Who We Are

My father drove us to the bar and even though he said that we could go, I was still incredibly nervous that he would change his mind when he saw the sight of the place. It was small and grungy, and full of people who were loitering in the parking lot and waiting for the doors open.

I watched my dad as he eyed the place, pulling into one of the spaces at the back of the lot. I glanced back to Gwen, who would’ve worn the same expression if she weren’t trying hard to hide it.

“It’s decent on the inside,” I answered as I turned back in my seat and grabbed my bag from the floor between my feet, “I’ll go get Ronnie, I’ll be right back.”

Dad frowned and eyed the large groups of people warily. “Can’t he just come out and get you?” he asked firmly, “You can’t get in without him anyway. They're not letting anyone in yet.”

I smiled at him as I unzipped my bag and pulled out his lanyard. “He gave me his back door access card,” I answered, continuing to answer his unspoken question, “They play here so often that the owner got tired of having to loan his door key so he made the guys their own. I’m borrowing it temporarily.”

I opened the door and stepped out, swinging my bag over my shoulder. “I’ll be right back.” I held onto the card tightly as I weaved my way through the people, sliding between their bodies as some of them resisted, believing that I was trying to cut the line.

“Excuse me,” I grunted, slipping around a group of guys dressed all in black. The only color was the shock of green hair on one guy’s head and he turned and peered at me as though he couldn’t place why I would be here.

“Where are you going, honey?” he asked, grinning as he watched me push past his friends. “The door is this way, sweetheart.”

I waved my hand at him, clasping the card in my fingers, dismissing him as I tried to hurry away, following the instructions Ronnie gave me to finding the correct entrance. When I called him earlier and explained that my father wanted to drive me, he understood easily, confidently agreeing to meet him.

“How did you get that?” the green haired guy asked loudly, stepping out of the crowd as he eyed the card in my hand. He quieted down and hurried over. “Help a guy out,” he said, his tone changing drastically, “Can you just let me in, please?” he asked, “By the time we get in the door we’ll have missed half of Escape the Fate’s set.”

“Sorry, I can’t,” I answered, pausing at the door. I glanced at him warily, knowing that he might squeeze his way in if I opened it. I didn’t want to risk getting the guys in trouble. Ronnie letting his girlfriend use the access card to sneak people in probably wouldn’t go over so well with the owner.

“Come on, please,” the guy persisted, pushing his outgrown hair out of his face, “There’s just a few of us. We really don’t want to miss ETF’s set. They’re the only reason we came out here. Come on, sweetheart, do a guy a favor.”

“I said I can’t,” I answered, crossing my arms as I turned to look at him, “I’m not allowed to just let people inside. Sorry, but no.”

He stiffened immediately, turning off his sleazy charm as he took another approach. “What makes you so special that you get to go in like this?” he asked, glaring down at me from his decent height. “You’re a little girl, what could you possibly know about this music? This isn’t a little field trip, darling.” He fingered the strap of my backpack as if it would help make his point.

I jumped as the door opened and moved away quickly. Ronnie stepped out, an unlit cigarette between his fingers. He frowned at the sight of me standing out here. The green haired guy was practically shell-shocked.

“Ronnie, man, it’s so great to meet you. You’ve got some sick talent. My friends and I are pumped to see you play tonight, man,” he said, gaining some composure as he tried to express himself to Ronnie without sounding like a crazed fan.

Ronnie smiled at him and lifted the smoke to his lips. “Thanks for coming out,” he said between drags, sliding his lighter into the pocket of his jeans, “It should be a killer fucking show.” He then turned his eyes to me and smiled more softly, genuinely. “What are you doing out here?” he asked, glancing to the other guy.

“I was just coming in,” I said, dangling the access card in front of him, “Got a little held up.”

“We were just getting to know each other,” the guy said, “I’m James, by the way. Maybe I’ll see you inside and we could get together to talk after or something? I’m dying to hear what you’ve been up to recently. I’ve heard rumors that there’s some new stuff coming.”

Ronnie nodded noncommittally, intentionally not giving too much away. “Yeah, man, I’ve been writing a bit,” he answered, shoulder brushing mine as he turned to face him, “But tonight’s not good for me. I’ve actually got plans with my girlfriend and some friends.”

His free hand dropped and his fingers slid between mine easily. James was shocked and I could tell that he was running through our conversation in his head, regretting the rude things he said to me.

He was about to speak, but I spoke first, “And we should probably go, my dad’s waiting to talk to you,” I said, watching as his eyes widened and he quickly snubbed out his smoke.

“Fuck,” he said, eyeing the parking lot as though my father would see him smoking and revoke his privileges, “I forgot about that. We should go. I don’t want to make him wait.” He offered the green haired boy a smile. “See you around. Try to catch me at another show sometime.”

