Who We Are

"You said that your dad was going to give us a chance," Ronnie hissed, his fingers on my arm as he pulled me through one of the doorways along the hallway and slammed it shut behind us, "Why have you been avoiding me, Katerina?"

I pulled my arm out of his grasp and quickly peered out through the little window in the door at the people who were gathered in the hall. "You're going to get me in trouble," I stated, making sure that no one was watching after us. Finally I turned back to him, "What do you want?"

He looked flabbergasted. "What do I want?" he repeated incredulously, "You haven't even looked in my direction for the last two weeks. What do you think I want?"

I glanced at him slowly, up and down, and crossed my arms over my chest. "I don't know, Ronald," I argued stiffly, "You tell me." I stepped back so that I was leaning on the corner of the wall that jutted out towards the door.

"Katerina Silverstein," he spat, "Stop acting like a fucking moron. We both know that you're smarter than everyone in this school so act like it."

"What do you want me to say?" I asked, meeting his dark eyes, "I can't be with you right now. There's a lot going on."

"Bullshit, Katerina," he muttered as though he knew better, "You told me two weeks ago that your father was willing to let us be together until I fuck it up. And as far as I know, I haven't done anything. And if I did, please tell me what I did," he said, sounding almost vulnerable to the point that the tone of his voice knocked the strong facade right off.

I took a tiny step forward and dropped my arms. "You didn't do anything," I answered, "I just can't right now. I can't explain, it's just that we're grounded and I know that there will be a hassle -"

"Kat, just shut up, alright?"

I paused, surprised by his words and stared at him as he looked at me simply. He fiddled with his pockets and dropped his dark irises to the ground rather than meeting my gaze. When he looked up, he looked upset, as though something was tearing him apart. "I really do love you, Katerina," he spoke, surprising me again, "And I've never actually felt like this about anyone and sure as hell haven't said it out loud. I don't do this kind of thing, I'm not that kind of person, but you won't even look at me and it kills me."

He reached into the pack pocket of his jeans and pulled out a folded up piece of thick paper. As he unfolded it, I watched with furrowed eyebrows, wondering what he could possibly have drawn me. "I found this," he said, not looking up from the crinkled paper, "It was posted to the board in the art room." He lifted it up and turned it around for me to see. It was a shaky drawing of four little girls in two different versions of their world. One side was perfect and pristine while the other was authentic, with raggedy dresses and a rundown little house.

"Why would you take that," I asked angrily, reaching to yank it from his fingers, "Ronnie, this is mine. Why did you steal it?" I stared down at the two images and glanced back up at him with subtle tears brimming, "Why would you take this?"

"Because I knew you drew it," he answered, "Because when I saw it I knew that you were so sick of living in the fake world that Emily and everyone else put you in. I could see all of that, Kat, and I knew you would give me a chance."

"But it's my drawing," I argued, "You weren't supposed to think about it so hard. Why would you even care about something this stupid?"

"Because I liked you, Katerina and I wanted a way in. I never thought that you would ever look at me any other way, but this -" He reached out and gripped the paper. "- This showed me that you're not what all those people say you are. You try so hard to keep it up and to be so fucking perfect, and you are, god, you are, but you're not. You're just another kid like me, fighting to get the fuck out of these goddamn stereotypes."

I was stunned by how easily he could read me. It was as though he saw everything that I was trying to cover up and everything I was trying so hard to be. I let go of the drawing and he took it back, peering at it for a second before carefully folding it back up and sliding it into his pocket.

"I saw yours too," I said softly, remembering the nameless photo of two boys torn from two men. "It was about your father, right? And your brother. Because they're so terrible to you and Riley."

He nodded, his eyes on mine. "I love you," he said for the countless time today. "I took that picture down before anyone else could. I tossed it out awhile ago."

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, pushing the strands away from my face as I took in everything. "I'm sorry I've been avoiding you," I apologized, "It's just that this is so much and it's so hard. Nobody has ever felt like this about me before and it terrifies me that it's you."

His eyes were on mine and he leaned back against one of the desks, basically sitting on the top of it. The bell had rung just a minute ago, but this classroom was never used anymore, seeing as the building was larger than what was even necessary. I didn't even want to question how Ronnie got it unlocked.

"I'm glad it's you," I continued, playing with my fingers, "But I know you and I know that you're always so serious and you feel everything so much and I'm not like that and I don't know how I feel. I don't know how to make myself love you, even though I want to. But I'm scared because it might not work out and there are rules and it's terrifying."

"You want to love me?" he asked, that usual smirk hinting on the corners of his lips, "I'm glad that it scares you. That makes it real."

