Status: Active (updated as often as I can)
Save your heart.
Blue suede shoes.
My will to live disappeared a while ago. I haven't laughed in months, I smile easily, but I don't show my teeth. I don't feel that much happiness, as I'm broken inside.
I moved to Arizona, to my best friend's house, Dakota, almost 8 months ago, and she's been very helpful. We go to the cinema, she makes me cook, water the plants...to make a long story short, she "forces" me to stay busy. Sometimes, though, I feel like I'm a rock in her way, because she can't be with Garrett as much as she'd want to, and it's because of me. Because she cares.
Garrett is Dakota's boyfriend, and he has a band. Dakota took me to a concert once, but I don't remember much. I found it amusing -and somehow amazing, too- how the crowd sang along with the main singer. I think his name was Josh. I also remember how loud the girls shouted, and how they shouted even more when their idol took off his T-Shirt. You could read things like "make me yours", "let's make babies" o other things in their faces. I don't know if those things happened, but I don't really care if they did.
Of what I can remember, the guys are nice guys. The one I know the most, is Garrett, and I gotta say Dakota is a lucky girl. Garrett jokes around with me, and I smile, but as I said, never showing my teeth. Sometimes I think that people are sick and tired of me, and I don't blame them, as I've been 8 months absolutely sad. I bet they think I sometimes try to cut myself, but reality is, I'd never do that, and that I'm eager to be what I was before this happened. I just want to smile again.
***
My alarm clock went off at 9.30, as usual. Dakota knows that I love sleeping, but doesn't care, she makes me be ready for 10am. So I woke up, went downstairs to have some cereal, and went up again at 9.45. My Elvis CD started playing. The first song was "Blue Suede Shoes". I opened my wardrobe and chose some blue shoes with white laces. They were not suede shoes, but well, I don't have suede shoes, so, what can I do.
I took the first pair of jeans that I saw, and I did the same with the T-Shirt, which, by chance, was an Elvis T-Shirt. I brushed my teeth and combed my hair. Once I was ready, I went downstairs, and as always, Dakota was sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee.
"Good morning." She said taking a sip of her coffee.
"Good morning."
"What are your plans for today?" She smiled.
"Well...I thought that maybe I could go visit my brother..." I put my hands into the pockets of my jeans.
"Good! Do you want me to take you?"
"No, I can drive, thanks." I cracked a little smile.
"Okay, but remember..." She said. I looked at her and she was pointing her own smile. "...smile."
I half-smiled and left.
I opened the car and started the engine, turning on the radio. After 15 minutes or so, I arrived at my brother's house. I got out of the car and buzzed the bell.
"Who is it?" He asked speaking louder than normal.
"It's Jess." I said, speaking very low. I doubt he heard me.
He opened the door in his underwear. "Why the hell are you awake? By the way, nice T-Shirt!" He said, letting me in.
"Dakota forces me."
He murmured something I didn't understand. We went to the kitchen and James poured a mug of coffee for him.
"Do you want some?" He asked.
"No, thanks. I've had cereal not that long ago."
"A croissant?" He said pointing to a plate full of pastries.
"That's an offer I can't turn down." I smiled. If something hadn't changed, it was my love for unhealthy food,or just food in general. James smiled, too.
"So, how are you, Jess? It's been a long time since you last visited me." He said rubbing his eyes and yawning.
"Fine...I guess. How are you?"
"I'm good."
James and I talked about his job, TV, and of course, about my full time sadness.
"I don't like you being this sad, Jessie."
"I love it." My irony was intact.
"Some things never change." He said laughing, refering to my comment.
"I guess that's good, isn't it?" I half-smiled.
"I suppose." He said standing up and hugging me.
I smiled once more and I hugged him back.
"I love you, Jay." He said.
"Me too." And I hugged him a bit more tighly.
He kissed my forehead and we said goodbye.
Instead of going home, I decided I'd stop by the nearest music shop. Once I parked my car, I went in and started searching for some CD's. I found a country music CD for 3$. 3$ for a compilation! You can't go wrong! I searched through the vinyls and I found London Calling by The Clash. I couldn't believe it!
Suddenly the door of the shop opened and I saw a boy -I couldn't see his face, only the silhouette, because of the sun-.
"Jess?" He said. What?
"Mmmmm..." The door closed and finally, I could see who he was. "Oh, hi, Garrett."
