Who We Are

White Light

My younger sisters fell asleep on the couch later that night. We'd watched all our favorite movies and they promised they'd make it long enough to put themselves in bed, but at last, they'd fallen asleep together, sprawled on the couch in a tangled mess of limbs.

Gwen left soon after the last movie ended, trying to get away from having to help me carry the kids upstairs. "You ingrate!" I whisper-yelled after her, rolling my eyes as she completely ignored me.

"Want me to get them?" Ronnie questioned, pushing himself up from the floor.

I shook my head and grabbed his wrist to pull him back down. "Don't worry about it. They're fine there tonight."

Riley looked at us as Ronnie sat back down next to me. "We're not heading home?" he asked his older brother, glancing towards the front door, "It's getting late."

Ronnie tangled his fingers with mine under the blankets. "You can head home if you want," he told Riley, "I'll be home in a little bit."

Riley frowned, looking between us. "I don't want to go alone," he defended, "Can't I stay here until you leave?"

Ronnie was about to rebut when I cut him off. "Of course you can," I stated, "You can watch whatever you want, alright?"

Ronnie held onto my hand as he stood up. "We're going upstairs for a little while," he said, "Don't wake up the girls."

Riley rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever, Ronnie."

Ronnie reached over and shoved his brother's head. Riley smacked his hand and glared at the unruly boy. "Get out of here. Go spend time with your girlfriend."

Ronnie grinned and helped me up. He followed me up the stairs and into my younger sisters' room since Gwen was in ours with the door shut. We climbed into the large bed that Lissy and Octavia shared.

Ronnie laid on his back and pulled me down so that my head was on his shoulder. "I actually had fun today," he said, his fingers playing with strands of my hair.

I lightly elbowed him in the side. "You say that like you thought movie night would be boring."

He stopped playing with my hair and turned his face to grin at me. "I did," he confessed, laughing as I smacked him again.

"Get lost," I grumbled, scooting away from him.

He rolled over on his stomach so that his side was pressed against mine again. "Don't be that way," he instructed, "You wouldn't have expected much if you were me either."

"No, but I wouldn't have told you," I stated, my arms crossed over my chest.

Ronnie's arm went around my waist as he laid halfway on me. His shoulder covering my shoulder and his hip pressed against my hip. "I said I had fun," he reminded me, "I would even consider doing it again."

"You would?"

He nodded, causing his chin to lightly press into my shoulder. "Scout's Honor."

"You are such a dork," I stated, pushing him away from me playfully.

He smiled honestly. "Only with you," he whispered, "I don't know why, but I feel like... I don't have to try to be anything around you."

I looked into his dark eyes, trying to decipher what was going on in his head. "That makes me happy," I breathed, "I wouldn't be able to stand you if you were the Ronnie Radke all the time."

"I would ask what that means, but I already know," he whispered, closing his eyes as he dropped his head to my shoulder. "I feel like you have to be tough in this city. If you want anything better than what you've got, you have to be on top."

"You're getting there," I promised, "Once people hear you, they'll understand."

"And stop giving me shit?"

I touched his cheek, making him open his eyes. "Nobody messes with you," I stated, "They're all terrified to even get in your way."

"Now," he clarified, "Before I never heard the end of it."

"I don't remember that," I stated, a little surprised, "You've always been so closed up. Like a bomb ticking away."

"Is that what your dad thinks?" he asked bitterly, unable to keep the anger from his tone.

"I don't care what he thinks," I defended, "He doesn't make my decisions for me, Ronnie."

He sighed and rolled over. "Yeah, well, it fucking sucks that your dad won't even give me a chance. Some of my favorite memories were made in this house."

"Mine's the ice cream."

Ronnie's eyes met mine again, a small half-smile on his lips. "Yeah," he whispered, "Thursdays were so much better with your mom around."

"Everything was so much better," I breathed, thinking about the hero of my childhood. "She was so wonderful."

"You're like her, you know."

"What're you talking about?" I asked slowly, "I'm nothing like her. She was so bright, in the literal sense. She glowed everyday of her life. I'm nothing like that."

"You glow too," he stated, "When you're happy, like really, truly happy you light up like I've never seen before. It's like all the bad things in the world are just gone when you're like that."

"That's how I felt about my mom," I spoke, unable to understand how he could feel it too. "How'd you know?"

"I didn't," he replied, "That's how I feel about you."

The words were gone and I was left in this room with a boy who had somehow blown me away once again. This wasn't the Ronnie I'd known for so long. This boy was one who was so breath-takingly honest that it left me stunned, unable to do anything but breathe.

