Who We Are

I wouldn't admit it, but I was nervous to be standing in front of Ronnie's older brother. He was a boy I hadn't seen much of over the years, but his reputation wasn't a good one. My fingers found Ronnie's before I spoke, hoping to reassure him that everything would be okay.

"I need help," I said, pulling Brad's eyes away from our connected hands, "A girl, she's my best friend, tried to beat me up."

Brad's eyes scanned over my bruises and he crossed his arms over his chest. "Glad it wasn't my brother then," he stated, causing Ronnie to tense noticeably, angrily.

"It wasn't," I said, staying calm and tightening my grip on Ronnie's hand, "But I don't really want to go home because I know my dad will call the cops on my friend." I shook my head. "I don't really want to deal with that right now so I was hoping you wouldn't tell your dad if I stayed here tonight."

Brad looked at Ronnie. "Why the hell do you think dad would give a shit about who you're sleeping with?" he questioned, rolling his eyes at the seventeen year old, "You seriously just sent your little friend over here to ask me not to tattle on you?"

Ronnie glared at the older boy. "It's not like I could stop her," he growled, starting to yank me away, "But yeah, you don't know how to keep your fucking mouth shut about things that don't concern you."

Brad laughed sarcastically, leaning against his doorway. "I won't tell on you," he stated, looking Ronnie hard in the eyes, "You seem up-tight, you need to let off some aggression before that mouth gets you in trouble."

"Worry about yourself," Ronnie shot back, yanking me back towards his room, "But just keep your mouth shut and I won't tell Amanda what you've been doing while you're gone."

Brad faltered, seeming a little surprised that Ronnie knew something about what he was up to. "You don't know anything," he said, trying to call his brother's bluff.

Ronnie smirked at my side and shrugged his shoulders. "Amanda stopped by," he stated, "She wanted to know if you were going to be there for the baby growing inside of her. Seemed a little surprised to find out you weren't home."

Brad's eyes narrowed. "You better watch yourself," he warned, not stepping out of his room.

Ronnie stepped back anyways. "If anyone finds out that she's here," Ronnie said, motioning to me, "Amanda finds out about Catelyn and Dad finds out about Brad Junior."

Ronnie's brother was silent as Ronnie pushed me into his room and followed me in, slamming the door behind him. I winced at the sound it made and slowly turned around to face him.

"You okay?" I questioned, sitting down on the edge of his bed, "That was pretty messed up."

Ronnie shrugged, glancing towards his window even though the black curtain blocked seeing anything outside of it. "I'm fine," he stated, "Shouldn't I be asking you if you're alright?" He turned around and looked at me. "Put the ice back on your eye."

I scooted over towards the wall and laid back on his bed, doing as I was told. "What's wrong?" I asked quietly, my eyes closed as I let the ice remedy the swelling.

"My dad is going to flip when he finds out Brad knocked up his girlfriend," he stated, sitting on the edge of the bed, "It's not going to be pretty if that girl thinks she's moving in here with that baby."

"You're going to be an uncle," I highlighted, hoping it would make him feel a little better about the whole situation.

"Not really," he stated, his fingers finding mine, "Sometimes it feels like Brad and I aren't even related. I don't want anything to do with his kid."

"I'm sorry," I murmured, "It has to be hard living here."

"It's not so bad," he denied, changing his tone, "Especially when I think about how I get to get out of here soon."

"Your birthday is coming up," I noted, remembering the birthday parties from our childhoods. How our parents would plan them together, even though my mom took on the hardest part, leaving Mr. Radke to enjoy himself.

"How do you know that?" Ronnie asked. I felt him lay down beside me, but I didn't open my eyes to look at him.

I shrugged against his mattress. "I've known you a long time."

"Right."

I moved the ice pack and opened my eyes slowly. Ronnie was laying on his stomach just looking at me. I frowned when I saw him and tilted my head to the side, shielding my face in the pillow.

"You have to tell me what happened today," Ronnie demanded, moving my chin with his fingers so he could get a better look at my black eye. "This is not going to wait until tomorrow."

"Emily hit me," I stated, tracing the lines in his ceiling with my eyes.

"Why?" he pried.

"Because the boy she has a crush on has a crush on me." I didn't look at him as I said those words, wondering how he was going to take them.

He was silent, calculating, then he finally asked who with his jaw clenched in anger.

"Salvadore Smith," I whispered, watching his expression as it morphed into confusion, surprise, and then a muffled form of anger and jealousy.

"He's a junior," Ronnie stated aloud, checking my expression to see if he had the right guy. "He's on the basketball team and everything."

