Im ready, but are you ready?

I had written a letter to you and gave you that.
All my thoughts and feelings to you.

Yesterday you gave the letter back with your thoughts and feelings.
You told me to wait to read it, because I was going out with my friend to the movies.

"Okay" I said and took it in my hand that landed on my side.
I felt on it when it was in my hand on my side, 'wow, its thick..' I thought.

"Can you give Hanna and I a ride to the cinema at half past ten too?" I asked and looked at you.

"Mhm, okay. I had plans on just relax and take it easy, but fine." He said in a irritating voice.

"You don’t have to pick me, Rosie will give me a ride home, Hannah's mom. You just need to give us a ride up." I said quickly and began to shake off the cold. I had just put on a hoodie and pants and it was only just -7 degrees outside.

"Okay, I’ll be here half past ten then."

"Okay, bye." I said and closed the door to the car.

It was fun at the cinema, met my cousin Ia and Stina, Catherine and Lisa there too. They were also going to see Twilight.

The movie was really good to have seen it five times before.

Hanna and I said goodbye to everyone and started walking towards Hanna's mothers job.
It was even more chilly outside now than before, so we started walking up and down the street to keep us warm.
It didnt work so well, so we stopped at the street where Hansson's cafe is and jumped around a bit, talked about the film and laughed.

When I got home I went to mom's bed and told her I was home, she mumbled something I didnt understand so I told her to go back to sleep.
I turned off all the lights and went to my room with your letter in my hand, turned on the TV and turned off the lamp.
Took off all my clothes and put on my night pants and an old t-shirt and lay down in bed.

'Should I read it now or ..' I thought to myself and took it in my hand and looked at it.
I opened it with a little shake in my hand and first took out my letter, 'what the .. He didnt saved it 'I thought to myself.
I put my letter on the side of the pillow and took out his letters.

'Now or never .. "I thought and began to unfold the papers in my hand.
Three papers, written on both sides.
I do not know what got to me, but after the first line, I started crying.

I have read it twice now, and I cant stop crying.
Tears roll down my cheeks and tickle me on the neck when they finally land on the pillow.
There are two sentences that are stuck that I think about.

"How do you want me to be to show emotions? Hug or ..?"
"You have chosen to stay with your mom, and I cant do anything about it, because I respect that."

How do I want you to act towards me?

I just want you to talk to me, asking how I feel, how school was.
You havent asked me about that since, I cant remember.

I have not chosen to live with mom.

I have said I want to stay with you more, but you say you dont have time.
And there's no point that I am at your place when you are away all day.

You said in the car that when I felt to respond to the letter I'll talk, or to put it your words "Scream at me, I promise not to scream back at you. "

So I've thought about it all day, how I'm going to tell you how I want things.

And I think I am ready to face you, tell you what I want, tell you how I want you to be a better dad.

I'm ready, but are you ready?