This Fragile Game

Pat watched as All Time Low got ready to finish their set. He stared with amazement as the crowd cheered as Alex and Jack gave a small kiss. Kennedy walked up to Pat and stood next to him, his arms crossed over his chest as All Time Low started their last song.

“Pat, what happened to you this morning?” Kennedy asked looking over to his friend.

Pat shrugged and his eyes straight forward not wanting to look at Kennedy. “Nothing happened.” He whispered.

“Pat you’d tell me if something was bothering you right?” Kennedy asked continuing to stare at Pat with concern.

“Yeah.” Pat mumbled finally glancing up to Kennedy. He gave him a small smile before running over to his band mates.

Kennedy sighed and shook his head, he knew something was bothering Pat but he didn’t know what. He slowly walked toward his friends and pretended to listen to the conversation around him but his only focus was on Pat.

“Kenny how’s your girl?” John suddenly asked breaking him from his thoughts.

“Uh, she’s good.” Kennedy said stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Waiting for me to come back.” he added with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Are you going to purpose to her yet?” Jared asked smiling softly.

Pat’s head jolted up at the words, his eyes falling onto Kennedy. He never heard of Kennedy
wanting to purpose to anyone.

“Uh when I get back I might.” Kennedy said blushing.

Pat bit his lip and tried not to let the tears fall, he didn’t want anyone to see him cry over his best friend getting possibly married. Pat began to zone out only wanting to focus on trying not to break down in front of everyone.

“Pat will be the best man right?”

Pat’s head shot up and he stared at everyone with confusion. “W-what?” he asked starching the back of his head.

“Well if Kennedy does get married then you’ll obviously be the best man.” Garrett explained.

Pat bit his lip and nodded his head softly. He didn’t even understand how they got on the topic of weddings, usually girls talk about that kind of stuff. “I’m going to the van.” Pat whispered heading toward the exit of the venue.

“No you’re not!” A voice shrieked. Pat looked up to see Jack running toward him, he threw his arms over the small boy and dragged him back to group of people.

“So uh w-what are we going to do?” Pat asked picking at his sleeves.

“We have to get going to our next venue.” Tim said checking a paper in his hands. “So let’s pack it up and get going.” Tim added.

The boys said their goodbye’s to All Time Low and helped packed up their things before heading out to their van and getting in. Pat curled into a small ball in his seat bringing his knees up as he watched all his other band mates begin falling asleep.

“Can I use you as a pillow?” Kennedy yawned looking over to Pat. “You make a good pillow.” Kennedy added smiling over to Pat.

Pat bit his lip and shook his head leaning his head against the window, “Just go to sleep.” He whispered hearing small snored from John and Garrett in front of him as Tim began to drive.

“Please.” Kennedy begged pouting up to Pat.

Pat shook his head hiding behind his thick curtain of hair. “Leave me alone.” He said trying to keep his tears at bay.

Once he heard Kennedy snoring he began to cry softly. his whole body shook as he tried desperately to keep in the sobs, but he couldn’t and he let out on strangled sob.

His older brother Tim heard and his eyes glanced to the review mirror, he could see Pat crying in the back of the van. His body shaking softly as he tried to contain his sobs. Tim sighed loudly pulling over to the side of the road, he tapped Jared’s shoulder and the red head opened his eyes staring and Tim with confusion.

“Trade spots with Pat.” He whispered to the sleepy guitarist.

Jared nodded and got out the car silent opening the back door he leaned over Kennedy to Pat and poked his shoulder. Pat looked up and hoped Jared couldn’t notice his tear stained face, “yeah?” Pat whispered.

“Go sit up front, orders from Tim.” Jared explained getting out the van and letting Pat step out. Once Pat was sitting in the passenger seat and Jared was comfy in his spot Tim began to drive again.

Pat brought his legs up to his chest and stared at the road ahead of them. Tim and Pat both remained silent not knowing what to say. “W-why am I sitting up here?” Pat finally asked.

“Well you were sitting back there crying.” Tim said glancing to Pat for a second before looking back to the road. “And I was curious as to what was bothering you.”

Pat began to chew on his lip as he stared out the window. He glanced up to the sky noticing all the small specks of light and he remembered his mother telling him each star represented the soul of someone that’s passed. He scoffed at the idea and looked down to his lap, “Nothing is bothering me.” Pat said crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m fine.”

“Usually when people say they are fine, they really aren’t.” Tim observes chuckling slightly and looking over to his younger brother. “So I’m just going to take a shot in the dark and assume that you’re not fine.”

Pat rolled his eyes and picked at a loose thread on his jeans, “I told you there is nothing to worry about.” Pat said softly.

“But if there is you’d tell me, right?” Tim asked reaching for his brother’s small hand and holding it tightly.

Pat quickly looked up to his brother. He smiled softly and nodded his head, “Yeah.” He whispered not being able to stop from smiling.

The ride dragged on for most of the night, Pat couldn’t fall asleep so he stayed awake with
Tim and talked about their old childhood memories. Pat smiled and laughed along with his brother as they recalled he old days, he finally felt happy. The sun began to set and Tim sighed loudly, “I can’t believe how long we’ve been driving.” He said pulling off at the nearest exit.

