Forever's Not Supposed to End

Nathan's point of view

I sipped on my coffee again. It was too hot and burned my mouth, but I didn't care.

I hadn't slept well last night and it was only seven in the morning and I was already up.

Jenna and I had gone to the Paramore show, but Matthew was nowhere to be seen, not even at the side of the stage.

When we got back I let myself into his room to find him half asleep, in a lot of pain and freaking out about something he wouldn't even talk to me about.

Jenna wanted to go out and party, but I needed to keep Matthew company as Hayley was tied into band stuff and had to go back to the bus with the guys after the show.

I'd finally got Matthew to calm down at around two in the morning and he fell asleep, I crawled into my room and slept alone for the first time since I'd met Jenna.

Now I was trying to force down some breakfast, but all I wanted was coffee and a cigarette, and to know where Jenna was, because she hadn't come back last night and I was getting worried.

Sitting the in the hotel restaurant it was very quiet. Seeing as it was still early, very few people were awake, so most of the tables were empty.

I sighed as I looked around the room, tapping my fingers against the side of my coffee cup.

"I have to talk to you so bad," came Matthew's voice from behind me and I jumped so much that I spilled my coffee everywhere.

"Damn it Matthew," I sighed as he sat down in the chair opposite me. I watched the spilled coffee soaking into the pristine white table cloth before looking up at him.

He looked awful. He was pale, and looked like he was in a lot of pain, as well as his puffy eyes giving away the fact he'd obviously been crying.

"What's up? And can we do this outside? I need to smoke so bad," I said and he sighed, standing back up again.

He helped himself to some coffee as we headed outside and we sat on the wall in front of the hotel.

"So, what's up?" I asked, pulling out my pack of cigarettes.

"I just.... I need one of those too today," he sighed, grabbing for one.

"And the amount you bitch at me about these..." I laughed, lighting up his cigarette for him, then my own.

He took a long drag and then breathed out slowly, closing his eyes.

"So, start talking," I prompted, taking a drag off my cigarette.

"I asked her to marry me, and she said yes, and it's all amazing and perfect and wonderful," he said with a faint smile.

"And... this is stressing you out because...?" I questioned, screwing up my face in confusion.

"Because. Then she drops this... huge... bombshell."

"Oh. What kind of bombshell are we talking here?" I asked and he looked at the ground.

"A baby kind of bombshell," he said, looking at me to gauge my reaction. My stomach jolted.

"Oh wow. Um. Yeah. That's kinda... big news," I said slowly. My mind was reeling. I was so happy for him, but at the same time, I could understand his concerns.

"I can't do this Nathan. I can't take care of a baby. I can't even take care of myself," he sighed, his hand covering one side of his face.

"Hey, that's crazy talk. You can take care of yourself, you know you can. I mean. How hard can a baby really be to take care of?" I wondered aloud and he looked at me incredulously.

"Nathan. Really? She's on tour, all the time. The band is getting huge, she's not going to want to give that up to stick around and raise a kid, so then it falls onto me, and all I want to focus on right now is just getting myself back to being myself again and then getting back into the studio, making some music and getting back on the road. I'm selfish, I don't think I can give up that life again... because I wasn't ready to give it up the first time, and I'm getting so fucking sick of sitting around," he blurted out, then took another long drag off the cigarette.

I was silent for a few moments, just trying to make sense of my thoughts.

"Damn it Matthew, this is what condoms are for," I rolled my eyes and he punched me in the arm, hard enough for it to hurt.

"See, this is the part I don't understand... she always assured me it was 'taken care of', but now I'm wondering if she was like... tricking me. I feel really like... yeah. I feel like I don't quite trust her now," he said, staring into the distance and then sipping on his coffee.

"I don't think you should not trust her. Accidents happen all the time, it's just an accident," I tried to explain but he cut me off.

"Twice though? I mean. Twice?"

"Point taken," I said, a lump rising in my throat at the mention of the baby that Hayley had lost. My baby. That I was still torn up into a million pieces about and had nobody in the entire world to talk to about.

