Deciphering Delilah Winters

There were many things that I would just never understand.

Algebra was definitely always going to fly right over my head, no doubt. The reason why that small fluffy rat my mom bought and tried to convince me a dog, was determined to find any crap in a five mile radius and rub itself all up in there, I really had no idea. Why someone would take the incredibly amazing creation- the cookie, and ruin everything incredibly amazing about it and add something disgusting like raisins, well, I would just never know.

I’d accepted it, really. It wasn’t my fault, I didn’t blame myself. These things really just did not make any logical sense; they were in a completely different universe. If my genius intelligence couldn’t understand it than it was obviously to dumb to comprehend.

But more so than any of these puzzling questions there was one that, without fail, always took the cake of confusing. There was that one unfathomable, inexplicable, made-shit-sense-at-all something that in the entirety of my life I knew I would just never make sense of, never ever: girls.

And I thought algebra was hard.

Scientists and teachers tried to tell me I was one slight mix up of a y chromosome to an x away from turning out like one, but I was positive that I could never be one. A chick, that is. Just the thought gave my shivers, my name would probably be… Parkerella or something. And that was just wrong on so many levels.

I could be listening to- more shivers- Justin Bieber.

I mean, after all, it was still a modern day mystery if they were even human, or if that slight mix-up of chromosomes they preached mutated them into weird alien type things that were just waiting for the right moment to chow down on our brains. Or well, something like that. Because I was human, and I was nothing like them.

It wasn’t like I was a complete loser around them or anything. Hell, I talked to them everyday. Talked, flirted, plastered on that golden boy smile they always ate up like a homeless man a Big Mac- desperate and starving. I had to put on a front; I heard they could smell fear.

And I mean, just because I didn’t understand them didn’t mean that I didn’t want to make out with them.

If they were brain-chomping aliens, they were at least hot brain-chomping aliens. And I had this natural weakness of hormones I couldn’t resist- but that was it, making out, an entirely physical thing: lips and hands and skin, that’s all that’s needed.

It’s the whole talking thing where everything goes wrong. Those damned words coming from their lips in that damned specific order, it just fucks me over entirely. They’re tricky like that, chicks, they take the English language, one that I had learned as a little kid and now used on a daily basis, and just screwed it all up. Took everything I knew and threw it right back in my face completely different.

Suddenly one thing meant another and another meant something else entirely. How could it all not take me by surprise? No one warned me that the language I’d spent years of my life learning was actually nothing like it really was, well, in girls’ minds at least. I wasn’t doing to well in Spanish either, to be honest, adding a whole new language to my vocabulary just wasn’t going to work. Girl Language included.

I wasn’t stupid, that shit just didn’t make any sense, I was better off trying to learn Chinese.

This meant that when Delilah Winters told me that she “didn’t need a present for Christmas”, I took it for face value. I truly believed that I had snaked my way out of spending my money on another unnecessary gift she was probably going to hate anyways. I could buy that pair of kicks I had been eyeing the other week consequence-free.

I was young and naive two weeks ago. I was just a boy back then, nothing like the man that I was now.

The man that, now in the Antarctic blizzard-like weather, was trudging through the empty streets and hoping to dear god that there was something open. Anything open.

I couldn’t believe how unbelievably wrong I was.

I’d met Delilah in May of that year. It started with some offhand, casual, non-offensive but damn hilarious crack about how she should shut up and make me a sandwich. In my defence, it was hilarious and she was being really loud. I was trying to get a good education for myself so that I could become successful and provide for my family, and she was distracting me. I was entitled to my sandwich joke, really.

Clearly, I was doing the whole room a favour because no one cared about… whatever she was talking about.

She’s a girl though, basic logic, it just doesn’t apply to her and her thinking. Her mentality was more I’m-always-right-because-I-have-a-vagina-and-you-don’t. This was a Girl Thing and, of course, completely wrong.

Delilah then got all huffy and offended and completely blew up; apparently not understanding that I was hilarious. She started yelling completely uncalled for things at me, more than once walking into another brilliant joke, which, okay, I coaxed the anger a bit more. The PMS joke really wasn’t the smartest, I’ll admit it, but it hardly was enough for her to throw her binder at me and stalk out of the room.

I was clearly the innocent one.

Ever since then she’d had more than a little bit of a personal vendetta against me. It was fun though, to watch her completely explode, it was so easy to get under her skin. The smallest little insults and she got all huffy and offended- especially with woman jokes without fail. I’ll confess to instigating the fights between us more than once, but it was amusing when I was bored, and I got bored really easy. Hey, it was all in good fun, right?

It was a little bit of an addiction, but she was obviously at fault. She’s the one that took things so seriously, anyways.

With Christmas nearing, I never really thought that we’d exchange presents. I’d figured anything I bought for her she’d throw right back in my face, telling me that anything I gave was bound to be cursed. It wasn’t until Carter, a friend of mine, had brought it up that I actually considered it.

Carter was a girl, so I’d figure I’d trust her on that one. She knew more about how their minds worked than I did, at least.

It was awkward to ask, and I debated for the entire day whether or not I should even, but I finally mustered up everything I had. What was the harm, I convinced myself, it wasn’t like she’d forever hold it against me, right?

Only when I did finally spit it out, refusing to look at her while I did, she completely brushed me off. Told me I didn’t have to, dismissed the thought with a wave of her hand, like it wasn’t a big deal at all. I knew it was too perfect to be true but I stepped in that trap like the poor, naive boy that I was. I was a moth that flew into the light, only to end up zapped and twitching on the ground, dying.

Or rather, my death was by turning into a human-sized icicle.

