I Can Still Be Your Superman

Listen While You Read - Clock Runs Out: Allstar Weekend

…We are the ones that fall apart
When love
Is never enough to keep our hearts growing…

My alarm belted. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and turned it off. Lazily, I opened my eyes in search of life, though I knew it was futile. I heard Jenn mumble something, alerting me that she was awake. “Go back to bed Jenn,” I said, my voice hoarse. “I’ll be right back.” I guess she went back to sleep because I never got a reply.

I rolled out of my bed and glanced at my clock – 4:30 AM the bright red LED lights taunted me. I tried to keep thinking why I was up this early to motivate myself as I got changed: the guys were leaving today. I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and my old high school softball sweater, pulled my hair into a messy bun, and brushed my teeth. I didn’t bother putting my contacts on knowing that I was probably going straight back to bed after they left. Before the guys boarded their plane to the next concert (New York I think), they wanted to stop at my house to say good-bye, thus waking me up at this ungodly hour.

I tried to walk downstairs as quietly as I could and crept out of the door to wait on the front porch. They sky was dimly lit by the awaiting rising sun, but it was still slightly chilly as the wind rushed past me. I sat on the top step and leaned against the railing, thinking about this past week. I couldn’t believe I’ve only known Zach, Cameron, Michael, and Nathan for only a week; I hung out with them like they were my oldest friends. Even though I haven’t known them long, I felt like I could trust them – to a certain extent.

Maybe Nick was right, maybe I have changed. Maybe I wasn’t the same closed off girl I once was. Maybe that wasn’t really me. I looked down at my sleeves, sighing. Maybe I should just try to be happy again without fear of what may happen.

I heard a car roll down the street and stop in front of my house. Looking up, I saw Zach, Michael, Nathan, and Cameron stumble tiredly out of the car. I rose and met them at the bottom of the staircase.

“I didn’t think you’d wake up.” Zach said to me.

I smiled, “And miss seeing your smiling faces one last time? No way.” I said, teasing.

“Oh how I’ll miss that sense of humor. I’ll see you after tour Morgan.” Zach said, pulling me into a hug.

“And maybe even during, might get tickets for the West Hollywood show.”

“That would be awesome.”

“Yeah,” Michael said, stepping up. “I’ll show you how a real drummer performs.”

I laughed, “We’ll see about that.” I responded as we did our handshake – top bump, bottom bump, fist bump, slap, opposite elbow bump, slap hand into hug. We came up with it three days ago.

“Don’t forget about us now, ya here?” Nathan said, lifting me as we hugged.

“I don’t think that’ll be possible. Unless another lead singer of a boy hand runs into me; then we’ll have to see.”

Nathan put his hands over his heart, “Ouch, that hurt.” He laughed. “See ya Morgan.” He walked back to the car with Zach and Michael, leaving Cameron and I alone.

I glanced up at him, getting lost in his blue green eyes. I jumped into his arms and wrapped my arms around his neck as his grip tightened around my waist. “I’m going to miss you Cameron.”

I felt his grip get tighter around my waist, squeezing. “I’m going to miss you too Morgan.” He mumbled into my shirt.

I loosened my grip around his neck as I pulled away. “Go play some kick ass shows and when you have all those girls screaming your name, don’t forget me.”

“I could never forget you.” He said his voice low. He gave me one last hug before letting go completely, a sad expression on his face. “I’ll text you later.”

Smiling, I watched him walk towards the car, sliding into the passenger’s seat. With one last wave good-bye, they were gone.

I walked slowly back upstairs and into my room. Pulling my hair out of the bun and taking my glasses off, I laid back down on my bed. Just as I shut my eyes, my phone vibrated on the table next to me. Looking at the screen, it read:

It’s later. Miss you already.
‘Night. –Cameron

I fell back to sleep with a smile on my face.

***

The following weeks were filled with music and my cell phone. If I wasn’t texting Cameron, he was either performing, one of us was sleeping, or we were on the phone with each other. I never thought I would ever use my phone this much.

Jenn came and went in a week’s time, not before giving me her opinion of Cameron. Thankfully, she ‘approved’ or else I’d have to find a new best friend and my options were limited.

I immersed myself in music. If I wasn’t helping Nick with his album, I was putting final touches on Selena’s new album, or I was writing music for other things. Ever since Katy Perry’s album became Grammy nominated, people have been asking me to write songs for them; especially for TV shows and movies. Even though I was slowly becoming increasingly busy, I noticed a change in Nick. He was quieter, more introverted and it only took a few hours to write a new song as opposed to days. But whenever I asked about it, he just shut me down and said he was fine.

I didn’t know what to do, so I tried to push past my nagging gut and concentrate on one thing – the concert. It was going to be the first time I’ve seen the guys in twenty-three days (not that I was counting). I couldn’t wait, but I decided to have a little fun.

…Hey princess
In a white dress
Chuck Taylors, got me –

“Hello,” I sang into my phone.

I could hear the smile the smile in his voice. “Hey Morgan, are you excited about tonight’s concert?”

