He Loves Me Not

I can't believe it. All this time I wasted with Eric and Leslie, thinking they were my real friends...they were both using me for each other. I thought Leslie was my BEST friend, but I guess some things change. It makes me sad knowing Eric never really cared about me, but now that I know the truth, I'm glad to be rid of him. He was a bad kisser anyways. Had a small dick. I don't want to be involved with an alcholic like Leslie, either. Maybe this moving thing isn't so bad, after all. Maybe Alaska could be the new beginning I've been searching for since last summer.

Last summer, the end of Freshman year, I was popular. I was preppy, I was a cheerleader, anything any normal teenage girl could wish for. My life seemed perfect, until my best friend died in a car accident. After she died, all of my so called "friends" disappeared, I came to find out they only hung around me for her. Her name was Samantha. Sam for short. She was the best friend any girl could hope for. She was beautiful. Tall, maybe 6 foot, 7 inches. Long, gorgeous blonde hair, rich, wore brand named clothing..but she wasn't the normal preppy girl you'd expect her to be. She hung out with the freaks, like me. Before I met Sam I was one of those scary, gothic girls that never talked to anybody else, but she turned me around. She taught me how to love, how to trust, how to laugh, how to be happy. She showed me that there was no such thing in past love. Either you always loved someone, or you never did..because a person doesn't just wake up one day and decide they dont love you anymore. She taught me to never care about what other people thought about you. She was always inspiring me to be happy, and more outgoing. She made me so happy, I can't even explain. She was more than just a best friend to me, she was a sister. Whenever somebody would tease me, or call me names, she'd stop and yell at them. She would tell them to get to know somebody before they judged. Another thing she taught me, never judge a book by its cover. Whenever somebody would call me a freak, she would tell them to make sure their hands were clean before they went out and pointed fingers, because according to her, the only people who were freaks, were the people who took the time to make fun of somebody else.

Which is why I was devasted when she died. When she left Earth, she took everything with her. I lost everything that was important to me. I tried to keep my head held up high, but I gave up. Went back to my old, freakish self. When I met Leslie and Eric, I thought I would be able to pick myself back up, and go back to the way things were before. Now I realize they were as fake as the last friends. Oh well, friends come and go, true friends will be there till' the end. (Another thing Sam taught me.)

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At about 9:30 I finished packing up my things, and walked to Leslie's house. I didn't even bother calling, wasn't polite enough to knock. I just barged my way into her house, threw open her door, and started screaming at her. I was furious.
"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!" I screamed as I walked into her room.
It wasn't until afterwards that I realized I walked in on Leslie and Eric having sex. I was speechless, I was just so mad at that point in time, I couldn't think of anything to say. I just stood there, staring at them, my mouth hanging open in shock and disbelief. It took me a few minutes before I could muster out a couple words.
"...Did you ever even love me?" I quietly asked Eric.
"I did. In the past, but it doesn't matter, because the past is the past." He said, in a harsh voice. He was mad.
"Bullshit." I snapped back.
"Excuse me?" He said, with obvious anger in his tone.
"I said, bullshit." I said again, with more force.
"What do you mean, bullshit?"
"There's no such thing in past tense love. A person doesn't just wake up and suddenly stop loving someone." I said.
"Well than obviously, he never loved you dumbfuck." Leslie cut in.
"Now if you don't mind, call next time to come over. We dont want you walking in on us again,..now do we?" She continued.
"That's just it, Leslie. If you weren't so drunk all the time, and you weren't too busy being a slut and fucking every guy you see, you would know that im leaving in about an hour. Moving to Alaska." I snapped. I had so much anger bottled up, that I'd like to say I didn't mean any of it..but honstly, I meant every single word of it. She just sat there, staring at me. She looked confused, angry, upset..pretty much every emotion you could think of..that's what she was feeling. Not sure what to do, I walked out of her bedroom, closed the door behind me, walked down her hallway, or the front door, down the street, and never looked back. I hope she remembers that next time to wants to mess around with her best friends boyfriend.

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On the way to the airport, I couldn't stop thinking about the look on Leslie's face when I said all those horribly true things about her. It killed me inside, but only because I knew Sam would've been proud of me for standing up for myself, but disappointed for being so negative and rude. I started thinking about Sam, and all the memories I still had of us being together. I still remember the night she died. We were at a party, on the da after the last day of school. It was the best party I had ever been to, if my best friend hadn't died. We were all stoned off our minds, we could barely keep our eyes open, walk in the straight line, much less drive. Sam was about to get lucky with her boyfriend Gage, when it happened. She stumbled to the edge of the street, and started dancing like crazy, trying t impress Gage, when a crazy, high kid that was trying to leave the party swerved down the street, and ran her over. She hit the car so hard she shattered the shatter-proof windsheild. She bounched on to the car's hood, and rolled off, landing on her head. While she was still alive, and would have survived if this next incident didn't occur; The boy panicked and attempted to drive away, he tried driving around the body, but ended up accidently driving right over her skull, causing her head to burst. It was a terrible, and disgusting sight. I just wish I could've gotten the chance to kill the boy, but karma got to him before I did. He died in a car accident on the way home the very next morning. Because of this, I no longer go to parties, and am now permanently terrified of driving teenagers, and of getting too attached to a person. I tried so hard to not fall in love with Eric, but I couldnt help it. Girls fall in love with what they hear, and guys fall in love with what they see. I guess thats why guys lie, and girls wear makeup. I should've listened to that random man who gave me advice that one day I was hanging around. "Here's the trick, boys lie, go to college." I thought he was just some crazy man, Turns out he was right. Boys lie, just to get some action. I don't even care at this point, I mean, of course I care, and of course I'm heartbroken, but I'm better off now anyways. Only one guy should be able to make you want to cry, but that guy is the only one who won't make you. I'll find that right guy eventually, besides, highschool relationships never last anyways.