Fear Is Just for Losers

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
I woke up to my new cell phone vibrating on the bedside table. Shaking off the heavy sleep from my eyes, I sat up and flipped it open.
"Hello?"
"Oh my gosh Alexa!" Leeanna's hurried voice cried into my ear.
I rubbed my aching temples. "Leeanna? What's wrong?" Shawn had definitely pushed me to my limits with my training last night.
"It's about Jeff." She paused for a second. "I heard some things around the arena today..."
"What do you mean?" I sighed. It was too early for this.
"Alexa, Jeff and his girlfriend broke up."
I opened my tired eyes, unsure. "They did?"
"Yeah and Jeff's acting crazy. He got into a fight with Mark last night."
"Undertaker?!"
"Yeah. Vince put them in a match tonight hoping they'd work it out."
Using my free hand, I covered my eyes. "Oh great."
"That's why I called. Nobody can get into his room to talk to him. Not even Matt. I'm calling to see if you would come in and talk to him..."
"And you expect him to open for me?"
"He listens to you."
I rolled my eyes. "Sure."
"Alexa, he talks to you more than pretty much anyone else in this company."
My heart skipped a beat. I looked for the clock. "Leeanna, what time is it?"
"About 10:45. Why?"
I sighed. "Alright. I'll be there in a few."
"Thank goodness- okay. See you soon."
"Yeah."
Then, the phone went dead.
I threw the blankets off my legs and leaned over to grab an outfit from out of my luggage. My arms throbbed with the strain. After taking the quickest shower of my life despite my aching muscles, I dressed and brushed a shiny gloss over my lips. Then, I headed back out into the room to stuff my phone, key, and wrestling gear into my duffel bag.
How was I honestly going to help the situation at all?
I shook my head, but headed down to the lobby regardless. If anything, I might be able to get my list done early and watch the show.
As I pushed open the door to the hotel, I realized that it was sprinkling out.
Great. I rolled my eyes and pulled my hood up over my head.
Leeanna was waiting outside the arena for me despite the rain. When she spotted me, she ran over and grabbed my arm.
"Thank goodness. Matt is flipping out."
My eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"
"He's yelling at Jeff and pounding the door and stuff."
I sighed. Lovely. "Show me where."
Leeanna nodded, pulled open the doors and led me through the foyer and down a long hallway. Various wrestlers stood around in small groups talking anxiously, probably about the situation with Jeff. Some even followed as they saw Leeanna and I's determined march toward his room. She opened another pair of doors and continued down into a new hallway. Finally, when we reached the long corridor of star engraved rooms, a group of people stood huddled around Jeff's door.
"Come on Jeff! This is stupid!" Matt cried, banging his fists against the door. Mr. McMahon and a few others joined him, watching on in silence.
When Leeanna and I reached the group, I turned to Mr. McMahon.
"Vince, is it alright to take over from here?" I asked confidently.
He nodded. "Alexa, if you can get him to open up, by all means..."
I turned toward the group and tried to make my way to the door. Many of the wrestlers refused to let me through.
How the hell was I supposed to help if they wouldn't back off? No wonder Jeff's not coming out.
I inhaled, a sudden wave of power flooding my veins.
"Everybody, back the fuck off!" I yelled.
Matt gave me a nasty look, but the group moved out of the way. I pressed myself against the door and called gently.
"Hey Jeff?"
No answer.
"It's Alex, can we talk?"
Still no answer.
I shook my head and pulled a pin from my hair. I slipped it into the crack between the door and the frame and waited for the click I wanted. Then, I turned to everyone and gestured for them to stay put.
I opened the door and peaked in.
"Hey Jeff?" I called again.
No answer.
I opened the door further and slipped in, leaving it open just enough for the group to hear what was going on. Then I scanned around. Still nothing.
I walked over to the portion of the room which opened up into a stall and a bunch of chairs. Jeff was sitting on one in the corner, covering his face with his hands. I walked over and sat next to him.
I pushed a lock of hair behind my ear. "So, I told you something that maybe wasn't your business. Now, you tell me something that maybe isn't mine."
He dropped his hands and gave me a look.
"It's only fair." I urged gently.
"Me and Tracy broke up." He growled.
I crossed my legs. "How come?"
"Because she can't stand me anymore."
"Is that what she said?"
He inhaled and looked at me. "Well, not exactly. She just seems to complain about everything I do! I can never win."
"Did you dump her?"
He looked at me from his peripheral vision. "No."
"You love her, don't you?"
He sighed and crossed his arms, looking to the floor.
