This Fragile Game

Everyone arrived at the hotel for their 2 day break. The Maine grabbed their things and headed toward their rooms, John got parried with Pat this time. He wasn’t exactly happy about it but he couldn’t really complain since Tim was annoyed and he knew not to mess with an grumpy Tim.

So he grabbed his things and lead Pat toward their room for the next few days. Pat followed behind hanging his head low; he had planned something the other night while at the venue.
He knew it would break the hearts of his family, maybe Garrett and Jared. He knew John and Kennedy would be happy though.

“So uh, which bed do you want?” John asked looking over to Pat.

Pat didn’t respond he just went to the bed near the window and threw his things on it. John rolled his eyes and sat on the extra bed flipping on the t.v to break the uncomfortable silence.
Pat curled into a small ball on the bed and listened for hours as John shuffled about the room, heading to the bathroom to take a shower. Coming out to get dressed, watching t.v then turning it off around one in the morning.

Pat remained in bed, his eyes wide awake as his hands began to shake. The time was getting closer and his fingers were itching to do the deed but he had to wait. The timing wasn't right, he knew when it would be best.

At eight John woke up and Pat could hear him getting dressed and ready. He heard John scribbling something down and setting it on the nightstand in between the beds before leaving the hotel room.

Pat finally uncurled his body stretching like a cat. He looked over to the note on the side table and picked it up reading to himself,

We’re all off to go eat, we’ll bring you back something
-John

Pat felt the corners of his mouth curl into a smile as he set the note down. This couldn’t get any more perfect. He grabbed his bag off the corner of his bed and ripped it open shoving aside articles of clothing before finding what he wanted.

He looked at the notepad lying on the cheap wooden desk and debated leaving a note, but it seemed over rated and overplayed. He grabbed the notepad and quickly wrote short and sweet. Smiling to himself he as he headed into the bathroom.

He rested against the tub and placed the small note next to him as he pressed the razor to his wrist. He could feel his heart thumping in his chest and his hands trembling, but he didn’t care. He decided this and he was going to go through with it.

Kennedy sat in his hotel room his hands running over his face. All the guys left to go get breakfast but Garrett demanded Kennedy stayed and go fix Pat now while he had the chance. So he stayed behind holding the key card Pat never took from Jared last night as he thought of ways to approach Pat in his room.

The more he thought about it the more he realized maybe the words would just come to him when he confronted Pat, so he quickly grabbed his things and headed out his room. He walked the short distant to the other boy’s room and slid the card in.

He stepped into the room and the first thing he smelled was pennies, he scrunched his nose and searched the room.
It was empty.

Kennedy began to feel uneasy; he looked toward the bathroom and gulped before pushing the door open. Kennedy could feel his heart shatter inside him at the sight before him.

Pat,

Laying in a puddle,

Of his own blood.

Kennedy couldn’t get his feet to function as he stared at Pat with his hand still glued to the door handle. Finally processing the scene before him he grabbed the towel laying on the side and wrapped it around Pat’s tiny wrist. He looked to the toilet seat seeing a piece of loose leaf paper lying there; he quickly grabbed it and read the words:

Dear Kennedy,
You did this.

That was all it said, Pat only had five last words and they were all thrown over to Kennedy. Kennedy stuffed the paper in his pocket and pulled out his phone quickly dialing 911.

Kennedy stared down to Pat’s wrist and frowned, his arms was scarred from old cuts and new cuts. It looked like his arm had gone throw a shredder or mauled by a bunch of birds with razor claws.

The EMT’s finally arrived and quickly hauled Pat out. Kennedy hopelessly followed behind everyone as they wheeled Pat’s almost lifeless body down to the lobby.

Then it got worse.

All the guys walked in holding take-out boxes, smiling and laughing. But when they saw Pat being wheeled with a bloody wrist everything stopped. Tim started screaming running to his brother’s side while crying, trying to explain he was the brother.

John stood there with his mouth open; he felt guilty wash through his body. he couldn’t help but feel this had to, in some way, be his fault. He rejected Pat and he didn’t talk to Pat, hell he left Pat alone while he was suicidal.

Jared stood next to John letting silent tears slip from his eyes. He was so oblivious to everything Pat was going through while on this tour. Had he known he would of helped the boy, loved him and made him better.

Garrett was sobbing as he clung onto Jared’s side. He couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid as to leave Pat alone. He knew all about suicidal people, he had a friend commit suicide. Pat was showing all the warning signs but Garrett just brushed it off.

Kennedy however took this the hardest. He knew about Pat’s destructive behavior, he fucking saw the cuts on his arm and he made no move to try and help him. He could of put aside everything he thought about Pat just so he could help him. But he didn’t and now look where there at.

All the boys sat in the waiting room. Tim was pacing as Jared tried to help calm him down. John was still in shock and Garrett was worried something would happen to John if he didn’t come out of his shocked state.