I tried to keep my face as calm as possible. “Cameron,” I started with a heavy sigh. “I don’t think I’ll be able to make it. I’m stuck at the studio today working on a new song.” I said, fake depression dripping from my every word.

“Oh,” He said his voice dropping. “Okay.”

I reclined on my bed, shutting my eyes. “I’m so sorry.” I said sincerely. I was sorry, just not for the reason he thought. His devastated tone cut right through me; I hated how it felt.

“No, it’s okay. I understand.”

“I gotta go, break’s over.” I said. “Have a great concert. Play as if I were there.”

“I always do. I’ll talk to you later tonight, after the meet and greet.”

“Alright, adios Cameron.” I said, hanging up. I pushed away the sinking feeling in my stomach and hopped off my bed to get ready. I pulled on my favorite pair of faded blue skinny jeans and paired it with a black t-shirt that read ‘I got 99 problems but my swag ain’t one’ (I knew Michael would enjoy it). Letting my hair fall in its natural waves, I put on a little bit of mascara and black eyeliner on after popping in my contacts. I slipped my pair of black high top Converse on and pulled on a distressed leather jacket over it all. I skipped down the stairs and grabbed the keys to my car.

“I’m leaving Uncle John!” I yelled into the house.

“Alright, have fun! Be home by curfew!” He yelled back from what seemed like the kitchen.

I strutted out the door, jumped into the car and drove to the venue in West Hollywood. It was about an hour before the start time when I got there. So, I stood on the small line outside that was bound to get bigger by the time 6:30 came around when they open the doors. I looked around and spotted the tour buses only a few yards away from me. Nerves soared through my body; I hoped they were inside already.

As the doors opened, the line surged forward, hoping to race inside for a good spot (the downside of general admission concerts, no seats). I stood on, what I thought, was Cameron’s side of the stage relatively close, but far enough away that (hopefully) he couldn’t spot me. Then I stood and waited for the concert to start, excitement building inside me. I haven’t been to a concert since the Jonas tour and I wasn’t in the audience for those. Being in the audience and backstage are completely different experiences. Being in the audience was more fun.

Finally, the lights of the venue snapped off as the stage lights rose in vibrancy. As the first two bands played, I danced and sang along to the words I knew. The audience was really into it which made it even better.

It was nine o’clock and the guys still didn’t perform yet. Were they the headliners? I thought to myself. I didn’t really do much research on it after I bought my ticket. I was about to ask a random girl next to me when I saw Michael run out, taking his seat behind the drums. As he played a small drum solo, each band member ran onto the stage, making everyone charge closer for a better spot. First Nathan came out, then Cameron, then Zach.

“Hey guys,” Zach said into the microphone in the center of the stage. “We’re Allstar Weekend.” He said, making some of the girls around me scream their heads off, and they dove right into the first song.

Tic toc it’s over
I know your time is running out
Tic toc going nowhere
I know your time is running
Time is running out (Running out)

You sure seem sorry to me now
You look good from the outside
(But I know you’re not cool)
You played me, made me believe that
You’d be there when I need you
Now I know that’s not true

You fooled me
And I’m no fool

You need to take time, take time
To clean up the mess
It’s all for the best
I think that you should grow up, grow up
And figure it out what we’re all about
Before the clock runs out

I’m finally living my life now (breath in, breathe out)
I’m breathing like I’m happy
I’m feeling good again (feeling good again)
You lost your way, lost your touch now (you’ve lost your touch)
You’ve got no values
You were never a friend

You fooled me
And I’m no fool

You need to take time, take time
To clean up the mess
It’s all for the best
I think that you should grow up, grow up
And figure it out what we’re all about
Before the clock runs out

Tic toc it’s over
I know your time is running out
Tic toc going nowhere (you’re going nowhere)
I know your time is running
Time is running out

You need to take time, take time
To clean up the mess
It’s all for the best
I think that you should grow up, grow up
And figure it out what we’re all about
Until the clock runs out

Take time, take time
To clean up the mess
It’s all for the best
I think that you should grow up, grow up
And figure it out what we’re all about
Before the clock runs out
Until the clock runs out

They were good, at least I thought so. Nathan, Zach, and Cameron played off each other, trying to entertain the audience and moved all around the small stage. Michael sat behind them, but completely beat the shit out of his drum kit. But throughout their entire set, I could never keep my eyes off of Cameron for long. I never saw him so comfortable, so in his element, than when he was up there playing the bass. He played, he trashed, he sang, with every ounce of passion he had; it was amazing to watch.

They finished their set with ‘Dance Forever’, an invite to a meet and greet after the concert, and a wave good-bye. Even though the real headliner for the tour, the Ready Set, was about to perform, I couldn’t wait until it was over. I didn’t realize how much I really missed Cameron and the guys until I saw them in person.

The set seemed to drag on, and as soon as the last chord rang through the venue, I tore through the audience towards the exit. There was already a crowd around the tour buses, waiting for the bands to come out. I hung back a little as I waited. I was excited to see the guys again, but I didn’t want to cause a scene (though I knew that was almost impossible with Nathan and Michael).

