Fear Is Just for Losers

Late December- one and a half months since my first day

Time was flying faster than it ever had in my life. It was hard for me to believe that within such a short period of time, so much had changed. I was no longer the runaway and with what I earned, I was able to rent an apartment in New York for myself. I was also able to buy a new wardrobe, which was a must in this business. Now, I was so busy traveling here and there- I'd gone from local sightseeing to visiting most of the largest cities in the country. Mr. McMahon now had me interviewing wrestlers on air and training with Shawn Michaels during my down time. He told me that once Shawn gave him the go, he wanted me in the ring as WWE's newest diva.
That didn't bother me any, seeing as by now, I knew a lot of the wrestlers on a fairly personal level. I was even better friends with Leeanna now, but I also liked being with Tori Wilson and Shannon Moore. They were easy to talk to. I also really enjoyed the time I spent with Rey Mysterio, who taught me a lot of things about the WWE. John Cena and Matt Hardy were also really nice. But I had to agree with Eliza- CM Punk was definitely the nicest person in the business. Punk and I were beginning to become really good friends. And now more than ever, I was crushing hard for Jeff Hardy.
----------------------------------------------
I pulled open the doors to the new arena, ready for another long, yet exciting day. This time, I was in Milwaukee.
Balancing the new purse Leeanna had convinced me to buy and a bag of gear on my shoulder, I walked the halls looking for the locker room. The only thing I disliked about traveling was that no arena was the same. Rooms were different and every time I entered a new building, I'd have to walk around, getting to know where everything was.
I turned down another long hallway and found Leeanna waited at the end against a pair of double doors. A smile crept over my face and I waved.
"Alexa!" She called to me from down the hall. "I thought you were going to be late!"
I shook my head and made a face. "Have I ever been late before?"
She jogged down the hall and met me halfway. Then she placed her hands on her hips and gazed down at my outfit.
"What's wrong with it?" I asked.
"The jeans, Alexa!"
Swinging the bag of gear off my shoulder, I unzipped it and pulled out a sleek pair of black and maroon pants. "I'm prepared Leeanna, quit worrying. If you didn't notice, it's freezing outside!"
She rolled her eyes and smiled. "Good. You need to remain consistent before you can actually start to make a name for yourself. Especially if the only air time you get is interviewing."
I nodded, chuckling and rolled my eyes. "I know, I know. You've told me a hundred times already."
"Well, let's get started then."
"Let me just change into my gear first."
"Fine. I'll meet you in the mail room."
Then I left to seek out the lockers. Luckily it wasn't far- I walked down 2 corridors and through 3 pairs of doors before I spotted the familiar sign on the door. I used my shoulder to push it open and found Tori and Kelly Kelly talking quietly.
"Hi girls." I said politely, dropping my duffel bag and jacket into the little space designated "Alexa."
"Oh my gosh, guess what Alexa?" Tori exclaimed, appearing next to me.
I shrugged, smiling.
"Look what I bought!" She lifted her foot and placed it on a chair, pointing at her tan pumps.
My jaw dropped and covered my mouth with my hands. "Tori, are you wearing what I think you're wearing?" I let my purse slide carefully out of my grasp and to the floor.
She nodded excitedly. "The new Coach heels!"
"They look great on you Tori!" I cried, examining the intricate design. "How much did you pay for them?"
She rolled her eyes. "You don't even want to know."
A smile slid across my face. "Hey Tori? Do you think I could..." I gestured to the heels.
"Of course!" She bent over, pulled the shoe off her foot and held it out to me. Then, she took off the other.
I quickly removed my sneakers and pushed my foot into Tori's heels. They couldn't have fit any more perfectly.
"I think we're the same size!" I laughed, testing my way across the tiled floor. For heels, they were actually very comfortable. Then, I slid them back off.
"Thanks."
"They're comfortable, huh?"
"Definitely." I smiled, pulling my diva uniform from my bag. I rested the two pieces over my arm and walked over to the closest stall to change.
"So, does anybody know any good matches going on tonight?" I called when I shut the door behind me.
Kelly Kelly answered this time. "I heard there's a pretty cool tag match with Phil and Christian."
Phil was CM Punk's real name. "Oh yeah?"
"Yup. And Randy's got your trainer tonight."
I stopped mid dressing. "No way! Shawn?! That's going to be an awesome one!"
"Mhmm. And!" she exclaimed. "Jeff's starting a feud with Undertaker!"
Heat rose to my head. "He is not!" My heart began to flutter.
"Yup."
"But Jeff's..." I swallowed hard. "I mean, Jeff isn't small, but compared to the Undertaker..."
"Yeah. He's gonna get really banged up."
I didn't like the sound of that.
Once I was dressed, I gazed into the mirror behind me, making sure everything was in its place. I smoothed down the front of my cotton shirt.
"You think Jeff's way in over his head?" I called to the pair.
"I don't know." Kelly sighed. "He's going to have to pull a few tricks out of his sleeve..."