I nodded slowly, my hair matting as it rubbed against his pillows. "He used Emily to get me to hang out with him," I explained, feeling lower than low, "She didn't realize it until he asked me to go out with him tonight."

"He goes to our school," Ronnie replied, looking to meet my eye as he spoke. "He has to have seen you with me."

"Maybe a girl having a boyfriend isn't a problem for jocks," I reasoned, wishing I hadn't said that when Ronnie's eyes hardened.

"Oh, I'm definitely going to be a problem," he growled, trying to glare holes through his walls.

"No," I rebutted, grabbing his arm, "You're not going to start anything, Ronnie. He's not worth it."

"He tried to snake my girlfriend!" he exclaimed, looking at me like I said that Sal was innocent of any wrong doing.

"I'm here, aren't I?" I asked rhetorically.

Ronnie just rolled his eyes. "I still want to beat the living shit out of him for thinking that he could take you from me."

"We all know you're a tough guy," I muttered unenthusiastically, "You don't have to prove it every time you're jealous."

Ronnie was taken aback. "I'm not jealous," he refuted, "Why the hell would you think I'm jealous of Sal?"

This time I rolled my eyes. "Maybe because you're about to beat him up for asking me out," I stated, using the most obvious tone I could.

"You don't ask another guy's girlfriend to go out with you," he stated, "That's just common courtesy. He deserves to get the shit kicked out of him for being an asshole."

I stayed silent, biting my bottom lip between my teeth. Ronnie was angry about Sal asking me to go out with him tonight but it was obvious he'd be furious when I finally had to tell him about Nate. So I stayed quiet, hoping the topic would drop for now.

"What's wrong?" Ronnie questioned, peering at me pensively.

I faltered, my lips parted as if I was going to speak but couldn't find the right words.

"Tell me," Ronnie demanded, "I want to know everything that happened tonight. I may not be able to lay a hand on Emily myself, but I know some girls who could."

"It's not Emily," I denied, lightly touching Ronnie's chin as he frowned. "She only hit me."

"Someone did something worse than hit you?" Ronnie questioned skeptically, his dark eyes looking into my blue eyes for any hints.

I closed them as I spoke, holding his hand in mine. "Nathaniel kissed me," I whispered, hoping he wouldn't hear me.

"What?"

I opened my eyes and waited.

Ronnie pushed himself up from the bed and stared at me, angry tangling his fingers in his hair. "He kissed you?!" he repeated, groaning loudly, "He fucking kissed you and you just happen to mention it now!?"

"Relax," I instructed, scooting to the edge of his bed so I could grab the hemline of his t-shirt and pull him towards me.

He came, stepping between my legs. I titled my head up to look at him as he spoke, my chin the same height as his bellybutton. "I'm not going to 'relax', Kat. It's just not going to happen, I'm sorry," he rushed angrily, clenching his fists at his side. "This is such bullshit."

"Ronnie," I soothed, pressing my hands against his sides, "Why should it matter if he kissed me? Shouldn't it only matter if I kissed him back?"

Ronnie's eyes slowly met mine. "Did you?"

My lips parted in surprise. "Of course not!" I shouted, pushing the boy away from me by his hips. "How could you think I would kiss him back when I have you here waiting for me!?"

"Sorry," Ronnie murmured, turning his back to me. "Just, the way you said it kind of sounded like you were going to dump me or something."

I rolled my eyes. "You really think I would come over here crying, throw myself into your arms, and then break up with you? That would make me crazy."

From his profile, I could see the side of his mouth turn up.

"Come back here," I demanded, reaching out in front of me for him, "This is why I didn't want to talk about this tonight because I knew you'd get mad and refuse to be near me at all."

"Refuse to be near you?" he repeated, pivoting towards me. "Why would I do that?"

Under his heavy gaze, I was suddenly insecure. "Well, I just - I thought that maybe you-"

"I wouldn't what?" he interrupted, stepping towards me to standing between my legs again, his hands pressed against the sides of my rib cage.

"I don't know," I murmured, "It's stupid."

Ronnie smirked. "Tell me," he demanded.

"No."

HIs dark hair reached to his shoulders as he looked down at me, studying my face. His fingers pinched the tips of my hair as he tried to figure out what I didn't want to say. His eyes widened when he found the answer in my features. "Did you think that I wouldn't want to 'be near you' because someone else kissed you?"

I looked everywhere but at him.

"Kat," he breathed, saying my name as if it pained him, "How could you think that one guy kissing you would change how I feel about you?"

"Because I've never kissed anyone else but you before tonight," I stated quickly, not wanting to speak the words at all. "I thought that maybe one of the reasons you liked me is because I've never done anything with anyone else."

"That's ridiculous," he stated instantly. "I don't care if you slept with the entire basketball team before me, that wouldn't make any difference to me."

