Who We Are

Within two days, I had heard all the things being said about me and couldn’t imagine that anything worse could possibly be thought up. It seemed that Emily and Vanna had managed to change everyone’s opinion of me. And while I’d once been practically invisible in my own world, I was now the center of attention and everyone had something to say.

When I made my way to the back stairwell to meet the guys, the sight of Max’s black eye made me feel incredibly guilty, because I knew it was due to him and Ronnie defending my honor again today.

The former hurried up from his spot on the stairs and wrapped his arms around my shoulders as I walked up. He was taller than me by quite a bit, so I easily fit against him, my arms around his waist as I let go of all the tension that had built up in me.

“This has been the worse day ever,” I murmured against his chest, just his t’shirt separating his skin from my mouth, “I want to go home.”

“I can’t be any worse than yesterday,” Ronnie replied, his grasp tightening around me when I leaned back to glare at him, “Sorry,” he uttered, “Will food make you feel better? We should go get something to eat.”

“Why? So that everyone can spread rumors about how I’m getting fat?” I grumbled bitterly, rolling my eyes when Ronnie forced himself away from me to give me a look.

“Stop it, Kat,” he said, reaching for my hand, “If you let them get to you then they’ll tear you apart.”

I glanced behind him at Max, who sat with the others on the stairs. “Like they’re doing to you two?” I asked pointedly, “You guys have definitely been letting it go, haven’t you?”

Max looked ashamed that his face proved my point and he wouldn’t meet my eyes. Instead, he climbed up from the stairs and Robert and Monte followed him. “We’ll meet you guys in the cafeteria,” he said, practically around the corner already, “So, see yah.”

The three of them walked off and I moved to follow them, stopping only when Ronnie yanked me back to him by my hand. I turned back and gave him an unappreciated look. “What, Ronald?”

He held my hand in his and pulled me until I was practically chest-to-chest with him and then his arms wrapped over my shoulders, holding me in place. “Kat,” he murmured, his dark eyes looking to meet mine as I looked away stubbornly, “Kat, it’ll calm down.”

“I’m sure it will,” I reassured, eyes sliding back to his.

“Until then, we just have to stick together,” he said, leaning down so that I was overwhelmed by him, “I’m right here, Kat, and none of this is going to matter when it’s over. Other people don’t matter. It’s just you and me. I love you.”

“Yeah, okay,” I answered shortly, “I’m just so sick of all of this. Why can’t people just leave us alone?” I pulled myself out of his grasp and angrily pushed my fingers through my hair, annoyed by the very existence of it.

“Kat, it’s going to be alright,” he said again, reaching out for me. When I stepped back, he dropped his hand to his side and just looked at me. In his gaze, I could see everything that he was feeling.

While Ronnie was notorious for being cold, I had learned that I had the ability to see beyond the wall that he had built up and I could read all his emotions through his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” I replied, my voice softening as Mr. Ulrich’s words came back to me. We hadn’t talked about the talks that we had with our principal the other day. He had told us that it would easier if we gave up and let go of each other, and while we hadn’t talked about it, I realized now that it took all reassurance from Ronnie about us.

I grabbed onto fistfuls of his shirt at his side and held him tightly, finally meeting his gorgeous gaze with my own. “It’s just a rough day,” I whispered, watching him as he watched me, “Tomorrow I’m going to be right here with you again and every day after that. Nobody can change my mind, Ronnie.”

“I’m glad,” he answered softly as he ducked his head and kissed the edge of my mouth, “I thought maybe this all would scare you away.”

I shook my head against him. “I want to stay with you.”

I watched him smile and I could tell that he was happy and relieved by the answer. I wasn’t sure if he had been expecting me to say anything else when we finally talked about it, but I couldn’t imagine that any other words would make their way out of my lips.

I kissed him softly, wrapping my arms around his neck, and the feel of him next to me washed away all of the anger, tension, and embarrassment that had built up over the last few days.

“Ronnie,” I whispered against his mouth, my eyes closed, and my fingers in his hair.

“Yeah?”

“I love you too,” I said, feeling his body tense against mine as he processed the information, and then relaxed, smiling into another kiss.

