Who We Are

The tires rolled squelched over gravel as we pulled into the parking lot of the Sunset Diner. The lights from the gas station in the next lot lit up the parking spaces and Ronnie pulled into one and shut off the car as Andre and Dean parked next to us.

The boys climbed out of the car, but I lingered with Gwendolyn, watching her as she took in the small wooden building. A large sign sat on top of the wooden porch and decorative lights dangled from the posts. Gwen took a shaky breath.

“I haven’t been back here,” she said, only the two of us in the car, “I think I remember this place more than I remember Mom.” Her clear eyes scanned over the building, taking in the sight.

“It helps to go in,” I commented, eyes watching the boys as they stood outside the car, giving Gwendolyn and I a moment to ourselves, “Get something to eat, hang out. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.”

She nodded reassuringly and unbuckled her seatbelt. We climbed out opposite doors and met at the front of the vehicle to cross the parking lot together. The boys rambled energetically and Ronnie took my hand, squeezing my fingers to remind me of his presence.

We stepped across the small porch and pulled open the door of the diner, the little bell signaling our arrival. Gwen and I looked around simultaneously. It was comfortable on the inside, all dark wood and touristy sign decorations and a dessert display along the left wall, across from a small podium stacked with menus.

A woman called out to greet us from the other side of the room, half-hidden behind a half-wall that separated the seating area from the foyer. She turned around and headed over to us, a bright smile on her face as she mentally counted us and reached for the menus.

“Hey guys. Welcome to Sunset,” she greeted, folding the menus in her arms, “I’m Jezza. How has your night been?” she asked, leading us around the wall to a large table and setting the menus in front of each chair.

“Good, thanks,” Ronnie answered for us, dropping down in the chair next to mine after sliding off his jacket. He turned in his chair to look at her as she pulled a mini notebook from her apron, “Is the owner here tonight?”

Jezza looked surprised by the question but nodded. “Tracy? She’s in the back. Are you a personal friend?” Despite her easy attitude, she looked skeptical that these dirty boys could have a close relationship with someone like Tracy.

“No, we are,” I answered, motioning to my sister and I, “She’s a family friend. We haven’t really seen her in a while.”

Jezza smiled easily. “Do you want me to go get her? I’m sure she’d be excited to see you.”

I looked at my sister who looked completely uneasy and then answered the waitress. “Yeah, that would be great.”

“Alright, just let me get your drinks and then I’ll head back and grab her for you,” she said, flipping to a new page in her notebook. She looked up expectantly and we went around the table, giving her our answers. She asked our names before she left, promising to relay the message to Tracy.

We were sipping our drinks when a loud voice interrupted from behind us. Our entire table turned to look as a red headed woman hurried across the room, arms thrown out in front of her like she was preparing for a hug. Gwen looked almost sick as we stood up to greet the restaurant owner.

“I can’t believe you’re both here,” she cooed, wrapping her arms around our shoulders and pulling us against her, “I can’t believe you girls are here together. I never thought I’d see the day.”

She squeezed us until we were gasping for air and then released, taking a quick look over me before turning her attention to Gwendolyn. She covered her mouth with her hand as her dark eyes roamed the sight of my sister, flicking to me every so often.

“Gwendolyn Mae,” she murmured, shaking her head, “Little Gwen and Katerina.”

Gwen smiled queasily. “It’s good to see you again, Tracy,” she greeted with false confidence, “I can’t remember the last time I was here.”

Tracy nodded nonstop, sliding her hand from her mouth. “I can’t believe that you’re really here,” she commented again, reaching to take each of our hands, “When I saw your sister not too long ago, I asked about you, you know. I can’t believe how old both of you guys are. It’s been too long. I’m so sorry about that, darlings.”

I shook my head to placate her as she held back traitor tears. “It’s alright, Trace,” I promised, squeezing her fingers, “We understand. The past was almost a different life.”

Gwen nodded as well, regaining some color.

