Forever's Not Supposed to End

Nathan's point of view

Three days later.

"Come on Matthew, please stop now," I sighed.

We were at our rehearsal spot, and Matthew had pushed himself to the point of extreme exhaustion by playing bass for several hours as we tried to get some stuff recorded.

"No, I'm not done," he said through gritted teeth.

"Dude, enough," said Dan, marching over and taking charge of the situation and snatching Matthew's bass from his hands.

He was too weak to fight back for it.

"Can you take me home?" Matthew asked quietly.

He was a complete and utter wreck without Hayley around.

Since she'd been gone he hadn't slept well, he was convinced something was wrong with her as she was very quiet when they spoke.

"No, I can't. I can take you to my place though, I don't want you being alone," I insisted, as Mateo grabbed Matthew's other arm and we both pulled him so he was standing upright.

He swayed a little on his feet.

"Fucking vertigo," he muttered as he steadied himself and took a deep breath.

He looked awful. He was unshaven and exhausted looking.

"Dude we're all going to hangout with you, but we need to get my pet human first," smiled Dan and Matthew smiled slightly.

He loved spending time with Dan's baby boy Aysa. We all did, but especially Matthew.

We packed up our gear and left, heading to Dan's first where he retrieved his young son from his partner Sarah before heading over to my place.

Jenna wasn't home, she was out at work, so we got to just hangout and spend 'man time' as she had begun calling it.

Matthew was fast asleep on the couch, Aysa sleeping on his chest. It was the most adorable thing I'd ever seen.

I took a photo on my cellphone and picture messaged it to Hayley with the caption 'Daddy in training?!'

"Dude, gotta be honest with you, never thought you'd get engaged before Matthew," said Mateo, looking at me and then at Matthew.

"Really? How come?"

"Well you just... you never seemed that serious about any girls, you know?"

"Never found the right one to be serious about until now," I smiled as I looked up at the photo of me and Jenna in a frame on the windowsill.

"You pick a day to get married yet?" asked Dan.

"No. I'm letting her decide all of that, she's thinking maybe next year sometime, no need to rush right? We've got our whole lives," I said with a shrug.

"She's so awesome for you, plus, you're punching above your weight," smirked Mateo and Dan laughed loudly, causing Matthew to stir slightly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I hissed, glaring at Mateo.

"It means that she's like, a nine, maybe a ten out of ten, and you're like.. I don't know... a six? Maybe seven when you pretty yourself up a bit," he smirked.

"Shut up," I glared.

"The most important thing is what's on the inside," said Dan and Mateo rolled his eyes.

"Shh," hissed Matthew , putting both his hands over his face.

"Sorry sleeping beauty," said Dan quickly.

"Hey dent, get up, let's go do something awesome!" said Mateo, poking Matthew in the leg.

"Dent? Well that's just mean," he mumbled, carefully wrapping his arms around Aysa's tiny sleeping frame and sitting up, passing the baby back to his father.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out, seeing I had a reply from Hayley.

I stared at it for a few seconds.

It was a picture message as a response to the picture of Matthew I sent her.

A tiny little pink 'x' against a white background, zoomed in so close I couldn't see what the object was.

I didn't get it.

"Hey guys, do any of you know what this means?" I asked, offering the cellphone around to each of them in turn.

"Is it a kiss? Like an 'x' for kiss?" offered Dan, turning the phone upside down to look at it.

"I don't think so... it's weird. I don't get it," I said.

My phone reached Matthew and he stared at the picture for a few seconds before shrugging and handing it back to me.

"I don't get it either. Maybe she's being cryptic about something," he said with a yawn.

"Oh hey little man, cut that out," sighed Dan as Aysa woke up and started to wriggle and cry.

"Time to go home I think," he said and I smirked.

"I love having my freedom," I grinned as he glared at me as Aysa started to scream louder.

"One of these days Nathan, you'll have a kif of your own and I'll laugh so hard when you haven't slept for three months and have been puked and pissed on so many times its not even gross anymore," he grumbled as he, Aysa and Mateo left the apartment.

"Let me see that picture again?" asked Matthew and I handed him the phone.