"I just don't know what to do right now, I feel so... I won't even lie, I'm scared Nathan," he sighed, stubbing out the last part of his cigarette. It felt so strange to see him smoke after he quit such a long time ago.

"Can you talk to her about it? I mean, how pregnant is she? Does she know?"

He shook his head.

"You still want to marry her right?" I asked, somewhat hesitantly.

"Here's the thing. I was ready to get engaged, hell, I'd be ready to marry her tomorrow. I just... a kid is... just... a whole new level," he said, head in his hands now.

"It means one of us will always have to be around, and I've just lost six months of my life and I want to get moving again, and by the time the baby comes along, I'll have to stop all over again to be with her and the baby. Because I do want this. I want to be with her, and a baby? I mean it's amazing. I never thought... I thought... I thought it was something that might never happen for me, but I got the most incredible gift in finding her."

"And your baby is going to be the most beautiful creature in the entire world," I smiled, unable to help myself.

He smiled faintly.

"I'm kind of excited, it's something I've dreamed about, but I just... I don't know if I'm ready. I still get days where I'm too tired to even get out of bed and-"

I cut him off.

"Matthew. Stop. Listen to me OK?" I said, putting my hand on his shoulder, he nodded and I started to speak.

"There's two of you to raise that baby. You'll never have to do it alone. Hayley is going to be there, and you know what, I'm going to be there too. I'll come over in the middle of the night and change diapers if Hayley is on tour and you don't have the energy to get up. It'll be like a tag team, I'm going to be there, I promise you that," I smiled and he grinned.

"Aw, Uncle Nathan getting all sappy on me."

"I'm not trying to get all sappy, I just. Dude, congrats. I'm so happy this is happening," I couldn't help myself from hugging him tightly.

After everything had happened with Matthew's injury, I had been worried that Matthew may never meet the right girl, that it would knock his confidence down and he'd end up on his own and never get married or have kids. It made me so happy that both of those things were on the horizon for him, and with such a great girl.

"I'm still scared, but I guess if I can just get you to do everything then, I shouldn't be," he mumbled into my shoulder and I laughed, pushing him away and seeing his smirk.

"I didn't say I'd do everything, I said I'd help. We need to borrow Aysa when we get home, and get some real practice in for you. I'm sure Dan won't mind you borrowing him for a few days," I suggested.

Matthew was frozen. Staring at something down the street.

"What are you- woah," I said, noticing what he was staring at.

It was Hayley, walking down the street smiling at us, her hair now completely blonde. She looked... incredible.

"Holy... mother of god," muttered Matthew.

"Down boy," I laughed.

"Good morning," she grinned as she skipped over, immediately sitting on Matthew's lap and wrapping her arms around his neck.

"You look, just, I can't even," he stammered.

"What Matthew is trying to say is that he can't tell you how amazing you look, because all the blood in his body is currently in his.... well... you're sitting on his lap, I'm sure you're aware," I smirked and Matthew blushed slightly pink.

"I just felt like...a change," she smiled, kissing his cheek.

"I love it," he grinned and she smiled at him, but then paused and looked at him carefully.

"You had a bad night, I didn't see you at the show," she said quietly.

"Yeah, I'm OK now though, this guy took good care of me," he said, patting me on the shoulder.

"I sure did, and I hear some congratulations are in order," I smiled.

"But... you already knew about that," she said, looking at Matthew and then back to me and then back to Matthew before realising.

"You... you told him?" she whispered and Matthew nodded.

"Aww I wanted to see his face," she smiled, messing up my hair.

"It was something like this," I said, making the widest smile my face could possibly manage.

"Awesome. But yeah. Uncle Nathan," she smiled, poking me in the ribs.

"Yeah, but, you guys having a kid is just... I'm so, so happy for you," I grinned.

"Thanks," she smiled, but I could see in her eyes she was just as scared as Matthew was.

I knew I needed to leave them alone to talk.

