Oh Captain
new house
S.O.S has been going strong for as long as Sebastian can remember without breaks longer than maybe six months. But the band had seen better days, younger days. And in their thirties and forties, the tour was nothing like what Sebastian remembered it being like as a child.
The two months on the bus were almost relaxing- it was a change of scenery and though hot, he couldn’t complain about much else since his bed back home was the size of the bunk and he could be content just looking out the window at the passing states. It was exciting but just not in the way it was when he was eight.
Everything looked bigger and brighter then, and maybe that was just the youth but everything had this spark to it that Sebastian could only remember because he didn’t feel it now. It’s not like anything was particularly crazy, since he was still treated like the little brother and he still couldn’t go out with them because of his age and when he’d be around the other bands and they gave him a drink, he didn’t even really like the taste so he’d just pass it back and blink in their confused faces.
Sebastian watched every single show, unlike when he was younger, but he still pulled a face when Captain would saunter over to Jack with his microphone and start feeling him up. Some nights Captain would dedicate a song or two to him, but he did that even when Sebastian wasn’t there, and once even tried to get him onstage. He didn’t try again after Sebastian nearly had a panic attack and refused to go out there and left the venue completely, the only show he’d missed part of.
Since their younger days, there was also a lot of sobering-up. A lot of the band didn’t do what they used to and Sebastian could tell just by how they acted. And since most of the band was married or had long-term girlfriends and children, there were no groupies on the bus. And honestly, Sebastian liked it all better this way, more low-key and less glamorous and destructive and sex, drugs, and rock and roll.
But there were the parts that sucked, like how the band no longer thought he was young enough to have Captain’s drunken antics be shielded from him, and at times, was a part of them in a role almost like a babysitter. And sometimes he’d sit on the curb when Captain puked into the grass and listen to him talk about how much Sebastian has grown and how much he himself fucking hasn’t while Sebastian silently agreed and looked up at the stars.
“I bought a house,” Captain says after the show on the last day of the tour. His feet hang over the side of the stage and Sebastian sits next to him, staring out at the stadium once packed with fans screaming for his father. It’s mesmerizing and he kind of wishes that he would’ve went out on stage at least once.
He can’t help but laugh, “What?”
“I bought a house!” Captain throws up his arms and leans back, shouting up to the sky with closed eyes. Sebastian blinks.
“Why?”
And he’s really confused. Captain’s mentioned buying at least an apartment to stay in during the short breaks, but he’s never went through with it due to its pointlessness. They were always gone, it was no point to settle down just to uproot again. Sebastian wasn’t sure how the other guys even did it. Captain always just stayed at his parent’s place.
Captain exhales and looks a little crushed. Sebastian feels a little bad. “We were talking. And thinking. And arguing. And we decided that maybe S.O.S has run further than its course, you know?”
“What?” Sebastian says again. But then he replays the statement in his head and his eyes widen, “Are you saying its over?”
“No! Just that maybe we’re getting old. Maybe we need a break.” He nods and looks off into the empty space with a solemn expression. Sebastian tries to empathize, because he can’t remember a time that his dad was there and not about to leave for tour.
“So you bought a house,” he goes back to.
“Yes!” Captain’s face brightens as he turns back to Sebastian. “For us!”
“Us like Grandma, Grandpa, me, and you?”
“No, just me and you bud.” He leaned over to nudge at Sebastian’s arm with a chuckle like Sebastian was being the silly one. And Sebastian couldn’t do much back, so he just nodded, “Oh. O-Okay.” Because there wasn’t much to say, anyways, it wasn’t like Captain was giving him a choice, and even if he did, it’d just be a choice to crush his dreams.
*
The house is a city over, closer to his Uncle Will. Everyone helps with the move and Sebastian’s never around for discussions about why, if there ever were any. He’s supposed to be packing up his room but he really just sleeps in that morning and looks up at ceiling for a while, listening to music.
“Stop looking like you didn’t just get a new fucking house,” Robert mutters from the doorway. Sebastian sits up fast, startled, but doesn’t say anything. He looks over to the clock and it’s already three. Robert just rolls his eyes and walks away. It’s only been a week since he got back and Robert’s given up on trying to subtly get nonexistent crazy tour stories out of him, Sebastian’s happy because Robert would ask all these outlandish questions and Sebastian would just give a confused look before shaking his head or shrugging like it was no big deal, and Robert would get pissed off and stomp away.
He pulls on a shirt and throws some clothes in a duffle bag. He grabs some CD’s and movies, but everything else is left behind as if he’s just going to spend the night. Robert was supposed to pick him up hours ago so it’s not really his fault that he won’t be any help in the overall moving, but he doesn’t ask about it when he slides into the backseat.
“That’s the school,” Tyler says once they’re a city over.
Sebastian jumps up from his slumped position to look at the high school they pass. It’s barely any different from the one he left.
“It’ll be different. They actually know about S.O.S here,” Robert says.