I licked my lips. "Then don't worry about it."
He gave me another look.
"Look Jeff, honestly, I'm sure she knows you love her. She's probably just having a hard time with the distance right now."
"What?"
"You constantly traveling. I'm sure she just misses you."
"How do you know?"
I rolled my eyes. "I'm a chick, Jeff. I'd be upset if my boyfriend was traveling everywhere without me."
He sighed. "I guess. Still doesn't help the fact that it's over."
I shook my head. "I don't think you should worry about it. I'm sure it'll blow over and you'll be back together in no time. Just let her be mad for a while."
He gave me another look.
"Mark my words." I threatened.
He sat up quickly, gesturing with his hands. "I've been traveling all the time. Why all of a sudden is it bothering her?"
I shrugged. "Maybe it just hit her."
"Fine." He breathed.
I turned to face him. "Now, what's going on with Undertaker?"
He rolled his eyes. "Talking shit, dude. I'm sick of it. Sometimes, I really hate this place."
"I don't want you to fight him."
He looked over at me.
"Seriously, Jeff. I don't want you to. But I'm not going to tell you what to do."
"Good."
I sighed. "Can I ask one favor though?"
"What?"
"Can you please come out and talk to your brother at least, everyone's worried about you."
He was silent.
I nodded, knowing I should leave and let him think over everything I had said. So, I stood and turned to leave. One last thought jumped out at me. I talked to him from over my shoulder.
"Hey Jeff, if you need anyone to talk to, seriously, I'm here."
"Yeah." He shook his head. "Thanks Alex."
I nodded and pulled the door closed behind me.
Everyone shot at me, asking questions.
"Oh my God!" I cried. "He's fine! Just leave him alone for a little while!"
Then, I walked away and got started on my list.
--------------------------------------------
By 6 o'clock, I had finished everything early and decided to take a long deserved dinner. I had been bombarded the entire day with questions surrounding Jeff's behavior. I told them to leave me alone though. It was Jeff's business, not theirs. Most often, I lied and told them that Jeff hadn't told me anything, that I only convinced him to calm down.
I slowly walked down to the cafeteria, taking my time. I bought myself a large chicken wrap sandwich and a cold soda. Then, I sat down at an empty table, nibbling away, letting my mind wander elsewhere.
Silently, I imagined Jeff picking at his guitar strings, a slow melody emanating around him. I imagined him taking a walk, the sunlight paling in comparison to his smile. Mostly, I daydreamed that Jeff was happy again. That he was happy being with me. If only he could learn to love me as much as Tracy.
Swallowing the lump that formed in my throat, a wave of anger tossed around my weakly beating heart. Something inside me was angry that Tracy would get so mad at him. Wrestling was something Jeff loved and by making a fuss out of it, it was only tearing him apart.
I placed my elbow on the table and let my chin rest in the palm of my hand. It wasn't fair. I played with my straw. Why would she do something like that to him?
Suddenly, someone thudded on the seat opposite to mine and I looked up, aggravated that they shook me out of my daydreams. I swallowed when I realized that it was Jeff.
I took a sip of my soda as he unwrapped his own sandwich and dug in. I decided against saying anything, knowing that if Jeff wanted to talk, he would. Instead, we sat silently, drawing comfort from being together and ate our dinner.
Since I had started eating first, I was finished early. I didn't want to leave him alone though, so I got up, threw away my trash and sat back down. It was awkward for a few moments, because I was unsure about what to do with myself. Then, I spotted Jeff's straw wrapper and leaned over the table to grab it. He watched on quietly as I took it and began folding it.
After five or so minutes, Jeff finished too. He inhaled and I looked up at him, thinking he was going to say something. But, he exhaled heavily and got up. He threw his trash away and left.
My heart sunk. This sucks.
For the rest of the evening, my senses were on high alert since I still hadn't heard any news saying that the Undertaker vs. Jeff Hardy match was off. My stomach ached with worry. The whole idea was silly.
For another hour or so, I followed Leeanna around, fixing loose tape and repositioning cameras. She rambled on about her holiday plans and thought of ways she might be able to get John to go out for a drink with her. I wasn't really listening, but every now and then, I'd add a "yeah" or make a noise of approval for effect. I was watching for Jeff- I hadn't seen him since dinner. Had he asked for the night off? Something inside me knew that he hadn't.
As I worked, I kept my eyes peeled for him. Seven o'clock came fast and Penny handed me a clipboard with the night's matches and times written on it. I headed off to warn The Miz and Shelton Benjamin that their match was first and to be ready. Edge started the night off with a promo and then the action would finally begin.