"Yeah." I nodded, gathering my clothes and opening the stall door. Then, I pushed everything into my locker.
I chatted with the pair for another couple of minutes until I decided it was time for me to start on my list of jobs. I wished Kelly Kelly good luck in her match and left to catch up with Leeanna.
I exited the room, heading back toward the spot where Leeanna had caught me earlier, knowing that's where my clipboard would be hanging on the wall. On it was a list of tasks that Mr. McMahon wanted me to complete before the event began. After that, it was my job to let the guys know when they were supposed to be in the ring. I liked the fact that it was an important job, and things wouldn't run as smoothly unless I was there. For once, I didn't feel dispensable.
When I found the room again, I opened the door to find Lee sorting out the last of the mail into piles.
"Okay. What do you want me to do?" I asked, picking up a few envelopes to help.
She handed three stacks to me. "I think these are done. You can deliver them since I did it yesterday."
I nodded and looked at the names she had written on yellow post-it notes. Kane, CM Punk and Jeff Hardy. I blushed.
Leeanna winked at me. "Yeah. You're welcome."
I chuckled, but left without another word, heading for the long corridor of star engraved rooms. Now if I could just find...
Luckily, the corridor wasn't far. I walked down the line and found Punk's room first.
I knocked quietly and waited against the opposite wall.
The door opened a moment later and Phil's head appeared from behind the door.
I gave him a look.
When he spotted me, he started laughing. "Hey Alexa. I didn't know if someone was knocking on my door, or someone else's."
"Oh, looked like you were guilty of something." I laughed, shaking my head.
He laughed harder and pushed his fingers through his long black hair.
I smiled and added, "Is our straightedge superstar not so straightedge anymore?" The gesture I made with my hand suggested that he was drinking.
He shook his head. "Nope. I'm as straightedge as ever." He crossed his arms and grinned at me.
I teased him with another look and rolled my eyes. "Mhmm."
Then, I held out the stack.
"Thanks."
I nodded. "I heard you've got a tag match tonight. Good luck with that."
"Yeah, thanks." He chuckled.
I waved and continued down the hall looking for Kane's room. I pushed open a pair of double doors and walked around a corner. Finally I spotted it and walked over. I knocked three times when I reached the door.
"Hey Glenn, I've got mail for you." I called against the steel.
Soon, it opened and a large man stood within the small room.
"Hi Alexa. I've got mail?"
I nodded, handing him the small stack.
"Thanks."
"Good luck in your match tonight." I offered a polite grin.
"Yeah."
Now for Jeff. His room wasn't far from Kane's. I stopped to calm my racing heart.
You're just gonna hand him the stack, same as always, I reasoned. Calm down.
I took a deep breath to gain some confidence and knocked lightly on the door.
It took a minute for the Enigma to respond, but once he did, he smiled wide. He'd dyed his hair again- this time, a combination of purple and red. He'd also gotten his hands on new face paints. Green, white, purple and black blended awkwardly together on his cheeks and against his eyebrows.
"Hey Alexa. What's up?"
My heart beat erratically. "Umm, nothing really." I grinned weakly and held out the large stack of mail to him. I coughed lightly and added, "I heard you're getting into a thing with Undertaker."
Jeff crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame. "Yeah. I decided to do something crazy."
I smiled, looking to the ground. He was so charming.
"What do you think of the make up?" He asked, grinning slightly.
I let my eyes scan his face again. "I like it. Very Jeff Hardy."
He chuckled a little. "I sent a picture to Tracy and she can't stand it."
My heart sunk- Tracy. His girlfriend.
"Why?" I asked.
"She doesn't think I'm acting my age."
Screw her then.
"But that's a part of your image as a wrestler. It's... sort of a different thing." I shrugged.
He nodded. "Exactly! That's what I'm trying to tell her, but she doesn't understand."
I decided that it was probably a good time to leave. My heart beat awkwardly in my rib cage.
"Well, I gotta get back to Leeanna. Umm..." I swallowed hard. "Just be careful tonight, okay?"
"Of course."
Then I waved and walked away. When I heard him close the door again, I sighed in relief. Then, my heart returned to a semi- normal pace. The hardest part was over- making conversation with him.
The rest of the day went by pretty smoothly. After I delivered all the mail, I worked with Taryn, helping to take calls and organize files. Midway through cleaning out Taryn's most recent junk folders, Leeanna asked if I could help her set up a few cameras and position the last of the lights. One of the camera's were acting funny- turning off even though the icon showed a fully charged battery. We called a tech and he fixed it for us. After that was finished, she glanced at me and smiled.
"Have you had dinner yet?"
I shook my head. "No, have you?"
"Some of the guys invited me along to eat with them before the show. You wanna come?"
I shrugged. "Sure." It beat spending dinner alone. "Where are we going?"
She chuckled. "They didn't really want to go out to eat, so we're just gonna head to the cafeteria."
"Oh." I laughed.