For the first time, Tracy acknowledged the people sitting around the table behind us. She grinned at me when she saw Ronnie, and crossed her arms over her chest. “The two of you are still together?” she asked cheekily, glancing between me and the boy.

Ronnie grinned and nodded as I affirmed it.

Tracy pursed her lips in a form of mock seriousness as she looked over the rest of our motley crew. Her eyes landed on Max and she stared for a moment, trying to connect the unruly boy to the blonde haired child she remembered from our past. There had been only a couple times that my mother allowed Ronnie and Max and Riley to come here with us.

She looked at the two boys and then pointed at the younger Radke. “You’re the little brother,” she said firmly, looking between the similar looking brothers, “Riley.” She frowned as she tried to remember the displaced memories from so long ago. “And I know you, but there’s no way you can be Maxwell,” she said to the bassist, “The Max I remember had an angel face and light hair.”

Max and Riley both looked surprised that she remembered them so easily. “I don’t really remember you,” Max answered, smiling crookedly, “Your restaurant, yeah, but not much more.”

Tracy waved her hand at him like she figured he wouldn’t remember. “You all were what, ten the last time you were here? Maybe younger even. I’m surprised that you even remember this building.”

“Nine, actually,” Max replied, noting the one year age different between him and the boy who shared his birthday.

Tracy moved her attention to the younger Radke, eyes raking over him and his brother in succession. They were very similar, same skin tone and dark hair and eyes. They shared similar features, but that was about where it stopped.

“You’ve all grown up so much,” she said, smiling sadly at us as she motioned for Gwen and I to sit back down and relax. She pushed away the memories and turned to the rest of the table. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?”

She grabbed a chair from another table and pulled it up so it was halfway between Gwen and I as I went around and introduced Andre and Dean to her, explaining that Dean was basically my best friend.

Jezza came and took all our orders before taking the list to the kitchen to get them started. Tracy stayed with us for awhile, asking Gwen and I about our lives and our sisters, asking numerous questions about Gianna, who she’d only met a couple times after the little girl was born, one of them being in the hospital the night our mother died.

“She’s six now?” Tracy asked, “You’ve got to show me a picture sometime. Does she look like you girls or did your father’s genes finally win one?”

I laughed and shook my head. “Blonde and blue eyed,” I answered, grinning as my sister and Tracy did the same.

“What were you guys up to tonight?” Tracy asked as she watched the boys converse among themselves, talking animatedly, still wired from the night’s events.

“Same as last time,” I replied, “The guys had a show so we all tagged along.”

Tracy grinned. “That sounds like quite a night. I’m glad you girls are enjoying your teenage years. Eventually you’ll be old like I am and wondering why you didn’t do more reckless stuff.”

She stayed until the food came and then excused herself, promising to come back out before we left to say goodbye. She asked if we needed anything more with our meals and then retreated back to the office that my sisters and I played in as a child as our mother worked out front.

Gwen ate and spoke easily, somehow lighter now that the confrontation was over. She was smiling despite herself and fell into easy conversation with the rest of us. There was an energy at our table that I hadn’t felt with this mix of people and it renewed me. Ronnie ate with his arm over the back of my chair and offered me fries from his plate without really thinking about it. Riley and my sister continued with their usual rude remarks to one another, but there was an obvious playfulness between them.

Dean and Andre spent the meal exchanging shy looks and lingering touches on each other’s hands as they shared the remainder of their fries. Andre was all dark hair and scruff and light eyes. He was a quiet confidence that nicely offset Dean’s eager attitude and soft features. They contrasted each other nicely.

Max seemed to forget about the importance of the party that they were late for. He sat across from Ronnie, grinning crookedly practically the entire time. His patchy leather jacket was slung over the back of his chair and he leaned away from it as he devoured his burger, not managing to stop talking as he did so.

Ronnie was the picture of ease. He spoke calmly, lightly, eyes flickering between the faces at the table and downcast at his plate as he waved a fry around as he spoke. He was the unnamed leader and oozed relaxation and contentment.