I ran off to Punk's room and knocked on his door.
"Hey Punk. Your match is second. Be ready! You've got like 15 minutes or so."
"Thanks 'Lex." I heard him call from inside his room.
I did the same for his opponent, Dolph Ziggler.
Soon, the night was underway and the third group of wrestlers were making their way to the ring to fight. It was scheduled that after the next match, I would be interviewing Chris Jericho about his competition later on. I caught up to Leeanna, handed her the clipboard and ran off to find Eliza.
She worked quickly, making the complicated array of curls look easy. After applying some foundation on the dark rings that were forming under my eyes, I ran off to find Jericho. He was standing outside his room, talking on his cell phone.
"Hey Chris," I tried to interrupt him as politely as possible.
He gave me a nasty look.
I pointed down the hall. "We're scheduled for an interview."
He nodded, obviously irritated and told the person he was speaking to that he'd call them back.
Luckily, we arrived at the designated place in time. I ruffled my hair a little with my fist and grabbed the microphone the tech pushed toward me. He counted down silently and pointed to me, showing that we were now on air. I smiled wide.
"Ladies and gentlemen, please help me welcome our undisputed champion," I paused for effect. "Chris Jericho."
I turned to him and straightened the look on my face. "Now Chris, I've been hearing that you're disappointed with your match-up tonight." I pretended to be confused.
Jericho curled his lip in anger. "Alexa, you more than anyone else should understand just how important I am to this company." He seethed. "You ask why I'm disappointed?"
I nodded seriously, playing up the act.
"I'll tell you why. I'm Chris Jericho. I'm the Undisputed Champion. I'm the best thing this business has to offer." He grinned, pleased with himself. Then, a scowl reappeared. "And someone of my league having to fight a low- life freak? That's beyond unacceptable."
I shook my head. "Goldust has been in this business for a while-"
He interrupted me. "You know Alexa, you're just as pathetic as the rest of the people out there. You're just like all the other hypocrites in the world. Standing up for leeches that shouldn't be in this business at all."
My eyebrows narrowed, trying to look offended.
"Maybe I just won't show up for my match altogether!"
Then he stormed off. I sighed and shook my head as the tech gestured that we were going off- air.
"Great job." The tech patted me on the shoulder and headed off. I thanked him and went to catch up with Leeanna again.
"Nice job." She smiled when I spotted her moving more cameras.
"Thanks." I stopped next to her. "Anything I can do to help?"
She nodded and got me started.
Nearby, a crew member's walkie talkie began to make sounds.
"What's goin' on?" He pulled it from his tool belt.
"Rob, we need you to call the hospital and have them send over an ambulance."
My eyes widened.
Jeff.
Leeanna even stopped what she was doing to look over at my stunned face. Her eyes were narrowed with concern.
"Who's hurt?" He questioned, wiping beads of sweat from his brow.
The walkie talkie came alive again. "No one yet. Taker and Hardy are next. It sounds like it's gonna be a brutal one. We should have it here just incase."
Without really thinking any further, I dropped the electrical tape and sprinted toward the arena, Leeanna on my tail.
"He'll be okay!" She caught my arm and pulled me into a tight hug.
I shook my head. I just had a feeling this wasn't going to end well. Not in the mood Jeff was in. He'd make reckless decisions.
Leeanna pulled me over to a nearby chair and sat me down.
"Alexa, you need to calm down."
I looked up at her. "Jeff is going to get hurt. It's Mark!"
She made a face and shrugged. "There's really nothing we can do about it. Let's just chill and hope for the best."
"No!" I cried, standing back up. "I want to know what's going on!"
Knowing she had no real choice, Leeanna spoke to me. "Okay Alexa, but let's not watch. Let's go stand near Rob again. If anything happens to either of them, he'll be the first to know."
I rolled my eyes. "Fine."
She pulled me back to where we were before and sat down on the tiled floor. "Hey Rob?" She called to him.
He turned to look at her. "Yeah?"
"Let us know what's going on." She gestured to his walkie talkie. "Alexa's nervous."
He nodded to me. "I think everyone is. I'm calling for an ambulance, in case."
I sighed.
Then, we played the waiting game.
Rob called the hospital and had them send over an ambulance.
Five minutes went by. Then ten... Rob looked down at his watch and then over to me. When our eyes met, he smiled warmly, trying to offer me some support. I wanted to smile back, thankful that he would let us hang around for the match, but I couldn't. It was almost as if the muscles in my face were temporarily paralyzed. Then 20 minutes slowly ticked by.