"Is that okay?"
"Of course. Who's going to be eating with us?"
She made a face. "Just a bunch of the guys."
When we made it to the cafeteria, I realized that Leeanna had been right about 'a bunch of the guys.' There was a long table in the center of the room where a large group of wrestlers sat, talking and munching on dinner.
"Come on," Lee smiled, taking my arm.
When I spotted Jeff's red hair, I gasped. "Oh Lee! Jeff's sitting there!" I whispered.
"So?" She gazed at me from her peripheral vision. "Talk to him! I heard he's having some trouble with his girlfriend."
I gave her a look. No way. We just talked a few hours ago... he sent her pictures...
Leeanna was too busy to notice as she gazed over at John Cena with affectionate eyes. Then, she smiled at me and gestured to follow. Everyone greeted us warmly as Leeanna found a seat next to Cena. I rolled my eyes and sat down next to her, feeling sort of like a third wheel. I yawned, realizing how nice it was to sit down. I was more tired than I had thought. Soon, my eyes scanned up and down the table, wanting to know who else was here beside my red and purple haired hottie. Starting at the far left side of the table was Rey Mysterio- John Morrison sitting at his right. Then there was Punk, Cody Rhodes, Jeff, and straight across from me- Shannon Moore. On my side of the table were Matt Hardy, Evan Bourne, Kofi Kingston, John Cena and then Leeanna.
Soon, the last few that had arrived to the table got up to grab dinner. After I purchased a grilled cheese and a soda, I sat back down and spent much of the time eating quietly, listening to the rapid conversations bouncing around the table. John seemed to be the life of the table and very often, I was worried that I would end up spitting soda at poor Shannon.
Suddenly, Leeanna pounded her fists against the table, which startled everyone into looking over at her.
"Know what I just realized?" She smiled, her eyes bright. "It's like a week until Christmas! What's everyone's plans?"
Was it really Christmas already? I quickly did the math in my head.
The entire table burst into excited murmurs. Most of the guys were simply spending time with their families or girlfriends. The majority sounded as if they were going to have some nice time off.
Lucky them.
Since many had spoken about going home for the holidays, I thought back to my own. What had I been doing last year on Christmas?
Oh yeah.
I spent the entire day in my room painting with supplies I'd smuggled out of my art classroom. I'd painted two large pieces that day- one of my favorite band and the other, a piece inspired on a poem I had come up with in my head. I remembered humming in order to stifle the sounds of thrown furniture or my mom's loud cries of pain. I didn't receive any gifts that year, but I didn't mind. The fact that my dad had locked my bedroom door that day and wouldn't let me out was a blessing in my mind. It could have been me he was throwing the furniture at.
The only bad thing about it was that by the end of the day, my dad came looking for me. He unlocked the door and I ran to the furthest corner of the room to sit. He didn't say anything, but when he saw my newest works, he saw a way to make me miserable. Walking over to the wall where I had taped them to dry, he gazed at them for a few moments. Then he took each one in his hands and tore them to shreds.
"Merry Christmas." He laughed.
Soon, Jeff's voice raised over everyone else's and broke into my memories. "Hey Alexa."
"Yeah?" I asked, my mind fading back into the present. My cheeks flushed pink.
He gestured at me. "You didn't tell us what you're doing for Christmas."
Everyone at the table stopped to listen.
My cheeks warmed- I was spending Christmas alone.
I smiled weakly and shrugged. "No interesting plans."
Jeff stared at me for a long moment and nodded his head. Everyone went on to their individual conversations.
He thinks you're a moron, Alexa, I thought. I picked up my soda and chewed on the straw.
Soon, some of the guys headed off to gear up. When Cena decided to leave too, Leeanna waved to me and followed him.
I sighed and decided to continue my list. I stood up to throw away my trash and walked toward the exit. But before I could get too far, Jeff appeared at my side.
"Hey. Can I talk to you for a sec?" He asked.
I swallowed. "Umm, sure." I stopped and turned to him. "What's up?"
He folded his arms over his chest. "Maybe it's not really my place to ask, but is everything okay?"
I blinked. What?
I licked my lips nervously. "Of course, why?"
He gave me a look. "No interesting plans or no plans at all?"
This was embarrassing. But, best to tell the truth.
I sighed. "Do you know how I got hired?"
He raised an eyebrow at me.
"I'm kind of, a runaway." I rolled my eyes.
His eyebrows narrowed.
My heart sunk. "I don't have any plans because I guess I don't really have a place to go." My gaze fell to the floor.
"I'm sorry I asked. I didn't know." He rubbed his forehead, smearing more paint.
I shook my head and tried to smile. "Don't worry about it."
"Well, if it makes any difference, it's sorta my turn to bring the family to my house for Christmas... and if you wanted, you could join us. You know? Matt and my dad will be there and stuff."
I faked another smile. "Thanks, but it's okay. I think I'll need some alone time anyway."
He nodded. "That's cool, but the offers on the table if you want."