This Fragile Game

Pat laid on the bed watching the ceiling as he listened to the sound of the shower from the bathroom. Pat turned around to his side and stared out the window revealing the light up city before him. He heard the door opened and Kennedy silently slip out. Pat watched as
Kennedy sat on his bed slipping on his boxers , biting his lip he stood up and silently made his way toward Kennedy.

With shaky hands Pat snaked his arms around Kennedy’s bare chest. Kennedy looked up suddenly alarmed and stared at Pat with confusion, “P-Pat?” he asked.

Pat straddled him and wrapped his arms around Kennedy’s neck leaning in just a bit and pressing his lips softly on Kennedy’s.

Kennedy was still in shock, he didn’t understand what was going on. He quickly pushed Pat off him watching as he fell to the floor with a soft thump. “What the fuck was that!” Kennedy roared picking Pat up by the front of his shirt. “Are you a faggot?” he sneered glaring into Pat’s wide eyes.

Pat felt the tears dripping from his eyes as he nodded his head slowly. Kennedy growled and dropped Pat, “Don’t fucking touch me.” Kennedy said as he crawled into bed.

Pat continued to chew on his lip processing what just happened. He quickly stood up grabbing his key card and running out the room. He ran and ran and ran finding himself in the main lobby with tears pouring from his eyes.

The young women t the front desk looked with when she heard Pat’s soft footsteps. She stared at pat with concern as he ran into the bathroom.

Pat slammed the stall behind him gripping at his long hair as he slid to the floor. He couldn’t believe he just did that, he ruined the friendship that meant the most to him.

Pat finally calmed down and headed toward the door. He slipped out and walked back up to his room slipping the key in and opening the door. He walked toward his bed checking the time, 7:32. He grabbed his things before throwing them in the bathroom and silently digging into Kennedy’s bag. He finally found the men’s razor and quickly took it with him to the bathroom.

He closed the bathroom door behind him before turning on the shower. He grabbed the razor blade and rested against the tub. Taking a deep breath he pressed the razor to his
wrist. He let out a choked sob before dragging the razor across his wrist.

The blood bubbled up and Pat sighed in relief, he quickly repeated the process over and over again until all he saw on his arm was red lines. He let the high wear off before standing up and stripped off his clothes before stepping in.

After he finished his shower he hurried out the bathroom fully dressed. Kennedy was sitting up on the bed flipping through channels not even bothering to look up to Pat as he entered. Pat quickly grabbed his hoodie and slipped it on, not wanting anyone to see the fresh cuts he’s made.

“We’re leaving in 30 minutes.” Kennedy said turning off the t.v and heading to the bathroom.

Pat frowned and bit his lip as he choked back the tears. He grabbed all his things and stuffed them into his bag before heading down to the lobby where Garrett was at, dressed and ready to go. Pat clutched his bag as he sat next to Garrett. “Hi.” He whispered sitting down.

“What’s up, you look pale.” Garrett said putting his phone away. He turned to Pat and placed his hand on his forehead, “You ok buddy?” Garrett whispered with worry.

Pat nodded and watched as John got out the elevator joining the two boys. John say next to pat smiling widely, “Hey Pat feeling better?”

Pat smiled and nodded, “Yeah thanks.” Pat whispered.

John stared at Pat not believing it, he could tell Pat was still in pain but John didn’t want to ask. At least not yet. “Let’s get to the bus, Tim and the others should out soon.”

The three boys grabbed their bags and headed to the van parked in the parking lot. Pat threw his stuff the in the back and crawled into his seat. He threw his hood up and curled into a small ball putting his iPod on before blocking out the sounds of everything around him.

Meanwhile John pulled Garrett aside closing all the doors of the van. Garrett stared at John with confusion, “Uh, John what’s wrong?” Garrett asked with confusion.

“I’m worried for Pat.” John said bluntly. “He hasn’t been the same and I’m worried he’s falling to deep into depression that when we finally do something about it it’ll be too late.” John vented trying to choke back the tears.

“I’m sure he’s find, he’s Pat he’ll get through it.” Garrett assured him, but in reality he was just as worried as John.

“No Garrett, I heard him talking to Kennedy the other day. He really sounded like he was in pain, Garrett I’m so fucking worried for his life.” John whispered/yelled.