Suddenly, his walkie talkie burst to life. "Rob, the ambulance is here right?!" A voice cried.
My eyes widened in horror.
Rob's hand flew to the button. "Yeah yeah! It's here! Who's hurt?"
A few seconds of silence.
"It's Hardy. He jumped on Taker, hit it all wrong..."
He looked over at me. "Is he okay?"
"I don't know! He's all covered in blood!"
The words sent my head into a dizzying frenzy. As I blinked, the world became a deep shade of red. I leaned against the wall, feeling the knees under me begin to weaken. Then without another thought, I sprinted to the back of the arena, where they would surely be taking Jeff.
Leeanna followed, her sneakers pattering behind me.
I ran down a few corridors, pushing away any number of wrestlers that got in my way until I reached the back door. As I suspected, the ambulance's lights flashed in the dark and a small group of paramedics gathered around a stretcher that had just arrived. I made my way over, pushing and shoving as I went. Then, my eyes rested on Jeff's bloody face. I couldn't stifle the soft cry that escaped my lips.
I knew it.
A wave of horror crashed over me like a tidal wave, it's force nearly crippling. I should have stopped him somehow.
"Ouch!" Jeff swatted away their efforts as they tried to clean up his cuts. "Stop!"
He spotted me out of his peripheral vision. "Alexa?"
I didn't know what to do. If I tried to speak, I knew the tears that had begun to burn under my lids would reveal everything I'd tried so desperately to hide. Maybe it would ruin the small friendship we had.
Suddenly, his eyes narrowed. "Alex, you okay?"
I covered my mouth with my hands and turned away. I decided it was better to leave. Not only was I revealing the fact that I was crushing on him, but I was afraid of blood. The sight of it usually sent me over the edge and I'd pass out. I swallowed hard and walked back into the building, listening as Jeff yelled my name.
"Alex!"
Once the heavy door closed behind me, I sat down on the closest chair and let the tears that had started to well up under my lids overflow. I brought my legs up to hug my knees and cried quietly. I'd made a huge mistake. I could have stopped him, but I'd been afraid to offend him. Now, it was different. I would rather Jeff not want to be friends than have to see him as the bloody mess he was.
If only I hadn't been so stupid...
Soon, Leeanna appeared next to me and leaned down next to my chair. "Alexa, honey? You okay?"
That only made me cry harder.
"Alexa sweetheart, please go out and talk to Jeff. You've got him worried..."
I gave her a look. "I could have stopped him."
She shook her head. "There's no way. You tried Alexa, we all heard you."
Taking my hand, she led me back out the door. I sniffed hard and tried to rub the tears from my eyes. There was really no use. He'd know I was crying.
As we walked back, Jeff had finally let the medics do their work and a young woman leaned over his arm, stitching a large gash. I couldn't stop the new flood of tears from falling.
Jeff looked up at me for a moment, his face contorting into a look of pain.
"Alexa." He breathed. "What's wrong?"
Leeanna snapped at him. "Jeff! You're hurt, you idiot!"
Tears fell harder and I turned around, covering my face with my hands.
Jeff spoke again. "Alexa, I'm okay."
I inhaled and shook my head.
"Alexa. Come here." He growled.
Leeanna pushed me over to him.
"I'm fine." He tried to calm me. "It's just a scratch."
I pointed to the stitches. "That is not a scratch!"
He shook his head. "Well, it doesn't really hurt that much."
I hiccuped and let the fresh batch of tears spill over my lids. There was no point fighting it anymore.
"Seriously Alex, I'm okay." He reached over and brushed away a few tears with his uninjured hand. "So calm down."
I dropped my head, feeling beyond stupid. This all could have been avoided if I had just done the right thing and stopped him, whether he liked it or not. I turned around, folding my arms against my chest and started to walk away. Jeff was quick though and grabbed my arm before I got out of reach.
He pulled me closer until he could get a grip of my chin. He tilted my face towards him.
"All these tears for me?" His eyes scanned my face.
I didn't know how to answer. What would he have wanted me to say?
Then suddenly he was pulling me closer. He exhaled softly when our lips touched, his warm breath dancing across my skin. He tangled his free hand in my hair and parted his lips, deepening the kiss. Tears continued to flow down my cheeks. And as suddenly as it started, Jeff pulled away and looked at me.
"Better?"
I should have been overcome with joy about the kiss, but deep inside I knew who he really cared about. Sighing, I wiped away still more tears and walked back into the arena.