Saving Grace

Lex and Loren walked to me, each hugging me tightly. I put the John situation away and hugged my two friends tightly. “I missed you guys,” I said to them, and we all sat down. They didn’t seem to notice what John did, it was like I was dreaming when he rudely walked in and went upstairs.

We all began talking. I updated Lex and Loren about how life was in Texas, and they updated me on their engagement.

Clapping her hands together, Lex said, “Alright, we need to get down to this wedding business. Everyone is here, I believe,” She looked at each of us, counting us, and frowned. “Loren, where’s-“

“I’m right here.”

We all grew silent as John O’Callaghan came into full view, walking into the living room, with his eyes on anything but me. I stared at him, taking in his appearance. He hadn’t changed much; it looked like he recently got a haircut. He had his signature black ray bans and gray beanie in his hands, along with a glass of water. He set the items on the living room coffee table as he sat down on the loveseat. I silently thanked God that the loveseat was on the other side of the living room.

I was still staring at him; I couldn’t take my eyes of him.

Suddenly he looked up from the floor and we made eye contact. We didn’t look away; we just sat there, staring at each other. His eyes showed sadness.

“Alrighty, well, here’s what’s going to happen…” I could hear Lex talking in the background, but I didn’t listen. I don’t think John did either. We just sat there, staring at each other.

It wasn’t a hate kind of stare, or an ‘I missed you’ kind of stare, it was just a stare. Looking deep into his beautiful green eyes, I remembered a cute memory of us. It was about a year and a half ago, in our apartment.

“You know baby, I can tell your emotion through your eyes,” I said, smiling cutely at my boyfriend. We were sitting on the couch just enjoying each other’s company.

He smiled down at me. “Oh really?” He asked, wrapping his long slender arms around me, pulling me closer. I felt goose bumps go down my spine as he kissed my jaw softly. He looked into my eyes. “What is my emotion right now?”

I took a minute to look at him and figure it out. There was a small glint in his eyes, which he always had when he was happy. I smiled. “You’re happy,”

“Well,” he started, “You make me happy, so of course I’m happy,”

I bit my lip and blushed. I pecked his lips softly and muttered, “I love you,”

He smiled. “I love you too, baby,” He kissed the top of my head and I laid my head on his chest. He began to sing to me. “Tell me that you love me and it'll be alright. Are you thinking of me? Just come with me tonight. You know I need you, just like you need me. Can't stop, won't stop, I must be dreaming.” With his steady heartbeat and angelic voice, I began to drift off to sleep.

Life was perfect.

Suddenly I found myself picking up my hand and waving. It took a while, but he waved back. I saw Hanna grin in the corner of my eye.

“So it’ll be Pat and my cousin Lindsey, Kenny and my sister Catherine, Jared and Hanna, Garrett and Scarlett, and John and uh, Jess,” Lex rolled her eyes at the last part. I knew who everyone was except Jess. Who was this Jess girl?

All of a sudden realization hit me. Jess must’ve been John’s girlfriend. I looked away from John’s piercing eyes and looked at anything else but him.

“Hey, where is she anyway?” I heard Pat ask. Everyone shrugged and looked at John. I looked up at him too to see he was still staring at me.

He spoke up again for the second time. “She, uh, had to work,” He didn’t take his eyes off me. I blushed slightly when I saw everyone else noticed too.

Lex frowned. “Well, tell her next time to be free for this, okay?” Everything was silence once again, until the doorbell rang once more. Lex’s frown turned upside down as she said, “Ah, they’re here!”

It was Lindsey and Catherine, her family members. We all introduced ourselves and Lex and Loren talked more about the wedding. Garrett came and plopped down next to me on the couch, turning towards me. “Hey wedding buddy,” he said with a grin.

I couldn’t help but smile back. “I’m glad I’m going to walk with you, Gare,” I said, letting my fall onto his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close.

“I really missed you, you know,” He whispered.

I shook my head. “You already told me that, Gar-”

He cut me off. “No, like I really, really missed you,” I could hear the hurt in his voice. If Garrett was like this, I could only imagine how Hanna and Kenny were. “Please don’t leave again,”

I looked up into his shining blue eyes. “I have to; I’m just here for the wedding,”

He shook his head. “I’m not letting you leave again,” He seemed so determined about it. It was so cute how determined he was. “We were all such a mess when you left,”

I buried my head in his chest. “I’m sorry if I put you in any pain, Gare,” I said, “I love you,” I smiled up at him and hugged him once more. I laid my head on his chest again, and began to listen to Lex talk again. However, I stopped paying attention when I saw a pair of green eyes staring at me. He wasn’t staring at us this whole time, was he? When I looked at him, I saw he wasn’t looking at me, but at Garrett, this time with anger in his eyes. He had his lips into a small frown, and his eyebrows were furrowed.

“We decided to do a classy country kind of theme,” Loren said, his hand intertwined with Lex’s. “It’s going to be really creative.”

I smiled at the happy couple, but then focused my eyes back to John. Why would he be angry? He looked jealous almost. Why would he even be jealous? He had a girlfriend.

I was so confused. As much as I didn’t want to talk to him, I knew I did.

“Well, I think all the wedding talk is over,” Lex said, “Let’s all go have a beer!”

