Forever's Not Supposed to End

Matthew's point of view

"Matthew? Wake up, I made you breakfast," I heard her saying.

I smiled and opened my eyes.

"French toast? For real? Did I ever tell you I love you?"

"Maybe once," she grinned, picking up a slice of the toast and stuffing it in my mouth.

I choked on it a little and quickly sat up.

She giggled and pushed her long, glossy, blonde hair back off her tanned face.

I wolfed down the food. Having spent the last four months on tour, good food had been hard to come by, and I was really feeling it, like my body needed four months of over feeding to make up for the hunger.

"Hungry much?" she asked, sitting down on the side of the bed next to me.

"A little," I laughed, scooting closer to her, my hand finding her lower back and rubbing small circles.

"I missed you a lot, this time, more than ever before," she said quietly, looking at the ground.

I scooted closer again and wrapped my arm around her shoulders, my other hand on her cheek, her face so close to mine.

"I missed you too."

I kissed her gently, pushing her hair out of our faces as I did so.

She sighed softly and kissed me back, hands on my neck.

It didn't take long for the kissing to become not quite so innocent. Her leg swung over my body and she pushed me backward, so I was laying down with her straddling me.

"We've got a lot of nights to make up for," she smirked, pulling away for a second. Her blue eyes were glistening with lust.

"I know," I smirked right back, running my hands up her shirt and over her toned body.

"Get naked, now," she instructed, climbing off me and pulling her shirt over her head.

I didn't need telling twice.

I blinked hard. The room came slowly into focus.

"Hey there," came Nathan's voice from the fog.

I was lost in my dream about Amber. God, how I missed her.

Nathan started blabbing to me about how I was going home, to rest, something about surgery.

A nurse jammed a needle in my arm and everything went even more numb and blurry.

I was vaguely aware of Nathan dressing me in sweatpants and a zip-front hoody, but no tee-shirt, nothing over my head.

I was pulled into a sitting position. The room continued to spin and churn, long after I had stopped moving.

"Gonna spew," I mumbled, feeling my stomach churn.

Nathan shoved a bowl in front of my mouth just in time for me to puke into it.

I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel anything.

Once I was done he wiped my face.

I was confused.

Why was I sick?

Nathan tied my shoes and I was slowly pulled to my feet. The ground felt like it was made of water.

I couldn't walk. I couldn't function. Not one part of my body was doing was doing what I told it to.

"Nathan I-" I tried, but no words would come out of my mouth. I was useless.

Defeated by the simple task of walking, I was then gently sat in a wheelchair and wheeled through a maze of corridors until the bright morning sunlight burned my eyes.

"Hurry up!" she giggled, running through the field of long grass.

I laughed and chased after her, following her down a hill and towards a creek.

I reached the edge of the water, panting slightly, wiping sweat from my face.

She was on the other side of the water, clothes drenched, face grinning.

"Nuh-uh. No way. You know I can't swim!" I protested, crossing my arms over my chest defensively.

"It's like up to here!" she laughed, motioning to her waist.

"That's like here on me!" I said, holding my hand way above my head.

She laughed and sat down beneath a tree.

"Guess I'll hangout all by myself," she pouted.

Damn it.

I crashed into the water, fighting my way through the waist deep torrent until I reached the other side, gasping from the cold.

"That wasn't so bad now was it? Now you get to lie in the sun and dry out," she smiled as I sat beside her, shivering slightly.

"You make me do crazy things," I laughed, shaking my head.

I lay down in the grass, and she rested her head on my chest, I tangled my hands in her hair, the sun warming us as we both drifted off to sleep.

Hours later we woke up, our clothes long dry, the sun setting.

Hand in hand we walked the long way to the bridge to cross back over the creek.

I paused on the bridge, pulling her close to me.

"I love you," I told her, kissing her cheek.

She smiled at me.

"I know."

She was in my head again. I couldn't shut her out. The flashbacks were too strong to fight.

"Nathan I don't feel so good," I mumbled as the car slowed to a stop at another set of traffic lights. My brother took one hand off the wheel and placed it on my knee.

"We're almost there, then you can lay back down," he assured me.

"Nearly there Matthew," came Hayley's beautiful voice from the back seat.

She was sitting in the seat behind me, and had one hand on each side of my face. Her thumb was gently stroking my cheek, It was soothing, the car was making my head hurt.

My head.

"When we get there, do you promise to tell me what's wrong with me?" I asked weakly, closing my eyes and trying to picture a happy place, being on stage, with my brother and band-mates.

"I promise. I'll tell you everything," said Nathan, hand squeezing my knee gently then returning to the steering wheel.

A single tear escaped my right eye before I could stop it, and ran slowly down my cheek.