“What time is it?” someone groaned from the backseat.

“5 am.” Tim replied and soon Garrett was sitting forward his head between both boys as he stared at the road ahead of them.

“It’s to early.” Garrett whined. “And I heard slept with all your laughing up here.” He added narrowing his eyes at both boys.

“Sorry but Par needed some cheering up.” Tim said as he reached a nearby McDonald's.

“Who gives a fuck if he needs cheering up, let him deal with it like a grown man.” John mumbled sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “He’s old enough.”

Pat bit his lip and looked down to his lap. He really felt like crying right now but he wouldn’t in front of all his friends. Besides that would only give John an excuse to make of him even more.

“Hey man leave Pat alone.” Kennedy suddenly said from the back seat.

Pat felt his heart soar at the sound of Kennedy’s voice. He smiled softly and untangled his body as Tim pulled into parking spot. Everyone pilled out the car running into the McDonalds that’s opened 24/7. Everyone got into line ready to order their food as Pat scurried to the restroom. He walked into a stall and slipped to the floor letting the tears fall from his eyes.

Once he felt better he stood up and dusted his jeans. He opened the stall and quickly ran to the sink cleaning his face with water and quickly drying it off with a bunch of paper towels before exiting the bathroom.

Pat walked up to the cashier and order some juice and a hash brown before stepping aside to let Tim pay. All the guys grabbed their food on the trays and went to a table. All the guys pigged into their food devouring their Mcgriddles and other greasy food while Pat nibbled on his small hash brown.

“Aren’t you going eat more?” Kennedy asked staring at Pat with concern. “That’s not going to fill you up until lunch.” He added taking a large bite of his breakfast snadwhich.

Pat cringe as he watched Kennedy chew on the fatting food before pushing his own small meal away. “I’m not hungry.” He whispered standing up and heading to the bathroom again. He walked to the farthest stall and dropped to the front of the toilet shoving his fingers down his throat.

The juice and small bites of hash brown began to bubble to the surface before pouring from Pat’s mouth. Once Pat was sure he’d gotten all food out of his stomach he stood up and flushed the orange and slightly brown stomach acid before heading to the sink and rinsing out his mouth.

He walked back out but headed straight for the van, opening it and making his way to the far back in his small corner. About 15 minutes later all the other guys came out laughing and smiling, Pat couldn’t help but feel like he’s been bringing the group down a bit.

“Ok so we have like an hour or so until we get to the venue so let’s get going.” Tim said as Jared took the wheel so Tim could take a nap at least.

Pat sighed and brought his knees up to his chest as he stared out the window. Kennedy glanced over to Pat and noticing the depressing vibe he was letting off. Frowning, he scooted closer to the small boy and wrapped his arms around the boy. Pat quickly attached himself to Kennedy and began to let the tears fall from his eyes.

Kennedy ran his hand up and down Pat’s spin and held the boy tighter whispering soothing words into his ear. “What’s wrong?” Kennedy asked softly so the other boys couldn’t hear. Not that they could, Garrett was listening to his music while Jared was driving with the radio on and Tim was sleeping. The only person that could hear was John

“E-everything s-sucks.” Pat sobbed clenching his hands to the front of Kennedy’s shirt. “I’m n-n-not happy a-anymore a-and it h-hurts.” Pat continued to cry.

John stared down at his phone pretending to be texting someone but he was listening to the stuttering cries of Pat. he felt his heart clench as Pat continued to sob, he never knew the small boy was suffering so much.

“What hurts?” Kennedy whispered trying to keep his tears at bay. He doesn’t want to cry in front of Pat, he’s supposed to be strong for Pat’s sake.

“T-the p-pain Kennedy.” Pat whispered. “I d-don’t k-know how l-long I can t-take it.” Pat admitted softly.

“D-don’t say that.” Kennedy stuttered holding Pat even closer. “Don’t ever say that, we’ll find you help.” Kennedy assured him. “I promise.” Pat nodded his head and curled into

Kennedy’s side. “For now just go to sleep.” Kennedy whispered running his hands in Pat’s greasy hair.

“I c-can’t.” Pat whispered.

“What do you mean?” Kennedy asked looking down at Pat with confusion.

“I h-haven’t b-been able to sleep since I started high school.” Pat confessed for the first time since he realized he was insomniac.

“W-why haven’t you said something, we could get you sleeping pills to help you sleep. Pat do you realize you haven’t had a good night’s rest in almost 3 or so years.” Kennedy said with worry.

Pat nodded his head, “But I’m use to it.”

“That doesn’t matter; you need energy to function normally. Pat you’ve been wasting energy you don’t have every day out on stage, hanging out. Pat you need to sleep.” Kennedy said practically yelling at the young boy.

“Kennedy would you shut up.” John said from his seat. He turned around the two boys in the back and gasped at the sight of Pat. He’s never seen Pat this vulnerable, this broken. It broke his heart to see Pat like this. “Pattycakes, are you ok?” John asked softly with worry.

Pat looked up to John wiping his eyes and nodding softly, “I’m fine.”

He’s been saying that lie way too much.