"It's not funny," I answered, recrossing my arms over my chest, "Ronnie, come on, stop. You're making me feel like an idiot."

He stepped up and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. "You're not an idiot," he whispered into my hair, "I'm just so relieved that you even still want to be with me. When you were ignoring me, I thought you realized that you didn't."

I caged my arms around his waist and dropped my head to his chest. "I do want to be with you, it's just hard." I pressed my fingers into his sides and held on, wishing that everything could be this simple all the time.

"We both knew it wouldn't be easy," he answered, pulling back so that he could see my face, "The first time I told you how I felt you practically wanted to kill me and then you ran away."

It was hard trying to figure out how to tell him that I wasn't sure it if was going to work out in the end. I stumbled over my words while I stole looks at him. I also had yet to tell him about my father's newly spoken rules and the close eye and consequences that he was putting on us. I was worried, if anything happened my father could have Ronnie put away for years.

"I need to tell you something," I said to him as he sat back down on the top of the desk and looked at me expectantly. I met his eyes and sucked in a nervous breath. "My dad is really worried about us being together," I explained, continuing before he could stammer off about how he didn't care, "and I'm worried that if we ever go farther you'll be in a lot of trouble."

He frowned, considering the ways in which I could've meant that. "I'm seventeen," he answered when he realized what I was saying, "There's nothing illegal about us."

"You'll be eighteen in a couple of months," I answered, glancing towards the windows as I considered that it was already mid-September and those three months were already looming over us, "The minute you turn eighteen he can pull that card," I said nervously.

"He won't," he answered. He stepped forward and cradled my head to my chest to comfort me. He rested his chin on the top of my head and lightly rubbed my bad as he held onto me. "It'll work out, Kat. There's nothing to worry about. We don't have to ever do anything if it means it'll fuck up what's happening now. I don't care that much."

"I won't be eighteen for two years," I said softly, knowing that's how long he would have to be okay with waiting, "That's a long time."

He groaned just slightly but I felt him nod. "That's alright," he said good-heartedly, "It's not even about that. And that doesn't mean I can't do this." He dipped his head down just enough and pressed his mouth to mine as his hands dropped to my hips and pulled them against his. He stumbled back a bit and sat down on the desk, pulling me closer so that I was standing between his legs.

His mouth pressed into mine and he sucked in a raggedly breath before meeting mine again. My lungs were beginning to burn for air, but the taste of his lips was addicting and I locked my arms around his neck rather than pulling back for air again.

Finally, breathing heavy, we separated and he grinned down at me. "I could live off of that for awhile," he said, pressing his thumb into my bottom lip, "I don't think I could go without it though. That might just kill me."

I couldn't help but blush, but I ignored it and stepped up to chastely kiss his mouth. "We should go," I said softly, blue eyes burning into his, "We're already late for first period."

He shook his head and caged his arms around my body. "Then why don't we just stay here until second?" he asked cheekily while trying to pull me back to him, "Then we won't get detentions."

"But they'll call my father," I refused, "and we'll be in even more trouble."

"But if we both walk in together they'll all think that we were off having sex," he said, knowing that the idea would deter me.

I blushed again and rubbed my hands over my face, knowing that it was entirely true and they would never live it down. Finally, I cupped his jaw with my hands and answered him, "Then I'll go and you can skip. That way they won't call my father and they won't think we were together."

"Kat." He gave me a look. "Really?"

I nodded innocently. "It's the only solution I can think of."

"What am I supposed to do for a half hour?" he questioned, pulling back to cross his arms over his chest defiantly as I scooped my bag up from the floor, "Just sit around in here doing nothing?"

I turned around and walked back to the door and shrugged. "You'll figure something out, I'm sure. Go hangout with Max. I doubt he's actually in class. I'll see you at lunch, yeah?" I pulled open the door and stepped out into the empty hallway, knowing that if I went to the office they would be willing to write me a pass to class if I apologized and claimed there was some kind of issue with my baby sister's bus this morning.

When I walked in I was immediately reminded of the seemingly blaring bruise that surrounded my eye. The women at the two desks gave me looks of both sympathy and righteousness. They felt bad that I was punched, but also felt that I had partly brought it on myself by willingly spending most of my time with the notorious Ronnie Radke.

"Mrs. Call," I greeted politely, pulling my skirt down subconsciously, "I'm so sorry to come in so late. There was some kind of mix up with my sisters' bus this morning and it was running almost ten minutes behind." I messed with the strap of my bad and smiled apologetically, rolling me eyes for effect.

"It's almost quarter after, Katerina," she answered, checking the time on the monitor, "This isn't behavior we expect from our students."

