Forever's Not Supposed to End

Nathan's point of view

"Now are you sure?" I asked Hayley again as she walked up the front driveway to my Dad's house with Matthew and I.

"Yeah, I think I can handle it," she smiled, nodding.

Matthew laughed and shook his head.

"You don't know what you're letting yourself in for," he smirked, wrapping his arms around her waist as I pressed the doorbell.

I kinda wished that I had the nerve to ask Jenna to come with us tonight to meet my Dad, but I hadn't worked up the courage so had never asked.

"Baby brothers!" squealed our eldest sister Jill, throwing the door open and grabbing us both into a hug, so tightly that Matthew and I actually bumped our heads together.

"Ow," he winced, rubbing his head. Luckily it had been on his 'good' side.

"How are you guys? Oh.... hello.... you brought a friend," she said, smiling as she noticed Hayley, who had shrunk backwards when the door was opened.

"This is Hayley, my girlfriend, and this is my sister Jill," said Matthew, making the introductions. Jill leaned forwards and hugged Hayley, who smiled awkwardly and mumbled a hello.

"Well get inside, you'll freeze out there," said Jill, practically dragging us into the house. Hayley's eyes widened and Matthew laughed at her reaction as several of our nieces and nephews came sprinting at us from the lounge.

I dived in front of Matthew before they could tackle him, knowing he was unlikely to appreciate it.

I picked up as many of them as I could at once, losing track of who was who, they all looked so similar.

"Hey everybody, you gotta be real gentle with uncle Matthew OK, because he's got a bad head and you might break him," I explained gently.

They all nodded their heads and one by one gently hugged Matthew. The eldest barely came up to his waist, which was adorable watching them all crowd around hugging his legs.

"Aww," I grinned.

"I missed you little characters," grinned Matthew, ruffling up each of their hair in turn.

"This is my special friend Hayley, can she get a hug too? A nice hug?" he asked and the kids all switched from him to Hayley, who froze completely as they swarmed over her.

Matthew was almost crying with laughter as Hayley stood awkwardly.

"Come on you lot, see if grandpa needs any help in the kitchen OK?" I said and they all ran off towards the kitchen.

"Yeah, I'd tell you their names, but I'm a terrible uncle and forget all the time," laughed Matthew, pulling off his coat and taking Hayley's from her.

I handed him mine too, hanging it by the hood on his head.

"Jackass," he mumbled, pulling it off his head and hanging up all three on the hooks in the corridor.

"Shall we go see who else is here?" I offered.

I saw Hayley shoot a panicked glance at Matthew who nodded for me to go on ahead.

I strolled casually into the kitchen and opened the fridge, as if I still lived there, rummaging for anything good. There was two large pans bubbling on the stove, one of spaghetti, one of home-made spaghetti sauce.

"WHATYOUDOING?!" yelled my dad from the doorway, making me jump out of my skin.

"Asshole," I mutterd, glaring at him.

"Is that any way to speak to your old man?" he laughed, grabbing me and hugging me.

"Yes. When he gives me a fucking heart attack it is!" I complained, reluctantly hugging him back.

"How's your brother doing? He here tonight?" he asked, going to stir the spaghetti.

"Yes, he's here," I said through gritted teeth. I was getting slightly sick of everyone asking about Matthew. Nobody ever asked me how I was doing. The one who'd witnessed all the terrible things. The one who took care of him. The one that the whole situation was probably hurting the most.

"Oh, and he's brought his new girlfriend, so tone down the embarrassment," I warned as Matthew and Hayley walked into the kitchen.

"What's crackin' Daddio?" asked Matthew in his best 'gangsta' voice. I snorted with laughter and shook my head.

"Uh.. hello?" responded Dad, grinning at him. I could see the pride on his face. Everyone was so fucking proud of Matthew. How he was recovering, how he wasn't letting it win.

They didn't know that most of the time, the only thing keeping him positive was me. They didn't see him cry, or get frustrated, or angry. They only saw the smile he'd plaster all over his face whenever he saw anyone else.

I couldn't even understand where these bitter thoughts were rising up from, but they were, and they were making me worried I would just suddenly explode with anger.

"And who is this incredibly beautiful young woman?" asked my Dad and Hayley blushed bright red.

"This is my incredibly beautiful, caring, and just all around awesome girlfriend Hayley," grinned Matthew.

