Choke on Your Misery

Rian

I had been looking for Zack for half an hour, to no avail. I had looked inside the mall, in the parking lot, and around almost all of the buildings. It was like he fell off the edge of the earth. I needed to find him - in the condition he was in, I wasn't sure what he was going to do to himself if he was alone. I pulled out my cell phone as I walked and dialed Zack's number for the fifth time since he had run off. No answer.

My heart was racing as I walked quickly, looking around for Zack. If this is what a panic attack felt like, I had even more sympathy for Zack. I thumbed through my contacts, desperately looking for someone else to call. I couldn't find him by myself; I needed help. I didn't want to call Zack's parents just yet - they'd call the police and set out a fucking search party. It was only eight-thirty, so Zack's parents weren't expecting him home until at least ten. I had until ten. Calling Zack once more, I was surprised to hear it go straight to voicemail. Why would he shut his phone off?

I went back to my list of contacts, and landed on Alex's name. As mad at him as I was, he was pretty much the only person who could help at this point. I sighed and called him, holding the phone to my ear impatiently. He didn't answer, probably because he saw it was me. I cussed as it went to voicemail, "You fucker, answer the phone!"

Within a minute, Alex called me back. "What do you want, Rian? I thought you were pissed at me."

"I don't have time for that, Alex. I can't find Zack."

"What do you mean, you can't find him? He hasn't left his house for anything but school in the last week," Alex said in a dry tone. "That's why it's impossible for me to talk to him."

"I brought him to the mall tonight, but he ended up getting upset and running off. He's been cutting again, Alex. I'm afraid of what he'll do to himself if he's alone," I explained quickly, trying to keep my voice calm.

"You lost him?!" Alex exclaimed.

"Just come help me, please. We need to find him, and you're the only person who can help me besides Jack," I begged. "We're at the mall."

"I'll be down there in a few minutes."

••••••••••

“Where the hell is he? He couldn’t have gone far,” Alex said as we walked along the side of the mall building.

“No, he’s somewhere on this street. He would have to cross the freeway to get back home,” I said, looking around. It was really dark out; the only light was coming from the moon and the nearby cars and stores.

“You don’t really think he’d hurt himself... do you?” Alex asked timidly.

I sighed, “He might. I know he at least has his razor with him. He ran off when I tried to take it away.”

“How long has he been cutting?”

“Since the night of the party, apparently. He lied to me about it until I found out a little while ago,” I said, stepping around a puddle as I walked.

Alex frowned, “This is my fault.”

“As much as I’d like to say it is... it’s not totally your fault. I should have noticed he was cutting before now,” I admitted.

“It’s still my fault that he’s cutting in the first place. I should have tried harder to talk to him. I’m the one who fucked things up and made him upset,” Alex sighed, kicking a rock across the ground.

“True.”

Alex kept up with my brisk pace, trying to dial Zack’s number again. “His phone is still off.”

“He probably doesn’t want us tracking his phone,” I said, rubbing my temples in frustration.

Alex sighed, “We should go check the theater; he might have-”

I cut him off, putting a hand on his chest to stop him suddenly, “Shh.”

“What?” Alex asked, and I shushed him again. I heard a small noise, like someone whimpering or crying. We edged closer to the side of the building, and around the corner I saw a dark silhouette against the wall. That’s where the sound was coming from.

“It’s Zack,” I said, breathing a sigh of relief.

“Zack!” Alex shouted, running toward him. Zack suddenly let out a cry of pain and I frowned, also running over to him. Zack was clutching at his left arm tightly, blood trickling out from under his hand.

“Oh my gosh, Zack,” I said, kneeling beside him. “What did you do that for?”

“I-I didn’t mean to cut so d-deep. A-Alex s-scared me,” Zack stammered. I pried his fingers from his arm and blood started flowing profusely from the arm. He had cut the vein.

“Holy shit!” I said, eyes widening. “You’re going to need stitches.”

“Or you could just let me fucking bleed out,” Zack mumbled. I ignored him, unzipping his hoodie. Alex helped me pull it off of Zack, and I wrapped the sleeve around Zack’s bleeding arm to slow the blood flow.

Alex put a hand on Zack’s chin to make him look at us. “Zack, we’re not going to let you do this to yourself; you’re better than this. You have too many people who care about you.”

“Let go of me.”

Alex dropped his hand immediately, looking worried. I sighed, “Get up, Zack. I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“No.”

“Yes,” I said sternly, grabbing him underneath the arm to pull him up. Alex helped me get him to the car, earning a string of profanities from Zack as he objected.

“I’ll drive my car up to the hospital and meet you there, alright?” Alex asked. I nodded, and he headed over to his own car.

I turned to Zack, who was in the passenger seat. His anger had faded and was now replaced by fear. His face was paling. “Rian, m-my hoodie is soaked with blood.”

“I know, that’s why I’m taking you to the hospital,” I said, pulling out of the parking lot quickly. I better not get stopped for speeding.

“I-I’m sorry,” he whimpered softly. “I didn’t mean to do this. I didn’t actually want to kill myself.”

“I’m glad you didn’t, but you’re playing with your life a little too much, bro,” I sighed, glancing over at him.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated in a weak voice, closing his eyes.

“Zack, don’t fall asleep on me. Stay awake,” I said. I was surprised at the amount of panic in my voice; I was trying to stay calm for Zack.

“I’m tired...” Zack mumbled.

“Stay awake. You’re tired because you’re losing so much blood,” I said, speeding up to get through a yellow light. I reached over to tighten the hoodie around his arm and was surprised to see that it really was soaked with blood. He was losing a lot more than I had thought. “Hang on, Zack. We’re almost there.”