Forever's Not Supposed to End

Matthew's point of view

After Nathan and Hayley sidled guiltily into the room, it took me all of five seconds to figure out what had happened the previous night. Nathan's head was shaved, almost as bald as my own and he looked extremely hungover.

"Can I have a minute with my brother please, like.. alone?" I asked Hayley. She looked upset, scared, angry. All the same emotions that were rushing through me.

She nodded silently and left the room, closing the door behind herself.

"Sit," I said firmly.

Nathan awkwardly perched on the end of the couch, sitting as far away from me as he physically could whilst still sitting on the couch, his bloodshot eyes locked on the floor.

I heaved myself into a sitting position, doing everything in my power to ignore the sharp pain running from my skull through my entire body.

I flinched in pain and Nathan flinched away from me.

"Would you quit it, please?" I sighed. This entire situation was stressing Nathan out to an extreme I'd never before witnessed, and it was horrible to watch, completely powerless.

"Can't," he said slowly.

"What happened last night?" I asked, barely needing to, I knew he'd done something stupid, I could tell by the panic in Hayley's voice when she called me.

"I got scared. I'm so sick of this. I don't want you to hurt any more. It should have been me."

I paused for a second before I responded to his words.

"I can deal with the pain. It's manageable. The pain if I lost you? No, Nathan, I'd never get over that."

The day we lost our Mom was the day Nathan and I truly bonded. We learned to lean on each other when the pain became too great to deal with on our own. Right now, I needed to lean on him again, and he needed to lean on me.

"I wanted to be with... Mom. I thought she could make it better," he whispered, a silent tear rolling down his cheek.

In the past two months I'd seen my brother cry more than I had in the entire rest of our lives.

I didn't have anything to say to comfort him. I shuffled down the couch and wrapped my arm around my twin, allowing him to bury his face in my shoulder and cry.

"Don't you dare do anything stupid," I warned, feeling myself tear up at my own words. If I lost Nathan I'd be nothing. I couldn't go on by myself.

"I won't," he mumbled into my shoulder.

Promise?"

"I promise Matthew. I just... I was weak. It seemed like an easy escape."

"Stop worrying about me okay? You're gonna go to Europe, and you'll get back and I'll be good as new, we can record the EP and hit the road again," I grinned at the thought. I knew it was still a long way off, but I was going to get back on stage with the band. I'd be my old self again.

"I'll miss you when I go," he whimpered, clinging to my shirt.

"I'll miss you too, but we can talk every day. Three weeks. That's all. It'll go so fast you won't even realise."

"We've never been apart that long though," he sighed, leaning back into the couch and wiping his face with his hands.

"We can cope. You're strong enough, I'm strong enough. You'll have Dan, and Mateo on the road... and I'll have..." I trailed off as I tried to think of someone to lean on whilst he was away.

"Hayley?" he suggested.

"Yeah. I guess I will," I said, smiling slightly to myself.

Hayley. Nathan and I had a friend for life in her, she was most amazing person, and a pillar of strength when we were both feeling down.

"Guys can I come in? I want to hug y'all so bad," came Hayley's voice, slightly muffled by the door.

I nodded and Nathan called her in. She bounded to the couch and grabbed us both in a bone-crushing hug.

I gasped for air and she let go slightly, patting my back apologetically.

"You two are going to be the death of me," she half laughed.

"I hope not," said Nathan, shaking his head, looking at her pretty face, a deep emotion stirring in his eyes.

He was falling hard for her.

The trouble was, so was I.

Hayley's point of view

Within a few minutes Nathan had helped Matthew walk to the bathroom, then to the bed, where he swiftly fell asleep.

He'd spent the entire night on the couch due to being scared of falling over in the apartment by himself if he tried to move to the bed. The last few days he had been moving a lot better, and I knew it wouldn't be long before he would be up and ar.

Nathan ordered in pizza for lunch and we forced Matthew to wake up and eat some.

"This tastes funny," he groaned, chewing on a slice of pineapple pizza with a disapproving expression on his face..

"This tastes incredible!" protested Nathan, going for his third slice.

I just smirked into my slice of pizza.

They were adorable when they argued.