"I'm telling the truth," he whispered, glancing at the door like he didn't want anyone to hear his words, "You really mean a lot to, Katerina. When you're happy, I'm happy. It doesn't make any sense but it's like my entire array of emotions depends on yours."

"That sounds terrible," I spoke faintly.

He shook his head and his hair fell down his shoulders. "You would think," he said, "But it's surprisingly pleasant that you can effect my mood so quickly."

"Is it normal?" I asked, picking through the colors in his eyes, "Should I be able to influence you like that or is this some freaky empath-type thing?"

Ronnie smiled lazily, leaning over me by planting his elbow on the other side of me. "It's definitely an empath-type of thing," he confirmed, leaning closer to my mouth. "Does that mean we're meant to be?"

"Have you felt this with any other girls?"

He slowly shook his head but his eyes stayed trained on my mouth. "Not once," he whispered, licking his bottom lip.

"Then maybe," I divulged, "Although I believe that this theory still requires further testing."

"What kind of testing?" His words were hushed, his lips just centimeters from mine.

"Closer," I whispered, feeling his breath on my lips.

He pressed his lips against my lips gingerly, his body slowly sliding over mine, shielding me from the air like a blanket protecting it's child from monsters lurking in the darkness. I kissed him back slowly, trying to memorize the exact feel of it, from the physical feelings of his mouth on my mouth, to the tightening of my stomach, to the exact moment my brain gave up and my heart took over.

"I don't know how I ever went without this," he muttered , his forehead resting on mine.

"Two words," I replied without opening my eyes, "Vanna Aaron."

He gently shook his head. "Never liked her.Wasn't any good at distracting me... but you're much better."

"What's that mean?"

"I forget who I am when I'm with you."

"Who are you?"

His lips touched mine before he spoke. "I'm who my parents were," he said, "To society, I'm the by-product of an alcoholic father and a drug-addled, runaway mother."

"Who am I?"

He kissed me quickly. "You're beautiful." He kissed me again. "You're smart." Again. "You're talented." Once more. "You're-"

"The by-product of my parents," I finished, knowing that was were this was going, even if he wasn't going to say it out loud.

"Yeah." His eyes looked down into mine. "You're everything they were and everything they're not at the same time. You just have to accept that to survive. That's what's so wrong about what we're doing right now."

"What's wrong with this?" I questioned, closing my eyes again so I could take in the way his voice sounded when he spoke honestly.

"You're Kat Silverstein and I'm Ronnie Radke," he replied, "What isn't wrong with this?"

"Tell me," I instructed, "In that way you do, tell me."

He tightened his grip around my waist and kissed my shoulder. "You're Kat Silverstein because that's who your parents wanted you to be. They made you this way because they were this way before you were born. Two strong, loving, difficult people who cared for nothing but each other.

I'm Ronnie Radke because that's the best my parents could come up with. I'm the way I am because my parents used to be this way before they completely self-distructed. In some sick, twisted way, I'm no better than my mother and my father."

"But you're so much better than them," I defended, "You've got a plan and a goal."

"But I get wasted just like my mom," he whispered, "And I get fucked up just like my dad. Both of their addictions festering in one screwed up kid."

"You said we're everything they are and everything they're not. So that means you're smart, brave, and talented too," I explained, pressing my fingers against his jaw. "Why don't you see that?"

"Maybe it's all those eyes looking down on me."

"But I'm right here," I stated, opening my eyes to see his, "And I'm looking up at you instead."

"You're the only one," he told me, shrugging his shoulders defeatedly.

"You're forgetting about Riley," I added, "And my sisters."

The corners of his lips turned up. "I should get going," he suggested, already pulling away from me. "Riley is still waiting."

I grabbed a handful of his shirt. He stopped backing away from me and looked up. "Don't go," I said, "Just stay with me. Just stay and talk to me."

I was afraid that if he left I wouldn't get to see this side of him again. So I held onto him as tightly as I could, sitting up to press my lips against his. "Don't go home, Ronnie."

He smiled and nodded, backing up off the end of the bed as far as he could go, seeing as I was still holding onto him.

"Relax," he whispered, "I'm just going to set Riley home."

Slowly I let go of his shirt. I watched him until he was out of the room and then dropped my head back to the pillow, beyond exhausted.

Ronnie came back into the room a little while later and kicked his shoes off onto the floor. "Had to walk the kid home," he whispered into my ear as he pulled me against his chest. "I locked the front door."

"Good job," I murmured, letting myself drift as I laid against him. "I'll see you in the morning."

He kissed my forehead slowly. "I'll be here."
♠ ♠ ♠
<3 (:
Tell me what you think!