Hayley noticed the wetness on her hand immediately.

"No crying Matthew, you're doing so well. Really, really well, It's like one more block," she urged, thumb rubbing my face again, gently, almost lovingly.

"I'm so scared," I whispered to nobody in particular, sinking back into my memories I was too weak to fight off.

I got home early from practice and kicked off my shoes, setting down my bass and wandering into the kitchen. Nathan had lost his voice, so we'd called it quits a few hours early today.

She was nowhere to be seen. I grabbed a glass of water quickly and threw off my jacket, walking towards the bedroom, hoping to take a quick nap before she got home from work.

I opened the door and immediately wished I hadn't.

There she was. In our bed. With him. Moaning, writhing, her legs wrapped around his waist, just as they had been wrapped around mine just a few short hours ago.

It took them a few seconds before they noticed me standing there, watching them fuck.

I didn't feel sadness.

I just felt anger. Anger like I'd never felt before.

"Matthew!" she cried, pushing the man off her and pulling the sheet up to cover her bare chest. What was the point? I'd seen it all before. Just never thought I'd see it writhing beneath another man.

In my bed.

I couldn't find any words.

She just looked at me. Guilty as hell.

Three years of relationship, down the drain in three seconds.

I turned around and stormed out of the room.

"Mattie, wait," she cried, following me, wearing the sheet.

"Don't you fucking dare. How can you call me that?" I growled, my fists clenching, my heart racing.

"I- I- I- can explain-" she started. I cut her off pretty quickly.

"What like.. like it's an accident? 'Oh, I'm sorry Matthew, I guess I accidentally met this guy, and then my clothes accidentally fell off, and he accidentally fell on top of me, and we accidentally started fucking.' Is that it? Is that what happened?" I mocked.

"Mattie-"

"DON'T you fucking dare, you... you... whore," I spat, pure hatred consuming my voice.

She looked hurt by my words.

"I'm leaving. And when I get back. You, your stuff, and your fuck buddy had better be gone," I yelled, storming from the apartment and slamming the door so hard I broke one of the hinges.

Ten minutes later I knocked Nathan's apartment door. He answered it almost immediately, and looked thoroughly shocked at my tearstained face.

"Matthew? Oh my god, Matthew, what's happened?" he pulled me into the apartment, hands on my shoulders.

"I got home.. and Amber was.... she was fucking some dude."

That made it feel even more real. Saying it out loud.

He hugged me tightly.

"It'll be OK."

"It wont."

"It will. I got you. I'll help you. It'll be OK. We'll get you over it."

"She... after all this time... she..." I was numb. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the ring I had been carrying for weeks, far too nervous to ask Amber to be my wife. She was too good for me.

I pushed it into Nathan's hands and he looked at it.

"Oh," he said softly, looking at me with sad understanding in his eyes.

"AND SHE'S A FUCKING WHORE!" I screamed, launching myself at the wall, punching it, kicking it, smashing my head against it.

Nathan did nothing to stop me, he just watched as I sank, sobbing, into a ball on the ground.

She was a whore.

I opened my eyes. I was in Nathan's bed, surrounded by pillows, his room smelled oddly clean and there was no mess around. It was slightly surreal.

I noticed Hayley sitting in a chair beside the bed, looking completely engrossed in the book she was reading.

"Watcha' reading?" I asked and she jumped slightly.

"I didn't know you were awake," she smiled, then looked back at her book.

"Oh, it's just a medical textbook, boring stuff really." She pushed her thick rimmed glasses up her nose and smiled awkwardly.

"You in any pain, at all?" she asked.

I tried to feel for a second, a slight throbbing in my head, but nothing too bad.

"Not really."

"Let me know, I have lots of drugs," she told me, pointing at a medical looking bag on the ground.

I tried to nod but I couldn't.

The thoughts of Amber were making me feel so lonely.

I was scared and confused, not knowing what was wrong with me or what was happening.

"Can you.. can youholdmyhand?" I blurted out.

"Sure," she took my hand in hers, her thumb stroking the back of my hand in the same way it had been stroking my face in the car. It was really soothing.

"I heard about what your boyfriend did. I hope you're safe at my apartment," I told her, noticing my words were starting to slur.

"I am. Thank you," she smiled and squeezed my hand gently.

"Nobody should hurt another person," I said weakly. I could feel sleep coming.

Nathan came into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed beside me. It was nice to have his presence.

"You're right Matthew, nobody should hurt another person, but it doesn't always work like that," said Hayley sadly.

My head gave a sudden and massive throb and I cried out in pain, both hands lunging for my left forehead. My hands were grabbed and forced back to my sides. A rush of new information became visible to me all at once.

I remembered.