Sebastian shrugs as the school leaves his view and plays with the window, pushing the button up and down, and it gave away his nervousness a long time ago but he still thinks he’s playing it cool. “So did everyone at the other school.”
“It’s different,” Tyler says.
“Stop fucking with that before I turn on child lock,” Robert scolds. “And no they didn’t know, because you were a fucking loser. So antisocial, it trumped having a rock star dad. They didn’t know, because they didn’t even know you.”
Sebastian’s eyebrows furrow and he’d like to think he was going to say something before Tyler said “Shut up” but he probably wouldn’t have. He settles back into the seat until the car stops. The house wasn’t flashy, really. Tall bushes lined the sidewalk, the only opening being for the opened driveway gate, so only the top of the one-floor house could be seen from the street. It was full of quirks though, like the bright boys-room blue that covered all of the hallway walls, with white crowning and a stripe of red right below. On top his father would most likely put graphic band posters just to blind people. And there was a pool out back.
Grandma Rosa is nearly bouncing off walls. She’s like the leader, carrying furniture herself, Sebastian can tell from the car. It’s just how she is and everyone’s more worried that she’ll break something new than hurt herself. Sebastian thinks that she’s thinking of it like this was the way it was always supposed to be. The thing is, Sebastian had stopped thinking that himself a while ago.
“Where’s Captain?” he asks to no one in particular, pulling his bag out the car.
“He’s in the basement with the guys. It’s a full studio down there,” Micah says, carrying Kara. “She’s all they’ll let me carry.” Skylar’s girlfriend rolls her eyes though they all know that’s it’s for everyone’s good.
Sebastian nods, lugging the duffle bag across his body.
“That’s all you got?” She questions with a tilt of her head that Kara imitates.
“Yeah.”
“Hey,” Robert pushes at his shoulder. “There’s a party tonight down the street so I’m gonna crash here. I guess you can come.”
Sebastian just wants to ask Robert why he thinks everyone else’s house is his house before he declines the offer. Parties weren’t his thing, as weren’t most social gatherings that didn’t involve just family.
“You should go!” Micah suggests and Robert just nods.
“Go where?” Aunt Tessa walks over, fanning herself.
Robert coughs and Micah laughs a little. “A um…friend of mines…invited me over…tonight,” he nods before adding hastily, “Sebastian’s coming.”
“Really?” Aunt Tessa asks Sebastian, a slight hint of surprise to her tone, but she doesn’t break eye contact with her fidgeting son, whose looking at everything but.
“I guess,” Sebastian says hesitantly, just for Robert’s thanks and Robert immediately shuffles out of his mother’s gaze, turning behind her back and mouthing ‘owe you one’.
The two months on the bus were almost relaxing- it was a change of scenery and though hot, he couldn’t complain about much else since his bed back home was the size of the bunk and he could be content just looking out the window at the passing states. It was exciting but just not in the way it was when he was eight.
Everything looked bigger and brighter then, and maybe that was just the youth but everything had this spark to it that Sebastian could only remember because he didn’t feel it now. It’s not like anything was particularly crazy, since he was still treated like the little brother and he still couldn’t go out with them because of his age and when he’d be around the other bands and they gave him a drink, he didn’t even really like the taste so he’d just pass it back and blink in their confused faces.
Sebastian watched every single show, unlike when he was younger, but he still pulled a face when Captain would saunter over to Jack with his microphone and start feeling him up. Some nights Captain would dedicate a song or two to him, but he did that even when Sebastian wasn’t there, and once even tried to get him onstage. He didn’t try again after Sebastian nearly had a panic attack and refused to go out there and left the venue completely, the only show he’d missed part of.
Since their younger days, there was also a lot of sobering-up. A lot of the band didn’t do what they used to and Sebastian could tell just by how they acted. And since most of the band was married or had long-term girlfriends and children, there were no groupies on the bus. And honestly, Sebastian liked it all better this way, more low-key and less glamorous and destructive and sex, drugs, and rock and roll.
But there were the parts that sucked, like how the band no longer thought he was young enough to have Captain’s drunken antics be shielded from him, and at times, was a part of them in a role almost like a babysitter. And sometimes he’d sit on the curb when Captain puked into the grass and listen to him talk about how much Sebastian has grown and how much he himself fucking hasn’t while Sebastian silently agreed and looked up at the stars.
“I bought a house,” Captain says after the show on the last day of the tour. His feet hang over the side of the stage and Sebastian sits next to him, staring out at the stadium once packed with fans screaming for his father. It’s mesmerizing and he kind of wishes that he would’ve went out on stage at least once.
He can’t help but laugh, “What?”
“I bought a house!” Captain throws up his arms and leans back, shouting up to the sky with closed eyes. Sebastian blinks.
“Why?”
And he’s really confused. Captain’s mentioned buying at least an apartment to stay in during the short breaks, but he’s never went through with it due to its pointlessness. They were always gone, it was no point to settle down just to uproot again. Sebastian wasn’t sure how the other guys even did it. Captain always just stayed at his parent’s place.
