Choke on Your Misery

Alex

“No.”

“Mom, come on! Give us a chance!” I exclaimed. We had all gathered our parents together to meet in my living room on Monday afternoon. After we had left the studio yesterday, we had all rushed home to tell our parents about the touring offer. I had just explained every detail to all of the parents once we were together. My mom was the first to speak up and tell us we couldn’t do it.

“We gave you a chance to sign onto the record label – we never gave you a definite answer on touring,” my mom protested.

“Touring was part of the contract,” Jack pointed out.

I nodded, “It said in there that Mr. Boylan has the power to set up concerts and tours for us.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean that we have to allow you to,” Rian’s mom spoke up. “You’re all under the age of eighteen, so we have a say in whether you’re allowed to do this or not.”

“She has a point,” Jack’s mom agreed, and Jack looked at his mom in disbelief.

“But you were the most accepting about this!” he whined.

“There’s a difference between letting you boys record an EP and letting you tour half the country,” Zack’s mom said firmly.

“We really want to do this, you guys. We’re serious about this band. It would be so awesome to get a bigger reputation and start making money off of doing what we love,” I said.

Jack’s mom sighed, “The thing is, you boys are only seventeen. This is going to cost you a lot of money too. There are going to be days that you want to crash in a hotel room instead of a van, and that can add up quickly. And where are we going to get a van, anyway?”

“Zack’s dad has a twelve passenger van,” Rian said, nudging Zack in the arm. “Right, Zack?”

“Yeah,” Zack said with a nod. “Dad has that van parked over at my uncle’s house.”

“That’s true,” Zack’s dad said with a slow nod.

“See? And Mr. Boylan said that he’ll pay for a trailer! It all works out,” I said with a grin.

My mom sighed, “I still don’t like the idea of the four of you traveling across the country alone.”

“Mr. Boylan did say that a parent or two could come with us. It doesn’t really matter,” Rian said with a shrug.

“Yeah, so someone could come with us if you don’t like the idea of us having no supervision,” I nodded. “We'll pay for food and drinks and stuff like that; you guys would only have to pay bills for hotel rooms if we stay in them.”

Our parents still didn’t look convinced. How much was it going to take to convince them that this was a good opportunity?

“Seriously, guys. What are you so worried about? This is a good opportunity for us and for the band. It’s over the summer; it’s not like we’ll miss any school or anything,” Jack insisted.

“That’s not the main thing we’re worried about,” Jack’s dad said as he shook his head.

“I’m just worried that you’re taking the band too seriously. You can’t use this as a substitute career choice,” Rian’s stepfather sighed.

“It’s a good career if we end up making money doing what we love,” Zack spoke up.

“This will give us the experience and let us find out if we even like touring,” I added. “Just because we want to tour now doesn’t mean we’ll end up liking it and want to continue.”

“He’s got a point,” my mom admitted, and I grinned in triumph.

“I’m just worried about Zack,” Zack’s mom said, looking at him. Oh, no. I knew this was going to come up. I looked at Zack, who suddenly looked very uncomfortable. All of our parents had been told about Zack’s history before moving here, and they knew about his anxiety and cutting. Zack didn’t like the fact that they knew, but it made them understand why he’s always a little quieter or a little more stressed.

“What do you mean?” Zack questioned.

“You know exactly what I mean, Zachary. You know that stressful situations like this make your anxiety level shoot up. How are you going to deal with a panic attack if it comes up? You’re not going to have me around to help you get through it,” his mom said softly. The rest of us were silent, not wanting to butt in.

“My anxiety has gotten so much better in the last few months, though,” Zack replied, equally as quiet. “I haven’t even had to take my medicine very often, unless something happens to set me off.”

“And what if something does set you off?”

“Then I’ll take my medicine,” Zack said, frowning. “I’ll take it more often, if that satisfies you. Trust me, mom, I don’t want to be having panic attacks far away from home any more than you want me to.”

“I don’t know, honey... I don’t think all the stress will be good for you. Even though you have been doing better, I don’t want anything to happen that will hurt you,” his mom sighed.

Zack’s dad spoke up, “Son, none of us want you to go through any anxiety attacks like you used to. We’re just looking out for your health.”

