Forever's Not Supposed to End

Nathan's point of view

"So when are you going to tell me what's bothering you?" came Jenna's voice from the bedroom doorway.

I sighed and closed my eyes, pulling the blanket over my face so she wouldn't see that I'd been crying.

"Nathan, come on," she said. I felt her sit on the bed beside me.

"No," I mumbled, trying to move away, but the pain in my back was enough to stop me from moving anywhere.

"Quit it," she said, pulling the blankets off my face.

I blinked the bright light and she sighed, pushing my hair off my face.

"What's wrong huh? You've been weird all day," she said, running her fingers through my hair.

"I'm fine," I sighed, trying to move away from her again and flinching at the pain in my back.

"Just talk to me, don't shut me out, come on, talk to me," she pleaded.

I closed my eyes again.

I couldn't take the guilt of looking at her face.

Knowing I was about to hurt her so much.

There was an easier way out of this, so much easier, but I was afraid it would destroy Matthew, and deep down I knew it wasn't really an option.

Hayley and I had managed to get a few minutes alone, and she had confirmed it, what I already knew.

I knew I had to tell Jenna. The guilt would just consume me otherwise. I hoped she'd be OK with it, seeing as it happened before we even met, but I really didn't know.

I took a deep breath.

"Hayley isn't having Matthew's baby," I mumbled.

"Wait... what? Yes she is, they were here this morning and they said that-"

"It's not his," I said shortly and she breathed out slowly.

"Hayley... Hayley cheated on him?" she asked and I opened my eyes to find her staring at me, waiting for my next word.

I shook my head slightly.

"Not exactly, it was before they were officially a couple," I said, my voice starting to shake.

"Well then... who's is it?" she asked quietly. The way she was looking at me told me she knew what I was trying to tell her.

"Nathan, don't. Don't say this," she sighed, running her hands through her hair.

"I don't know what to do," I mumbled and she just stared at me.

"Is there something going on between you two? Do you have feeling for her?" she asked, her voice raising in pitch slightly.

"No! No. Nothing is going on, nothing even really went on. It was Halloween night, we went to this party and Matthew stayed home. Our drinks got spiked and we woke up in bed together. I don't have any feelings for her," I tried to explain as Jenna stood up and started pacing the room.

"And why didn't you tell me this before?" she asked, a dangerous kind of calm creeping into her voice.

"I just... I'm so sorry," I whispered, so quietly I wasn't even sure if she had heard me.

"Hey, I mean, this happened before we even met," she said, sitting down behind me and getting under the covers with me.

"You have every right to be angry with me, I'm pretty angry with me," I sighed.

She started to rub my back, and I turned my head to look at her, before facing away from her again.

"It's weird. Does Matthew have any idea?" she asked and I flinched at the mention of his name.

"He doesn't have a clue."

"Shit."

"Mhm."

We were both silent for a few minutes, she continued to rub my back, making it feel slightly better.

"It'll be OK, It'll work out somehow," she said, placing a kiss on the back of my neck.

"I don't think this is one of those things that will just work itself out," I sighed, trying to get up.

I forced myself to stand straight, ignoring how much my back was hurting.

"Where are you going?" she asked as I snatched a pair of jeans from the floor and pulled them on.

"For a walk," I said through gritted teeth.

"But.. it's snowing outside. Come on. It's freezing. Stay here, we can just stay in bed and do nothing all day," she said.

I looked at her for a few seconds, finding myself smiling slightly.

She could do so much better than me.

"I won't be long," I said, walking over and kissing her gently on the top of the head.

"I love you, more than you know," I mumbled.

She looked up at me and I looked away, leaving the room without looking back.

***

I walked in circles for a while.

The snow was getting really bad, and I was freezing, my hands were turning a strange shade of blue.

I didn't care.

I found myself at the apartment building I used to live in.

Where Matthew had spent those first agonizing weeks recovering in my bed while I slept on the couch, or in the chair at his side, watching him, making sure he had everything he needed.

The code to the outside door hadn't been changed, and I climbed the stairs to the top floor, before glancing around.

There was nobody around so I continued climbing until I reached the door to the roof, pushing it open and letting myself back out into the bitterly cold air.

The door closed behind me, leaving me trapped on the roof.

It didn't matter.

I wasn't going down that way.

That's it. Everyone will be so much better without you. This kid will be so much better off without you fucking it all up.

Matthew would do a better job than me.

He was better at everything than me.

He always had been, and he always would be.

I shivered, my thin jacket offering me no protection from the bitter cold.

I walked to the edge of the building and looked down, taking a deep breath.

I sat down on the edge, allowing my feet to dangle into the nothingness below me.

Thirty floors.

The people on the side-walk below looked so tiny.

I was starting to feel sleepy and I lay down on the edge, half buried in the snow.

Nobody would find me here.

I could just freeze by myself.

That is if I didn't fall off the edge first.

All I could think of was Matthew. How I'd destroyed everything for him. Once he knew the truth I knew he'd never speak to me or Hayley ever again, and I couldn't lose him.

And Jenna. How all I did was drag her down. She deserved someone who could make her as happy as I wished I could.

I was shaking uncontrollably, tears rolling down my face.

I stared out across the city and then closed my eyes, hoping I wouldn't have to open them again.

Matthew's point of view

I closed my eyes again.

I couldn't shake the feeling something weird was going on.

"Hey, you're feeling OK right?" I asked Hayley sitting next to me on the couch as we watched a movie. It was getting really late and she was half asleep.

"Yep, fine. What's up?" she asked, stretching slightly.

"I've just got this weird-" I paused as my phone started to ring.

I took it out of my pocket and looked at it.

"Feeling," I sighed as I saw the caller ID said Jenna.

"Hey," I said, answering the phone.