"I think... maybe I don't like pineapple anymore..." sulked Matthew, putting down his half eaten piece of pizza.

"Aww honey," I laughed, giving his shoulder a quick squeeze.

I picked up a fresh piece and picked off all the pineapple then handed it to him.

"Is that better?"

"Much," he grinned, taking it gratefully.

There was tentative conversation about Nathan's rapidly approaching departure that evening, but then we moved onto something far more light hearted.

A beat up old acoustic guitar was thrust into my hands.

"We both know you play, we've felt the callouses on your fingers, and Matthew thinks you'd have the most wonderful singing voice," smirked Nathan. Matthew nodded silently, looking up at me from the bed hopefully.

"Oh so it's a free show you're after is it?" I laughed, sitting down and tuning the guitar.

"I was in a band, we made two records, never really took off, then my dad forced me to go and study, and now I'm a nurse," I explained briefly.

"Follow your dream Hayley! If you don't want to take care of retards like me your whole life then get out and do something you're passionate about," said Matthew. He was extremely self-depricating, and it made me upset. I wish he could see how special he was becoming to me.

"You are not a retard Matthew. Alright, before I get nervous, this is something new I've been working on the last few weeks," I said quickly.

I took a deep breath, started to strum the guitar and wait for my cue to start to sing.

I closed my eyes and focused on not messing up my words.

"Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul,
that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways,
to make it alone, or keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance,
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness,
because none of it was ever worth the risk...
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception..."

I let the last note hang in the air and opened my eyes slowly. Matthews eyes were closed, a faint smile on his face.

Nathan was staring at me, eyes wide, mouth hanging open slightly.

"Play another one," he gasped.

"No, guys, you're making me nerrvvoouuuus," I whined, pushing the guitar away.

"You're really talented," said Matthew quietly, still not opening his eyes.

I didn't say anything. Nathan was still staring at me, stunned.

"Hey, did you hear what I said? You're a rock star Hayley, you have a gift," said Matthew, opening his eyes and tugging on my hand.

"You don't know how to take a compliment do you?" asked Nathan slowly.

I shook my head.

"Learn fast," said Matthew, closing his eyes again.

I could tell he needed to sleep more but was trying not to so he could spend time with Nathan before he left.

Saying goodbye was going to be tough on both of them.

***

It took over half an hour for Matthew and Nathan to say goodbye. The three of us stood in the departures foyer of O'Hare airport, Matthew clinging to his brother like he was never going to see him again.

It was taking enormous amounts of effort for Matthew to have been standing for this long, and as he was getting more tired he was getting more and more emotional.

I hadn't expected him to be the twin to break down.

"I'll be home soon Matthew, like you said, it'll fly by," soothed Nathan, rubbing Matthew's back and trying to calm him down.

"I gotta go," whispered Nathan, then a few words in Italian directly into Matthew's ear.

Matthew nodded slightly and finally let go of his brothers shirt and buried his face in his hands.

I put my arm around his shoulders to comfort him as we watched Nathan walk away towards his check in desk.

"Come on Matthew, man up, you don't want me to see you cry now do ya'?"

"I don't care," he sniffed, eyes fixed on his brother was walking slower and slower now, like he was changing his mind.

Like something from a bad movie, Nathan turned around and sprinted back to us, pulling us both into a hug.

"Now I really have to go," he said, voice cracking.

Matthew and I watched him walk away again, he gave a small wave, then vanished around the corner and out of sight.

"Lets get you to bed," I said, taking Matthew's hand and starting to lead him towards the door.

He gave me a weak smile and we walked slowly to the car.

With hardly a word, he fell asleep and slept until I woke him when we pulled up outside his apartment building. He looked around, confused.

"We're at my place?" he half asked, half stated.

"Figured the comfort of real home might do you some good tonight," I said.

Matthew had to lean heavily on me as we walked from the car to the elevator, then down the hallway to the apartment.

"Sorry, but I am literally out of batteries," he said, with his trademark grin.

"I don't mind dragging you, I'm getting used to it," I grinned back, opening the door.

I'd been living in the apartment almost two months now as I still hadn't gotten around to getting another place of my own.

