Forever's Not Supposed to End

Nathan's point of view

The tour felt wrong. Every show felt more hollow than the last without Matthew at my side on stage. I'd find myself standing where he should have been on the left of the stage, rather than in the centre, trying to feel close to him.

I'd always manage to call when he was sleeping so we had barely actually spoken since I'd been in the UK.

We finished our set and I thanked the crowd for their love and support during this impossible time, then walked off stage.

I'd been isolating myself from Dan and Mateo, my bandmates, spending as much time alone as I could, it didn't feel right to hangout with them without Matthew.

A pair of strong arms picking me up and stopping me running away told me that I wouldn't get to be alone tonight. My feet dangled uselessly off the floor as I flailed around, trying to get away from my captor.

"Come on Chunk, let's go get some dinner or something, stop running away from us," said Dan, setting me back on my feet and turning me around to face him. Mateo stood behind him, both of them looking at me carefully.

"I don't want anything, I'm not hungry." It wasn't a total lie. My appetite was non-existent, but I knew I needed to eat something.

"Don't wanna hear that shit, you're even scrawnier than ever, you're eating or I'll force you," said Mateo.

"But you still call me 'Chunk'..." I trailed off as they practically dragged me to the van.

'Chunk' had come about as my nickname during Warped Tour way back in 2008. Matthew had got in awesome shape, don't ask me how, and in contrast I'd eaten a ton of junk food and put on maybe ten pounds. Matthew noticed it before I even did, and immediately dubbed me 'Chunk'. The guys never let me forget those few weeks of being ever so slightly heavier than my twin.

"You're always going to be Chunk, and we love you for it... but seriously... eat," said Mateo as the van started to drive once again.

The guys insisted on going through a McDonald's drive through, buying me food they thought I would eat. A large strawberry shake, fries and a box of 20 chicken nuggets.

I stared at it.

"We both know you can eat all twenty, so get cracking," grinned Dan, starting on his own food.

"Yeah, you can do it," said Mateo through a mouthful of his own fries.

I groaned and forced myself to eat as much of the greasy food as I could. I managed just over half before I gave up.

I managed to finish the strawberry shake though, I loved them.

Eating the food got Mateo and Dan off my back for a while, and I took the opportunity to call Matthew.

"Well hello stranger," he answered after two rings. He sounded good, happy and strong.

"Howdy there big brother. You sound great," I beamed.

"I feel great, just took a bath and a nap. Hayley is rocking out in the living room and I'm just listening, how's the UK treating you?" he asked.

"It's weird without you, I can't wait to get home, think I'll hug you so hard you might suffocate," I laughed.

"I look forward to it," he chuckled, I could practically hear his grin.

"How's our Hayley?" I asked.

"She's doing OK. She had a big fight with her dad, which bummed her out, so I eavesdropped her conversation and wrote it as some lyrics and now she's just going song-writing crazy. Oh, and she quit her job at the hospital, she's going to go back to Tennessee soon and try to make it with her band, pretty awesome right?" he sounded excited for her.

"Yeah, sounds awesome, she's a great singer, deserves it," I said, my voice not conveying the happiness it should have.

Hayley was my friend, and I wanted her to achieve her dreams, but selfishly, I wanted to stay in Chicago so when I got home, I could explore the feelings I was getting for her.

Flashback

I sat in my usual chair, in my usual position, with my right leg crossed over my left, my right foot resting on my left knee.

Matthew always sat the opposite way, leg crossed left over right. It drove me nuts when we'd do things like that in sync with each other.

I watched him sleep peacefully in his hospital bed, still completely unaware what had happened to him. He'd barely regained conciousness since the attack two days ago.

The attack.

The police came and spoke to me, they had the whole thing on CCTV. Matthew intervened as a man was beating his wife, the guy pretended to walk away, then hit my brother in the head with a blunt object, from behind.

The police thought it was a brick.

I tried not to think about it at all.

"How you holding up?" came a voice from the doorway.

It was the same nurse again, Hayley.

"I don't know," I said honestly. I'd stopped crying, which was a positive thing, but I still felt horrendous.

"I'm so scared he wont make it," I whispered, looking down at my brother again. His head, the missing section of skull, the tube of blood helping it drain. I could barely bring myself to look at it.

"Don't think about that for a second," she said, pugging her hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, really don't OK?"

"I'll try."

"Try harder. Give me a smile," she encouraged.

"I don't know about that..."

"Come on, you can do it."

I reluctantly gave her a small smile and she smiled in return.

"Be positive, keep strong," she said, giving my shoulder a small squeeze and slipping from the room. My eyes followed her, curious of the way she made my mouth dry and my stomach twist into a nervous knot.

"Nathan Hello? Earth to Nathan? Come in Nathan?" said Matthew's voice from the phone.

"Sorry, was thinking," I apologised quickly.

"Did it hurt?"

"Did what hurt?" I asked, confused.

"Thinking?" he chuckled.

"Oh ha ha. You're hilarious Matthew," I said sarcastically at his bad joke.

"I think so. But hey, you're gonna get a redonkulous phone bill, so I'll call you soon OK?" he said quickly, like he needed to go for some reason.

"You running away on me?" I said, in a mock indignant voice. I heard Hayley's voice in the background and felt a pang of jealousy. He was obviously hanging up on me so he could talk to her.

"Uh... well Hayley is here... so..."

"But you can hang out with her anytime! Oh, actually, put her on the phone, I want to ask her something?"

There was shuffling sounds as Matthew handed the phone over.

"Hello?" she said.

"Miss Hayley, I hope my brother is behaving himself," I said with a smile.

"He is for the most part. Just had a little water throwing incident, but I think he's learned his lesson," she giggled.

"Good. Now I have a question for you," I said.

"OK..?" she said, sounding uncertain.

"What are you doing the Friday after I get back?" I asked, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Um... nothing, but I leave for Nashville on the Saturday morning, why?"

"Keep it free won't you?" I asked.

"Um... OK, sure. Can I ask for what?" she said uncertainly.

"A surprise. It'll be good, I promise," I said, grinning into the phone like an idiot.

"Alright, I'll look forward to it. I'll talk to you soon, here's Matthew back, he wants to say bye," she said, handing the phone back to my brother.

"Hurry up and come hooooommmeee," he whined. I felt a twinge of homesickness.

"I'll be home soon, two weeks," I assured him.

"But I wanna hangout." I could just picture him pouting as he said that. I chuckled to myself.

"I'll talk to you soon Matthew, bye!"

"Bye," he said glumly and I hung up the phone.

I sighed heavily. It felt like I'd left half of myself back in Chicago.

These next two weeks couldn't go by fast enough.