Who We Are

Ronnie and the guys snuck out of school the minute the bell rang to signal the end of class. I followed them to the back hallway on the other side of the science wing and stood look out as the five of them walked out like it was no big deal.

Ronnie was the last one out and he took his time, lingering at my side while his friends left him behind. “Have a good day,” he said, fiddling with the side of my shirt, “Don’t let anyone get to you. I’ll meet you later for the show.”

I nodded, biting my lip between my teeth as I looked up at him. It was a heady feeling having him this close to me, listening to his confident reassurance and knowing that he was seconds away from leaving high school behind like none of it matters.

He pressed his lips against my jaw and made his way to my mouth. We were hidden from the rest of the school by an entire section of school and his friends were shut on the other side of a locked door. Despite Max shouting for Ronnie to hurry up, nothing could penetrate our space.

His fingers were tangled in my hair as I leaned back to breathe, my lips against his. “You should go before you get caught,” I whispered with closed eyes, feeling his chest rise and fall against me, my fingers splayed against hips.

He nodded but didn’t move an inch.

I pressed my hands firmly against his stomach to push him back when he moved his mouth to my neck. “You can’t leave them out there and you’re going to get us in trouble,” I said, stepped out from between him and the wall, “And we don’t really need to add any fuel to the fire.”

He rolled his dark eyes. “Who cares,” he muttered. He stepped back so that his hand was on the doorknob and smiled at me one of his easy grins. He was instantly relaxed, his boyish excitement more evident now. Before I ever knew him, really knew him, I never saw this side of him. This ease was something he kept hidden and it didn’t come easily. So to see him looking back at me like that, and to know that I had a part in getting through his walls… I couldn’t help but smile back at him the same way, my arms crossed lazily over my chest as I looked at him.

“I’ll see you later,” I said, nudging him to go ahead, “I’ve got to get to class.” I lifted my backpack from the floor and slung it over my shoulder, turning to go to gym without him.

I waited until he was outside with the guys before turning and hurrying back to the other side of the school without him. Having gym made it easier to sneak in past the bell, seeing as we had about seven minutes to change, creating an easy bumper.

I changed quickly and stepped through the door into the gym. I usually spent gym class with Ronnie and Max, and before them it was Emily, who had perfected the art of ignoring me just to talk about me behind my back.

I met Gwen at the end of the day and we headed home together. I wasn’t sure how to get my dad to let me go tonight, but I felt almost guilty about mentioning it to Gwendolyn. The last time I’d gone to one of Ronnie’s shows, we’d gone to our mother’s diner afterwards. To Gwen, that was the worst kind of betrayal. I knew that bringing this up would remind her of that.

So I just spit it out.

“Ronnie’s band is playing another show tonight,” I said as we neared our house, “He invited me to go and Dean is coming too.”

Her steps faltered slightly before she regained her composure. “Why are you telling me?” she asked.

“I know you’re okay with it now, but we never really talked about Mom’s diner after our fight,” I said timidly, watching her expression for a reaction, “and I know you’re upset that I went with him instead of you, and I’m really sorry for the things I said.”

Gwen pressed her lips together. While she looked the most like our mother, she acted the most like our father and I could see that this wasn’t easy for her.

“I’m trying to invite you to come with tonight,” I continued, “I want to show you what it’s like. Then maybe you’ll understand why I wanted to go in the diner with Ronnie.”

“How does a rock show influence your decision making skills?” she asked bitterly.

I smiled slightly and followed her as she turned to cut across our front yard. “There’s just something kind of amazing about it,” I said, remembering the sight of Ronnie on stage, “It’s like they get up there and purge everything that upsets them. I wanted that too, Gwen.”

She unlocked the door but paused before going inside, knowing that our sisters would stop this conversation the minute we did. “Dad’s letting you go?” she asked, turning back to look at me with our mother’s eyes.

I shrugged. “I hope so.”

She smiled even though she didn’t want me to see. “If he says yes then I’m in.” She pushed the door open and we both turning to Octavia, Lisette, and Gianna as they called their hellos from the couch. Gigi hurried over and greeted us both with big hugs, already rambling about the day she had.

I hugged her, leaving my book bag on one of the kitchen chairs, and hurried through the normal conversation, eager to get dinner made so that I could get them fed and start plotting my appeal.

He got home when I was just putting dinner on the table. He came in and shrugged off his jacket, already smiling at my sisters where they were gathered on the couch. He stepped out of his boots as Gianna hurried over and wrapped her little arms around him.

“I missed you, Daddy,” she said as she pressed her face into his uniform.

He groaned as he lifted her into his arms. It was an obvious sign that he thought she was growing up too quickly. I looked away from him as he looked her over. Gianna was the last thing our mother had given him and she wouldn’t last forever in this state. I knew it broke his heart.

He carried her over into the kitchen as he greeted me, leaning forward to press a kiss against the top of my head. “Everything looks amazing, Katerina,” he said, looking it all over as he stood along side the table, “I’m starving.”

“Me too,” I answered, “You got home just in time. Everything’s ready.”