"I don't... what the? It's just an 'x', I don't understand," he said, screwing up his face as he looked at it.

"I don't know either," I said, sitting down next to him as he handed me back the phone.

"I miss her," he mumbled.

"But we're not going to talk about it, right?" I prompted.

"I know," he nodded.

"But... I kinda... Nathan I've got this crazy plan in my head, and I need to spill it," he said, pulling his legs up so he was sitting Indian-style on the couch next to me.

"OK, spill," I said, leaning back and looking at him.

I pulled my pack of cigarettes from my pocket and my lighter, lighting one up and looking at him expectantly.

"I hate when you do that," he sighed as I inhaled deeply, tipping my head back.

"It calms me," I insisted.

"It poisons you," he countered.

"You telling me about this plan or what?" I snapped.

"Jeez. Sorry." He rolled his eyes and then started twisting his hands together as he started thinking about how best to word his plan.

"I... I mean... The Paramore tour finishes up in France. I was thinking about maybe flying out... and proposing to Hayley on the last night of the tour, in Paris? Like... you know, at night time, by the Eiffel tower, under the stars, completely surprise her, just turn up at the show and then wait for her afterwards. It that way too mushy?" he added quickly with a small smile.

"How could any girl say no to that?" I grinned, taking another hit off my cigarette.

"You think she'd say yes?" he smiled.

"I think she'd say yes if you asked her anywhere in the world. That'd be an amazing way to ask her, but I don't know if I think you're up to travelling and-"

"Nathan!" he groaned loudly, cutting me off.

"Well I'm sorry OK! I don't think you could deal with airports, not being able to just sleep whenever you want, flying for 10 hours, stress of figuring out where to go and everything, I don't know if you should do it," I said and he looked at me sadly.

"No, I don't think I'm ready to deal with it either, but, I need to do this. I've got like almost three weeks before I'd need to go out there. I could go for four or five days, get there, sleep the entire day, then get up and go find her," he said, staring down at the floor.

He was obviously hurting that we both knew he was incapable of putting his body under such a huge strain. Travelling was hard, maybe too hard for him even with how much he was improving.

"What if... what if I came over with you? With Jenna? We could make sure you were OK travelling, get you to your hotel and let you pass out for a day, then make sure you get up and eat some food, and all those other things you forget to do, just keep an eye on you and help you out. I mean, I'd hate for you to go all the way over there and like, get lost wandering around in Paris or something like that," I said with a small smirk as his face lit up.

"Oh my god! You'd do that for me? You'd really do that?"

"Uh... I'd do anything for you, you don't know that by now?" I laughed.

"This is so awesome! And yeah, you could stop me getting lost, or falling asleep in the back of a cab and waking up somewhere random," he chuckled and I nodded.

"I'm not telling Jenna, I'm going to just abduct her and bring her to the airport. She'll freaking love it," I grinned.

"This is going to be impossible to keep a secret for three weeks," he groaned, pulling out his cellphone and dialling Hayley's number.

"What are you doing?" I hissed.

"Relax, I'm not telling her. I just haven't talked to her today and I miss her a lot," he said with a sigh as he hit the green button to call her.

Hayley's point of view

"Wait, give me a second," I said into my microphone as my cell started to ring and I saw Matthew's name flash up on the screen.

We were sound-checking for the show later that night and I saw Josh roll his eyes as I bounded off stage to answer it.

"Hey you," I smiled into the phone as I closed the dressing room door to block out the sound of the guys sound checking.

"Hey yourself. And how is the most beautiful girl in the world doing today?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Fine," I sighed, my hand straying to my stomach.

"You don't sound fine. You going to tell me what's wrong yet?"

"It's just being away from you, I miss you a lot and I wish you were here, I mean, I'm having fun, but it isn't the same without you," I said honestly.

"But think of all the fun we can have when you get home," he said suggestively.

"Matthew," I giggled.

"So Nathan sent me the cutest ever picture of you today," I grinned.

"Yeah? And you sent us something cryptic that's messing with our minds, what even is that little cross thing?" he asked, sounding seriously confused.