Then he grabbed my hand again and led us towards the parking lot without waiting for James’ response. We stayed to the edge of the lot and tried to remain out of sight, but a lot of people noticed him anyway. While he was well known in quite a few crowds, it wasn’t enough for more than a couple of people to move as though they were going to come over.

I watched them as we went towards my dad’s vehicle. They seemed to be able to tell he was busy by the way he didn’t spare a glance in the direction of the line and they stayed back. I was sure Ronnie’s reputation existed outside of our high school and nobody wanted to be on the receiving side of his impatience.

My father and Gwen got out of the car when they saw us coming and when we arrived, Ronnie stood just a couple feet in front of my father, taller than him by a good few inches. “Officer Silverstein,” he greeted, pulling his hand from mine so he could shake his hand, “It’s good to see you when I’m not in trouble.”

It was a joke and my father knew that, but he only smiled tightly. “I’m glad it’s not like that too,” he answered, giving in and shaking the singer’s hand, “I just wanted to make sure that you were going to lookout for my girls tonight. It’s not often that I allow them to come to places like this, so I need to know that you’ll keep them from getting hurt and get them to Dean’s afterwards.”

“Of course, sir,” Ronnie nodded, mumbling the last word awkwardly, “I wouldn’t let anything happen to either of them. I figured they’d hang side stage during the show and then we’ll get something to eat and head to Dean’s.” He shrugged. “Simple night.”

“I’m trusting you, Ronnie,” my father said, looking seriously into the boy’s dark eyes, “This is your one chance. If anything happens, you won’t be seeing Katerina anymore.”

Ronnie nodded just as seriously. “I understand,” he said, his fingers taking mine, “I won’t let anything happen to them, Mr. Silverstein.”

My dad looked at us for a moment and then nodded solemnly. “Alright,” he relented finally, stepping backwards against the car, “Have a good night. Be careful.”

Gwen pulled her bag from the backseat and I stepped from Ronnie to wrap my arms around my father. “Thanks, Dad,” I said as I pulled back, “I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon. Love you.”

He repeated my words and kissed Gwen’s head before heading back home to our sisters. We waited until he was out of the busy parking lot and down the street before I grinned and took Ronnie’s hand again, turning to him. “Did you think that he’d ever drop me off here?” I asked, “It’s unbelievable.”

Ronnie grinned, pulling his hand away to wrap his arm over my shoulders. “Pretty incredible,” he said, looking over my head to my sister, “You ready for this?” he asked Gwen.

She situated her bag on her shoulders and nodded. “If Kat can do it, I can do it.”

He laughed and nodded. “Come on, lets get inside.” He led the two of us back through the entrance and this time no one harassed us into letting them walk in with us. The backstage was a weave of short hallways with doors branching off in every direction. Ronnie pulled me through on of them and Gwen followed, secretly interested as she took in the new sight.

“We’re back,” Ronnie sang as we walked into the green room. The guys were sprawled out on the cracking black leather couches and they all shouted hellos as they saw Gwen and I with him.

Omar got up and moved to sit on the opposite arm rest of the couch, making room for Gwen to sit down and feel more comfortable. She sat down as Ronnie leaned back against the wall and pulled me against his body, talking around me like him being this close wouldn’t flood my senses.

“I don’t know, man,” Max said, answering Ronnie’s question about Kyra, “The girl’s so hot and cold. She said she’d let me know if she decides to come out.”

He lifted his foot to his knee and tapped rhythms out on the leather of his boot. Gwen leaned back into the couch and watched nonchalantly from his side.

“What about Dean?” Max asked, pausing his fingers momentarily as he looked at me, “Ron said that he might come out tonight.”

I nodded, wrapping my arms around myself. “He’s going to be a little late,” I explained, “but he’ll be here for your set.” I spoke in cadence with the rise and fall of Ronnie’s chest. I tried to act as though I wasn’t acutely aware of every breath he was taking but I failed miserably, blushing as I looked away from my sister’s calculating gaze.

A guy popped his head in through the open doorway next to Ronnie and I and took a moment to make sure all the band members were in the room before he said, “Quick sound check in five, doors open in fifteen.”

Ronnie nodded, his fingers moving his hair from his shoulder as he answered, “You know, Carter, we might actually be able to get things working on time during our actual set if you tried giving us more than ten minutes to run through it all.”

The man gave Ronnie an unamused look. “Well, if you delinquents would quit making three hour food runs you could do yours on time. It’s not my fault that the other bands don’t wait up.”

Ronnie grinned lazily. “Got it, five minutes.”

Carter nodded and disappeared from the room.

“We better go,” Ronnie said, stepped out from behind me, “It’ll take Max at least four and a half minutes to get his bass out of the case.” He laughed and ducked as Max tossed the nearest thing at him. The magazine fluttered pathetically in the air before hitting the wall where we were just standing.

“Fuck you, man,” Max answered, pushing up from the couch, “You’re the only one who needs this warm up. The rest of us can perform any time.” He smirked as Ronnie pushed him and ducked out of the room, the others following.