He set Gigi down in her usual dinner chair and called for the other girls to join us. I grabbed the rolls out of the oven and quickly turned it off, dumping them all into a breadbasket before I sat down as well.

We didn’t say grace anymore. I couldn’t remember if we ever had, but it would’ve felt strange in this house. While we had each other to be thankful for, family dinners always reminded us of what we didn’t have.

“Did you girls have a good week?” Dad asked part way through dinner. He was blissfully unaware of everything that was happening at school and I met Gwen’s to make sure it would stay that way. She sat across from me and smiled politely back to him, deliberately taking a bite to avoid answering.

Lisette answered luckily, managing to beat Gianna to the punch. Turn turned to Octavia after. She was usually quieter than the rest of us, somehow content simply to be an observer rather than an active participant. She answered softly and easily, claiming that school was well and mentioning that her art class was starting a new project.

Then Dad turned to Gwen and I. We were the resident teenagers. The ones who needed to be looked after the most, and now with Ronnie in the picture my father’s gaze was stronger than ever.

“It was fine, Dad,” I answered, picking around my plate. I looked back up to him. “Hung out with the guys and Dean, did some homework, cooked dinner every night, and now I’m eating.”

He looked at me. “Yeah, I can see that, Katerina.” And then he looked to Gwen and back, noticing how she was avoiding eye contact. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” I shrugged, trying my best to be nonchalant and make it obvious.

He set his silverware down and looked at us again, catching my sisters’ attention as they realized that something strange was going on also. I pressed my lips together and looked at him, waiting for him to scope out the situation.

“Come on, girls,” he said, “Spill it.”

“It’s nothing, Dad,” I answered, hoping to seem genuine, “It’s just that Ronnie’s band is playing-“ I rushed to get the rest of my sentence out but he cut me off too quickly.

“Uh uh, no,” he said, trying to shut down the conversation. When I went to argue, he continued, “No, Katerina, you’re not going out at night with Ronnie to some bar in Las Vegas. I won’t allow it. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not like that,” I argued, leaning forward, “It’s not some bar, Ronnie plays there all the time. He said that they’re really laid back and nice. And plus, it won’t just be us, Dean is going with another friend, and Ronnie invited Gwendolyn also. It’s a group thing.”

Dad seemed honestly surprised to hear that others were going. I knew that it took some of the pressure off the situation. Made it seem like a night out with friends. Harmless.

“And Dean invited me to sleep over at his house,” I said, hoping that he wouldn’t think I was trying to pull something over him, “We haven’t really hung out since the fight with Emily and I feel really bad. We sort of starting going our separate ways and I really miss hanging out with him.”

I spoke so much and in such a concentrated way that he didn’t have time to react until I finished speaking. He was silent when I finished, but I could see the gears turning in his head as he tried to sort through all the information that I pushed at him.

“How do I know that you’re going to be at Dean’s all night?” he asked, arms crossed over his chest, his food deserted on his plate.

I faltered, unsure of how I could prove I’d be there all night. “I can call you when we get there,” I said, glancing towards my sister, “And Gwen can stay too if she wants. I’m sure Dean won’t mind.”

“Dad!” I shouted when I saw the look on his face. “You really think I would try to take Gwen with me to Ronnie’s and make her lie to you about it?!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said quickly, obviously ashamed that I called him out on it, “But you’ve disappointed me a lot lately, Katerina, and I don’t want that to happen anymore.”

“I don’t want to lie to you about anything, Dad,” I replied, fiddling with my food, “I just want to be able to spend time with my friends and with Ronnie without you thinking the worst of me.”

He sighed softly and nodded. “I’ll drive you down there,” he said, giving me a pointed look, “And I want Ronnie to talk to me face to face. I need reassurance that he will get you girls safely to Dean’s house tonight.”

I grinned. “Not a problem. Thanks, Dad.”

Gwen and I finished dinner and then headed up to back our overnight bags. She had gone to quite a few sleepovers with me at my friends’. Being only one year apart made it easy to fall in with the same general friends and bounce between friend groups.

“I’m really excited,” I said. Gwen stood next to me, both of us rifling through our drawers that were shoved into our closet, and she nodded silently, but offered a small smile as she turned my way.

“Where are we going to put our bags during the show?” she asked, stopping what she was doing to look pointedly at me.

I opened my mouth to speak and then closed it. “I’m sure he’s going to have a car there. How else do you think we’ll get to Dean’s? We can just dump them in there or put them backstage or something.”

Gwen looked slightly impressed. “You get to go backstage?”

I grinned and shrugged my shoulders. “I am dating the lead singer, aren’t I?” I chuckled and turned back to finish shoving my clothes in my bag. I zipped it closed and tossed it onto my bed. “I think Riley’s gonna be there,” I commented as I dropped down beside it and turned to face her.

She turned and gave me a look that expressed just how irrelevant she thought that point was and then went back to packing.

“What, I thought you might want someone to hangout with?”

She pressed her lips together and rolled her eyes at me.

I grinned but didn’t press it.