Forever's Not Supposed to End

Matthew's point of view

I woke up slowly, not opening my eyes. A sharp pain greeted me, and I flinched, inhaling quickly and gritting my teeth to try and cope with it.

I felt the hand that was holding mine tighten its grip slightly.

"Matthew?" came my brothers voice.

"Mhm."

"You awake?"

"Mhm."

"You in pain?"

"Mhm."

"'Mhm' doesn't help me Matthew. Does it hurt or not?!"

"Yes. It does."

"Open your mouth."

I did as I was told. He shoved two pills into my mouth, then water. I swallowed gratefully.

"Thanks," I peeked my eyes open.

He looked awful. He was pale, unshaven and much skinnier than usual. His clothes were hanging off and it had me worried that he was spending too much time worrying about me and not about himself.

"You look terrible. Eat some damn food," I told him as I tried to force myself into a sitting position.

My body wasn't doing as I told it, and I ended up just feebly wriggling in the bed.

Realizing what I was trying to do, Nathan gently helped pull me up into a sitting position, propping a stack of pillows behind me for me to lean against.

"Where's Hayley?" I asked, remembering the previous night and the fact that I had probably made an ass of myself by trying to cuddle with her.

"Uh.. at work, I think. You've missed a whole day," he said, sadness creeping into his voice.

I slept a whole day? Damn it.

"But that's OK, nothing really happened. There was the cuddling, which Hayley refused to talk about, then we went and emptied her apartment, had another argument with her piece of shit ex boyfriend, but nothing really came of it. That's all really... then another night, and now you're awake," he smiled, twisting his hands nervously.

"You look like you're scared of me."

"No, just... don't like seeing you in pain. I'm starting to get sick of it. I want you back to normal."

'Normal' felt like a million miles away. I couldn't eat properly, couldn't walk, couldn't move around very well. On my best days I could just about play video games for an hour, until the screen started to hurt my eyes.

"Can I look in the mirror today Nathan?" I asked him quietly. He quickly shifted his gaze to the floor.

I hadn't yet seen myself in the mirror properly. I'd caught glimpses, mostly on the way to and from the hospital, but Nathan had stuck paper over every mirror in the apartment, and even made me eat with a plastic spoon so I couldn't see my reflection in the back of a metal one.

I knew it would be bad, he was trying so hard to protect me.

"Can I? I feel ready to." Lie. Big fat lie.

"You look... so different," he whispered, still looking at the ground. I could see tears welling in his eyes.

"Let me see."

"I don't want you to."

"Let me see my own damn face Nathan."

"No. I can't," he whimpered.

"Then I'll look myself," I forced my legs to swing over the side of the bed and take my weight. I wobbled then took a step towards the bathroom door.

The whole room tilted violently to the left and I over-compensated, throwing myself even worse off balance. My head throbbed and I sighed as Nathan steadied me.

"Help me?"

He nodded silently, holding me by the shoulder and upper arm as I walked slowly to the bathroom.

I reached out my left hand and took a deep breath, ripping the clean, white paper off the bathroom mirror and allowing it to fall to the ground.

I barely recognised the man staring back at me. I stared for a good few seconds. I watched Nathan's reflection crumple and turn away from me, tears rolling down his cheeks.

I just stared, but I wasn't particularly upset by what I saw. To me it didn't matter that I looked different, I was alive and grateful for it.

"Well... I need to shave," I said shakily, wanting to laugh out loud at my stupid stubble beard, but part of me wanting to cry all the same. I did look different.

I started to fill the sink with warm water, still unable to tear my eyes away from the mirror.

"Nathan. This is what I look like now... just gotta accept it."

"But we're identical," he choked.

"We were. Now we're just... "

I was interrupted by the bathroom door being flung open. Hayley stood in the doorway, wearing her work clothes and looking exhausted.

"Hey guys.. Oh," she said quietly, seeing Nathan crying and me staring at the mirror like a man possessed.

Nathan pushed past her and made a break for the front door.

"Nathan don't!" I called after him but it was too late, he was already out of the door and gone.

I sighed and closed my eyes, leaning heavily on the sink. I hated how this was affecting him. Like it was breaking him.

The physical pain I could take. It was seeing him cry that hurt me the most.

"Should I go after him?" said Hayley quietly.

"No point. He runs fast."

"I think you look good," she said just as quietly, her hand touching my shoulder.

"You didn't see me before."

"I have. I googled you. You're gonna heal up and go back to being a hottie, don't you worry."

"Hottie?" I turned to look at her, smirking.

"Well... I mean... you.. I... you know..." she trailed off, her cheeks turning slightly pink.

"You googled me? Jeez. Stalker much?"

"I just wanted to know about your band, that's all."

"Did you like the music?" I asked, picking up Nathan's razor from the side of the sink and foaming up my face.

"Yes. A lot. The lyrics are... just... they blew my mind. But I liked the bass parts too," she added quickly, grinning.

I watched her carefully in the mirror as we talked about the band and I carefully shaved my face. Once I was done I rinsed off and wiped my face dry with a towel, then looked back in the mirror.

I looked a little bit more like my old self.

"Feel better?" she asked, smiling widely.

"A lot. Now to get back to the bed..." I trailed off, turning around and looking at her hopefully.

"I think you could walk on your own," she smirked, challenging me.

"You think so do you? My bet is two steps and I'm on my butt on the ground."

I took a step. The ground felt like it was made of water and that my foot was going to keep going.

I took a deep breath and another step, my hands grabbing the door frame for support.

"You're doing good, not far to go."

I still had to cross the entire bedroom before I got back to safety. This wasn't going well. I wished Nathan hadn't left, I was too embarrassed to ask Hayley to help me walk.

I went for my third step and wobbled, Hayley quickly caught me and steadied me.

"I give in. Just help me. I'm so tired, please."

My energy levels would take massive dives throughout the day, and this was one of those times. All I wanted to do was sleep.

With one hand on my upper arm, and the other on my back, Hayley helped me get back to the bed where it took me almost ten minutes to lay down to avoid a massive blood rush to my head and the pain that would come with that.

I picked up my cellphone and dialled Nathan's number.

It took him four rings to send me to voicemail.

"Nathan, please come back, I'm worried."

Over the next half an hour I left him five more similar messages before I eventually couldn't fight sleep any longer. Hayley took the phone from me as I drifted off, and took over the constant phone harassment of my twin.

My final thought as I fell asleep was just how lucky I was that she was working the night this had all happened.

***

Nathan's point of view

It had been hours since I let Matthew see his face properly and I had completely freaked out and run off.

He looked so different, and I couldn't accept it. I wouldn't accept it. We were identical twins. We had to look the same.

I quit my aimless wandering and bought some supplies, then made my way to his apartment, knowing there would be nobody there.

I let myself in, it wasn't difficult to break into his place, just climb the fire escape and open the kitchen window.

Rummaging frantically through the bathroom cabinet I found what I was looking for. I plugged in the electric shaver and set it as short as I dared then glared at my reflection, daring myself to actually do it.

I did it.

I buzzed all of my hair off, letting it fall to the bathroom floor in clumps.

I ran my hands over my head when I was done. I hadn't had hair this short in... well... ever. It felt strange, but right.

I snatched up my bag of supplies and didn't waste any more time.

Tonight, I was escaping.