"Wow, its clean," laughed Matthew as we walked through the living room towards the bedroom, his arm around my shoulders so he could lean on me. I didn't mind, he hardly weighed anything and as much as I hated to admit it to even myself, I liked being close to him.

"I am a girl Matthew, I clean a lot," I laughed as he opened the bedroom door.

I had never set foot in his bedroom. It didn't feel right. I'd always slept on the couch, it would have been too weird for me to sleep in his bed.

"You haven't been in here, have you?" he tilted his face to look at me, sensing my reaction to the messy room and unmade bed, exactly as he had left it that day.

"Never," I replied.

"Why?"

"Couldn't sleep in your bed without your invitation, it was just too weird," I looked up at him. Our faces were only a few inches apart, our eyes locked to each others. My heart skipped a beat and I couldn't help wonder if Matthew's did too.

"Share my bed with me?" he asked, hope spread over his face and a cheeky glint in his eyes.

"Of course," I smiled. His eyes flicked down to my lips for just a second, then back to my eyes.

Kiss me.

"Alrighty, well I'm gonna get changed then hit the hay, cause I'm beat," he broke the eye contact and started rummaging through piles of clothes for pyjamas, his back to me as I watched him.

I cursed myself for letting my feelings for Matthew develop this far. He was a patient, not someone I'm allowed to share a bed with, kiss, cuddle, any of those things.

But I wanted to.

Without warning, Matthew whipped his shirt over his head and started changing.

I stared at his naked torso, I couldn't help myself. He turned around and smirked.

"Pervert," he muttered, pulling on a plain black tee-shirt.

"Sorrrrry," I giggled, leaving the room so he could change in private. I changed into my pyjamas in the living room. I pulled on a plain white tank top and bright yellow spongebob squarepants pyjama pants that I had cut off at the knee to make shorts for the summer.

I wished I had something a little less dorky to wear as Matthew opened the bedroom door and saw me.

He giggled loudly.

"May I just say how incredibly sexy you look right now?" he smirked, heading for the bathroom and starting to brush his teeth.

"Shut up," I smirked, following him and standing next to him in the mirror as we both brushed our teeth at the same time.

My eyes fixed on Matthew's bandaged head. He still had a long way to go before he would be anywhere near recovered. In the next few days I'd have to take his stitches out, which was inevitably going to be unpleasant for us both, then the real healing could begin. He'd also get a better idea what he would eventually look like once all his healing was done.

I didn't care what he looked like. It was his personality that had got me hooked, his beautiful eyes, his determination to enjoy every second of every day, and the almost permanent smile on his face.

"Do I have something on my face?" laughed Matthew, dragging me from my thoughts.

"Yeah," I laughed.

He looked in the mirror.

"Where?" he asked, confused that he couldn't see anything.

"Ha! Made you look!" I grinned. He laughed and poked me in the side and I squirmed and giggled. Matthew yawned widely and I realised he was clinging to the sink to keep himself standing upright. It had been a really tiring and tough day for him.

"Alright, bed now mister," I said firmly, helping him walk to the bed where he swiftly collapsed in a heap.

"Tired much?"

"Yeah. A lot."

"Get some sleep, I have tomorrow off work, so we can hangout all day," I told him with a smile as I somewhat awkwardly climbed into the bed next to him.

"Sounds awesome," he said sleepily.

I gave him one last smile and flicked off the light, laying down and making sure I didn't touch any part of Matthew's body.

I felt massively awkward in his bed with him, especially alone without Nathan around. The truth was, I was terrified. I had all these feelings I knew I should fight, but I didn't want to. My heart was pounding and my palms were sweating.

"I can hear your heart thumping from here," mumbled Matthew through the darkness after a few minutes.

"Sorry," I said quickly.

"Stop apologising all the time. What are you scared of?" he mumbled, he was clearly right on the edge of falling asleep,

You.

"Nothing."

"You're a bad liar."

He stayed still for a moment, then scooted towards me, draping his arm across my waist and pulling me close. I rested my hand on top of his.

He nuzzled his face into my neck and took a deep breath.

"I'm scared of you too, Hayley, but we need to stop being afraid," he whispered.

All the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and a tingle ran down my spine.

"Goodnight rock star," he mumbled, gently kissing my neck.

My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.