“We’ll be back,” Ron said, kissing me quickly, “Play nicely with Tergent.”

“Who?” I asked, turning after him out of the room, but he was already down the hall, skipping along and shouting with Max and the guys. When I saw them slide past the band that was holding instruments, I figured he must’ve been referring to one of the other bands playing tonight.

I groaned and dropped down in Max’s spot next to my sister. “What do you think so far?” I asked, smiling amusedly, “They’re pretty crazy, right?”

“That’s one way to describe them,” she agreed, eyes glued to the doorway as another group of guys made their way inside. They slowed only slightly when they saw Gwendolyn and I curled up here, arms crossed over our chests like matching dolls.

The blonde one smiled politely, leaning a guitar against the edge of the couch. “One of you must be Ronnie’s girl,” he said, glancing back at his boys, “I heard some rumors that he was dating an angel.”

Gwendolyn snorted as I smiled and rolled my eyes. “An angel?” Gwen asked, looking at me for confirmation, “Are you serious?”

“In the figurative sense,” he answered, smirking lightly. “You know, light eyes, light hair, petite, innocent looking, young, impossibly gorgeous. Either one of you fit the bill.”

“And who told you Ronnie Radke landed a girl like that?” Gwen asked, resituating her crossed arms over her chest to make a point.

He glanced back at his band and they were watching, holding up their hands in the universal signal for ‘keep me out of it, man’. He fiddled with a peg on his guitar. “It trickled down through the grapevine,” he replied with a noncommittal shrug, “You know, the culture talks.”

“I’m Kat,” I introduced, “This is my sister, Gwen.”

He shook my hand. “Ahrem,” he announced before going onto introduce the three other members of his band. “Jason, Em, and Carson.”

“Nice to meet you,” I answered, “Are you guys playing before or after Escape the Fate?”

“Before,” he stated, nodding. After a couple guys took off to get something to drink for the group, the rest of them settled in around us. They were older, but I couldn’t tell how much. It seemed that this music subculture created a brand of guys who were too old for their ages. And while I was beginning to get comfortable in it, I still felt slightly out of place among them without Ronnie at my side.

“So, are you guys in high school?” I asked, knowing that I hadn’t seen them around mine but there were plenty of rival schools in the area.

Ahrem kind of shrugged. “Some of us,” he answered, “Jason and Em are seniors at Blake. Carson and I graduated last year. What about you?”

“We go to LAH,” I said, knowing that they would recognize it and the dynamics.

“Should have figured,” he answered with a grin, “It’s not every school that gets a mix of girls like you and guys like us.”

“I keep getting that comment,” I replied, knowing that it was brought on by the thought of Ronnie and how different everyone assumed we were. I looked up to the door when it suddenly popped open and Max hurried in already yelling about something. He threw himself practically onto our laps.

He turned and continued the conversation that he was having with his singer. “You have to go, man,” he stated, looking at Ronnie with raised eyebrows over hazy green eyes, “We haven’t gone in forever.”

Ronnie stepped in and leaned against the doorway. “I have plans with Kat and Gwen,” he said, shaking his head, “It’s not my fault you don’t fucking talk to me before you promise that I’m going to be somewhere.”

“Taya is going to murder me, Radke,” the bassist answered dramatically, “You know how she is. She’s expecting you there and if I show up without you she’ll kill me. If you don’t go, then I can’t,” he whined, drawing out his last sentence.

Ronnie shrugged disconnectedly. “Not my problem, Max.”

“What’s going on?” I intervened, looking between the best friends.

Ronnie shook his head as Max explained. “A friend is throwing a party tonight and I said that Ronnie and I would be there, but now he’s backing out on me.”

“Backing out?!” Ronnie yelled incredulously, “You never even told me!”

“I assumed you wouldn’t be busy later!” he defended.

“Well, you were wrong, asshole,” Ron replied, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the doorway, his attention distracted for a moment as he glanced down the hall.

“You can go, Ron,” I said easily, watching him as his dark eyes moved back to mine. “You should go, actually. Dean, Gwen, and I are probably just going to watch movies and stuff later.”

Ronnie worked my words over in his head but didn’t reply seeing as the noise started to pick up from the bar and the boys from the other band showed back up with a ton of water bottles and the ETF boys.

Carter appeared at Ronnie’s side seconds later. “Showtime, boys.”

Tergent gathered their things with whoops and hollers and headed off towards the stage to get the night started. Max climbed up from on top of us and pushed through his band mates to the door, fist thrust in the air.

“To the beer!”

Ronnie grabbed my hand and pulled me with him. “Lets watch the show,” he murmured in my ear as we navigated through the backstage labyrinth to the all-black door that opened to the front of the bar. Gwen followed and the group of us slid into the crowd, faces lost in the darkness.