"I'll leave you guys to have your moment," I said, standing up and stretching slightly.

"Thanks," smiled Matthew and Hayley nodded.

"Oh! Nathan, wait. Jenna is passed out in our bus, just so you don't get too worried," called Hayley after me as I walked away.

"Thanks, I was getting a little worried," I nodded, walking back into the hotel.

I glanced over my shoulder to see Matthew and Hayley now kissing and I sighed to myself, heading upstairs to my room.

I let myself in and dropped onto the bed.

I couldn't help but be jealous of them, just a little bit. Even though Matthew was so worried about it all, I just had a feeling it was going to work out.

I must have fallen asleep laying on the bed, because the next thing I knew Jenna was laying next to me, still wearing her clothes and makeup from the night before. She looked exhausted, but she was grinning as I woke up and looked at her.

"Hey you," I smiled, kissing her nose.

"I love watching you sleep," she smiled.

"Wow, somebody is still drunk," I giggled as I caught the smell of alcohol on her breath.

"Maybe a little," she mumbled and I chuckled, wrapping her arms around her.

"So I guess I wanted to talk to you about something..." I mumbled after a few moments.

"Shoot," she smiled against my neck.

I took a deep breath.

"You want kids one day right? Like... I mean... yeah," I trailed off and she looked up at me.

"One day, sure," she smiled.

"One day like... tomorrow... or like... ten years time?" I asked and she narrowed her eyes at me.

"Um. I don't really know just yet, when the time feels right. I want us to married first. Where's this all coming from?" she asked, lacing her fingers with mine.

"Just... Matthew and Hayley... well. I mean. I probably shouldn't tell you, but I have the biggest mouth. Hayley is pregnant, and I can't lie, I'm jealous. I want babies," I pouted and she smirked at me.

"All in good time my man. But that's really awesome for them, I'm happy," she smiled.

"Me too. I'm so happy for them. But. I'm jealous. I want to like... I don't know. Can we?"

"Nathan," she giggled.

"See you aren't saying no," I smirked, rolling so I was half on top of her.

"But I didn't say yes," she giggled and I kissed her lips softly.

"You want to wait, that's fine. I just think you should know that I'm feeling this," I said. I felt slightly disappointed, but I could also appreciate her point of view.

"Well, once we get married It'll be the next step," she smiled and I grinned.

"I love you," I mumbled, kissing her neck then rolling onto my back.

"I love you too," she smiled, kissing my cheek.

"But you need to shave," she giggled.

"Hey! What's wrong with my beard? It's manly!" I protested, rubbing my stubble affectionately.

"Whatever you say," she giggled.

"Oh no, you hate it don't you," I sighed.

"It's kinda itchy, but it looks good," she defended.

"If I go shave can we... practice?" I asked, trying to keep a straight face.

"Practice what?" she asked, confused.

"That thing we gotta do to make a baby one day," I mumbled against her shoulder and she slapped me playfully.

I looked up at her and she was smirking at me.

"I'll be right back, seeing as my face is so unbearable," I said dramatically, trudging to the bathroom with as much attitude as I could manage and causing her to laugh.

I shaved quickly and then bounded back into the room to find her under the covers, her eyes daring me to join her.

Slowly, I reached out and pulled the covers back, inch by inch revealing that she had stripped down to her underwear whilst I had been in the bathroom.

I smirked and climbed on top of her, she grabbed the front of my tee shirt and pulled me down roughly and our lips collided in a passionate kiss, her legs immediately wrapping around my waist, pulling me down so I was laying on top of her.

"We need to keep an eye on the time, we can't miss our flight," I mumbled as the kiss broke for a few seconds.

"We've got almost two hours," she smirked.

"Yeah, but, this is us we're talking about," I mumbled as I ran my hands over her perfectly smooth tanned skin.

Our eyes met and her hands slipped up my shirt, I pressed my lips back to hers and it felt like the world around me evaporated.

All that mattered in that moment was Jenna, and I proceeded to forget about the world outside of that room.