Two Young Men in Love

“Alex, get your ass down here now!”

I jumped out of my seat hearing my father’s roar from downstairs. Oh, no. I quickly ran down the stairs and followed the sounds of his angry muttering before coming to a stop in the kitchen. My eyes jump from him to the half-finished washing in the sink and then back to him. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, knowing that it would do no good anyway. “I just remembered I had to email Mrs Simons my essay and-“
“Shut up,” my dad snapped, marching over to my and grabbing a fistful of my hair at the back of my head and shoving me towards the sink. “Is this going to clean itself?” he demanded and I lowered my head.
“No,” I whispered.
“Well then fucking clean it!” he shouted before storming out of the room and slamming the door behind him. My lower lip trembled a bit and the back of my head throbbed from where he’d pulled my hair so hard, but I got on with the job and finished doing the washing-up.

Dad had only been home for 5 minutes – the washing-up in the sink had been mine and Jacob’s dinner – and I knew that any minute now, dad would be forcing Jake to come in here and make him dinner, too. I clenched my teeth together hard to stop myself from crying. Crying was the worst form of weakness in his eyes. No boy should ever cry, in his opinion.

The door opened behind me and I turned a fraction to see Jacob enter the room as silently as possible. “Hey,” I breathed, my gaze trained on his face. He just nodded and smiled gently in acknowledgement. We both knew that if we made too much noise, our dad would be in here in second and the result would not be pretty. Jacob started cooking pasta and some type of sauce for our dad, trying to keep the clanging of the pots and pans to a minimum. But, just as I placed the final plate on the drying rack, it slipped from my hand and clattered to the floor, shattering into several pieces. Both Jacob and I gasped and started at the white shards on the floor, and then our gaze turned towards the still closed door. For a second, I thought I’d got lucky and dad hadn’t heard, but only a moment later, the door banged open revealing my dad, glowering down at me.
“What the hell are you doing, boy?” he demanded, walking slowly over to me. My heart was racing in my chest as I glanced up into my dad’s dark eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, trying to hold back my tears.
“It was an accident,” Jacob defended me, but that only made my dad more angry. He raised his hand and backhanded me across my jaw. I fell to the floor, my hands landing on the small shards of china, which then dug into my palms. But I hardly felt it. My cheek was throbbing much more noticeably than my hands.
“It was clumsy and stupid,” dad snapped. “Who’s going to replace that plate? Because it sure as hell won’t be me.” With that, he left the room. Tears pooled in my eyes and I lowered my head as a soft whimper escaped my lips.
“Alex,” Jacob whispered, crouching down beside me. He placed his hand on my shoulder, but I ducked away from him. I was too embarrassed, too ashamed. I quickly moved to get a dustpan and brush and then hurriedly scooped up all the plate shards. I tossed them in the bin before putting the dustpan and brush back where they belonged. I glanced over at the washing-up, which was drying on the rack and then silently left the room and headed back upstairs. I could feel Jacob’s eyes on me the entire time and I knew that if I stopped moving, even for a second, I would break down. And I didn’t want to do that, not until I was in the safety of my own room.

About half an hour later, there was a gentle knock on my door. I knew who it was – my dad was incapable of doing anything gently, and besides that, he never knocks. “Come in,” I said quickly. I was sitting on the edge of my bed, unsure as to what I should do. Part of me just wanted to crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep. But it was still early and if my dad wanted anything more, I knew that he would ask me regardless of whether I was awake or not. Jacob slowly came into my room and closed the door again. I looked over at him. He was so much better than me. While I was hardly 5’5”, Jacob was 5’10” and while that wasn’t quite as tall as my dad, it was still tall. He had smooth, flawless skin stretched across his perfectly structured features, while I had a few dozen freckles ruining mine. He’d inherited our mother’s olive green eyes, while I was stuck with my father’s plain brown ones – I hated them, anything that linked me to him was an abomination. No wonder my mum had run off as she had – she couldn’t bear to be linked to him either. She’d had a way out, though, an escape. She’d been able to divorce him and sever all links. While Jacob and I, we were forever linked to him via genetics. That was just something we couldn’t escape.

Jacob settled himself on the bed beside me and held up an ice pack to my cheek. “It’s already swelled up pretty bad,” he whispered. I didn’t respond, I didn’t care. I shifted closer to him and leant on his shoulder and closed my eyes. Jacob set the ice pack aside and wrapped his arms around me tightly. “You can cry, you know,” he whispered. “It’s not wrong to cry.” And, as though his words had given me permission, the first tears rolled their way down my cheeks. Once those first few had fallen, there was no chance of containing the rest. I buried myself in my brother’s chest and cried, whimpering and sobbing, holding him as close as possible, just to feel his comforting presence.