And I hadn’t loved him more than I had in that moment. His eyes reflected the white light from the dangling strands overhead and he ran his fingers through his messy hair numerous times. He turned his gaze to mine whenever he caught me looking and kissed me whenever I didn’t look away.

This was the accumulation of my past and present coming together cohesively. It seemed easy to exist here now, in this moment. This was the place that represented all the best parts of my mother, and my sister and I were enjoying it effortlessly.

We lingered longer than we might’ve at another restaurant. Even when it was technically closed, we exalted our connections and stayed seated at our table, grinning at each other over empty plates and soda refills.

When we finally stood up to leave, I was wrapped up in Ronnie’s arms, too tired to function without him and not wanting to anyway. He handed me his sweatshirt and I slid it on, in love with the smell of him ingrained in the fabric.

He turned around as Tracy came walking over, calling for us to hold our horses. She swept Gwen and I into another hug and held on just long enough. “I’ve missed you girls,” she said, brown eyes looking between ours, “Don’t stay away so long this time. There’s always a meal waiting for you here.”

“Maybe next time we’ll bring Lisette, Octavia, and Gianna,” Ronnie answered for us, smiling as I grinned and nodded in agreement.

“And you,” Tracy said firmly, turning her body to directly face the singer. Her strictness melted immediately and she smiled at the boy, stepping forward to hug him as well. “I’m very glad that my Kat has you,” she said, “You look out for her and keep treating her well and you’re welcome back here anytime, darling.”

“That won’t be a problem,” Ronnie answered, fingers reaching for mine.

Tracy smiled. “Alright, you kids get out of here. It’s getting late. I know you’re all just dying to go home and get some sleep.” She motioned for us to shoo, but Ronnie frowned and reached to pull his wallet out of his back pocket.

“What do I owe you?” he asked, fingers reaching for cash.

Tracy shook her head vehemently. “No, it’s on the house,” she answered, refusing the money he offered her, “Like I said, there’s always a free meal here for my girls and their best friends. I can’t charge you.”

Ronnie gave her a skeptical look. “You charged me last time.”

Tracy grinned. “That’s because I didn’t know if she was going to keep you around. I don’t offer free meals to just anyone, you know.”

Ronnie put his wallet away and took my hand again. Tracy told the boys to drive careful and walked us out, making us promise to come back soon as we crossed the barren parking lot. Dean took a moment to say goodbye to Andre, sharing a quiet moment while the rest of us climbed into the vehicle.

I sat up front this time, squished between Ronnie and Max in the front, managing to slide into the passenger’s seat with the bassist to make room for Dean in the back. Ronnie started the car and as we waited for the other boy, playing with my fingers and tapping rhythms against my palms.

His brown eyes were serious and I sought his gaze every moment I could, wanting to stay with him tonight, to curl up against him, under his blankets, and sleep knowing that he was there beside me. Part of me wondered how far I was willing to go.

Ronnie leaned in to me, his lips in my hair as he caught onto my thoughts. “Stay with me,” he whispered, his voice hidden from the others by the sound of the CD playing. His eyes asked the same question of me.

“I can’t,” I replied, leaning forward the fraction of an inch to press my lips against his, “I’m staying at Dean’s with Gwen and I can’t betray my Dad like that. He’s trusting us.”

Ronnie’s gaze dropped and then met mine again. “He wouldn’t have to know,” he answered, fingers sliding between mine, palm to palm, “I just really want you with me tonight, Katerina.”

“I know, me too,” I answered, tucking his hair out of his eyes. I didn’t say anything more as Dean climbed into the back with Riley and Gwen and claimed that he was ready to go. His cheeks were flushed and he was grinning and I wondered what I’d missed between him and Andre when I was too caught up in Ronnie.

I leaned back in my seat, shoulder to shoulder with Max as Ronnie drove us to Dean’s like he’d done once before. He kept his fingers tangled with mine as he drove, and I could feel his emotions surging through his bloodstream like a shock of lightening circling through his veins.