Here
1/1
Snow covered trees lined either side of me, barricading me from anywhere else but this forest, this path. I couldn't escape, but then again, I'd been trying for a year now. I ran, dark hair swaying behind my back, legs kicking up the white powder surrounding me. My lungs burned, each heavy breath I exhaled fogging up in front of my eyes, and I ran, and I ran, and I ran. The trees were dark, hanging over me forming a canopy of curled branches. Tears streamed down the face, the air so cold it felt as if they were freezing as they fell. The cold was biting, the pain was unbearable, and so, I ran.
My loud sobs broke through the silence of the empty forest, my legs growing numb from the cold and the exertion. I took only a few more steps before I reached an all to familiar clearing, with a small pond in the center of it. The top layer of the pond was ice, crystal clear with snow lightly covering it. The water underneath was an insane shade of blue, one that almost hurt my eyes to look at. I collapsed at the edge of the bank above the frozen water, wrapping my arms around my self, shaking, crying, convulsing...
"I thought I'd find you here."
I jumped, the deep husky voice making me feel colder than I already was. I turned, and saw the boy standing there, hands in the pockets of his gray jeans, brown hair sticking up from the top of his head messily. All he wore was a light blue t-shirt on his torso, and a smile on his soft lips.
"Elijah..."
The snow crunched under his feet as he crouched down beside me, arms wrapping around my waist. "You can't keep coming back here, baby..." He said quietly, voice crackling in my ear.
"Where else do I go?" I asked, my voice raw from the sobs. I didn't look at him, but he looked at me, ice blue eyes staring straight through me.
"You're always here, but you're never there..."
"What the hell do you mean?" I snapped, whirling around to look at him.
"You can't keep coming here. You have to go there."
"No!" I shook my head vigorously. "No!"
"You have to, baby..." He asked desperately, his blue eyes pleading. "It's been a year. You have to go... you have to-"
"No. No I don't, Elijah, and you can't tell me what I need to do. Leave me alone." I said, covering my ears with my hands, still hearing his voice echo in my head.
"You know you don't want that."
"I want you either to stay, or go away. For good." I said firmly. Although my voice was strong, the rest of me wasn't. I shook all over.
"You know I can't stay..."
"Why!?"
"You know that, too."
My lips were turning blue, and I shook harder than before. I turned away from him, burying my hand in my hands. "I don't want you to leave..." I whispered, voice hoarse.
"I never left, baby..." He said, cold lips pressing onto my cheek. "You just always look in the wrong place."
"Where else would I look!? This is where... we met, we kissed, we..."
"But I'm not here anymore. You are the only one that is." He said, knowingly staring into my eyes. It gave me chills all over.
"Elijah..."
"Em, go."
"No, I'm not leaving!"
His jaw tensed, eyes looking me up and down slowly, full of almost agony. "I can't leave until you do."
"No."
This was the first time I saw him in so long. The first time I'd felt his skin in a year. He was my first love, my first everything. We had met here, at this exact place years ago, coming here almost everyday after. I loved Elijah, with all my heart, and I still did, and I always would.
No matter what.
"It's just..." My voice broke, cold, salty tears starting to stream down my face again. "I love you, Eli. I miss you so much, I..."
"Shh, baby, I know..." He murmured into my ear as I sobbed into his shoulder. Her hands ran through my hair, gently, and I eased into his touch. "I know..."
"How am I supposed to live like... like this?!"
"You know how..." He said softly.
"I don't want you to leave..."
He smiled, holding my face in his hands, and rubbing away a tear with his thumb. He slowly leaned in, his cold lips molding into mine in a kiss with so much passion it could melt the snow around us. He pulled away, crooked smile on his blue lips. "You know where to find me."
"Em! Em, sweetie, there you are! Em!"
My mother's voice called me from the forest path, and I whirled around, finally realizing where I was, what was happening. I felt my clothes frozen and drenched from the snow, hair in icy clumps, with quivering blue lips. I looked at my Mother standing there, staring at me, beckoning me back away from the pond.
"I've been looking everywhere for you, Em. Come home. Come home, please." She pleaded, not taking another step closer to me. I think, she was afraid of me. Honestly, I was afraid of me, too.
I nodded, turning around and lifting myself from the pile of snow I'd seated myself in, panic setting in. I whirled around, eyes scanning every inch of the forest I could see, but he wasn't there.
Elijah was gone, once again.
--
"Em, are you sure you want to do this?" My mother said, looking over at me from the driver's seat of her car. "You know you don't have to."
I nodded, biting down on my lip, arms wrapped around myself. I stared out the passengers seat window, seeing snow coated trees pass quickly by me, and quickly enough, iron fences, small elegant buildings. The car slowed, and I breathed in deeply, holding onto the car handle.
"Do you want me to come with you?" My Mom asked, smiling hesitantly. I shook my head, opening the door and walking away from the car. My mother was a nice woman, and she meant well, but this... well, this was something I'd needed to do for a long time.
I walked up to the gap in between the fence, and started strolling along the pathways, looking at my surroundings. I'd never once been here before, not this whole year, and I wasn't sure really where to go, but I walked around, ignoring the aching pain in my chest.
Finally, I found what I was looking for.
"Hey, baby..." I said, slowly dropping to one knee. "I came..." I said, tears welling up in my eyes.
I moved the snow from the smooth surface, and read the name on the marble.
"Elijah McGav
1991-2010
Beloved son and brother
Gone too soon"
I smiled sadly, tears slowly starting to drip down my cheeks. "I'm sorry it took so long."
I hadn't seen Elijah in a year. Exactly a year now today, since his car skidded out off the road and flipped over into the a ditch.
I traced the letters of his name with my fingertips, whispering to him as if he could still hear me, and I hoped he could.