"It shouldn't happen again," I answered softly, "I got here as soon as I could but I couldn't leave Gigi and Octavia on their own. My father would've been really upset."

The woman who sat at the desk behind her, who usually filed papers and wrote detentions for those who reached the tardy limit, looked up from where she was jotting something down and asked, "You don't happen to know where Mr. Radke is, do you?"

I paused and stared at her hard. "No," I answered, "We're not connected at the hip."

"I just thought maybe you saw him heading out when you were waiting for your sister's bus," she explained, "Seeing as you're neighbors and you were outside."

"I have no idea," I stating, pushing my curls out of my face, "Although he tends to value sleep rather than the subpar education that this school offers so I'd assume he's still in bed. Per usual."

She closed her mouth at my words and nodded just slightly as she turned her attention back to her own business. The woman in front of me reached for the pass and wrote one out, obviously done explaining to me how important it was for me to be in class on time. She handed it to me without a word and I took it and turned on my heels, heading to first hour which was halfway over by now.

I hoped that Ronnie would know to stay out of sight until the end bell rang and students flooded the halls. I figured he had already made his way back to the spot where the guys met up every morning on the back staircase where Max was most likely waiting around, blowing off class in hopes that someone else would too.

As I rounded one of the corners into the Science wing of the upperclassman building I paused automatically at the sight of Emily slipping into the bathroom with Vanna right behind her. The image was so absurd that it hurt me just to see it. We were no longer friends, but the only thing that Vanna and Emily had in common was their utter hatred for me.

I creeped up to the door and pulled it open when I was sure that they'd moved far enough into the bathroom to be hidden from the door, meaning the opening wouldn't be seen either.

"I don't even know why I'm wasting my time talking with someone like you," Vanna said without masking her distaste for Emily, "I mean, you're just here because she pissed you off, but the minute she apologizes you'll be right back at her side, following her around like she's little Miss Queen Bee."

"Katerina and I will never be friends again," Emily sneered, "She's worse than you are now. Falling all over Ronnie just because he turns on the charm. It's pathetic, more so than he is even."

"God, shut up," Vanna muttered, "Just because you think you're better than everyone doesn't mean that the rest of us believe you, Henderson. Pull that silver spoon out of your ass and get on with why we're really here."

"Kat's not really a virgin," Emily spat automatically, "She puts on that goodie-two-shoes attitude but I don't even know how many nights she's spent at his house by now. The night we got into a fight she ran to his house and he kicked the shit out of her, not me. They just pinned it all on me because people had already seen us fighting at the game."

"I knew she was a fake," Vanna answered, "Ronnie would never be interested in someone who acts like such a little girl. It's not even attractive how she walks around acting all innocent. No one wants to date a child."

"They're neighbors, you know," Emily ousted, "So they probably spend every night together. This relationship has probably been going on for years. Who knows?"

I sucked in a breath as Emily spit more lies out of her vile mouth. She continued on with the stories, telling Vanna Aaron exaggerated versions of all the things I'd told her over the years, even as going so far to say that I was leading on her brother while I 'screwed' Ronnie behind his back.

When I'd heard enough, I was more hurt than angry and I stepped into the bathroom with blue eyes made more blue by the redness surrounding my irises. "Emily, why are you lying?" I asked, surprising them both as I stole their attention.

Emily looked at me down her nose. "I don't know what you're talking about, Katerina. I know and you know that you're not how you act. You're a poor, filthy whore. You played my brother for our money while you spent your nights at Ronnie's."

"That's a lie," I cried, "Nate's the one who came after me. I never let him believe that anything would happen. Why are you doing this to me?" I wiped at my eyes furiously as they betrayed me and a tear dropped to my cheek.

Vanna laughed cruelly and folded her arms. "You're such a child, Katerina. I don't know what anyone sees in you. God, I can't stand you."

I stared at the two of them as they stood in arms against me. Even though she hated me, before this, I couldn't ever imagine her doing something as vindictive as this. "Emily," I said, ignoring my own crying, "I-"

"Don't even speak my name," she interrupted, "I don't want you tainting it. I'm not like you. You're nothing." She stepped up and crossed her arms and they stood together like matching mannequins with permanent scowls painted on their perfectly contoured faces. There was no love or sympathy for me in their eyes and as I stared at them both, wondering when they got so cruel, I could see the vindictiveness in their eyes. They were out to burn me, and whether it came by way of truth or lies - they were going to succeed.

I turned and walked out of the bathroom, not willing to let them look down on me any longer. Instead of rushing to class like I should've, I went and hurried down the opposing hall towards the basically forgotten back staircase where I hoped that the boys would be.