“Ronnie,” I laughed, pulling away from the kiss as he lifted me up in his arms, lifting my feet from the ground and inciting a bit of butterflies in the pit of my stomach, “Ron, put me down.”

He kissed me again, his hair falling into his eyes, and then set me down just enough so that my toes could touch the floor. “Lets go get something to eat,” he suggested, unable to wipe the rare smile from his face, “Just me and you. We can go off campus.”

“I’m not old enough to go off campus,” I reminded him, his fingers between mine, “We can just go eat in the cafeteria with the guys. They’re waiting for us, anyway.”

“But you don’t love the guys,” he answered, smirking at me, “You only love me, so you should go with me and get something to eat downtown.”

“How do you suggest we get there, Ron?” I asked, smirking at him as I foiled his plans, “I don’t think you’ve magically made a car appear.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine, Kat,” he muttered, yanking my arm as he took off towards the cafeteria, “Lets go eat mediocre pizza with the guys, like we do everyday.”

It smiled at his attitude, seeing as both of ours had improved since the beginning of the hour, and we headed through the back halls towards the over-crowded lunchroom. When we got to our usual table, the guys were chatting over their meals, but Max was missing and Riley was present.

“Hey, Ri, what’s up?” I asked as I dropped into the chair beside him, “Where’re you friends at?” I wrapped my arm over the back of his chair as Ronnie sat down in the other chair and inquired about where Max went.

“Their usual table,” the younger Radke responded off-handedly, “I don’t have to spend every school day with them, you know.”

“I know,” I answered, “So what are you doing here then?”

He shrugged. “Just waiting for my big brother.”

“Mhm,” I nodded, giving him a look that told him I knew it wasn’t true. He smiled back at me like a mischievous younger brother and I knew that he was up to something. I looked at him suspiciously and smiled, waiting to find out.

“Seriously,” Ronnie asked off to my side, talking to the guys, “Where did Max go? He was supposed to be here waiting for me. We have plans.”

“What plans do you two have?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest.

“We have a show,” Ronnie answered softly, his eyes darting back to mine guiltily, “We were planning on leaving early to set up.”

“Does this have something to do with Riley?” I questioned, trying to figure out what the boy was up to, “and how come you didn’t tell me?”

“I was planning on it,” Ron replied, glancing past me to his younger brother, “I just hadn’t gotten around to it yet. We’ve been having a rough couple of days, I figured it was better to wait until it all died down.”

“Good excuse, Radke,” I muttered, resituating my arms over my chest as I glared, “Is anyone going to tell me what’s going on?”

Ronnie diverted his attention when Max bounded back to the table out of no where, dropping his body down in a chair that he pulled over from the table next to us. “She said yes,” he breathed quickly, grinning as he pushed his hair out of his face, “Kyra is coming tonight.”

“She agreed to go out with you again?” Ronnie asked as though the entire thought was ludicrous, “In front of her friends?”

“Well, her friends weren’t there, but yes,” Max answered, grinning so much that I couldn’t help but smile at his ease.

“I thought the first date didn’t go so well?” Ronnie continued, arms crossed as he stared at his bestfriend, “Why in the world would she agree to a second one?”

“Ronnie, stop it,” I demanded, hitting him with my elbow before I turned to Max. “She must really like you then,” I said, knowing that she would only give it another shot if she really did, “What are you two doing?”

“I invited her to the show,” he said easily with a shrug, “I figured that since I had plans tonight and it was something that she could come to that I might as well invite her.”

“I’m confused,” I answered, “I thought you were lying about the show?”

Ronnie gave me a look. “I wasn’t lying,” he muttered, sounding upset by my accusation, “I just wasn’t telling you the whole story.”

“Which is?” I questioned, wondering why they were being so weird.

“I’ll tell you later,” he said, offering a cunning smile before smoothly turning his attention back to his bandmates and starting up a conversation, knowing that I wouldn’t interrupt them. I frowned and sat back in my chair for a moment before getting up, catching their attention.

“Where are you going?” Ronnie questioned, turning around in his chair to stare at me with confusion.

“To get something to eat, Ronnie,” I said, looking at him as though he’d lost his mind, “I’ll be right back. Do you want anything?”