"What are you doing here?"
"I-I was just about to pay and leave."
"What have you found?" He approached me, scratching the back of his neck.
"This..." I showed him.
"Wow, London Calling?" We walked to the table where you pay the things.
"And a country compilation." I said, putting it on the counter.
"Not bad." He gave me a pat on the back. I was not crying or anything, I didn't need a pat on the back! Sometimes, I think Garrett's brain is not working well. "Aleeeeeeeeeeeeeex!" He said. I assumed he was calling the cashier, who was inside some room.
"Hey, Garrett! Are you here for your order?" Garrett nodded and Alex came back with a bag. "Here you have."
"Charge me this, too." He said pointing at my things.
"What? No! You don't have to.."
"Pay me back with a coffee." He smiled.
I shrugged my shoulders and let him pay. He was a very good guy.
I followed Garrett (he was in his car, I was in mine) and he parked in front of a Starbucks. We went in and I ordered our drinks. He was waiting for me in a table.
"You should come to a band practice." He said.
"Whose band practice?"
"My band's practice!"
"Oh...yeah."
"Jessie, cheer the fuck up, you behave like a fucking emo!" He said, with no offense intended. He smiled at the end.
"Maybe it's because I am an emo."
"I know you, and you aren't. You don't even laugh at my zombie jokes anymore!"
I remained silent, because he was right, and I wasn't gonna deny it. "I don't know how to be the person I was before..." I murmured.
"Maybe you need love." He heard me, damn.
"I have Dakota, my brother...and you."
"Oh, how beautiful." He pulled a face. "I mean couple love, boyfriend love."
"That's the least thing I need right now."
We remained silent for a minute or so.
"Will you come a practice?" He changed the topic.
"What were you called?"
"The Maine. God, Jess, do you have alzheimer?" He said laughing. I smiled. "Well, let's go home, I want you to put that beauty on the record player." He said, making reference to the vinyl. We drank the last sip and left.
I moved to Arizona, to my best friend's house, Dakota, almost 8 months ago, and she's been very helpful. We go to the cinema, she makes me cook, water the plants...to make a long story short, she "forces" me to stay busy. Sometimes, though, I feel like I'm a rock in her way, because she can't be with Garrett as much as she'd want to, and it's because of me. Because she cares.
Garrett is Dakota's boyfriend, and he has a band. Dakota took me to a concert once, but I don't remember much. I found it amusing -and somehow amazing, too- how the crowd sang along with the main singer. I think his name was Josh. I also remember how loud the girls shouted, and how they shouted even more when their idol took off his T-Shirt. You could read things like "make me yours", "let's make babies" o other things in their faces. I don't know if those things happened, but I don't really care if they did.
Of what I can remember, the guys are nice guys. The one I know the most, is Garrett, and I gotta say Dakota is a lucky girl. Garrett jokes around with me, and I smile, but as I said, never showing my teeth. Sometimes I think that people are sick and tired of me, and I don't blame them, as I've been 8 months absolutely sad. I bet they think I sometimes try to cut myself, but reality is, I'd never do that, and that I'm eager to be what I was before this happened. I just want to smile again.
***
My alarm clock went off at 9.30, as usual. Dakota knows that I love sleeping, but doesn't care, she makes me be ready for 10am. So I woke up, went downstairs to have some cereal, and went up again at 9.45. My Elvis CD started playing. The first song was "Blue Suede Shoes". I opened my wardrobe and chose some blue shoes with white laces. They were not suede shoes, but well, I don't have suede shoes, so, what can I do.
I took the first pair of jeans that I saw, and I did the same with the T-Shirt, which, by chance, was an Elvis T-Shirt. I brushed my teeth and combed my hair. Once I was ready, I went downstairs, and as always, Dakota was sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee.
"Good morning." She said taking a sip of her coffee.
"Good morning."
"What are your plans for today?" She smiled.
"Well...I thought that maybe I could go visit my brother..." I put my hands into the pockets of my jeans.
"Good! Do you want me to take you?"
"No, I can drive, thanks." I cracked a little smile.
"Okay, but remember..." She said. I looked at her and she was pointing her own smile. "...smile."
I half-smiled and left.
I opened the car and started the engine, turning on the radio. After 15 minutes or so, I arrived at my brother's house. I got out of the car and buzzed the bell.
