Abnormal

"Stop obsessing about this, there's nothing wrong with you"
The click of a lighter sounds as Charlotte lights up her 3rd cigarette. I groan and fall back on her couch, covering my face with my hands.

"It's been a year since we married and started trying, there is still no baby! That's not normal Lottie!"

She pushes my legs out of the way and slumps down next to me.
"It's probably David, he's too old"

"Men don't get too old, women are the only ones who clock out after 50 years. Besides, David has no problem conceiving"
I grumble, eyes following the slow moving ceiling fan above.

"What do you mean?"

Propping myself up on my elbows, I sigh.
"He was only with Lydia for 5 months before she got pregnant with James. I never thought I would be using this line, but it's not him, it's me"
David is a wonderful confidant, but confiding in Charlotte was so much different. Probably because no matter what I do, I know she's most likely done worse.

"Speaking of his spawn, how's the tike doing?"
She takes a puff, looking quizzical.

"He's not a tike, he's 15, and he's fine by the way"

She chuckles and shakes her head.
"15? Fuck, that must suck for him, his daddy marrying someone who is barely 4 years older than himself"

"No kidding, remember at the wedding when he got up and stormed out mid-service?"
I sit up and carefully steal her cigarette, taking a drag before giving it back to her.

"How could I forget, I didn't think a face could get that red in real life, I half expected steam to shoot out of his ears, like in the cartoons"
A smokey laugh bubbles from her lips.

"Getting back to my problem-"You don't have a problem, ding bat. I heard that trying too hard for kids can reduce your chances or something, deny the prick nookie for awhile"

I slap her shoulder lightly, "He's not a prick, and I'd have to talk to him about it before I made a decision like that"
Lying back, I close my eyes and empty my lungs completely before slowly breathing back in oxygen. Everyone has their so-called 'happy place', mine is the color royal blue. I have no weight, there is no sound, no temperature, it's just a calm, deep, blue.

"Don't bother telling him, this will be a good experiment, to see if what they say is true, and also to see if he loves and knows you like he says he does. If he does, then you don't need to to give an explanation, he'll understand that you aren't able to, and won't bother you about it"

Rolling onto my stomach, I stare at the beige, shag carpeting of her living room. I run my fingers through it gently. It feels worn and old, probably put in when shag was actually an acceptable style, in the 1970's.
"I guess I could do that"

*X*

"Love is like the measles. You only get it once, and the older you are, the harder you take it."

Seven Brides or Seven Brothers has always been my favorite film, and David has always endured it without complaining every time I watch it, despite the fact he likes musicals about as much as a Democrat likes Fox News.
We sit on the couch, my legs swung over his lap, one of his hands stroking my hair and the other resting on my knee.
I tear my eyes away from Adam Pontipee to gaze at David's face. He is very handsome, with a strong jaw, wide blue eyes and just the slightest bit of grey in his side burns. Catching sight of me, he smiles and moves his hand down my thigh.

I stop it, clutching it with my own hand.
"No, David, not tonight. You understand, right?"

He smiles, kissing my forehead softly.
"Of course I do, my dear"

Charlotte was wrong about him, he does understand, he does really love me for me. I hope.