"Oh that? I just saw it somewhere and I liked it. I'm being random, ha, sorry," I lied quickly.

I had been kind of hoping at least one of them would have figured it out.

I was desperate to get home just to be with him, I wanted so much to tell him.

"Matthew I- I need to tell you something," I said slowly.

"OK... what is it?" he asked, sounding worried now.

I backed out.

"I love you!" I said quickly.

"Oh, that's good. Thought you were going to tell me something bad or something, you had me worried," he chuckled slightly.

"No, of course not. But hey, I gotta go," I said as my stomach churned horribly.

"Something wrong? You sound weird."

"No, I'm fine," I said through gritted teeth as my stomach protested again.

"I know something is going on, and I'm going to figure this out you know."

"Please don't," I said quietly. I felt tears burning at my eyes.

"Please tell me what's wrong," he said quietly.

I was silent as I started to cry, warm tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Hayley?"

I didn't say anything, I just sank into the couch in the dressing room.

"I'm going to go now, I'll call you later," I said.

"Wait I-"

I hung up and cut Matthew off before he could try to convince me otherwise.

Within ten seconds he was trying to call back but I ignored it, just sitting on the couch staring into space.

"What's wrong Hayles?" came a voice from behind me, interrupting the silence of the room.

"Nothing," I sniffled, wiping my face with my hands.

"Something is obviously really wrong, and you can't miss him that much. So tell me, or I'll tickle it out of you," smiled Taylor, sitting down next to me on the couch.

I knew I could trust him with my secret. I knew I could tell him anything. He was one of my best friends.

"I'm pregnant," I whispered, saying it out loud made it feel so much more real.

"Yeah, I knew that part already," he smiled slightly.

"How? What?"

"Well, you puke like five hundred times a day, and I'm not as blind as you think. Does Matthew know yet?" he asked, taking my hand and holding it tight.

"No, does anyone else know?" I mumbled.

"I don't think so. You should probably tell him right?"

"I know, but it's just... it isn't what I want," I said, and Taylor looked at me carefully.

"What do you mean? You kept talking about how much you love this guy, and how he's the one you want to spend your life with, have his kids, get married and grow old... and now you don't? Are you breaking up? What's going on?" he asked, confused.

Matthew called my pone again and I let it ring out.

"I still want all of those things, but the timing couldn't be any more wrong," I sighed.

"We'll all understand if you need to go have a real life, the band has been so much fun, but sometimes things happen that need to take priority, and a bun in the oven would be one of them," he said, I scooted closer and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I buried my face into his jacket.

"But I'm letting everybody down. And maybe... I don't know, we said we were going to wait, and now this has happened by accident and my emotions are all over the place and I just wish he was here to tell me it'll all be OK," I rushed out in one breath then slumped back against the couch.

My phone rang again and Taylor took it from me and answered it.

"No, I got her, she'll be OK, I'll pass you over," he said and I wriggled away from the phone.

I didn't want to hear Matthew's voice if I couldn't be with him, it just made me miss him so much more.

"Dude she's running away from the phone, she just wants to be by herself I think," said Taylor.

"I will do, bye," he said sadly, hanging up and looking at me.

"You've gotta tell him, you can't just avoid him," said Taylor, pulling me into a hug.

"I can't tell him over the phone Tay, I need to see him, I'll just have to wait."

"You should probably try and get a doctors appointment for tomorrow or something though, OK? Just to make sure everything is normal and you're healthy and stuff. I can come with you so you aren't on your own?" he offered and I smiled sadly.

"I guess I should do that you're right, just to check it's all OK," I said quietly.

"I can't believe you're gonna have a baby! I'm gonna be uncle Taylor!" he grinned and I smiled faintly.

"Yeah, I guess..." I trailed off, staring at the text message Matthew had just sent me.

Hayley, my saviour, my inspiration, my reason to get out of bed in the morning no matter how much I don't want to. Don't shut me out. I'm here for you, that's what I'm for. When you're ready, I'm all ears. Well... not literally... that would be awkward. Plus then I wouldn't have arms to hold you in.
When you're ready to talk my love, I'll be waiting... xo