I cried for almost an hour. We heard our dad go into his room and we knew that we were safe for the rest of the night. Once he’d gone to bed, he didn’t come out of his room – so long as we didn’t make any noise. “Don’t leave me,” I whispered desperately, holding onto him tighter. “Please.”
“I promise,” he whispered, stroking his fingers through my hair lightly. “I’m right here.” We moved somewhat awkwardly so we were lying down on my bed. We were both still fully dressed, but neither of us cared. Just as long as I felt my brother’s body alongside mine, I felt safe and protected. After crying for so long, I was exhausted and it took mere moments for me to fall asleep.

The following morning I blinked awake. My cheek was still throbbing, but only slightly. I was much more aware of the warm body cuddled up behind me. I turned as smoothly as I could, so as not to disturb Jacob, and gazed at his sleeping face. He was so beautiful. I carefully raised my hand to stroke down his smooth cheek, feeling the softness of his skin beneath my fingertips. My eyes jumped from his closed eyes down to his lips and then back to his eyes, making sure they were still closed. My heart was racing and I didn’t even really know what possessed me to do what I did next. But before I could stop myself, I slowly leant forward, desperate to feel those soft, plump lips against mine. My lips slotted against his perfectly and my eyes slid closed. My first kiss. It took me a second to actually realise that there was a slight pressure against my lips – Jacob was kissing back.

My eyes sprang open, but Jacob’s eyes were still closed. Only a short moment later, Jacob’s eyes opened and widened before he pulled himself away hurriedly. We stared at each other for a moment, both of us unable to speak, unsure as to what would make this situation any better. “Jake…” I whispered, but he just shook his head and jumped off the bed. He gazed at me for a minute longer before turning and running from my room. Tears pricked in my eyes and I fell back onto my bed to bury my face in my pillow. Great, now I’d ruined the only good relationship I had left.

-&-

I stayed in bed all day, doing my utmost to avoid my brother. I couldn’t face him; I couldn’t bear to see the look of disgust that was sure to be on his face. But I knew that once our dad got home, I wouldn’t be able to hide any longer. He’d want me to make him dinner, seeing as Jacob made it last night.

And, right on time, my dad came through the front door screaming my name. I quickly jumped up from the bed and went into the living room, where I would find him watching television. “Why the fuck isn’t my dinner ready yet?” he asked, flicking through the sports channels.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “Um, what would you like?”
“Steak and chips,” he said. I just nodded before hurrying out of the room. Jacob was coming down the stairs as I passed them, and I kept my head down to avoid seeing his hatred towards me. I went into the kitchen and pulled the chips out of the freezer and the steak from the fridge. After setting the oven to warm up, I poured a serving of chips onto an oven tray and put them in the oven. I then prepared the steak, which takes less time than the chips.

The door opened a minute later and I stiffened, knowing that it would be Jacob. He didn’t say anything and nor did I. The tension in the room was so thick that I could hardly breathe. Jacob moved so silently that I didn’t even hear him cross the room, but he was suddenly right behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist. I tensed, waiting for what was going to happen next. I didn’t want to do or say anything because I was pretty sure I would just make everything worse. “Don’t be scared, Alex,” Jacob whispered, resting his chin on my shoulder. “You don’t need to be scared of me.” I closed my eyes and leant into his embrace marginally, but I still wasn’t going to let myself relax completely.
“I…I have to finish dad’s dinner,” I whispered. I heard Jacob sigh and he pulled away.
“Okay,” he nodded. “I’ll, um, be upstairs.” I turned to look at him, but he’d already turned away and I just caught a glimpse of his brown hair as he left the room. Tears pricked in my eyes and I blinked them away so I could focus on making dad’s dinner.

Half an hour later, dad’s dinner was made and I’d take it into the living room for him. “’Bout fucking time,” dad growled, taking the plate and dismissing me with a wave of his hand. I retreated back upstairs. I paused outside Jacob’s bedroom door and debated with myself for a moment whether I should go in or not. But then I decided not to. I continued to my bedroom and closed the door gently behind me. I sat at my desk and opened my emails, seeing if I had a reply from my teacher about the essay I’d sent her the night before. I didn’t, but I did have an email from Southampton University about an enquiry I’d made.

