I Can Still Be Your Superman

“Why do we have to work with Nick again?” I asked for the thousandth time as we drove through the LA streets.

Uncle John sighed, “Because I am in the band and produced his last album. Why do you keep asking that?”

I thought quickly, “Because you in a band is so unbelievable to picture.” I teased laughing. I left out the part about me not wanting to believe that I’m going to spend a lot of time with Nick. The whole point of not getting another phone was to keep him away from me for his benefit. But every time I try to pull away, something always pulls me back.

“Hey, I take offense to that.”

“As you should.”

He chuckled. “I don’t know if I’m going to survive this album – both you and Nick making quick, smartass remarks all the time. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it.”

“Maybe I’ll tone it down for your sake. I’m pretty sure we’ll need someone with producing experience.”

“I don’t know Morgan,” He started as he pulled into his parking spot. “You’re quickly becoming a producing whiz kid. You may not need me anymore.”

I jumped at the idea of being alone with Nick. “No way, we’re a team Uncle John. No one will ever separate us.”

He chucked again. “I like the dedication. Now let’s go inside and write things to produce.” He said, sliding out of the car.

I took a deep breath before I got out of the car. Hopefully this wasn’t going to be too bad.

We went upstairs to the studio and started to get set up – get sheet music, tune guitars. As we got ready, my nerves began to fill my entire body. What happens if he brought… her? How would I react? He wouldn’t do that… or would he? Is he going to bring all these lovey-dovey love song ideas because of her?

Since when did I get so jealous?

The door opened and Nick walked in. “Sorry I’m late.” He said as he placed his jacket and satchel on a chair next to mine. “I had to drop Samantha off at the airport.”

I scoffed as I subconsciously rolled my eyes, but didn’t say a word.

Uncle John clanked at me curiously before addressing Nick. “Not a problem. She’s going back to England?”

“Yeah, she’s doing more Les Mis shows for the next month or so.”

“Fantastic.” I said sarcastically under my breath.

“Morgan!” My uncle hissed. Apparently, I was louder than I thought. He turned back to Nick, “Why don’t we get started?”

Nick looked at me briefly before replying. “Great idea. Now, I have a few ideas…”

For hours we were holed up in the studio writing a song. But, personally, I think more time was spent bickering than writing.

“The tempo should be slower.” I pointed out about the song we were working on.

“No,” Nick said. “It’s slow enough as it is.”

“No it’s not,” I argued. “If it were slower, it would have more meaning when you build it up at the bridge.”

“It’s fine.” He hissed.

“No it’s not. I don’t think it should be a song people will want to dance to.”

“Who would dance to this song!?”

“Exactly my point, make it slower!”

“Enough!” Uncle John yelled before Nick could rebut. “You two have been arguing all day about useless things and I’m sick of it.

“I’m going to get us dinner. While I’m gone I want you two to work out whatever it is that’s making you argue.” He ordered before trudging out.

We stayed silent, sitting across from each other, but not looking. I couldn’t take it. I got up and started walking to the door.

“Where are you going?” I heard him ask.

“To the bathroom. I have to pee.” I said, emphasizing my words with annoyance. I twisted the door knob and pulled. And pulled. And pulled. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“What?”

I spun around, furious. “He locked the door. He fucking locked us in! Why the – urgh!” I yelled in frustration.

Nick rolled his eyes, “Big deal, he’ll be back in twenty minutes. I thing you can hold it for that long.”

“OhmyGod, are you really that naïve?” I spat. “I don’t want to be here.”

“Then why come?” He asked harshly, rising from his seat and walking towards me. “If you don’t want to be here, why did you come?”

Crossing my arms, I responded. “I couldn’t really say to Uncle John that I didn’t want to come.” I was going to add ‘he’d ask questions’, but decided against it. “Besides why did you even ask for me to help write and produce?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know, but it seems like you don’t want me here. All you’ve done is argue or shut down every suggestion I bring up. Why ask me to help if you’re not going to let me?”

Nick sighed aggravated, “Now look who’s being naïve. Put two and two together Morgan! I haven’t seen or spoke to you in months and randomly run into you at the Grammy’s. I used my new album as a way to spend time with you!

“Whatever happened on that bus made me lose you and I want to know why.”

Quickly my anger subsided, but I kept my guard up. “Well, you’re never going to so you should quit while you’re ahead.”

“DON’T YOU GET IT!?” He roared; the sheer tone of his voice made me cower in fear. I’ve never seen Nick get this upset. He took three large strides towards me, trapping me against the all, and his face a few inches from my own. His breathing was hard, but his eyes weren’t – they weren’t even angry – he was frustrated, lost, and confused.

“I missed you.” He finally said his voice much lower than before. “I didn’t just like you Morgan; you were becoming one of closest friends extremely quick. But you completely pulled the rug out from under my feet. It hurt, Morgan, you have no idea how much it hurt. I had no idea what happened to you. I was scared, and a part of me still is.”

“Scared of what?” I whispered, afraid of the answer.

He hesitated briefly. “I’m scared of what happened in those months. I’m afraid that you completely reverted back to who you were.”

“But it’s who I am.”

“No, it’s not, and you know that. If it were you wouldn’t have let me hear you sing. You wouldn’t have let me hear your songs. You wouldn’t have let me know so much about your past.

“You’re not that extremely guarded person anymore – not towards me anyway. Because there is no way of taking anything of what happened back. And if you were, we wouldn’t be having this conversation because I never would have been able to pull anything out of you.

“But I know you’re not the same person that I saw at Disney and that’s what scares me. I’m afraid that I’ve lost her and I don’t know if I could handle that.”

I couldn’t break my gaze from his. He looked so helpless, almost child-like. I never saw this side of him, his vulnerability, without it being in a song. This was different. This was real. “You don’t have to be afraid.”

He shifted his weight slightly. “But I am. I have to.” His hand rose and pushed a few strands of hair away from my face, his fingers softly trailing down my cheek as his hand fell. “Because I look into your eyes and they aren’t the same.”

My breath caught in my throat. I could still feel his fingers on my skin, the trail slightly warmer than the rest. “It’s been a few months maybe they just look different because you haven’t seen me in awhile.”

Nick shook his head, “No, something has definitely changed. They aren’t the bright, full of life green hazel eyes I left. I know that.”

I couldn’t tear my gaze away. I was numb. “You should be afraid.” I sputtered out.

“But I have to be. You aren’t the same.” He repeated. “I look at you and something is wrong. I just can’t place it.”

“I can say the same for you.” I said softly. A wave of shock spread across his face. “Your face is the same – same nose, same freckles on your cheek, same curly hair. If didn’t know any better I’d think you were fine. But your eyes tell a different story. They’re still the same brown eyes, physically, but they aren’t as animated, thoughtful; they aren’t as happy. Something’s changed with you too and it’s more than what you’re letting on.”

He didn’t respond, but he didn’t more away either. His face was still inches away from mine. His hands were close enough to mine that I could just about feel their touch. All of the emotions, the feelings that I had been suppressing the past few months were trying to bubble up to the surface again. He was doing it again. But this time, he wasn’t even saying a word.

Suddenly, I felt the wall pushing me forward right into Nick’s arms. “Hey, have you two figured out –” Uncle John stopped short why he saw us. “Oh, um… do you want me to leave or…” He trailed off uncomfortably.

Quickly, I pushed myself away from Nick’s grasp. “No,” I said quickly. “I was leaning against the door when you opened it. Nick caught me from falling.

Uncle John smirked, “Huh, I see.”

I nodded, red in the face, before sprinting out of the room to ‘go to the bathroom’. The last words I heard were, “I guess locking you in worked better than I thought it would.”