Forever's Not Supposed to End

Hayley's point of view

I couldn't take the guilt.

I watched Matthew sleeping peacefully, totally unaware of the situation, totally unaware that I had betrayed him, totally unaware that in eight months I'd be having his brothers baby.

Then to lie.

And tell him it was his.

After everything he'd come through. We were both going to lie to him.

I carefully removed myself from his arms and tucked the blankets back around him. He was sleeping so heavily he didn't even stir. I pulled on my underwear, his pyjama pants and an old sweater that was laying on the floor and I walked into the living room, closing the door behind me.

"How was it?" asked Nathan from the couch. He must have just got home as he definitely wasn't in the apartment while we were having sex.

I glared at him and didn't say a word as I crossed the room, going to make myself a cup of coffee.

"Did he do OK?"

"Do you really think I want to talk about it? Especially to you?" I spat.

"Hey don't bite my head off. I was just wondering if he was physically capable of... doing it. He was worried he wouldn't be, that's all, he talks to me about everything you know," he said. He sounded hurt at the way I'd spoken to him.

"He's perfectly capable," I muttered, pouring the boiling water onto the coffee granules and stirring them, adding milk. I added one sugar, then two, then three and four. I always needed extra sweet coffee when I was stressed.

I felt as if my heart was about to explode through guilt.

"Calm down OK? It's done, and in a few weeks you can just tell him he's knocked you up, and we can forget this whole thing ever happened," I noticed a slight slur in his voice and looked at him carefully.

He was slumped on the couch, legs crossed, one arm behind his head, the other draped lazily across his stomach.

"You've been drinking," I said slowly, looking at his bloodshot eyes.

"No shit sherlock," he chuckled.

"Is that what you always do? Drink? Like.. Matthew gets hurt and you drink, you get dumped and you drink, you do something terrible and you drink. Don't you ever think you should find a permanent solution?" I asked as I cautiously sat down on the other end of the couch, near to his feet. I caught a waft of a familiar scent and blinked hard.

I sipped the coffee and sighed deeply.

He didn't respond to anything I had said and I looked at his until he eventually made eye-contact with me.

"And you've been smoking pot, I can smell it on you. Matthew is gonna be so mad," I said, shaking my head.

Since Matthew's attack, Nathan had been slowly crumbling. It was like each day that he watched his brother suffer he was slowly dying. Even now that Matthew was making massive steps towards being back to normal, Nathan was stuck in the past, re-living the worst moments over and over again, letting them drag him down.

"You think we're gonna be able to do this?" he asked quietly, eyes filling with tears.

I shook my head slowly.

"I just.. I don't think I can stand by and watch him be the one to be there, to go to the doctors appointments with you, the scans, to see the baby for the first time on the screen, to feel the baby move for the first time, to hear the heart beat, to kiss your belly goodnight, to be there when he or she is born.. to pick out a name... I can't let someone else do that. No matter how much I love him. This is still my baby," he said quietly, running his hands through his hair.

"You guys are so close... you'll still be there for most of that, I'll make sure of it. But we can't tell him Nathan, he'll be completely crushed... we can't," I whimpered, tears burning at my eyes.

"I know we can't," he said, sitting up and hugging his knees to his chest.

"I just... I want this for myself," he sighed, staring at Matthew's bedroom door.

I didn't know what to say to that, so I reached over and wrapped my arm around his shoulders.

He wrapped his arm around my back and we just held each other like that for a while, each of us wiping away the occasional tear that would slip from our eyes.

"I love him," I said quietly, after a long silence.

"You need to tell him that, not me," he shook his head.

"I don't know if I can, what if he doesn't-"

"He loves you," Nathan cut in.

"He does?"

"He's been saying it since he could talk after the accident. He'd be laying there, all whacked out of his mind on painkillers, and he'd tug on the front of my shirt and pull me down, and whisper in my ear, 'Nathan, don't tell her, but I think I love that nurse'," he grinned.

"Shut up, he didn't say that," I laughed, slapping Nathan away from me.

"He did. He honestly, honestly did, and then once he came home and you kept hanging out with us he was so excited. I haven't seen him like this in a really long time, he got his heart broken so badly," he said, eyes fixing on the door once again.

"What happened? He's never really talked about her to me..."

"Well, Matthew dated Amber for around three years. Once day we were having band practice... he got home early and she was fucking some dude in their bed. So he came over to my place, we both got really fucked up, then we went back to his apartment and dragged the bed down the stairs, called Dan. Dan came over and we tied it to the roof of his car, drove to the middle of nowhere and burned it in a field. Then he just.. he wouldn't go back home for a really long time, he slept on my couch for weeks. He was gonna propose to this girl and everything, he really thought he'd found 'the one'. But since then he's told me he doesn't think he ever loved her, that he doesn't think he's ever really felt real love," Nathan stopped talking but I felt as if he had something else to say.