"Is Nathan with you?" she asked urgently.

"No... I haven't seen him since this morning, is he not home?"

"He walked out like ten hours ago, nobody has seen him, or talked with him or anything. He was... he was upset about something, and I- Matthew I'm worried he's done something stupid," she said, her voice cracking.

I stood up quickly.

"Are you at the apartment?"

She squeaked a yes as she started crying.

"Stay there, I'm on my way over. We'll find him."

"But what if he's outside somewhere? It's like negative twenty outside and I just-"

"You're scaring me OK. I'm sure it's nothing, I'm sure he's fine," I lied as my heart started to race.

I felt sick.

All day I'd felt like something was wrong.

"Please hurry," whispered Jenna and I hung up the phone.

"What's going on?" asked Hayley, standing up and following me as I rushed over to the door, pulling on my shoes.

"Nathan's missing," I said, pulling on my coat.

"What?!" she demanded.

"Nathan is gone, nobody has seen him all day since we were at their apartment earlier."

"Should... should I call the cops?" she asked and I paused for a second before nodding.

I could feel Nathan was in real trouble and the more people looking for him the better.

"I have to go OK," I said, my fear rising with every second I wasted stood in the apartment.

I didn't know what could possibly have set Nathan off, but I was worried he was self-destructing and I needed to get in the way of him doing any real harm to himself.

I'd been able to feel it coming since the day of my accident. I knew eventually it would break him down.

Hayley gave me quick kiss on the cheek and I ran out into the snow.

It was the first time I'd run since everything, and I immediately felt dizzy and sick as my head filled with blood.

Ignoring it, I raced to Nathan and Jenna's apartment to find her calling his cellphone over and over again.

"Did he say anything before he left? Anything at all? Or did he just walk out?" I asked and he wiped away a few tears rolling down her cheeks.

"He- he t-told me h-he loved m-me," she stammered, barely able to talk from crying.

I tried not to show how much that terrified me.

"I'll go and look for him, I know a few places he might have gone to..." I said, freezing as Jenna's phone clicked as Nathan finally answered.

"Nathan? Can you hear me?" she asked, the panic in her voice very clear.

He didn't say anything.

"Where are you?" I asked.

"Matthew?" he asked weakly.

"It's me. Where are you? I'm coming to find you and bring you home," I said, tears burning behind my eyes. He sounded like he was in a really bad way.

"I- I'm cold," he said faintly.

"WHERE ARE YOU?!" I yelled, panic taking over now.

Jenna whimpered and I wrapped my arms around her, she started sobbing into my shoulder.

"I hope you can hear that, you fucking selfish piece of shit," I hissed into the phone.

He was silent, but I could just about hear him breathing.

"Nathan please, seriously, cut it out," I begged.

He was silent.

I heard some sirens in the distance, but I could hear them through the phone too, meaning he had to be close.

"I'll find him," I promised Jenna, squeezing her shoulder before running back out of the apartment, her cellphone still clutched in my hand.

I started to rush down the street, scanning the faces of the people I walked past, hoping to find one so similar to mine, but I knew deep down that he wasn't walking around anywhere.

I turned the corner and my heart felt like it was about to explode out of my chest.

A crowd of people were gathering, the police cordoning off an area.

I immediately looked up, my breath catching in my throat as I noticed the man on top of the building.

I punched the code into the panel for the door with my numb fingers.

A police officer tried to stop me, but I pushed past him, sprinting for the stairs, taking them two at a time.

My head was spinning by the time I reached the door to the roof, both hands slamming into the bar to open it.

The cold evening air rushed to greet me as I stepped outside, wobbling slightly as the pain in my head caught up with me.

"Nathan?" I offered as I slowly approached him.

He took a small step towards the edge and I closed my eyes, freezing in place.

"Take one more step and I'll do it," he said weakly.

"No you won't. Come on. Let's go and get warm and talk about this," I said, but I didn't move any closer.

"There's no talking. I've done something b-bad," he stammered.

I couldn't see his face, he was facing towards the edge of the building, but I knew he was crying.

"Worse than trying to jump off a building?" I offered and he shivered violently.

"Nathan you're frozen. Please, come on," I said, taking another step.

"MATTHEW I FUCKING SWEAR I'LL DO IT! BACK OFF!" he screamed, stepping onto the ledge with both feet. His toes must have been over the edge of the building.

"OK. I'm not coming any closer. I'm going over here OK?" I said, walking in a wide circle around to the side.

The police started trying to reason with him through their megaphones from the ground.

I wasn't standing close enough to the edge to be visible from the ground.

"So, what did you do?" I asked, shifting a few inches towards him.

He sniffed and shook his head, hands curling into fists.

"I'm so cold," he whispered.

"You can have my coat if you let me get anywhere near you," I offered and he shook his head.

"I can't... I can't do this anymore Matthew. I- I'm so sorry. I fucked up so bad and I can't fix it and I just. I'm ruining everybody's lives. You're all going to be so much better without me. I'm sorry. I love you," he said, voice trailing off to barely above a whisper.

"Nathan what are you talking about? Please just think about what you're doing for a second and you'll realise this isn't what you want," I pleaded.

I hardly dared to breathe, my body was tense, ready to dive for him if he moved any closer to the edge. My heart was racing, I felt like a lead weight had dropped into the pit of my stomach.

I was barely ten feet away from him.

He closed his eyes and took a breath, lifting his right foot and beginning to step forwards.

It was as if it was in slow motion. I did the only thing I could do and dived towards him.

My arms closed around him, both of us falling backwards. My mind was flooding with complete disbelief at what he had just tried to do.

I was vaguely aware of the back of my head hitting the solid concrete of the rooftop, Nathan landing hard on top of me and knocking the air from my lungs.

The next thing I knew was blackness.