Save your heart.

"Are you ready yet?" Dakota asked. I was in my bedroom, ready, but I'd rather stay at home. I did not want to go to the damn concert. And I did not want to see John's damn face. Nor hear his damn voice. Because I knew I was still in love with him. But still, what happened burnt in the back of my mind.

"I know it's difficult..." Dakota said as I slowly walked downstairs "but it'll be okay. I'll be with you." She walked towards me and side-hugged me. "Now, let's go!"

I knew she was excited. She hadn't seen Garrett in two months. And I was happy for her, but I just couldn't stop thinking about the instant I'd see John for the first time in two months.

The ride to the venue was a nightmare. A million thoughts going through my mind at the speed of light. How would I react. Would he see me. How would he react. What was I gonna do during the concert. What was I gonna do when he sang my songs. What this. What that. What.

"I don't think I'm ready." I said as Dakota parked the car. "You can go in and I'll go later." I was trying to avoid going to the concert. I knew that I was already there, but I didn't have a problem with waiting in the car. Every other option than going to the concert seemed suitable.

"I really think you should come Jess...you have to face it, you know..."

After a moment that seemed like it took forever, "you're right" I said. I was going to grab a beer from the trunk, but I thought that I needed to face the situation sober. I was about to throw up.

We walked to the entrance door and Dakota handed the man our tickets. I could hear the music already, and unconsciously yet looking for help, I grabbed Dakota's hand. She started to walk ahead of me.

I was shaking.

And then, I saw John.

I saw him in the middle of the stage. Suddenly all my nerves disappeared and I got lost in his voice. I wasn't shaking anymore.

I remained looking at him for quite a long time. A couple of songs. Maybe 4 or 5. And I felt bad for it. It felt amazing too, though.

Then, he started talking to the crowd, and apparently, he saw me because his next words were about me.

"Now, we're going to play some songs that we haven't played on the other dates." The crowd cheered "This four songs..." he made a pause "I need you to help me singing as fucking loud as you fucking can, alright?" The crowd cheered again. John turned back, said something to the boys and grabbed the mic once again "This is for you, Jay."

I felt like fucking dying. I wanted to run away. I wanted to run out the door, I wanted to run 'til I couldn't breathe. But I just froze and kept looking at him, it was like my legs weren't responding to my brain.

I heard some girls whispering things, too. About Jay. About me. Dakota held my hand firmly.

And then, I'm sorry started playing. I started to sob a little when he started to sing. And my sobbing didn't stop when they played the last chords, no. Because, guess what, they then played When I'm at Home. Hearing the crowd sing gave me goosebumps. It was amazing. And it seemed like John really meant it. Thinking of you was the third. And I had no clue which could the fourth one be, but when the first notes reached my ears, I burst into tears and grabbed Dakota's hand -I let it go on the second song-. She side hugged me and let me rest my head on her shoulder.

Merrily we fall out of line, out of line
I'd fall anywhere with you, I'm by your side
Swinging in the rain, humming melodies
Were not going anywhere until we freeze

You could imagine how I was. Niagara Falls on my face.

The the crowd started singing:

I'm not afraid anymore
I'm not afraid

Forever is a long time
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side

I remember every detail about that night. How we danced for the first time, how I sang those lines, whispering. How I fell in love even more with him.

Carefully were placed for our destiny
You came and you took this heart and set it free
Every word you write or sing is so warm to me, so warm to me
I'm torn, I'm torn to be right where you are

I'm not afraid anymore
I'm not afraid

Forever is a long time
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side

My tears minimized and surprisingly, still resting my head on Dakota's shoulder, I started to sing. Not really loud, but I sang.

Tell me everyday
I'd get to wake up to that smile
I wouldn't mind it at all
I wouldn't mind it at all

You so know me
Pinch me gently
I can hardly breathe

For-ever is a long time
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side

Tell me everyday
I'd get to wake up to that smile
I wouldn't mind it at all
I wouldn't mind it at all

"Thank you" John said. "Now everybody, let's have a fucking good time!"

I went outside and smoked a cigarette. I needed it. I stopped smoking when my parents died, and I managed it well, but from time to time, I needed a smoke. And that was definitely one of those times.

I couldn't think straight. My mind was a mess of thoughts, so I just focused my attention on the parking lot. The colors of the cars, the night lights. Anything, really.

I needed to talk to John. Just as I needed that smoke. And I needed it to be as soon as possible.

But if I knew one thing, is that I loved John, and that I wouldn't let that one thing we had let go. Maybe it was my fault that I didn't respond to his calls, because he actually called me -and it hurt really bad to see his name on my phone screen-, but I had to have some time to think.

We both needed to make things work out again.