"That it?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I don't know, you seem like that isn't the end of the story, feels like you have something else to say," I said, tilting my head to one side slightly.

"Well... I mean... it's not for me to say so-" Nathan stopped abruptly as Matthew's door opened.

Matthew stood in the doorway in just his boxers, clinging to the door for support, his whole body shaking. We both rushed to help him walk to the couch. He sat between us, head resting on Nathan's shoulder, both hands clutching mine tightly.

"Can I get you anything?" asked Nathan.

Matthew shook his head slightly, teeth gritted in pain.

"Grab him his pain pills, he needs two of the-"

"No pills," groaned Matthew.

"Come on, you need them, if it hurts you need them," said Nathan, getting up and fetching the pills and a glass of water.

"Open," he said, holding the pills by Matthew's mouth. Matthew shook his head.

"Then you leave me no choice," he sighed, one hand dropping to Matthew chest and pinching his nipple and twisting it painfully. Matthew gasped and swore, Nathan took the opportunity to shove the pills in his mouth and pour in some water, most of which just went everywhere.

"Nipple cripple? That was a low blow," I laughed slightly, shaking my head.

"Well if he wasn't a little bitch about the pills, I wouldn't need to do things like that," he defended, sitting back down next to Matthew and wrapping his arms around his shoulders in a hug.

"It hurts," mumbled Matthew, burying his face in Nathan's shoulder.

"Just sleep," said Nathan softly, one hand tracing small circles on Matthew's back.

I leaned in and gently kissed him on the cheek, he smiled slightly and opened his eyes, staring straight into mine.

"I uh... I think I love you," he mumbled.

My heart skipped a beat. Nathan grinned widely.

"I love you too," my face cracked into a wide smile.

I leaned down and gently kissed Matthew's lips. He kissed back, but it was obvious he was half-asleep.

Nathan started to make loud retching noises and we broke apart, Matthew still leaning heavily on his brother.

"I don't care if you guys wanna make out, but please don't do it while you're sat on me," smirked Nathan.

"I think someone needs to go back to bed, huh?" I said, as Matthew yawned widely and wrapped his arms around me. He nodded against my shoulder.

Without even needing to offer or ask, Nathan scooped Matthew up in his arms and carried him to the bedroom, gently setting him on the bed. Matthew nodded a thanks and pulled the blankets back around himself quickly.

"Stinks like sex in here," smirked Nathan.

"Yeah well... what can I say," shrugged Matthew, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the bed next to him.

"I'll leave you lovebirds alone," he said, blowing us a kiss then leaving the room, shutting the door behind him.

The door had barely been closed for a second when Matthew's lips met mine in a sweet kiss, I smiled against his lips and kissed back, wrapping my arms around him tightly. I never wanted to let go.

"I love you," he mumbled.

"I love you so much," I replied quietly, kissing him again and again.

"Don't go back to Nashville," he said, voice muffled by my neck.

"I have to, I want to make an amazing record with my band and go and tour, I want to make this happen for real this time, and now I don't have a job I can," I explained. I failed to mention the part of me being pregnant and the fact I was going to have to stop touring before we had even begun so I could get ready for the baby.

"I want you to have all of those things too, but I also want to always fall asleep with you here, and wake up with you here too, I want to feel your skin on mine, and hear your voice and be able to kiss you whenever I want," he said sleepily.

"You're so exhausted Matthew, get some sleep, I promise I won't leave without saying goodbye," I said, kissing his neck gently.

"I'm so tired, I think maybe what we did earlier was a little much for me.. it's still kinda soon," he trailed off.

"We don't have to do that again for a while if you don't want to.. I mean, I'm not going to pressure you. It was amazing, don't get me wrong, but there's more to you than just that," I smiled.

"Amazing huh?" he smirked, letting his eyes slip closed.

"Well.. sex has never," I swallowed and forced my voice not to break on me "It's never felt remotely good for me before... that was the first time I've ever enjoyed it," I confessed.

"You've been missing out, sex is supposed to be something good, not bad. I hate that guy so much for what he did to you. I want you to always feel safe and happy and good, and I'll do everything I can to make you feel that way," he kissed my cheek softly again.

His hand rested on my stomach and I felt a massive twang of guilt. How could I lie to this beautiful man?

"Goodnight Hayley," he mumbled, kissing my forehead one last time.

"Sweet dreams."

I kissed him goodnight and nuzzled my face into his neck, allowing myself to drift into an uneasy slumber. My hand rested on top of his on my perfectly flat stomach, and I wondered how he would take the news I was pregnant when I told him.

Every part of me was saying that Matthew would make an amazing father, but that Nathan wouldn't be able to keep the secret and maintain the lie.

I squeezed my eyes closed and finally fell asleep, the guilt still weighing heavily on my heart.