Forever's Not Supposed to End

Matthew's point of view

*Two weeks later*

An unfamiliar sound woke me, a faint, whining kind of sound. I slowly opened my eyes and was met by my pitch dark room, and silence.

Hayley was no longer laying beside me where she fell asleep, her side of the bed was cold, meaning she had been gone for a while.

I slowly heaved myself to my feet, my head spinning slightly and thudding with pain.

Damn head.

A tiny crack of light at the bottom of the bathroom door told me where to find Hayley.

I knocked the door softly.

"Leave me alone," she said, she sounded like she had been crying. That would explain the strange noise.

"Are you OK?" I asked quietly.

I turned the handle and slowly pushed the door open and blinked in the bright light, raising my hand to shield my eyes from its glare.

Once my eyes adjusted I could see her, she was standing with her back against the sink, her pretty face tear-stained and yesterdays eye make-up running down her cheeks, making it look like she was crying black tears.

I took a tentative step towards her. I was terrible at dealing with women when they were upset.

"What's wrong Hayley?" I asked cautiously.

"It's nothing, I just had a bad dream, go back to bed," she tried to fake a smile but I saw straight through it.

"Come on, we're gonna talk about this," I said, taking her hand and leading her back to the bed.

The alarm clock told me it was 4.17am. In less than four hours we'd be going to collect Nathan from the airport. I was so excited to see him. I'd missed him terribly, more than I even thought I would. It wasn't that Hayley hadn't been fantastic company, it was that Nathan was like half of myself, and it was just wrong to be apart for any length of time.

"What was your bad dream about then huh?" I asked, sitting next to Hayley at the foot end of the bed and putting my arm around her shoulders. She immediately curled into me, burying her face in my shoulder and wrapping her arm around my waist.

"It was so real, it was like it was happening again," she whispered, her tears soaking through my shirt.

"Shh, it's OK, tell me when you're ready," I said softly, slowly rocking her back and forth. The motion was making my head hurt, but I didn't care, it was what my Mom did when I was upset as a child and it helped me then, so I hoped it would help Hayley now.

I held her like that for what felt like a really long time, until she eventually took a deep breath and looked up at me with her bloodshot green eyes. I could barely see her through the darkness, but the light from the open bathroom door was shining on her face.

"I had a dream about my ex, that he hurt me again," she said, voice barely above a whisper.

I'd never asked much about Hayley's ex, I didn't feel like I really wanted to know. I didn't want to imagine the horrible abuse she'd put up with for so long.

"He can't hurt you again, I'll never let him," I assured her, my own voice very quiet in the dark room.

"He... h-he... it felt so real... like it was h-happening again," she sobbed, burying her face in my shoulder again and clinging to me more tightly.

I shifted awkwardly and gently smoothed her hair.

I wanted to know. Part of me wanted to know what he had done, to get her this distressed over a dream.

"What happened in your dream?" I asked quietly, my eyes fixed on a spot on the floor. I needed more sleep, desperately, the pain in my head was almost unbearable.

She hiccuped and was silent for a few seconds before she took a deep, shuddering breath and spoke again.

"It was m-more of a memory t-than a dream. H-he got home a-and he slapped me in the f-face and then h-he forced.. he.. h-he-"

"Stop," I said abruptly, realisation and disgust hitting me at the same time.

I didn't want to hear this.

I didn't want to hear how one of the most beautiful souls I'd ever met had been raped and beaten by someone she trusted, even loved at one point.

"Hayley. I just can't understand how anyone could do that to you, and how you hide it," I said sadly. She sniffled and whimpered slightly.

"You're safe now. OK? I promise you, you'll never have to go through that again, I just wish I could take it away," I whispered, pushing a stray strand of red hair out of her face.

"I k-keep trying to push it out of my mind, but it's impossible sometimes. In my sleep I can't control it... I see it... and I f-feel it, and it hurts all over again. I feel so... used... so... broken."

I didn't have any response to that. I gently pulled away and crawled up the bed, gently tugging her hand, inviting her to join me. She sighed and lay down beside me.

I pulled the blankets back over us, they were still slightly warm and I was grateful for it. Hayley was completely rigid, and didn't react as I nervously put my arm around her.

We'd slept like this most nights since Nathan had been gone, but now I knew of her past... I worried that me touching her at all was making her think of her ex and the way he had used her fragile body.

"Does anyone else know, about... that?" I whispered.

"No, you're the first person I've told," she whispered back, then sniffed. She was still crying.

"I'll try to fix you," I whispered. She turned to face me, her face very close to mine.

"I'm not done fixing you," she retaliated.

"I'm all fixed, it's all better now, see," I said, taking her hand and placing it on the left side of my head so she could feel that it was in one piece.

"But you can't feel anything properly, and you still get pain, and you're still off balance and-"

I gently pressed my finger to her lips to silence her.

Her fingers started rubbing the side of my head, tracing the large scar that my re-growing hair was beginning to hide.

"Can you feel that?" she asked.

"Feel what?"

"Where my hand is? On your head?"

"Oh. No, I can't, it's all numb."

"What about this?" she whispered, lightly caressing my cheek.

"Mhm," I mumbled.

"And what about this?" she whispered, lightly trailing her fingers over the corner of my lips. I could feel her warm breath on my cheek. She was so close. My heart was pounding in my ears.

I didn't hesitate. I closed the gap between us, lightly brushing my lips against hers. It felt like a firework went off in my brain and I flinched.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, pulling away.

She leaned across and lightly kissed my lips, much in the same way I had just kissed hers.

"When we're fixed," she said, taking my hand and squeezing it.

"It's a date," I mumbled, as I drifted back to sleep.

***

Hayley's point of view

I was woken several hours later by loud knocking. I groaned and peeled Matthew's arm from my waist and myself from the bed and stamped to the apartment door.

I flung the door open to be met with a pissed off looking Nathan, with a suitcase.

"Huh?" I said.

"Sleeping in? Forgetting anything? Anything you were supposed to do today?" he said, looking quite pissed off. He looked drained, tired and thin and that made me feel even more guilty we hadn't made it to pick him up from his flight.

"Oh my gosh, we must have slept through the alarm, I'm so sorry!" I apologised quickly, a rush of guilt hitting me.

His face cracked into a grin.

"I don't care, now where's my twinnie?" he said excitedly, rushing past me and towards Matthew's bedroom, ditching his suitcase in the middle of the living room.

I followed him, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror and quickly wiping off the smeared mascara. I didn't want Nathan to know, though telling Matthew had felt like a massive weight was lifted from my shoulders.

I got to the doorway just in time to see Nathan dive onto his sleeping brother, hugging him so tightly I was actually concerned he might hurt him.

"Get off me!" squealed Matthew, wriggling frantically, trying to get away.

"Open your eyes dumb-shit! It's only me!"

Matthew stopped struggling and opened his eyes.

He looked to the clock, then to me, then to Nathan, then back to the clock, clearly confused.

"Yeah, you must have shut off the alarm," I said with a small smile.

"Never leave me again?" Matthew asked Nathan.

Nathan shook his head.

"Never again."

"Aw you guys," I said, making cutesy faces at them. They were both so adorable when they acted like this.

Over his brother's shoulder, Matthew caught my eye and motioned for me to come and join their hug.

I joined their hug and he whispered in my ear, so Nathan couldn't hear.

"Are you going to be OK?"

I nodded and gave him a small smile with he returned, affectionately rubbing my back as the three of us hugged each-other tightly.

"Good."

Matthew had made me feel like I could finally begin to put the past behind me. But feeling that I could do it, and actually doing it, were two different things completely.