I made a loud gagging noise and Matthew glared at me as Hayley and Dad shook hands.

"Oi you," came the voice of my other sister, Allison, from behind me.

"Yeah?" I said, going into the hallway with her. I was grateful to escape Hayley and Matthew being all mushy and Dad encouraging them, it was making me feel nauseous.

"Who's that chick all over Matthew?" she asked, glaring at Hayley.

"Oh. His new woman. Don't worry though, she's amazing for him," I said, in a somewhat hollow voice.

"You don't sound convinced," she said, rolling her eyes.

"No, she is. I'm just... feeling a little... resentful..." I said. She dragged me into the dining room where two of the kids were setting places.

"You hate how all anyone wants to know is how he's doing? And nobody realizes you've been going through it all too?" she asked, reading my mind.

I nodded.

"You've been so strong, I honestly can't believe you haven't shown up at my house crying or anything," she said, hugging me gently.

She didn't know about the night, just a few short months ago where I'd tried to take my own life. Only Matthew knew, and Hayley, the one who found me on the bathroom floor. I knew it needed to stay between the three of us. I also knew it had terrified Matthew.

"I can't let him see me break... he's always been there for me, now I need to be there for him, as long as it takes for him to not need me anymore," I said, shifting awkwardly.

"He's always going to need you, we all need you, you're the baby brother we all love the most," she said, winking at me as everyone piled into the room to eat.

Hayley and Allison were formally introduced, and Allison seemed to relax a little, and we then undertook the family tradition of embarrassing the person who had brought home their new partner for the first time whilst we ate dinner.

Matthew's face turned steadily redder as we sold him out,spilling all his most embarrassing childhood moments.

"And then there was that time when you were fifteen and it was summer, you thought you were on your own and wandered off to the creek, went skinny dipping and I stole your clothes. You remember that one?" I laughed, draining my glass of wine. Luckily, Matthew was on water so I didn't have to worry about driving home.

"Of course I remember that. I walked home naked, completely unashamed," grinned Matthew. Hayley buried her face in her hands and groaned.

"Until old Mrs. Carpenter saw you," I smirked.

"I've never seen a look of terror like it," he laughed.

"Is it time for the baby pictures yet?" smirked Jill.

"I'd be up for that," laughed Hayley as Matthew groaned loudly.

"Aww guys, most of them have me in them too, be nice," I laughed.

"No mercy!" grinned my dad, going to fetch the photo albums.

"You're both in for it now," laughed Jill.

"I'll be right back," I said, getting up and quickly escaping the room before Dad could get back or anyone could say anything. Matthew caught my eye as I left and I found myself glaring at him.

I held my breath until I reached our old bedroom upstairs. I closed the door behind me and snatched up a pillow from one of the beds, punching it as hard as I could. I wanted to scream.

I couldn't stand watching him pretend to be fine.

I couldn't stand nobody asking how I was coping.

Because I wasn't coping.

Every day Matthew got stronger, I just got more afraid of him going backwards. I couldn't go back there, never again.

"Nathan?" it was Matthew's voice at the door.

I stomped over and turned the lock.

"Nathan don't be like that. You've been acting weird all day. Please talk to me?" he sighed.

"If I wanted to talk I'd be downstairs," I mumbled, throwing myself down onto the bed that used to be mine. A cloud of dust rose around me and I coughed slightly, memories of this room rushing back.

Matthew turned the door handle.

"Come on Nathan," he pleaded.

"Would you take a hint for once in your life and leave me the fuck alone!?" I screamed, not even knowing where the sudden anger was coming from.

"Um... wow. OK," he said sadly. I heard his footsteps retreating slowly back downstairs.

Tears were burning at my eyes.

How could I have yelled at him like that?

Because you've always wanted to.

But I haven't. I love him, more than anything.

But you've always lived in his shadow, and now even more than ever. It's time to get out Nathan, make his shadow go away.

I shook my head roughly, trying to rid myself of the uncontrollable thoughts.

I heard another set of feet climbing the stairs and I cursed under my breath.

"You OK kiddo? Matt said you weren't feeling too well?" asked my Dad's voice as he knocked on the door.

"Uh... yeah I'm fine, just need to lay down for a few minutes I think," I called back, trying to stop my voice from shaking.

"Don't be a stranger," he said, walking back downstairs.

I punched my bed angrily.