"I love you." I said, and the wind blew through the snow covered trees, white powder swirling around in front of my eyes.
I closed my eyes, and thought of him, his crooked smile, his blue eyes, and I said goodbye, just for now, and I swear to god, I could almost hear him saying it right back.
My loud sobs broke through the silence of the empty forest, my legs growing numb from the cold and the exertion. I took only a few more steps before I reached an all to familiar clearing, with a small pond in the center of it. The top layer of the pond was ice, crystal clear with snow lightly covering it. The water underneath was an insane shade of blue, one that almost hurt my eyes to look at. I collapsed at the edge of the bank above the frozen water, wrapping my arms around my self, shaking, crying, convulsing...
"I thought I'd find you here."
I jumped, the deep husky voice making me feel colder than I already was. I turned, and saw the boy standing there, hands in the pockets of his gray jeans, brown hair sticking up from the top of his head messily. All he wore was a light blue t-shirt on his torso, and a smile on his soft lips.
"Elijah..."
The snow crunched under his feet as he crouched down beside me, arms wrapping around my waist. "You can't keep coming back here, baby..." He said quietly, voice crackling in my ear.
"Where else do I go?" I asked, my voice raw from the sobs. I didn't look at him, but he looked at me, ice blue eyes staring straight through me.
"You're always here, but you're never there..."
"What the hell do you mean?" I snapped, whirling around to look at him.
"You can't keep coming here. You have to go there."
"No!" I shook my head vigorously. "No!"
"You have to, baby..." He asked desperately, his blue eyes pleading. "It's been a year. You have to go... you have to-"
"No. No I don't, Elijah, and you can't tell me what I need to do. Leave me alone." I said, covering my ears with my hands, still hearing his voice echo in my head.
"You know you don't want that."
"I want you either to stay, or go away. For good." I said firmly. Although my voice was strong, the rest of me wasn't. I shook all over.
"You know I can't stay..."
"Why!?"
"You know that, too."
My lips were turning blue, and I shook harder than before. I turned away from him, burying my hand in my hands. "I don't want you to leave..." I whispered, voice hoarse.
"I never left, baby..." He said, cold lips pressing onto my cheek. "You just always look in the wrong place."
"Where else would I look!? This is where... we met, we kissed, we..."
"But I'm not here anymore. You are the only one that is." He said, knowingly staring into my eyes. It gave me chills all over.
"Elijah..."
"Em, go."
"No, I'm not leaving!"
His jaw tensed, eyes looking me up and down slowly, full of almost agony. "I can't leave until you do."
"No."
This was the first time I saw him in so long. The first time I'd felt his skin in a year. He was my first love, my first everything. We had met here, at this exact place years ago, coming here almost everyday after. I loved Elijah, with all my heart, and I still did, and I always would.
No matter what.
"It's just..." My voice broke, cold, salty tears starting to stream down my face again. "I love you, Eli. I miss you so much, I..."
"Shh, baby, I know..." He murmured into my ear as I sobbed into his shoulder. Her hands ran through my hair, gently, and I eased into his touch. "I know..."
"How am I supposed to live like... like this?!"
"You know how..." He said softly.
"I don't want you to leave..."
He smiled, holding my face in his hands, and rubbing away a tear with his thumb. He slowly leaned in, his cold lips molding into mine in a kiss with so much passion it could melt the snow around us. He pulled away, crooked smile on his blue lips. "You know where to find me."
"Em! Em, sweetie, there you are! Em!"
My mother's voice called me from the forest path, and I whirled around, finally realizing where I was, what was happening. I felt my clothes frozen and drenched from the snow, hair in icy clumps, with quivering blue lips. I looked at my Mother standing there, staring at me, beckoning me back away from the pond.
"I've been looking everywhere for you, Em. Come home. Come home, please." She pleaded, not taking another step closer to me. I think, she was afraid of me. Honestly, I was afraid of me, too.
I nodded, turning around and lifting myself from the pile of snow I'd seated myself in, panic setting in. I whirled around, eyes scanning every inch of the forest I could see, but he wasn't there.
Elijah was gone, once again.
--
"Em, are you sure you want to do this?" My mother said, looking over at me from the driver's seat of her car. "You know you don't have to."
I nodded, biting down on my lip, arms wrapped around myself. I stared out the passengers seat window, seeing snow coated trees pass quickly by me, and quickly enough, iron fences, small elegant buildings. The car slowed, and I breathed in deeply, holding onto the car handle.
"Do you want me to come with you?" My Mom asked, smiling hesitantly. I shook my head, opening the door and walking away from the car. My mother was a nice woman, and she meant well, but this... well, this was something I'd needed to do for a long time.
I walked up to the gap in between the fence, and started strolling along the pathways, looking at my surroundings. I'd never once been here before, not this whole year, and I wasn't sure really where to go, but I walked around, ignoring the aching pain in my chest.
Finally, I found what I was looking for.
"Hey, baby..." I said, slowly dropping to one knee. "I came..." I said, tears welling up in my eyes.
I moved the snow from the smooth surface, and read the name on the marble.
"Elijah McGav
1991-2010
Beloved son and brother
Gone too soon"
I smiled sadly, tears slowly starting to drip down my cheeks. "I'm sorry it took so long."
I hadn't seen Elijah in a year. Exactly a year now today, since his car skidded out off the road and flipped over into the a ditch.
I traced the letters of his name with my fingertips, whispering to him as if he could still hear me, and I hoped he could.
"I love you." I said, and the wind blew through the snow covered trees, white powder swirling around in front of my eyes.
I closed my eyes, and thought of him, his crooked smile, his blue eyes, and I said goodbye, just for now, and I swear to god, I could almost hear him saying it right back.