The streets were completely empty on that Christmas Eve, night had already devoured the sky and the flurry of snowflakes whipped carelessly through the air. My cheeks were tinged red and stinging, fingers felt like they had transformed into icicles and if it weren’t for the fact that I was moving, I wouldn’t be sure if I had legs anymore.

Delilah’s face continued to burn in my memory, completely outraged.

“What, you got me a present? I thought we weren’t doing that, you told me that I didn’t have to get you a present…?”

“I said that you didn’t have to, have being the key word. You should’ve wanted to!”

“… What?”

“Get out, right now! You goddamn selfish prick! Get out, get out, get out!”

It was then I had been promptly shoved out into the cold, all my things in my hands and wondering what the hell had just happened. She’d been so oddly nice that day too, even baked me cookies. I knew everything good had to come to an end.

My hands, covered by the red knit mittens, were stuffed into my jacket pockets as my desperate eyes scanned all the store windows. All that I was met with were shadows, a ghost town right before my eyes. I wasn’t shocked; everyone else was enjoying the holidays in their nice quaint homes with amazing dinners and good cheer, and where was I?

Trudging into my own death. I swear to god, if it weren’t for tits, I’d be gay. I’d be hardcore homosexual, but those aliens were smarter than they looked, appealing to my weak spot.

A sigh escaping my lips, I clenched my jaw while internally cursing, realizing how pointless this trip was. Nothing was open at all and it was useless trying to buy something now, but how was I going to fix this? I knew anything I’d try to make would end up coming out like shit, not that I had time on my side anyways.

There was something in her eyes when she saw my empty hands that burned at me though, while it could’ve just been my imagination I swear that I saw a flicker of hurt in the ocean blue. She’d immediately set down my gift and the cold glare she gave me was hardly something I’d become used to.

I’d seen her angry more times to count, endured enough glares for a life time, but that was just chilling. I don’t know why but something in the pit of my stomach told me I had to make things okay, I couldn’t say why, I just did.

I buried my face into the palms of my hands. I really fucked up this time, but what could I do?

And then, it hit me. The idea was perfect, or well, as perfect as I was going to get on short notice. I knew that it was a massive risk but maybe, just maybe, it would work. It had to, it’s not like I had any other choices. Hopefully?

With a flare of pride dwindling inside of me, I made a break for it towards my house. It just had to work.

“Oh… what are you doing here?”

I cringed inwardly as she looked up at me, face entirely vacant, not a hint of emotion laced into her words. For the first time in my life, I actually wished her temper would break and she’d hurl any blunt objects she could get her hands on in my direction. Anything better was the cold atmosphere her body radiated.

For the first time I felt a little anxiety clawing up my throat, a lump forming along with it.

“I… uh, got you a present?”

With hesitation and a nervous smile plastered across my face, I lifted the clumsily wrapped box. It was basically tape all around, nothing like the precise job that she had done on mine, but it was the best I could do. Wrapping paper and myself weren’t exactly the best of friends and it hardly did what I wanted it to do, damn bastard.

She stared at it for a moment, something sparking in her eyes. “Oh?”

I handed it to her, feeling my stomach churn. Holy fuck, I felt like the biggest pussy. What did it matter anyways? Oh, so Delilah didn’t like me, what else was new? She hated me, didn’t she? She’d implied it more than enough times.

Right. If she didn’t like it, I’d walk away, because what did it matter? Nothing, obviously. She was just a girl, a confusing ass girl. She was always putting me in these awkward situations with her stupid logic and stupid words and stupid everything. Always expecting me to understand what she meant and understand when to quit it and to be more “sensitive”. Did I even need that?

I closed the door when I stepped inside, feeling some shaky reassurance inside of me, and watched her carefully. She ripped apart the red paper with Santa Claus printed all over it, a few bits of tape sticking to the grey scarf hanging loosely around her neck. In the background I could hear Mariah Carey singing softly to the familiar tune.

When she opened the box, I felt my stomach lurch. The wind felt like it was knocked out of me.

“See, look, I made you a sandwich this time…”

I couldn’t read her face as she placed it on the dark wood end table next to her. One of her hands with the sleeve pulled up covered her mouth, elbow resting on the arm wrapped around her torso. Did she hate it? Was she going to throw it in my face? Tell me to never speak to her again?

That was when she didn’t something I never expected.

Delilah laughed.

A first it was something like a snort, her eyes lighting up, until it bred into a full-out, unmistakable laugh. Delilah Winters laughed at a woman joke. I never thought I’d see the day.

Our gazes met and all I could was stare with my mouth parted in disbelief, expecting this illusion to disperse at any moment. Was this a dream? Was she going to tear out my jugular vein? Grow wings, pick me up and drop me off into an ocean? Turn into my grandma?

“You’re so stupid,” she said, but the smile toying on her lips told me there was no heart behind it.

Before I could retaliate, she threw herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck and nuzzling her face into the crook of my neck. Again, I wasn’t sure how to react to the warmth pressed up against me. Was this all a dirty trick?

Somehow, though, I couldn’t deny the feeling smouldering inside. I couldn’t say what it was, but it was nice, casting a tingling sensation across my skin. I hugged her back, giving her a squeeze with the grin that had somehow found my lips.

“Just so you know, you’re not getting off entirely. When everything opens up you’re buying me the most expensive gift you can, I mean pooling up everything you have expensive. But... Parker, thank you."

I laughed.

Delilah Winters was confusing. Delilah Winters brought hell's wrath whenever she was angry, and almost everything made her angry. She constantly threw me on my ass, head whirling and words jumbled and wondering what the hell just happened. Paranoia was constantly whispering in my ear now because of her. Always second guessing myself. Always left with a million questions and no answers and her glare burning into my skin.

But I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.