Ten things to do before I die

The European tour was almost over, and Tom had been acting strange the past few days. Any time he was talking to someone and I walked in the room the conversation would stop.

“Oli, what's going on with Tom?”

Oli shrugged. “What do you mean?”

“He’s been acting strange lately. I feel like he’s keeping something from me.”

Oli shifted in his seat. “Tommy’s fine Em. I promise. Nothing is wrong.”

I sighed and got up from the couch. I walked past mine and toms bunk, the curtain was closed and he was talking to someone on the phone.

I stopped walking and listened quietly.

“Yeah, I can't wait. I’ll be in Europe for a week, so just email me.” He laughed quietly. “No. She has no clue.”

I couldn’t listen anymore. My mind was in overdrive. Who could he of been talking to? What was he keeping from me? And more importantly, why was he keeping it from me?

Matt was sitting in the back lounge with Jona playing Xbox. I sat down and watched for a few minutes. My mind went back to Tom’s conversation and I lost focus on the television.

Matt snapping his fingers in my face pulled me back into reality.

“Emma.”

“What?” I looked around and saw that Jona was gone, and the TV was off.

Matt laughed at me. “I've been trying to talk to your for five minutes. You've just been staring at the TV.”

“Sorry. I was thinking.”

“About your amazing husband Tommy.” he said in a mock girls voice.

“Shut up. And I was thinking about him actually, but, I don't know how perfect he is.”

“What’s wrong Emmy?”

“Matt if you knew something bad about Tom you would tell me, right?”

Matt gave me a confused look. 'Of course I would.'

“Why has he been acting so strange lately?”

Matt sighed. 'Talk to Tom, love.'

“See, you won't tell me what's going on.”

“Emma, I do know what's going on, and I can promise you it's nothing bad. Tom loves you, he wouldn't do anything to hurt you, okay?”

“I know he's your best friend and you're trying to protect him, but he's also my husband and he's keeping things from me and I don't like it. I-I think he’s cheating on me, Matty.”

Matt kissed my forehead softly. “Tommy loves you, go talk to him.”

I let out another sigh and got off the couch.

Tom was still lying in our bunk, but the curtain was open now. I went to walk past him but he stuck his hand out grabbed my arm gently.

“Hey baby.”

“Hi.” I responded shortly.

Tom frowned at me. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Emma, come here.”

I shrugged his hand off me and kept walking. I heard Tom get out of the bunk and follow me. “Emma, what is your problem?”

“Right now, you are.”

“What did I do?”

“I don't know. Why don't you tell me? Who were you on the phone with? What don't I have any clue about Thomas?”

Toms face fell. He started to panic. “Uh. It was- you know what? Stay here. I'll be right back and I'll explain everything.”

I sat down and waited for Tom to come back. When he did he had an envelope in one hand and his laptop in the other. “Okay, look, I’ve been meaning to tell you this, but I-“

“Tom, I think I know what you’re going to say.”

“I don’t think you do. Just let me talk, okay?”

I nodded and let him continue. He opened his laptop and pulled something up before showing it to me. It was an email from a real estate agent. There were pictures of houses attached to it.

“Tom, what is this?”

He sighed. “I tried to surprise you, but you’re so god damn nosy I couldn’t. These are houses I was going to look at when we got home.”

“A house?”

“Yes, for my beautiful wife.”

I don’t know why but I started crying. Tom pulled me into his lap and hugged me tightly.

“Baby, what’s the matter?”

“You’re such a jerk.” I let out a small laugh before hitting his chest. “I thought you were cheating on me.”

“What? No, I would never.”

“I know. You were being so weird and I didn’t know what else to think. But I love this. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Now I feel awful for ruining the surprise.”

Tom laughed. “It’s okay. Now at least you can tell me what you like, and we’ll go look at them together when we get home.”

I nodded at him. “Okay.”

The rest of the tour went by smoothly and before I knew it Tom and I were back in our apartment. We had chosen about five houses to look at and had an appointment with the real estate agent in a few days.

I didn’t realize how tired touring would make me, but I was exhausted. Tom insisted that I go to the doctor, that it could be something else. I knew he was worried I could be getting sick again but I kept brushing it off, which turned it into an argument every time.

“Baby, you need to go to the doctor. You haven’t had a proper check up in almost a year, right? And how often are you supposed to go? Isn’t it like six months?”

I nodded. “Yes Tom. I’m supposed to go every six months, but I’m fine.”

“Emma, will you please go to the doctor? Just in case?”

“Tom, I’m fine.”

Tom sighed. “No you’re not. You can barely get out of bed.”

“I’m just tired from touring.”

“I’m making you a doctor appointment.”

“I’m not going.” I stated in a small voice.

Tom let out an aggravated sigh. “Yes you are! I’m your fucking husband and I need you to do this for me. What if it’s back?”

“Quit using the ‘I’m your husband’ card on me! You’re the one who married a cancer patient Thomas! You knew I could get sick again and you still married me.”

“Emma, please, I’m begging you to go. If it’s back you could die, and if that happens I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself.”

“You’ll go back to being single Tom Sykes and you’ll get to have all the girls you want. That’s what will happen!”

Tom ran his hand through his hand. “No! No, I want you, and only you! You made me fall in love with you, and now you’re just going to let yourself die!”

“I’m fine Tom! Quit doing this.”

“Go to the bloody doctor! Please if you love me, you’ll go.”

I shook my head. “Don’t do that. Don’t tell me I don’t love you Tom. That’s not fair.”

“Do you love me Emma? Do you really love me? If you did you wouldn’t just sit here and possibly let yourself die. Do you think that doesn’t scare me? Because it does. It scares me so fucking much, because if I do lose you I don’t know how I’ll survive.”

