This Fragile Game

Pat followed his band mates off stage, all of them were smiling and getting off their high of performing. All but Pat, he hurried past everyone back stage and left to the van opening the door and slipping in. John refused to talk to him since he found out Pat was gay. Kennedy was still being homophobic and not even acknowledging Pat unless he’s calling him a faggot.

Pat felt alone, it was simple. There was no double meaning behind it or anything it, there’s nothing to decode about it. Pat is alone and he hates it.

“Pattycakes,” Garrett said crawling into the van and sitting next to his friend. “What’s wrong?” he asked. Garrett tried to get John to join him to come and talk to Pat, but the older man refused to not giving a good reason as to why not.

So Garrett made sure to keep to his word and came to talk to Pat.

“I’m fine.” Pat whispered smiling at Garrett hoping that would reassure him.

But Garrett was smart, he knew something was off about Pat. “Tell me what’s bugging you.” Garrett said wrapping his arms around Pat and holding him to his chest. “I’m here for you.” He added.

Pat sighed loudly and smiled softly, he loved the feeling of being held. It always made him feel just a little bit better about himself. “You’d never hate me?” Pat asked checking to make sure this small secret won’t scare away Garrett too.

“I won’t ever have a reason.” Garrett said looking down to the boy. “So what’s up?” he finally asked.

Pat bit his lip and pulled himself away from Garrett’s embrace. He brought his knees to his chest and took a deep breath, “I’m gay.” He whispered against his sleeve clad arms.

Garrett chuckled and smiled at Pat. “That’s it?” he asked.

Pat looked up to Garrett with confusion, “Y-you don’t h-hate m-me?” he stuttered in complete shock.

“No, in fact I have a cousin that’s gay. He came out when were 15, he’s my best friend.”
Garrett explained. “So of course I’d never hate you.”

Pat started to cry right then. Those words were more comforting than any hug he’s ever received. Since he came out all he’s gotten was rejection, he thought it was going to be like that forever but he was just proven wrong.

Garrett quickly wrapped his arms around Pat and held him like a child in his lap, “What’s wrong?” Garrett asked brushing his fingers through Pat’s greasy hair.

“It’s j-just that Kennedy and John g-got m-mad at me.” Pat confessed hiding his face behind his hair. “They h-hate m-me.”

Garrett shook his head, “They can’t hate you Pat.” Garrett whispered.

The two boys remained silent for a bit listening to the sounds around them. Garrett continued to comfort Pat hoping his tears would stop soon.

Suddenly the van door opened and Kennedy appeared with a girl attached to his hip. He stared at the two boys but his gaze fell on Pat. he narrowed his eyes and reached for Garrett’s arm, “Don’t talk to the faggot.” He said pulling Garrett off the bus.

“What the hell man!” Garrett screamed trying to pull himself away from the older man. “Let me go!” Garrett huffed still attempting to pull away.

“Don’t talk to the faggot then.” Kennedy said.

“What do you have against Pat?” Garrett whispered as he stopped fighting against the stronger and older man.

“He tried to kiss me, the faggot kissed me!” Kennedy screamed throwing his arms up in anger.

Garrett’s eyes widen, so Pat liked Kennedy and Kennedy rejected him. That’s what’s been bringing him down, not the fact he’s gay its’ the fact that Kennedy doesn’t accept him.

“What’s wrong with you?” Garrett asked staring at Kennedy almost with disgust. “Pat’s been suffering because his best friend isn’t there for him, do you not see how much he’s hurting?” Garrett asked pulling his arm away from Kennedy’s weak grasp.

Kennedy bit his lip and looked down to the ground. He knew that Pat was suffering; he saw the proof on his arms. “Whatever.” Kennedy mumbled walking back to the Venue where all the other bands where hanging out.

“No Kennedy.” Garrett said reaching for Kennedy’s arm. “This needs to stop, do you know that John’s acting just like you. It’s like John knew you hated Pat because he’s gay and he’s
hating him too.” Garrett explained.

“This has nothing to do with John.” Kennedy muttered.

“Yes it does!” Garrett screamed in frustration. “It’s affecting Pat so therefore it has everything to do with John. Do you not know that the first people he came out to rejected him? Do you understand how scarred he is?”

Kennedy cringed at Garrett’s loud voice. He has never heard the young boy scream so much since he’s met him.

“Pat is afraid to come out to anyone because the first person he told didn’t accept him, and it doesn’t help that it was his best friend.” Garrett whispered. “You’ve fucked up his mind, you broke his heart and now you have to fix it.” Garrett added pushing past Kennedy and heading toward the venue.

Kennedy remained at his spot not moving, hardly breathing. Everything Garrett said was true, but somehow Kennedy didn’t want to believe it. He doesn’t want to be the one who did this to Pat, he wants to pin it all down on John.

Anyone but himself.

The van door opened and Pat stepped out. Kennedy watched as the boy stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Kennedy standing there.

Kennedy stared at Pat, he never noticed how sick the boy looked. His skin was pale and his dark greasy hair made his sickly pale skin stick out more. His eyes looked dead; there was no more love and happiness filling the dark brown orbs. If it was humanly possibly the boy lost even more weight making him look like nothing by skin and bones.

He kinda looks like a holocaust victim. Kennedy thought.

“Hey.” Kennedy whispered softly not moving closer to the boy.

Pat glanced up to Kennedy through his hair not daring to make complete eye contact. He didn’t reply he just continued to stare.

“Are um, are you ok?” Kennedy asked not knowing how else to start up a conversation with the fragile boy.

Pat narrowed his eyes and clenched his fist. Am I ok? what kind of question is that. “Fuck you.” Pat spat through his teeth. “Fuck you!” He yelled at the top of his lungs.

Kennedy looked taken back at the sudden outburst. He stared at Pat with wide eyes; the boy had started to cry. “P-Pat.” he whispered.

“Fuck you.” He repeated. “How could you ask such a question?” Pat demanded stomping his feet and keeping his hands clenched to his sides. “Do I look ok?”

Kennedy still didn’t know how to react. Pat has never blown up like this before, he’s always so good a bottling up his emotions.

“I hate you Kennedy, I hate you so much.” Pat said softly but it hurt Kennedy more than physical pain. “I hate you.” Pat managed to choke out as he pushed past Kennedy and hurried to the bathroom.

Pat slammed the stall behind him and sinked to the floor. He curled up into small ball and began to sob, his thoughts where everywhere and he wasn’t thinking straight.

But he knew one thing was for sure, he didn’t want to deal with this anymore.