Suddenly, there were a few piercing screams as the bands emerged from the back exit of the venue. A majority of the crowd surrounded the Ready Set and Allstar Weekend, so I hung out with the other two bands, the Downtown Fiction and We are the In Crowd, as I waited for the crowd to calm down.

The crowd around the guys eventually began to dissipate. Until there were only a few girls talking to them, I made my way over quietly. Michael was the first one to notice me. Just as he was about to say something, I lifted my finger to my lips to tell him to stay quiet. I crept up behind Cameron, giving the girls in front of him the same sign. I stood on my toes and flung my hands over his eyes.

“Ah!” He screamed. “Who is it?” He asked frantically, trying to pry my hands off his face; sending everyone into hysterical laughter. “This isn’t funny, is it you Nathan?”

Nathan looked at me as I struggled to contain my laughter. “Nope, but I wish I thought of it.” He responded, laughing.

“I think we have a crazed fan on our hands.” Zach said.

I felt Cameron’s eyebrows shoot up under my fingers as he tried to pull harder. “Then why aren’t you doing anything!?”

I couldn’t hold it any longer. I released my hands and began to laugh with the group.

Cameron spun around and shock immediately flooded his face. “Morgan! What are you doing here?” He asked, engulfing me in a hug.

“I came to see the concert of course, I did buy a ticket.” I replied, smiling broadly.

“But I thought you were in the studio all day.”

“That’s called a lie. I wanted to surprise you guys and it worked fantastically.”

“You work for Hollywood Records?” One of the girls asked. She was blonde and had a blue Allstar Weekend shirt on with a ‘I love Zach Porter’ button on.

“Yeah, kinda,” I answered.

Another girl, another blonde, snapped her fingers. “I knew I recognized you. You’re Morgan Fields, Joe Jonas’ ex-girlfriend.”

My face fell slightly, “Yeah, that’s me.”

“Didn’t you date Nick too?” The same girl asked.

“No,”

“But what about those pictures of you two kissing and stuff?”

“I didn’t date Nick.” I repeated. I took a quick glance at Cameron; he was looking in the opposite direction trying to ignore the uncomfortable situation.

“Can I have your autograph?” The third girl asked, realizing the awkward situation her friend created. “I know you wrote ‘Firework’ by Katy Perry. I love that song.”

I smiled gratefully and took the pen and paper that she was holding out towards me. “Sure and thanks, I didn’t think anyone actually knows who writes the songs anymore unless it’s the band.” I said as I signed my assumed name, Morgan Fields.

“I want to be a songwriter too some day, so I try to follow some of the better song writers work to help me.” She explained, taking back her pen and paper. “Well, we gotta go, my mom’s here. Thanks for the autographs.”

“Good luck!” I yelled after her as she and her friends walked away.

“Well they seemed to know a lot about you Morgan.” Michael said, turning to me.

I shrugged, “They must be Jonas Brothers fans. Perez loved to write about me in their section when I helped them with their albums.”

“Albums? That means you went –”

“Yeah, I went on tour with them with my uncle.” I cut him off. “That was an amazing show guys.” I said, attempting to shift the conversation away from me.

“Didn’t you love my shredding? I added some extra died flip action tonight.” Nathan said, smiling broadly.

“Of course I loved it; there were dreads all over the place. It was funny as hell.”

“Hey guys, we’re heading to the hotel in five!” The lead singer from the Downtown Fiction yelled from his tour bus.

“Alright!” Zach yelled back. “You coming Morgan? We’d love to hang out for a little seeing as we couldn’t before.” He asked, sticking his tongue out at me.

I returned the gesture. “Sure,” I glanced at my phone which read 11:39 PM. “I’ve got some time before curfew.”

“Great! It’s the Holiday Inn on 7th. We’ll meet you there.”

“Wait,” Cameron said just as I began walking to my car. “I’ll go with you, bring you to the room.”

I nodded, unable to speak and continued to walk to my car with Cameron walking beside me. I unlocked the car and slid into the driver’s seat. No words were exchanged between Cameron and I until I was driving.

“You never told me you dated Nick.” He said softly.

“You never asked,” I said. “Besides, I never dated him anyway.

“But what about what those girls were talking about?” He asked; he seemed like he was… scared.

I sighed, “Nick and I were… together, sort of. We never really were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. No big deal.”

“No big deal?” Cameron asked, his voice rising. “Morgan, you work with him; see him every day. How is that ‘no big deal’?”

“Because what happened between Nick and I is the past. It’s not going to happen again.”

I heard his fist pound the dashboard. “You can’t guarantee that. I see how you two interact, look at each other. I guess I just tried to ignore it until now.” He paused, taking a shaky breath. “I just… I don’t know how I can compete with him if I’m away all the time.”

“But you don’t have to compete, Cameron. Nick and I are over, you don’t have to worry.” I said, stopping at a red light.

“But –”

I cut him off, “Hey.” I said softly. I took his chin between my fingers and pulled his face towards mine. Worry and anxiety were spread across his fallen features. I looked straight into his eyes, “You have nothing to worry about.” I said with as much sincerity as I could. I just hoped it was true.