How could I feel like this? About my own twin? After everything?

I stayed in the room for a long time, and by the time I crept back downstairs, Matthew was asleep on the couch with several of the kids all sleeping on top of and around him, and Hayley, Dad, Jill and Allison were sat around sipping coffee and talking.

"Feeling better?" asked Hayley as I walked into the room.

I nodded slightly.

I could feel Allison's eyes piercing into me, she knew I was lying. She always knew when I was lying.

"Matthew said something about some pills you didn't take?" she asked.

I paused for a moment, then realized what Matthew meant.

My antidepressants.

I hadn't taken them in almost eight months, and didn't plan on going back.

"Yeah he's talking shit," I muttered as I dropped myself roughly into a chair, grabbing the bottle of wine from the middle of the table and downing the rest directly from the bottle.

"Wow. And I thought I raised you with table manners," said Dad, shaking his head slightly.

I shrugged and kicked Matthew's leg, causing him to jolt awake.

"Wake up asshole. I wanna go home," I demanded.

"Damn Nathan, are you on your period or something? You're like bitch-zilla tonight," commented Jill.

Everyone was staring at me.

"Nathan - I don't think I can dri-"

"Now," I said through gritted teeth.

We left slightly awkwardly.

Matthew was half asleep and unable to snap out of it, Hayley practically holding him upright. She was polite and gracious to my dad and sisters, but I didn't want to hang around. I needed to be at home.

"Hey I didn't drink anything, so I'll drive us back... you'll need to tell me where to go though," said Hayley quietly as she helped Matthew climb into the back of my car.

"Fine," I said, throwing myself into the passenger seat and kicking my feet up onto the dashboard.

Hayley started the car and I directed her until she knew where she was, then didn't say another word until I noticed her hands were shaking.

"You're shaking," I stated.

"I don't want to be driving, I'm still scared from the accident. Plus you're acting weirder than I've ever seen, and I know you yelled at Matthew," she said, glancing at me.

"It's none of your fucking business if I yell at my brother," I hissed.

She squeaked slightly as if she was going to say something, but didn't. She just kept on driving.

Matthew was snoring slightly and the sound was pissing me off.

"Would you shut up!" I spat, reaching back and thumping him on the shoulder, harder than I really should have.

He flinched away from me, moving into a different seat so I couldn't reach him.

"Please stop it... this isn't you," said Hayley quietly. I noticed tears rolling down her face.

"Oh here we go! Time to cry and make everything better? For fuck's sake Hayley, get a grip," I said angrily.

"I just.. I can't believe how you're behaving today," she said quietly, more tears rolling down her face.

"You know. Sometimes I can't believe how you behave. The fucking lies you've told to him?! Do you not think th-"

"STOP," she yelled.

I glanced backwards. Matthew looked fast asleep. Hayley stopped the car.

"Hey Matthew?" I said loudly, leaning as far as I could and shaking his knee to wake him up.

"Nathan cut it out, my head is really hurting tonight and I just want to-"

"You remember your baby?" I asked.

"Nathan shut your fucking mouth right now," spat Hayley, more tears rolling down her face.

"You really think I wanna talk about that?" he sighed, eyes slipping closed.

"Just for your information, you should be a little more careful with who you trust, because that baby was m-"

Hayley's hand connecting with the side of my face stopped me talking abruptly.

"Not anther word, from anybody," she breathed, hitting the button to lock the doors and starting to drive again.

I cranked the radio up loud, and whenever Hayley would turn it down, I'd turn it right back up again. Some sick, twisted part of my mind wanted Matthew to be hurting tonight.

We reached the apartment and Hayley shut off the car.

"When I open the door, you're not going to move, you're staying right there and coming upstairs with us," she said firmly.

I just smirked and let her do what she had planned.

Matthew was shaking as he helped her practically drag me up to the apartment.

I was pushed into my bedroom and the door locked.

"And don't come out until Nathan comes back," said Matthew sadly through the door.

I heard him start crying and Hayley trying to soothe him.

I didn't care.

I flung myself down onto the bed. My mind buzzing with bitter and twisted thoughts.

I couldn't stop them.

I just closed my eyes and let them play through my head one by one, as I listened to the silence now filling the apartment.

I had to get Matthew back, all to myself. Hayley was stealing him from me and I needed to remove her from the situation as quickly as possible.