At the top of the stairs, I saw them sitting at the bottom chatting easily. "Ronnie," I cried out as I hurried down to them. He turned instantly and stood up, already asking what had happened. I barreled into his arms and shook my head, unable to speak through my tears.

He tried to push me back by my shoulders as Max moved to his flank. "Kat, you have to tell me what's wrong. Are you okay? What happened? Kat, please," he repeated insistently, "Please, Kat, please."

"It's Emily," I answered without moving my head from his chest, "She told Vanna all these lies about me," I cried, desperately holding onto his narrow waist as he continued to try and push me back. "They're going to tell everyone."

Having realized that I wasn't physically hurt, Ronnie held tighter to my body. "Kat, it's alright. Stop crying, it'll be alright. Nobody will believe them."

"Everyone will believe them," I argued, "They're going to ruin my life, Ronnie. The things they were saying about me made me want to throw up."

"I won't let them get the words out, Kat, I swear," he whispered, "I got you into this mess and I'm going to protect you. They won't even get the first lies out of their mouths, I promise."

He must've mouthed something to Max, because the shorted boy took off towards the stairs with a simple nod. I took in a broken breath and let Ronnie push my arms off of him so that he could look me in the eye.

"Listen to me," he said as I wiped my tears, embarrassed. "Listen to me, Katerina. I don't care what kind of lies they came up with. They won't even get a word out. I'll fucking kill them if they hurt you and I'm going to let them know that."

"You can't," I said as I shook my head, "You don't need to be in anymore trouble. If you threaten them Emily's parents will call the cops and they'll arrest you. I can't let that happen."

"I can't just let them spread lies about you," he argued loudly, "They're fucking pissed because of me and I can't let them put you through hell because of my decision. Because you're with me. How is that fair?"

"We can tell a teacher," I rationalized as I shook it off, "We can file a report. It'll all be okay. Don't do anything stupid. I can handle this. I'm not a child."

"I'm not saying you are, I just feel responsible."

"Well don't," I sneered, "It's not like you brainwashed me. I decided to go along with all of this and I can handle whatever they throw at me. I'm a big girl, I can fight back on my own. I don't need my big, scary boyfriend defending my honor."

"Kat, I'm just trying to hel-"

"I don't need you to fight my battles," I cut him off, "You're my boyfriend, not my bodyguard." I stepped back, pulling my body away from his reach.

"What's the fucking difference, Katerina?" he growled, "I know you're upset about whatever they said to you but don't fucking take it out on me, Silverstein. I'm trying to help you because you and I both know that you can't take on the entire fucking school by yourself. I'm here for you, why the fuck do you think I even show up everyday?"

He reached out and grabbed my arm as though I would listen if his skin was on mine. It wasn't rough, but I could see in his eyes that he was fighting to get his point across, fighting to keep me from fighting him. His fingers slid down into mine and he tugged me and I stepped up a stair to keep from stumbling.

"You're going home," he said, taking charge before I could shout at him again, "I'll walk you and you're going to stay there. Fuck what your dad thinks. I'm not having them do something to you before I can make myself clear to them."

"I'm not going home," I answered right away, yanking my fingers from his, "I don't need you fighting my battles. You can help me, but I don't need you doing it all for me. I'm not a child."

"Stop fucking saying that," he growled, pinching the bridge of his nose, "You're obviously not a fucking child, but you're my fucking girlfriend and I know Vanna, now that she's on a rampage she's not going to give up until she fucking breaks you."

"I'm not that breakable, Ronnie," I growled, "I can handle myself."

"Katerina, I fucking love you, alright? So just listen to me this one time. Go home," he pleaded, clasping his hands together as he begged.

"No," I stated, stepping past him, "I'm going to class. Come if you want but I'm not going home so get that idea out of your head. If I leave they'll think I'm running away."

"You should run away," he muttered.

"Are you coming or not?" I asked while I ignored his comment.

He didn't reply, he just stepped up the stairs and followed me as I headed back to our first hour as the end of it neared. I wasn't willing to let him fight everything for me. Even if I left the school would still be here tomorrow… and so would the rumors. I was ready to face them knowing that he was at my side, even if he didn't want me anywhere near my own war.

As we got to the door, he hurried up to be right next to me and took my hand, causing me to stop before opening the door. "They'll think we were together," I said, about ready to take my hand from his.

"They'll think that anyway," he answered, "Lets show them that we're a united front. Vanna and Monica are in there. Let them see that we're not fucking around. We're as serious as this fucking relationship."

I nodded, unsure of what else to say seeing as he was exactly right. He reached to pull open the door and we stepped through together, hand in hand.