"I wouldn't," I said, blushing, "That's just nasty."

Ronnie chuckled. "Yeah, I think so too."

I met his eyes almost timidly, feeling stupid that I thought one kiss would influence anything. "You don't care that you're not the only boy I've kissed?" I clarified.

"No," he said, "I liked it better when I was the only one kissing you, but as long as you didn't like kissing him more than kissing me, I'm not going to break up with you or anything. Plus," he added, smirking as if he knew something I didn't, "It was just a kiss. There are plenty of other things I can be the only one to do with you."

I blushed when I realized what he meant. "Oh gosh, go away." I pushed him back, embarrassed as he laughed at me.

"Kat, it's okay," he replied, stepping back to me, "You seriously don't need to blush every time someone mentions sex."

I groaned loudly and threw myself backwards on his bed. "Stop talking about it!" I demanded, my words muffled as I covered my face with my hands.

Ronnie laughed again. I felt pressure on the bed as he crawled over me, his knees on either side of my hips. He brushed a few strands of my hair out of the way and planted his hands on either side of my head to hold him above me.

I didn't dare look at him.

"Kat," he said my name, "Open your eyes for God's sake. It's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"No," I stated, pressing my hands harder against my face as he sat on my lower stomach so he could try and pull my hands away.

"Kat," he laughed, finally pinning my hands by my head, "Open your eyes. Just look at me."

"I don't want to."

"Come on," he coaxed, letting go of my hands to run his thumbs over my cheeks, "I just want you to look at me."

I sighed loudly and opened my eyes, training them on his. "What?" I asked, "Why do I have to look at you?"

He leaned down and planted his left hand on the left side of my head again. "I'm going to kiss you," he whispered, his mouth above mine, "Don't freak out."

The air changed instantly and I was more aware of Ronnie than I'd ever been of another person. As he grew closer it was as if the space between us was electrified, every particle shaking and moving as quickly as possible without becoming solid. I was aware of the pressure of his body on mine for the first time and of the heat radiating from him as he touched me, energy transferring from his body to mine, yet my fingers stayed cold and my body shivered.

I couldn't feel his fingers as they pressed into the skin at my side, not really. It felt like the edges of my body were blurring and mending with his. My lips parted as I breathed, my lungs shuttered as his mouth pressed into mine.

I put my arms around his neck slowly, not really having to think about it but just following an instinct that told me to hold him as close as possible. Through the thin fabric of his shirt, I could feel his shoulder blades pressing out against his skin. I gasped when his teeth grazed my bottom lip and then held it between them, his tongue gently brushing across it. This was more than we'd ever done, and I felt what he meant about being the first for many more things.

He moved his lips against my cheek and caught his breath slowly. I toyed with the ends of his hair before dropping my hands to my sides and willing my eyes to open.

I didn't have to ask him what that was. It was just a kiss, a preview for the future, if I wanted it to be. He sat next to me and I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn't meet his gaze. I had so much to say but the words wouldn't come.

I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth. "Nate doesn't kiss like that," I said finally, scanning my eyes up his stomach, chest, and then to his.

He grinned easily, not at all embarrassed or shy, and shrugged his shoulders modestly. "I'm glad you liked that better," he murmured, pressing his teeth against the corner of his bottom lip.

I pushed myself up and crossed my legs Indian style. "You still need to show me what you were working on," I said, looking at his acoustic guitar, "I've been waiting to hear it."

Ronnie turned his body to face me. "I don't know if right now is such a good time," he said, letting me take his hand in mine.

"Why not?"

His Adam's Apple moved as he swallowed. "Because I'm having a bit of an issue controlling myself," he said quietly, his dark eyes seeming even darker as they bore into mine, "And I don't know if I could handle you kissing me again."

I laughed at his cocky remark, although somehow knew he was serious about what he was feeling. I smiled innocently and pushed his shoulders. "I promise I won't kiss you," I stated, "Just play me the song, Ronnie!"

He grinned and slid off the edge of his bed, giving in. He leaned against his mattress and pulled his guitar into his lap, facing the same way I was as he strummed, making sure it sounded right.

"You ready?" he questioned, looking over his shoulder at me.

I nodded.

He took a deep breath before he started singing, making it harder and harder to not kiss him with every note that he played and every word that floated out of his mouth as he sang.

"A withered past and a blurry future,
my heart's on an auction,
and it goes out to the highest bid.

I live too fast, and I know I will lose her,
but there is an option; to die is to live in her head.

So I'll hand on, never let go.
I dug this pain into my chest, it's dead.

One last chance to reverse this curse,
you stole my heart, but I had it first..."