Looking into his eyes and seeing the fear, pain and sadness he was feeling broke my heart.

“I’m sorry. I’ll go. Tom I’m so sorry I make you feel like I don’t love you, because I do. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and if that means a year or fifty years, I want to spend them with you.” Tears were now streaming down my face.

Tom pulled me into his chest and pressed his lips to my forehead. “I’m sorry for shouting at you, love.”

I was still crying so I just nodded. Tom cupped my cheeks in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe away the few tears that remained. I leaned up and kissed him softly.

“Go get ready for the doctor Emma.”

“Okay.”

I went to shower and get ready quickly. When I walked back into the living room Tom was waiting for me on the couch.

“Ready?”

I nodded slowly. “Yes.”

As I was walking toward the front door Tom stopped me. He pilled me back into his chest, wrapping me securely in his arms. I felt his lips ghost down my cheek. “I feel bad for shouting at you like I did.”

“I know, it’s okay. I probably deserve it after all I’ve put you through these past few days.”

Tom shook his head. “No, you don’t deserve that at all. I’m sorry baby.”

“Quit it, I know you’re sorry. I forgive you. I love you.”

Tom smiled at me. “I love you too. Now let’s go Dr. Carter is waiting for you.”

The drive to the hospital was quiet. Tom held my hand occasionally giving it a small squeeze.

As soon as we got into the waiting room I got nervous. Tom sensed this and tried to calm me down by rubbing small circles on my back.

A nurse came out and told me the doctor was ready to see me. When we walked into the exam room Dr. Carter introduced himself to me, and greeted Tom since they had spoken before.

I went through an all too familiar process of him taking a few vials of my blood so he could run some tests.

“Alright, we I’m going to go run a few tests and I’ll be back.” Dr. Carter said with a smile before leaving the room.

“You okay?” Tom asked quietly.

“Yeah.”

“What kind of tests is he doing?”

“Probably checking my while blood cell count, and seeing if there’s any cancerous cells in my blood.”

Tom sighed. “You say that like it’s not a big deal.”

I laughed. “I know, I’m sorry, it’s normal for me. I know it’s scary for you.”

“It is scary. But if there’s no cancerous cells that means you’re okay right?”

I shrugged. “For now. It could come back still. Which is why I’m supposed to see a doctor regularly.”

“Well I know that much.”

Dr. Carter came back a few minutes later, my test results in hand. “All good news.”

Tom let out a sigh of relief and took hold of my hand again.

“Your white blood cell count is good, and there are no cancerous cells.”

I smiled. “Good.”

“Emma, how have you been feeling lately? Feeling ill at all?”

“Um, yeah, a little.” I said with a confused look on my face.

“Well when I was testing your blood I noticed something a little odd.”

“I thought you said everything is fine?” Tom asked, with panic in his voice.

“It is. Emma, you’re still in remission, but you’re pregnant.”

My jaw dropped open, I’m sure Tom’s did too. “I’m sorry, can you say that again?”

“Congratulations, you’re going to be parents. I suggest you make an appointment with an OB/GYN soon. Have a good day. And, I expect to see you in another six months Emma.”

I couldn’t form words yet, so I didn’t even answer.

Finally I looked over at Tom who was staring down at his hands.

“Tom, please say something.”

He looked up and at me, and I couldn’t read his expression. “You’re pregnant. We’re going to have a baby.”

“We’re going to have a baby.” I repeated.

Tom got off the chair he was sitting in and pulled me into a tight embrace. “I love you so much.”

“Are you sure you want this Tom?”

His eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “Of course I do, don’t you?”

“It’s a lot to take in right now, babe.”

“I know it is. But if I recall ‘have a baby’ is on your list, yeah? And you already have your husband, so what do you say?”

I smiled at him. “I say I love you.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. “We’re gonna have a baby.”

Tom put his hand on my stomach. “We’re having a baby.”

“Can we go home now?” I asked.

“I say we stop at Oli’s first.”

We drove to Oli’s house, where I was positive all the boys were. Tom didn’t even knock, just walked right into the living room, and sure enough everyone was there.

“What are you two doing here?” Oli asked as he looked up from his laptop.

Tom looked at me with a smile. “Should we tell them?”

“Tell us what?” Lee asked.

“We’re having a baby.” Tom said with a huge smile on his face.

Everyone looked shocked, they had the same look Tom had at the hospital, but this time I wasn’t sure if they’d be happy.

Oli was the first to speak. “I’m going to be an uncle?”

I nodded, a small smile on my lips. “Yes, you’re going to be an uncle Oliver.”

“Are you ready for a baby?” Matt asked bluntly.

“Look, we’re both thrilled about this. All we ask is that you are too.”

“I’m happy for you little brother.” Oli came over and hugged both Tom and I.

“I say this deserves a celebration then.” Matt was smiling now.

“Agreed.” Tom stated.

I sighed. “I can’t drink. Hello, pregnant over here.”

All the boys laughed. “Don’t worry baby, we won’t drink that much and you can still have fun with us.”

That night we went to the boys’ favorite pub. Tom kept to his word and didn’t drink that much, I wish I could say the same for everyone else. I felt like a babysitter.

“Is this what it’s going to be like having a Sykes child?” I asked after helping Oli back to the table.

Tom let out a small chuckle. “Nah. Maybe when they’re older, but don’t worry, I won’t let Uncle Oliver corrupt our child.”

“God I hope it’s a girl.”

“Why?”

“If we have a boy he’ll grow up and be just like his dad and uncle.”

“Uncles.” Matt said from across the table. “Did you forget about us, love?”

“Of course not, that just makes me want a girl even more.”

“If you have a girl you know she’s going to be the most spoiled thing on the planet right?” Lee added making us all laugh.