Fear Is Just for Losers

I pulled open the new set of doors to the Pavilion yawning, slowly remembering how much last night had drained me. Not only did I have to endure another long night of training, but I'd also been up much of the night crying. I figured that after all the tears had gone, I'd feel better, but that wasn't the case. Quite the contrary, I may have been feeling worse- knowing that eventually, I'd have to look at Jeff again.
Pretend everything is fine, I thought. I didn't want to bring unnecessary attention to myself and have people start asking questions. I'd end up walking out of here in another puddle of tears.
Not that they wouldn't already question...
While dressing this morning, I noticed dark, puffy bags under my lids. It was so obvious how much I had cried. Luckily, the headache was gone.
Trying to distract myself from another breakdown, I decided to head over to Eliza and have her work her magic. I definitely could use it. First, I dropped my gear off to the locker room and then pushed open the door to Eliza's little workshop.
"Hey Eliza?" I called when I didn't see her.
She wheeled around the corner, a bright smile on her face. "How's my Alexa, this morning?"
I gave her a look.
She stopped short, noticing the puffiness. "You okay, hun?"
Shrugging, I sat down in her stool and gestured to my face. "Can you do something? Anything?"
Nodding, she pulled a hairbrush from a drawer and started combing through my tangled locks. She cleared her throat.
"So I heard some of the titles are changing hands."
I remained silent.
"Tag team and intercontinental I guess." Eliza pulled a curling iron out and plugged it in.
"Believe it or not, Miz and Morrison are taking them back."
I sighed.
She smiled brightly. "And my Philly is taking the Intercontinental."
I couldn't hold back a small grin.
Her Philly.
I wonder what he would say if he heard her now.
After curling my hair, Eliza whisked a large brush of foundation over my swollen lids and applied a light shadow to my eyes. She gazed at my reflection in the mirror.
"That looks better."
I nodded. "Thanks."
Then I left to busy myself with the mail room. I tried to work slower than usual, hoping that I'd be able to drag my tasks out enough that I wouldn't have any free time on my hands. When I came upon the heavy stack for Jeff, I decided that it was probably a good idea to leave him alone today. Instead, I walked to his room and left the bundle against the door. He'd find it eventually.
After that, I continued my rounds and took a quick break to grab something sweet to munch on. I paid for the Hershey bar and let the smooth, sweet chocolate linger in my mouth. There was always something about chocolate that made you feel better.
Then, I went back to find my clipboard. On the table was a large stack of plane tickets and I read the next task in line.
"Hand out the plane tickets to the guys. Next shows in Ireland! (The last one is for you of course.)"
I raised an eyebrow. Ireland, huh?
Suddenly, my mind wandered to thoughts of step dancing and green mountains. I'd always wanted to visit the castles in Europe. Maybe this was my chance.
Then, I gathered the stack of tickets into my arms and made my way around the arena, handing everyone a ticket. For the wrestlers that I hadn't personally handed them their ticket, I slid the rest under their doors. I slipped Jeff's underneath his door too.
When I finished everything on the list, I checked the time.
6:15.
I shook my head- still early. My heart beat quickly, wanting to go back to my hotel room and be alone for a while, but I couldn't. Not until the event was over. I thought for a minute, wondering if there was a quiet spot far from the action where I could just chill out without being questioned.
The mail room?
That sounded stupid.
Maybe I'd just watch the show tonight. The music and lights might help distract my heavy heart. But, Jeff was supposed to wrestle. That wasn't going to make me feel any better.
Sighing, I realized that the last place anyone would be at this time was the seats in the arena. Everyone was busy working backstage, making sure everything was set for the show. When I didn't see any harm in it, I began to make my way to the front of the building.
Like I suggested, crew members were scrambling around the front of the arena finishing up production. When I reached the curtain, I lifted it, looking to see if my theory was true. The ring looked set to go and no one was in sight.
I carefully descended the stairs and sat on a nearby chair. Lifting my legs, I pushed my sneakers against the chair in front of me. I loosened a lock of hair from behind my ear and with a heavy sigh, tucked my arms around my knees. My eyes scanned around the arena, taking in the colors of the neon signs displaying several sponsors. Then, I shut my eyes. When I got back to the hotel, I'd go straight to bed.
Tonight isn't going to be any different from last night.
It didn't matter what I did. I knew I'd end up crying myself to sleep again. This isn't how I wanted it to be. I wanted Jeff to have wanted the kiss too, not just me.
Suddenly, a deep voice broke into my reverie. "You wanna talk about it?"