"Who is it?" He asked speaking louder than normal.
"It's Jess." I said, speaking very low. I doubt he heard me.
He opened the door in his underwear. "Why the hell are you awake? By the way, nice T-Shirt!" He said, letting me in.
"Dakota forces me."
He murmured something I didn't understand. We went to the kitchen and James poured a mug of coffee for him.
"Do you want some?" He asked.
"No, thanks. I've had cereal not that long ago."
"A croissant?" He said pointing to a plate full of pastries.
"That's an offer I can't turn down." I smiled. If something hadn't changed, it was my love for unhealthy food,or just food in general. James smiled, too.
"So, how are you, Jess? It's been a long time since you last visited me." He said rubbing his eyes and yawning.
"Fine...I guess. How are you?"
"I'm good."
James and I talked about his job, TV, and of course, about my full time sadness.
"I don't like you being this sad, Jessie."
"I love it." My irony was intact.
"Some things never change." He said laughing, refering to my comment.
"I guess that's good, isn't it?" I half-smiled.
"I suppose." He said standing up and hugging me.
I smiled once more and I hugged him back.
"I love you, Jay." He said.
"Me too." And I hugged him a bit more tighly.
He kissed my forehead and we said goodbye.
Instead of going home, I decided I'd stop by the nearest music shop. Once I parked my car, I went in and started searching for some CD's. I found a country music CD for 3$. 3$ for a compilation! You can't go wrong! I searched through the vinyls and I found London Calling by The Clash. I couldn't believe it!
Suddenly the door of the shop opened and I saw a boy -I couldn't see his face, only the silhouette, because of the sun-.
"Jess?" He said. What?
"Mmmmm..." The door closed and finally, I could see who he was. "Oh, hi, Garrett."
"What are you doing here?"
"I-I was just about to pay and leave."
"What have you found?" He approached me, scratching the back of his neck.
"This..." I showed him.
"Wow, London Calling?" We walked to the table where you pay the things.
"And a country compilation." I said, putting it on the counter.
"Not bad." He gave me a pat on the back. I was not crying or anything, I didn't need a pat on the back! Sometimes, I think Garrett's brain is not working well. "Aleeeeeeeeeeeeeex!" He said. I assumed he was calling the cashier, who was inside some room.
"Hey, Garrett! Are you here for your order?" Garrett nodded and Alex came back with a bag. "Here you have."
"Charge me this, too." He said pointing at my things.
"What? No! You don't have to.."
"Pay me back with a coffee." He smiled.
I shrugged my shoulders and let him pay. He was a very good guy.
I followed Garrett (he was in his car, I was in mine) and he parked in front of a Starbucks. We went in and I ordered our drinks. He was waiting for me in a table.
"You should come to a band practice." He said.
"Whose band practice?"
"My band's practice!"
"Oh...yeah."
"Jessie, cheer the fuck up, you behave like a fucking emo!" He said, with no offense intended. He smiled at the end.
"Maybe it's because I am an emo."
"I know you, and you aren't. You don't even laugh at my zombie jokes anymore!"
I remained silent, because he was right, and I wasn't gonna deny it. "I don't know how to be the person I was before..." I murmured.
"Maybe you need love." He heard me, damn.
"I have Dakota, my brother...and you."
"Oh, how beautiful." He pulled a face. "I mean couple love, boyfriend love."
"That's the least thing I need right now."
We remained silent for a minute or so.
"Will you come a practice?" He changed the topic.
"What were you called?"
"The Maine. God, Jess, do you have alzheimer?" He said laughing. I smiled. "Well, let's go home, I want you to put that beauty on the record player." He said, making reference to the vinyl. We drank the last sip and left.
♠ ♠ ♠
This story is originally in Spanish, but as I don't have many readers (not to say any), I've decided I'll translate it. Before the story in Spanish, I thought of doing it in English, but due to my insecurity, I thought it'd be better if I did it in Spanish, because I'd make more mistakes if I did it the other way. But, anyway, I've found that it's easier for me to translate the story than to write it directly in English. So that means I'll write first in Spanish and the next day or so, I'll update it in English. I hope that more people read this now...if not, I don't know what else I could do.Well...hope you like the story! And don't be afraid to comment!
I apologize if I make mistakes...you can tell me if something is wrong, and I'll try to correct it, but please, please, please, don't be rude.
Thank you for reading! <3