“And I think I can handle it. It’s not like I’d be completely alone if I had a panic attack; I have these guys,” Zack gestured to us.

“Yeah; don’t worry about Zack. I won’t let him go through panic attacks alone,” I said, putting an arm around Zack with a smile.

Rian nodded, swinging an arm around Zack’s back and my arm, “And you know I’ve been here for Zack since the start.”

“He’s got me, too!” Jack said, lunging onto the three of us. Our parents laughed as we untangled ourselves from Jack.

“I suppose that makes me feel a little better about sending Zack out,” Zack’s mom said hesitantly.

“So you’ll let us go?!” I asked excitedly.

My mom looked around at the other parents, then back at the four of us, “We’re not giving you a definite answer yet.”

“Dammit,” I sighed, my good mood deflating.

“We need some time to think this over and talk to each other about it. We can’t give you a decision right away,” Zack’s mom said.

“Well, we have to have an answer for Mr. Boylan by Thursday,” Jack said to them with a frown.

“You’ll have an answer by then. For now, we have to think about it,” my mom said. Her voice was firm, and that stopped the discussion.

••••••••••

“I think our parents need to chill out about the whole touring thing. It’s not that big of a deal to let us do it,” I said grumpily, sitting beside Zack in the grass. Wednesday had come quickly, and final exams were finally over. Zack, Jack, Rian, and I had gotten lunch after school, and we came to the park to eat it because it was beautiful outside.

“They said they’re going to give us an answer tonight, so hopefully it’s a yes,” Rian sighed, pulling a cheeseburger out of the McDonald’s bag.

“It better be.”

Zack chuckled, rubbing my back gently as I reached for my chicken sandwich, “Either way, we tried. Mr. Boylan can’t be mad at us if our parents don’t let us do this.”

“Yeah, but I’ll be mad at our parents,” I said.

“You’re the reason it’s taking so long for them to decide, you know,” Jack said, pointing a finger at Zack.

“Jack, don’t be mean!” I said in surprise.

Jack shrugged, “I’m not being mean; I’m telling the truth. They’ve got to consider Zack’s anxiety in all of this. That’s most likely the reason why it’s taking so long for them to give us an answer."

“He’s probably right,” Zack muttered, reaching for his pop. He had refused to get any food, because it was “too greasy.” Apparently dieting came along with his working out.

“That’s probably one of the reasons, but they’re just looking out for you,” I said, reaching over to pat his knee.

“Uh huh.”

“Well, whatever the reason is, we get to find out the answer tonight,” Rian said, swallowing his bite of cheeseburger.

“It better be a yes! It would be so awesome to tour with you guys and those other bands for the whole summer,” Jack said, his mouth full of food. I grimaced as a piece of food landed on his shirt.

“I asked Matt about Mayday Parade and Cobra Starship, and he said that he likes their music. He’s met the lead singer of Cobra Starship before,” Zack said, lying on his back with his head in my lap.

“You talked to Matt?” I asked, somewhat surprised. I didn’t know Zack kept in touch with Matt.

Zack chuckled, “Yeah, I texted him the other day. I’m not a complete social hermit, you know.”

“I know that; I just didn’t know you even had his phone number,” I said with a laugh. “So you actually do like my friends!”

“Is that such a big surprise?” Zack asked with a laugh, holding his hand in front of his eyes to shield them from the sun.

“Well, yeah. No offense, but I didn’t know you talked to anyone but us,” I said.

“Matt, Evan, and Grieco are the only people I talk to besides you guys, to be honest,” Zack admitted.

“I kind of figured that,” I said, running my fingers through his dark hair. “Your hair is getting long.”

“Yours is longer,” Zack said with a chuckle, reaching up to tug at my hair.

“The hairstyle I have needs long hair,” I said with a smile. “Yours just looks messy. Cute, but messy.”

“I know. I’m going to get it cut and dye it back to my normal color on Friday morning.”

“Take Rian with you!” Jack exclaimed, pointing at Rian. “He needs a haircut!”

Zack and I laughed at the scowl on Rian’s face. “I like my long hair!” Rian protested.

“Whatever you say, Rian,” Jack shrugged.

“Shut it, skunk hair.”