I opened my eyes, recognizing the voice right away.
When I turned, Punk was leaning over the back of the chair next to me.
I let my head hang. I didn't know what I wanted to do. Would it help to talk about it or would I just end up embarrassing myself? Love sucks.
Soon, he hopped over the chair and held out his arms to me. I looked up at him, unsure if I should. He sensed my doubt and lowered his arms.
"You want me to leave you alone?" He sat down.
I shrugged.
"Something happen with you and Jeff?"
My eyes rose up to meet his. "It's that obvious, huh?"
He held out his arms for me again. This time, I welcomed his embrace. What did it matter anymore? But, Punk pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around my stomach.
"So tell me what happened."
I looked at him, still unsure.
"Who am I gonna tell, Alexa?" He sighed.
I didn't completely know how to form the sentence. "Tracy misses Jeff."
There was another small silence before he spoke again. "And?"
"He kissed me last night."
Punk cleared his throat. "Then why are you so upset?"
I was silent.
He inhaled heavily. "Alexa, have you ever had a friend you've known forever, but don't really talk to a lot anymore? But every once in a while, you really can't go without catching up with them? Find out what's going on?" He made a face at me.
I nodded, not understanding his train of thought.
"I think that's the way Jeff and Tracy are. They'll always be friends, no matter what's going on in their lives."
He wasn't helping any.
Then he coughed slightly. I looked up from the floor to see if he was okay. When my eyes rested on him, his gaze was across the arena.
"I hope you don't think you're any less of a person because Jeff loves her... " His voice trailed off.
Maybe that's exactly what I felt like.
"...Because you're just as good as her." He rubbed his forehead. "But, I don't need to tell you that. You already know."
I gave him a look. "I do, huh?"
He gestured to me with his chin. "Why'd you leave then?"
I raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"If you didn't think so, you would have stayed with your dad."
My heart pounded in my chest. How did he know I was a runaway?
He smiled, chuckling lightly- he must have saw the look on my face. "Eliza and I are best buds."
My cheeks warmed.
Eliza!
I rubbed my arm.
Punk brushed a strand of hair out of his face and continued. "The way I see it is, when you first came here, so was that bruise." He pointed to my forearm. "Maybe Eliza covered it up at first, but you knew it was there. It didn't matter what she did to it. Now, look at your arm."
He lost me again.
He rose an eyebrow at me. "Seriously, look at it."
I gazed down at the pale skin.
"Is the bruise there?"
I shook my head.
He nodded, a slight smile spreading across his lips. "Nope. That part of your life is gone. You're better now."
I sighed. In a way, he was right. I couldn't stop the little smirk that appeared.
He chuckled. "There. There's Alexa."
I nodded and we were silent for another minute. Then, as Punk chimed in again, I felt a deep sigh escape his lungs. He looked up at me and rolled his eyes. "Well, I gotta start getting geared up."
"Yeah."
I moved to let him stand. Then he waved and began walking back down the row of chairs. But before he got too far, I darted after him and tugged on his arm.
He turned back to me, his face full of concern.
I piped up without really thinking. "I'm sorry you had to see that."
Another one of his signature smirks crossed his lips. "Don't worry about it." He reached his arms out for me again.
This time, I didn't hesitate. He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me close, squeezing me just hard enough to make me smile.
"You're beautiful and talented, Alexa, don't ever forget that." He whispered.
Then, he released me and turned back around.
I let him get a little further but eventually I couldn't stop myself. I called to him. "Hey Punk, you're winning the Intercontinental tonight, right?"
He swung around again, smirking and shook his head. "That's next week."
"Oh."
"Why?"
I shrugged.
"You gonna come watch?"
My heart beat weakly in my chest. "Yeah, maybe."
He nodded. "Cool. I'll watch for you then."
The show kept me busy for the rest of the evening and before I realized what time it was, tech was beginning to pack equipment away. I headed back into the locker room to grab my stuff. Maybe now I could head home and actually get some sleep. Punk's words repeated themselves in my head.
"That part of your life is gone. You're better now."
They were comforting even though I knew that inside, it didn't really help my Jeff situation. I was still falling hard for him and he was still in love with Tracy.
Then there was a knock on the door.
"Alexa!" Someone called enthusiastically. It was my trainer- Shawn Michaels.
"I'm coming!" I yelled, dropping my stuff again and pulling open the door. "Hey Shawn."
He smiled at me. "You wanna do a little more training?"
I nodded. "Sure."
I could probably use the distraction.
Then the pair of us headed out to the ring.