“Family and friends of Pat Kirch.” A doctor called in monotone. Everyone jumped up and hurried to the doctor desperately wanting to hear the news on their friend. “So we managed to stitch him up but he lost a lot of blood so he’s undergoing a blood transfusion. He’s should be awake in a bit, not more than 3 days.” The doctor said double checking his chart.

“However that is not what I should worry about, the mental state of Pat seems to be unstable if he tried to commit suicide. I suggest admitting him into a mental facility for suicide watch. I understand you guys are on tour but I think the mental stability of your friend should be more important.” The doctor concluded.

“No definitely, I’ll admit him. I’m his older brother.”Tim said.

“Follow me and I’ll talk to you about it, and a nurse will escort you to Pat’s room.” The doctor said pulling aside Tim as a young nurse led the rest of the boys to Pat’s room.

The nurse opened the door and allowed the four boys to enter the plain white room. Pat laid on the white bed with white blankets resting on his thin body. His arms are wrapped with white gauze and mixes with his wan skin. His dark brown hair falls onto his chest in a greasy mess. Needles are stuck into him feeding him with his needed vitamins.

Kennedy walks over to him and take’s Pat’s small thin hand in his own and holds it tightly. He stared down at Pat and frowned, he looked so broken and sick. Pat’s not supposed to look like that, he’s suppose to look healthy and happy.

“I can’t be here.” Garrett whispered and headed out the room trying to control his tears. He hated seeing Pat like that; he looked like he was dead. Pat means more to Garrett than anything, like his younger brother in a sense. He loves the kid and he wants to protect him even if it doesn’t look like it that much.

Jared watched as Garrett hurried out the room and sighed loudly. All the stress was getting to everyone, clearly Pat couldn’t handle it. Jared turned to Pat and rubbed the small boy’s arm feeling the bone underneath his touch. He couldn’t help but frown, he knows Pat’s the smallest and skinniest of the band but this seems unnatural.

“I hate him like this.” Jared whispered staring down at Pat’s almost lifeless body. “It doesn’t seem right, Pat doesn’t deserve this.” Jared added. “No one does, but especially not our Pat.”

Kennedy continued to stare down at the small body, stroking his thumb over Pat’s hand repeatedly. “Uh, Jared.” Kennedy whispered softly. “Pat he uh, can I tell you something?” Kennedy asked looking up to Jared.

The red head boy nodded looking somewhat afraid of what’s going to come out of Kennedy’s mouth. “Yeah, anything.”

“Ok well. A few days ago Pat kissed me, I was so shocked that I rejected him and called him horrible names. He started to hurt himself right after that and I don’t know why but I continued to call him a faggot.” Kennedy confessed suddenly feeling embarrassed by all this.

“This is your fault.” Jared whispered. “You dick.” Jared said, but he wasn’t joking around about it. He was 100% serious. “How could you be so selfish, did you once think about how all this affected Pat?” Jared asked trying to keep his voice calm.

“Don’t lecture me, Garrett already did.” Kennedy said.

“Once Tim finds out this was your fault he’ll hate you. He’ll want you out of Pat’s life.” Jared said softly growing concerned for the other guitarist as well.

“I know, please just don’t tell him.” Kennedy begged.

“Don’t tell who what?” Tim asked softly as he entered the room. He held a packet of papers in his hands and set them on Pat’s end table.

Kennedy chewed on his bottom lip and tried not to look at Tim as Jared excused himself from the room. Tim stared at Kennedy not understanding what was going on, “Kennedy?” he asked.

“Uh, it’s nothing.” Kennedy mumbled softly. “Don’t worry.” He added waving it off but tightening his grip around Pat’s small hand.

“Not tell me right now.” Tim demanded crossing his arms over his chest.

Kennedy sighed and ran his hands over his face, “Pat’s gay.” Kennedy finally said.

Tim’s mouth fell open as he stared at the other boy with shock, “T-that’s a-a lie. Pat’s not g-gay.” Tim said clearly not liking it.

“He is because he kissed me. I ended up saying some unkind things and it resulted to this.” Kennedy added gesturing to Pat.

“Pat is not gay.” Tim said as if everything Kennedy said meant nothing. “He can’t be gay, if h-he’s g-gay out parents will hate him.” Tim added softly as he began to realize the truth. “No, I c-can’t be h-here.” Tim stuttered stumbling out the room with tears blurring his vision.

Kennedy sighed and pulled up a chair setting it next to Pat’s beside and sitting down. He reached for Pat’s hand and held it tightly, “I’m here for you.” Kennedy whispered to Pat staring down at his face. “I’m sorry.” He added kissing Pat’s cheek softly, moving up to the corner of his mouth and laying a small kiss.

Kennedy sighed and pulled away, it was nothing like kissing him when he’s awake and hyper.