“No, thanks,” he answered, smiling lightly before turning his back and letting me head over to the ending lunch line. There were only a couple of people in front of me and my attention was distracted, but when Dean showed up along side of me, tapping me on the shoulder, I freaked, dropping my ID to the floor as I turned around quickly.

“Just me, Spaz,” he said, reaching down to grab the little plastic card for me.

“Thanks,” I answered as I took it from him, “Sorry. What’s up?”

“I just wanted to see how you’re holding up?” he questioned, giving me one of those pity looks that caused me to know that something worse was on the horizon.

“What have you heard?” I asked bitterly, reaching towards the sandwiches as he followed me through the line.

“I don’t know. Emily’s just been avoiding me more today and I can tell that she’s plotting something and I just want everything to go back to the way they were before all of this,” he complained as we stopped outside the line and faced each other so that our conversation could continue before we went our separate ways.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” I apologized again, seeing how tired he’d become of this two best friends fighting, “I wish things were different, but there’s no going back now. If you want, to can sit with me and everyone. The invitation is always open.”

He shook his head, pressing his lips together. “I’ve been sitting with Andre Holloway,” he said, allowing a small smile to replace his gloom and doom expression, “We ran into each other the other day and sort of hit it off. But thanks though.”

“Andre’s so nice,” I commented, honestly pleased that something was going right for the boy who I’d been friends with since middle school, “I’m really glad that you found someone else, Dean. I feel terrible dropping you like I did. I just have been so caught up in everything, I wasn’t thinking.”

“Without Emily there to nag you, it’s hard to remember about me, I know,” he joked, offering a kind smile, “but don’t worry about it. I’m just trying to stay out of the crossfire until the white flags get raised.”

I fiddled with the wrapping of my sandwich, still feeling guilty about breaking up the relationship that we had. While Emily had always been tumultuous, Dean had always been there. He was the sane rock, the one who always mediated and who I always fell back on. And when Ronnie came and Emily moved on to torturing me rather than guilting me, it was somehow easy to forget that Dean had always been there.

“Hey, Escape the Fate are playing a show downtown tonight,” I said, “You should totally come with. We can have a sleepover afterwards. I’m sure my dad won’t mind.” I grinned at the idea, longing for some semblance of normal to seep back into my life. I welcomed regularity at all costs. Being an outcast was easier when nobody noticed.

“A show?” Dean repeated, thinking it over, “At a bar?”

“Yeah, they play at this little bar downtown and it’s really cool because we get to go backstage and watch from side-stage and everyone is really sweaty and loud and excited. You can’t really even imagine until you’ve been there. You could even invite Andre, maybe it’s secretly his scene or something.”

“Do you want to sleep over at my house afterwards? My mom isn’t going to be home tonight and my dad doesn’t really care what we do, so Ronnie could probably come hangout for a while. It would be cool to get to know him.”

“That sounds great.” I nodded, more excited than I thought I would be about getting to introduce the new part of my life to the old one. “I’ll tell Ronnie. I’m sure the guys can drop us off after the show or whatever. Even if Ronnie doesn’t want to come, I’m still in. Do you need us to pick you up?”

Dean shook his head. “I’m sure Andre can drive me if he’s going. He doesn’t live too far from me. I’ll let you know.” He smiled happily for the first time since I’d talked to him last and I gave him a quick hug before we headed off to our respective sides of the lunchroom.

Riley was gone when I came back and the topic had changed from Max’s not-girlfriend to something about a guitar that I couldn’t understand. I sat down and set one of the sandwiches in front of Ronnie, smiling as he reached for it absent-mindedly.

When the conversation came to a natural lull, I piped in. “I invited Dean to the show tonight,” I said, taking a bite of my food, “and he invited me to sleep over at his place.” I nudged Ronnie with my arm. “Said you could come hangout for a while if you wanted to after.”

I tried to ignore the fact that Ronnie looked like a deer caught in the headlights as he nodded, quickly trying to come up with words to disguise how he really felt about the plans. “Yeah, sure,” he said, “That sounds great.”

I took an extra long look at him as he tried to smile his way out of it, and then I turned my attention back to my food, deciding that if he didn’t want to tell me what was up then I wouldn’t pry.