--

Hanna, Kenny, Loren, Lex, Jared, Garrett, Lex’s cousin, her sister, and Pat (who decided to become Rat Boy that night) were all drunk within two hours. I knew I would be the designated driver tonight, so I only took a few sips of my beer. John didn’t drink at all. At all. John always drank, and he always got drunk. Every night he would come home drunk, there wasn’t a night when he wasn’t drinking.

Had he changed that much since I left? Leaving all my drunken friends in the kitchen, I made my way back to the living room. John sat there, flipping through the TV channels. He didn’t notice me at first until I plopped down on the couch. Looking me in the eyes, he put down the remote, leaving it on a random channel, and sighed.

We sat there in silence for what seemed like forever, when it was only about five minutes. “Listen, John, I just want to-”

“Are you and Garrett, like, a thing?”

My eyes widened at his bluntness. “Uh, no, why would you think that?” The way Garrett and I were acting earlier did sort of make it seem like we were a thing, or at least interested in each other. I’m not saying I’m not, though. I mean, Garrett got cute. Really cute.

John shrugged his shoulders. “Just seems like it,”

I took a deep breath before saying, “Listen, I think we should both be mature and be good friends to Lex and Loren,” I started, “We should at least be civil with each other,”

“What if I don’t want to be just civil with you?”

I scrunched my eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

He looked deep into my eyes again, and this time I saw sadness. “I-i miss you,” he stuttered, “I was a mess when you left, I should have never thought that you, of all people, would lie to me.”

“John, you really will never understand how much you hurt me,” I said, looking at him, “I’m never going to forgive you, but I can be civil with you,”

“That’s not good enough for me,” he said, “I want us to be us again, not just civil, or friends,”

I scoffed. “No, we’re not friends,” I said sternly, “We’re never going to be friends,”

“Well, good, because I don’t want to be friends either.” He said determinedly, “I want to be more than friends,”

I rolled my eyes. “John, you don’t even know me anymore,” He was being ridiculous. Did he really think after all he did, I would actually forgive him? “I’ve changed for the better,”

John moved from his spot on the love seat down next to me. “Scarlett, I’m so sorry,” I couldn’t look into his eyes. I knew what I would see again. “I just, I need you in my life; I’m a wreck without you.”

“What about your girlfriend?” No way could he be telling me this stuff when he had a girlfriend.

Scrunching his eyebrows, he replied, “Girlfriend? I don’t have a girlfriend,”

I scoffed at him. “Then who’s Jess?”

John rolled his eyes. “She’s my ex-girlfriend,” he replied, “We dated for less than a month, but we’re still pretty good friends,” Playing with his hair, he said, “Everyone in the group hates her, though,”

I was so curious, so I had to ask, “Why?”

“Because they thought Jess was trying to replace you.”

Shrugging my shoulders I said, “Well, did she?”

“Replace you?” John said, looking into my eyes again. He shook his head. “No one could ever replace you,” He looked down, staring at his shoes.

I sighed. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I found myself saying, “How about we be friends?” He looked up from his shoes the minute I said it. “Not civil, but friends,” I’m doing this for Loren and Lex, I thought. “It’s either civil or friends, take your pick,”

John thought for a moment. “Can we maybe wait awhile until we become friends?” he asked in a quiet voice. “It’s just, being friends means you won’t be mine,” the sadness was easy to spot in his voice.

“John, I haven’t been yours since the day I left eight months ago,”

I knew those words hurt him, because he looked down and never looked up. I decided to let him be alone, so I went back to the kitchen with all my wasted friends. Looking back before I entered, I looked back at him. He was sitting there still, looking at his hands. It had been eight months, hadn’t he moved on already? I took the hint that he did, since he had a girlfriend for crying out loud, but he made it seem like these past eight months he really did miss me.

I need a beer.

--

One hour after my talk with John, I had a couple more beers, and I felt the buzz. I had my arms around Garrett’s waist, and my head was buried in his chest. I giggled drunkenly, and said, “Hi Gare,” I giggled once more.

He smiled down at me. “Hey beautiful,” he was completely wasted.

“YOU’RE JUST A CUPCAKE LOVER!”

We both giggled at Pat, who was now Rat Boy, and grabbed another beer. “So, Gare, who’s your girlfriend?”

“I don’t have one,” he slurred, taking a big gulp of the beer in his hands.

I widened my eyes. “What? A hot guy like you doesn’t have a girlfriend?”

He raised his eyebrows and pulled me closer. “You think I’m hot?”

We could barely understand each other because we were both slurring our words. I nodded, “Yeah, I do,”

“Well, you’re pretty hot too.”

I giggled once more. “Aw, thanks Gary,” I said, kissing him on his cheek. Maybe it was the alcohol that made me do that.

Suddenly I felt someone pulling me away, and I heard, “I think you’ve had enough, Scar,” I could tell it was John.

“Shut the fuck up, John!” I felt him pick me up, and I didn’t try to get away. “Where are we going?”

“I’m going to drive you back to Hanna’s, you’re not driving and I’m not letting anyone in there drive you,” he said, setting me down in the passenger seat of his truck. Memories flooded my head of when we were together and always drove in this vehicle. “They’re all drunk, I don’t need you getting in an accident,”

The alcohol made me say things I didn’t want to say out loud. “That’s so sweet of you, John,” Although it was slurred, I still meant it.

“Well, I’ve always cared about you,” he said, “I always have and I always will.”

Those words meant so much to me because I knew they were sober words, and he meant it.