University really, though, was the last thing on my mind. I couldn’t afford it and needed financial aid – which is what the email was about – and Jacob hadn’t gone anyway. He should have gone this year, but, for whatever reason, he hadn’t. I knew he should have, he was clever enough to, but he just hadn’t. Which made me hesitant to apply as well. I don’t want to leave him here alone.

“Jacob!” dad yells from downstairs and a second later, I hear his bedroom door open and close. I swallow heavily, waiting – barely moving – for any sounds from downstairs. I could hear dad speaking, but I couldn’t make out what he said. But then I heard a low thud and leapt up from my bed and hurry downstairs. “Watch what the fuck you’re doing,” dad snapped from within the living room. I quickly went in and saw Jacob sprawled on the floor. My eyes widened with concern and without thought of my dad, I knelt down next to Jacob.
“Are you okay?” I whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder and helping him sit up.
“Yeah,” he smiled weakly. “Just…tripped.” He looked over at our dad and I knew he was lying, but I wasn’t going to ask for further details. I could smell alcohol in the air and knew dad had been drinking. Everything was so much worse when he’d been drinking. I helped Jacob to his feet and picked up dad’s plate from the coffee table and we left the room. My dad hadn’t even batted an eye lid. We went into the kitchen and I filled the sink with hot, soapy water. “Let me,” Jacob said, trying to push me aside.
“No,” I shook my head. “Go sit down for a minute. I’ve got this.” Jacob sighed but did as I said anyway and sat at the kitchen table.

I hurried through the washing-up and then left it to dry by itself. I crouched down in front of Jacob, in between his knees, and looked up at his face. “Are you okay?” I asked again. Jacob just nodded and I sighed softly before standing up and taking his hand and leading him up to my room. I don’t know why, but whenever one of us is upset – which does happen more often than not – we always go to my room. I made Jacob lie down on my bed and I went over to my computer to double check my email, but I didn’t have any new ones. I shut it down and then went over to sit beside him on the bed. I cautiously leant over and stroked his hair from his face.
“What happened this morning?” he whispered suddenly and my hand froze on his hair. Jacob reached up and took my hand in his, entwining our fingers.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, looking away but not able to bring myself to pull away completely. “I was just…um, I wasn’t thinking and…I’m sorry.” Jacob quickly sat up next to me.
“Shh,” he breathed, covering my lips with his finger. “Don’t say you’re sorry. Don’t be sorry. I’m not.” I looked over at him with a gentle frown.
“What?” I asked quietly.
“I’m not sorry it happened,” he said and I gazed at him.
“You’re not?” I whispered, suddenly finding myself short of breath.
“No,” he said gently. “And…I’d kind of like it to happen again.”
“You would?” I asked, gazing into his beautiful eyes. “But…we’re brothers. Don’t you…um…”
“I love you, Alex,” he whispered, gazing back at me. “I’m in love with you. I have been for so long.”
“You have?” I breathed. “I’m in love with you, too.” I stared at him, waiting for something to happen. Waiting for our dad to come storming into the room and beat us within an inch of our lives for being so disgusting. But nothing happened. Jacob just smiled tenderly at me and then slowly leant forward and pressed a kiss to my lips.
“We should leave,” he whispered and my eyes widened. “We should run away, you and me together.”
“We haven’t got anywhere to go,” I said, biting my lip.
“Mum didn’t either, but that didn’t stop her,” Jacob said, stroking my jaw lightly. “We’ll be alright, we’ll have each other.”
“Yeah,” I nodded, scooting closer to him and burrowing into his side. “Let’s leave now, right now.”
“We can’t,” Jacob said somewhat regretfully.
“But we can,” I argued desperately. “We have to. I can’t watch him hurt you anymore.” Jacob smiled gently and pressed a kiss to my forehead.
“I know,” he whispered. “But we don’t have any money. We’ll steal as much as we can from him over the next couple weeks and we’ll leave as soon as possible, okay?”
“You promise?” I whispered, gazing up into his warm eyes.
“I promise,” he nodded. “I won’t make you stay here any longer than necessary.”
“I love you, Jake,” I whispered, leaning into his shoulder and inhaling his delicious scent.
“I love you, too, Alex,” he whispered. “You’re the most important thing in my world. We’ll be okay, we’ll look after each other.”
“We’ll get through this,” I agreed with a gentle smile. And suddenly, my dad didn’t seem that scary because I knew that soon, even though it wasn’t quite soon enough, we’d be able to escape. Me and my big brother, together.