Autumn's Monologue.

I woke up with a sore neck and a stiff back—the smell that engulfed my nose was one of the most horrendous stenches I’ve ever smelt. I quickly snapped my eyes open, thankful my glasses were still in place—even if just barely.

I took in my surroundings—some alley, next to a dumpster. That explains the smell. Then it hit me—I was slightly hung-over and I had spent the entire night away from home.

Like a ton of bricks I saw Frank’s face, the one I glanced back to see—pleading me to come back so we could work out whatever it was between us. I knew I was close by to work, I hurried inside—lucky to find the entrance unlocked. I didn’t know what time it was.

“Mikey?”

I turned to the voice and saw my boss and I let out a small smile.

“Hey, erm, can, can I come in a little late today. I, I had a rough night, my brother came home and his best friend was over and we got into a huge fight and…”

He just gave me an understanding smile and nodded.

“No later than five, that’s when I leave for the day.”

“Thanks.”

I headed back out, glad to be able to go home and get a shower and cleaned up. I walked the fifteen minute walk home—I was only fifteen minutes away? I noticed Frank’s car was still out front—I hoped they weren’t still awake waiting for me.

I took in the sight of my house—I wasn’t sure if I could call it a home. It didn’t feel like one—the only part that felt like home was my room. I walked slowly up the front lawn to the door—which was left unlocked.

I quietly turned the handle, pushed the door open gently and peered inside as I closed the door. I felt arms around me as soon as the soft click let me know the door was shut.

“Don’t you ever do that shit again—you hear me!?”

I felt their arms turn me around to face them, coming face to face with my brother, Frank, Ray and Bert.

“What are you doing here?”

“Midget called, asking if I knew where you were.”

I noticed the glare Frank sent his way; I couldn’t help but smile.

“You look like shit you know.”

I grinned at him, for some reason he was who I wanted to see most, even though I had no idea he’d be at my house when I returned. I walked past Ray, Gee and Frank and took his hand and went upstairs to my room.

“What happened kiddo? Take it not the best of reunions if you went missing through the night.”

I could only stare at him; how could someone who’s known me physically more-so than emotionally and mentally know so much more about me than my own brother, my own best friend?

How could someone who, for the most part, didn’t let himself get attached to people find solace in me? How could I find solace in him?

“Please don’t get all mushy on me. We’re friends alright, good friends at that. Not that kind of good friend, but we’re really good friends Mikey—I know when something’s happened.”

I smiled at him as I sank to the floor. I wanted distance, he wasn’t going to hold me, comfort me, he knew I didn’t need it right now.

“I, Bert I, all I was to him was some lust, a mistake, a, a regret.”

He cocked an eyebrow at me.

“Are you serious? Is that just your assumption or did he say those exact words to you? Did he tell you were a mistake? A regret?”

I shook my head no.

“He did tell me it was lust.”

“Did you let him finish before you stormed off like the fucking princess you are? Or did you leave him calling after you, begging for you to come back and listen to him?”

How the hell does he know these things? My lack of a response always let him know he was correct.

“Take a shower kid; we’ll talk when you’re clean. For now I’m going to go down, have my own chat with this Frank kid—seriously, you smell like shit and vomit.”

He cracked me his cheeky grin before exiting my room, ruffling my hair as we walked past my form on the floor. Maybe I shouldn’t turned around to listen to what he had to say—could I let myself do that again?