Captain exhales and looks a little crushed. Sebastian feels a little bad. “We were talking. And thinking. And arguing. And we decided that maybe S.O.S has run further than its course, you know?”
“What?” Sebastian says again. But then he replays the statement in his head and his eyes widen, “Are you saying its over?”
“No! Just that maybe we’re getting old. Maybe we need a break.” He nods and looks off into the empty space with a solemn expression. Sebastian tries to empathize, because he can’t remember a time that his dad was there and not about to leave for tour.
“So you bought a house,” he goes back to.
“Yes!” Captain’s face brightens as he turns back to Sebastian. “For us!”
“Us like Grandma, Grandpa, me, and you?”
“No, just me and you bud.” He leaned over to nudge at Sebastian’s arm with a chuckle like Sebastian was being the silly one. And Sebastian couldn’t do much back, so he just nodded, “Oh. O-Okay.” Because there wasn’t much to say, anyways, it wasn’t like Captain was giving him a choice, and even if he did, it’d just be a choice to crush his dreams.
*
The house is a city over, closer to his Uncle Will. Everyone helps with the move and Sebastian’s never around for discussions about why, if there ever were any. He’s supposed to be packing up his room but he really just sleeps in that morning and looks up at ceiling for a while, listening to music.
“Stop looking like you didn’t just get a new fucking house,” Robert mutters from the doorway. Sebastian sits up fast, startled, but doesn’t say anything. He looks over to the clock and it’s already three. Robert just rolls his eyes and walks away. It’s only been a week since he got back and Robert’s given up on trying to subtly get nonexistent crazy tour stories out of him, Sebastian’s happy because Robert would ask all these outlandish questions and Sebastian would just give a confused look before shaking his head or shrugging like it was no big deal, and Robert would get pissed off and stomp away.
He pulls on a shirt and throws some clothes in a duffle bag. He grabs some CD’s and movies, but everything else is left behind as if he’s just going to spend the night. Robert was supposed to pick him up hours ago so it’s not really his fault that he won’t be any help in the overall moving, but he doesn’t ask about it when he slides into the backseat.
“That’s the school,” Tyler says once they’re a city over.
Sebastian jumps up from his slumped position to look at the high school they pass. It’s barely any different from the one he left.
“It’ll be different. They actually know about S.O.S here,” Robert says.
Sebastian shrugs as the school leaves his view and plays with the window, pushing the button up and down, and it gave away his nervousness a long time ago but he still thinks he’s playing it cool. “So did everyone at the other school.”
“It’s different,” Tyler says.
“Stop fucking with that before I turn on child lock,” Robert scolds. “And no they didn’t know, because you were a fucking loser. So antisocial, it trumped having a rock star dad. They didn’t know, because they didn’t even know you.”
Sebastian’s eyebrows furrow and he’d like to think he was going to say something before Tyler said “Shut up” but he probably wouldn’t have. He settles back into the seat until the car stops. The house wasn’t flashy, really. Tall bushes lined the sidewalk, the only opening being for the opened driveway gate, so only the top of the one-floor house could be seen from the street. It was full of quirks though, like the bright boys-room blue that covered all of the hallway walls, with white crowning and a stripe of red right below. On top his father would most likely put graphic band posters just to blind people. And there was a pool out back.
Grandma Rosa is nearly bouncing off walls. She’s like the leader, carrying furniture herself, Sebastian can tell from the car. It’s just how she is and everyone’s more worried that she’ll break something new than hurt herself. Sebastian thinks that she’s thinking of it like this was the way it was always supposed to be. The thing is, Sebastian had stopped thinking that himself a while ago.
“Where’s Captain?” he asks to no one in particular, pulling his bag out the car.
“He’s in the basement with the guys. It’s a full studio down there,” Micah says, carrying Kara. “She’s all they’ll let me carry.” Skylar’s girlfriend rolls her eyes though they all know that’s it’s for everyone’s good.
Sebastian nods, lugging the duffle bag across his body.
“That’s all you got?” She questions with a tilt of her head that Kara imitates.
“Yeah.”
“Hey,” Robert pushes at his shoulder. “There’s a party tonight down the street so I’m gonna crash here. I guess you can come.”
Sebastian just wants to ask Robert why he thinks everyone else’s house is his house before he declines the offer. Parties weren’t his thing, as weren’t most social gatherings that didn’t involve just family.
“You should go!” Micah suggests and Robert just nods.
“Go where?” Aunt Tessa walks over, fanning herself.
Robert coughs and Micah laughs a little. “A um…friend of mines…invited me over…tonight,” he nods before adding hastily, “Sebastian’s coming.”
“Really?” Aunt Tessa asks Sebastian, a slight hint of surprise to her tone, but she doesn’t break eye contact with her fidgeting son, whose looking at everything but.
“I guess,” Sebastian says hesitantly, just for Robert’s thanks and Robert immediately shuffles out of his mother’s gaze, turning behind her back and mouthing ‘owe you one’.