lit, just enough for us to see where we were going, and there was only a spotlight on Tommy who was playing a piano solo, his notes flowing directly into my ears from my earpieces. But right underneath that, I could hear the screaming and cheering of the fans. I thought it was going to be frightening, all the shrieks and cries, but it wasn’t. It was exhilarating. With all their energy and excitement plowing into me, my nerves evaporated and my heart stopped pounding. I finally relaxed.

I grabbed the first guitar off of my stand, pulled the strap over my head to my shoulder, and stood behind my microphone. Tommy finished his solo and the stage went completely dark. the screams grew louder. I felt Nick walk swiftly to his spot a few feet away from me, and a few moments later, Michael counted out and dove into the song just as the lights rose, fully illuminating all of us. The cheering grew louder once Nick came into view and even louder once he began to sing.

Wake up

To the alarm and the phone

Trying to stick out

Stuck in the world, don’t belong

Sometimes

Something so right can be wrong

Feeling weak as

Gravity’s taking its toll

I want to know I’m not the only one around

Can you show me something deeper than I’ve found?

I want to know, you’ll be with me

When everything around is falling down

When I finally get these feet back on the ground

Woo hoo woo oo

When the sun shines

Down on my face, breaking through

Old things that were once lost now are new

Hey

I want to know I’m not the only one around

Can you show me something deeper than I’ve found?

I want to know that you’ll be with me

When everything around is falling down

When I finally get these feet back on the ground

Woo hoo woo oo

Yeah

You’re making me stronger

You’re making me stronger

You’re making me stronger

Than I’ve ever been now

You’re making me stronger

You’re making me stronger

You’re making me stronger

Than I’ve ever been now

I want to know I’m not the only one around

Can you show me something deeper than I’ve found?

I want to know that you’ll be with me

When everything around is falling down

When I finally get these feet back on the ground

Back on the ground, oh

Back on the ground

Making me stronger

Making me stronger

Making me stronger

Making me stronger

Than I’ve ever been now

Making me stronger

Making me stronger

Making me stronger

Than I’ve ever been now

Tommy, Michael, Uncle John, Sonny, and I hit the final note at the same time and a wave of pure elation ran through me. I could do this. I was meant to do this.