Garrett bit his lip and ran his hands threw his hair, “We’ll talk to him tonight after the show and see what’s bothering him.” Garrett promised.

Jared and Tim finally came down joining Garrett and John. “Are we all here?” Tim asked.

“All but Kenney.” Garrett said.

Tim sighed and looked into the van, “Pat go get Kennedy.” He said to his younger brother.
Pat looked up and slipped off his earphones, “What?” he asked.

“I said go get Kennedy.” Tim repeated growing annoyed.

“Make John or Garrett do it.” Pat argued crossing his arms over his chest.

Garrett sighed and volunteered to go. John however crawled into the back of the van and wrapped his arms around Pat. “Do you want to sleep?” He whispered. Pat sniffed and nodded is head wrapping his arms around John’s waist.

John smiled and held Pat closer, “Just close your eyes.” he said.

Kennedy followed behind Garrett getting into the van. He was about to take his seat in the back but he saw John cuddling with Pat and rolled his eyes sitting in John’s seat. He huffed and crossed his arms across his chest as they began to drive to their next venue.

“C-can y-you sing to me?” Pat whispered softly to John. He could feel his eyes growing droopy as John began to sing Third Eye Blind softly. Pat smiled and cuddled closer to the older man.

Kennedy clenched his fist as he heard John singing to Pat. He was angry, he was furious. He doesn’t want other people singing to Pat, he wants to sing to him. He wants to be the one to put Pat to sleep after years of his insomnia.

After hours of driving they finally arrived at the venue. John looked down to Pat to see him sleeping soundlessly. He smiled and looked to Kennedy, “He’s asleep.” He whispered brushing Pat’s hair from his face.

Kennedy couldn’t help but smile softly, at least he’s sleeping. All the guys got out the van letting Pat catch up on his sleep as they went to talk with other bands.

Kennedy say next to Alex and Jack growing bored by the second. He stood up smiling at the boys and heading back to his van. He opened the vans door and smiled when he saw Pat sleeping in the back seat. He closed the door behind him and pulled Pat into his lap, brushing his fingers through his hair and watching him.

Pat began to stir fighting to take off the hoodie clinging to his body. Kennedy chuckled and pulled off his hoodie, but gasped at the sight.

Cuts.

He gently reached for Pat’s arms and felt a sharp pain shoot through his chest as he ran his fingers over the bright red cuts. They were fresh, probably done while at the hotel. Kennedy couldn’t help but feel guilty, this was all his fault. He rejected Pat and Pat didn’t know how to handle it so he cut himself.

“Fuck.” He breathed out dropping the boys arm. He stood up throwing Pat’s hoodie on the seat as he crawled out the van. He slammed the door behind him and paced around; he can’t believe Pat did that to himself.

“K-Kennedy?”

Kennedy looked up to see Pat poking his head out the van. All the anger Kennedy had just exploded out of him, “Don’t talk to me you sick faggot.” He yelled. “Don’t ever talk to me.” He spat walking away.

Pat felt the tears running down his cheeks. He grabbed his wallet and hoodie before running toward the bathrooms near the venue. He headed toward a stall curling into a small ball as he sobbed.

John walked toward the bathrooms, he just chugged a bottle of water and really needed to pee. He entered a stall and quickly did his business. As he was washing his hands he heard sobbing and turned toward the farthest stall. He walked toward the stall and knocked on it, “You ok in there?” he asked.

Pat’s head shot up at the sound of John’s voice. He looked down to his arms and quickly slipped on his hoodie before opening the door. John gasped loudly and dropped to his knee’s brining Pat into his arms, “Oh Pat what’s wrong?” he asked.

Pat bit his lip, maybe he should tell John. John won’t judge him, would he?

“John.” Pat whispered. “John I’m gay.”

John quickly unwrapped his arms from Pat and stared in shock, “W-what did you just say?” He asked. Pat can’t be hay, he just can’t. John thought staring at Pat.

“I’m gay.” Pat repeated slowly.

John stood up and backed away from Pat, “I uh, I n-need t-to go.” John said hurrying out the bathroom. Pat sat on the cold dirty floor with shock; he can’t believe John just ran away from him. He let out a sob and began to cry again, he quickly stood up and ran out the bathroom toward the van.

Pat continued to cry softly, he just lost another person in his life.