Autumn's Monologue.

“You have a lot of drawings on your body, but I like the one on your neck the best. We’re almost to Mikey’s room! Mikey can I finish the one I started yesterday?”

I grinned down at him and nodded. Cathy said Tucker’s been good for me, he’s allowing me to access happiness that I’ve had locked away for quite some time. He’s allowing me to come around again—whatever that means.

My heart froze, my breath caught in my throat and my eyes widened—she wasn’t serious was she?! The look in her eyes let me know I wasn’t getting out of this and she’d sit with me all day long too.

“W-wh-what do you want to know about him?”

My eyes remained glued to my hands that fidgeted in my lap—this wasn’t going to be easy. I could already feel the tears prickling at the corners of my eyes.

“Was he the one that dropped you off?”

I could only nod for a response. Thinking back to that day my heart broke, I had completely ignored him—intentionally—all day. What I wouldn’t give for one touch of his hand, one kiss from his lips, one word uttered—I miss him terribly.

“I, I…he’s my boyfriend. I think he’s still my boyfriend…I, I, kind of ignored him the day he brought me here. I didn’t even say goodbye to him, I just walked inside without a backwards glance towards him.”

I felt the tears fall now—how could I have done that to him?

“We’re here!”

My mother chuckled at Tucker’s enthusiasm as he pushed open my door; I dropped my hand from Frank’s as I held open my door for all of them to enter. Tucker headed straight towards my desk, rummaging through my comics till he found the one he started yesterday and perched himself on my bed, a huge grin plastered on his small face.

“How come you could never keep your room at home this clean?”

I felt my cheeks flush as I glanced towards my mother.

“Erm, you never made room checks a daily thing.”

I watched as they went around my room, noticing what I had brought and acquire since my stay. I noticed a small sheet of paper in Gee’s hands—I hadn’t meant to leave it out. I watched as his eyes skimmed over the words I had written.

I curled up into myself, pulling my knees to my chest as I sat down on that lounge thing Cathy had in her office. Tears silently falling from my eyes as she just let me have my silent break down.

“I know this is going to sound over used, but you’ll feel better if you let it out. I know we talked about him briefly once before but I can tell he’s something of a hard topic for you—trust me, you will feel better Mikey.”

I knew she was right that’s what bothered me so much in the first place—she was always right. I took a deep breath, finally looking in her general direction before I started to speak.

“I, I don’t know what to say or where to start. He’s, he’s always been around, he’s been my brother’s best friend for as long as I can remember…

“Mikes, this, this is amazing, it’s, it’s very you.”

I felt my cheeks flush as everyone surrounded my brother and the piece of paper that held so much of my soul.

“Mikey, how come they’re not talking to you? I thought they wanted to spend time with you?”

All eyes landed on Tuck and I as we sat on my bed, glancing down at the comic on his small lap.

”He, he, I never had a chance to fall for a girl. It was always him…always him. I was tired of being unnoticed by him and my brother—when I’d hide out in my room in pure embarrassment. I decided I wanted him to see me, know me, want me…love me.”

I’d been going non-stop for the past hour about Frank; I could keep going if I wanted to. She just listened to me, not once interrupting me.

“Then he got a boyfriend, some guy who he met at a show. I was heartbroken the day after, he came around and he was overly excited—something had happened that much was evident…I never thought it’d be because he found someone.”

I began to play with the edge of the pillow in my lap as I continued onwards.

“I distance myself from him, I was jealous, I didn’t want to know that someone else could make him so happy, so carefree, so alive…someone not me…”

“Tucker right?”

“That’s me!”

He grinned cheekily up at my brother.

“What do you say you show all of us to the cafeteria, we can have some lunch?”

“I am kind of hungry, are you hungry today Mikey? He usually doesn’t eat lunch, only dinner, but he goes to keep me company.”

I just sat there, stunned at the honesty this kid poured out in every sentence. Kids will say anything though. I noticed as he climbed down, handing me my comic and grabbing Gee’s hand and leading him out of the door—everyone but Frank following.