I'll Let You Live.

Once we got back to the bus all the guys were already there since we were about to leave and Tom excused himself to go buy our plane tickets.

I sat up front with Matty who spoke right as I did so, "So yeh two leavin'?"

I nodded and he sighed.

"How did you know?"

"Oli told meh. Yeh woulda fought someone killed his dog..."

I shrugged trying not to feel bad.

"Yeh can't blame him Lexi. Yeh juss as guilty. Maybe if yeh told him how yeh feel he would have tha courage ta tell yeh himself. Stop blamin' him when yeh haven't helped any." He said seriously and I bit my lip.

"I love yeh Lexi. Yeh like a sista ta meh. But yeh need ta be tha bigga person and tell him cause yeh juss don't get it.

Yeh dont know what he finks." He said standing up from his seat.

I fiddled with my fingers as he continued, "yeh leave wif Tom yeh gonna crush him Lexi. Does that not mean somefin'? Do yeh not care that much?"

"Of course I care about him." I whispered.

"Then don't go. If yeh go, he'll neva tell yeh Lexi and yeh bloody know that."

"I'm sick of building my life around him Matty! I'ts not fair!"

"He does tha same exact fing to yeh! He builds his life makin' sure yeh have a spot. Makin' sure yeh have what Yeh want and need. When yeh don't tour wif us he's constantly talkin' bout yeh. I hope lexi's ok. I hope she remembered ta turn tha bloody straightener off. OrI really can't go out tonight cause Lexi is sick so I'm gonna stay wif her and make sure she doesn't need anyfing. And yeh know that's true!"

"What yeh feel for him he feels for yeh times 2 because his emotions are so strong and Lexi he would do anything for yeh. Anyfing! And yeh know that! Do yeh fink he wants ta see you me at six 27 bloody times in a row?! No. But he goes cause he knows it makes yeh happy. I fink yeh forget all that a lot and it's not fair. But go. Go home wif his brotha of all people."

I bit my lip so hard I thought it would bleed.

"Tom's buying our tickets."

"He can return them."

"I juss wanna go home. I'm sick of crying, of being upset, feeling heart broken, Matt!" I said as tears filled my eyes.

His eyes softened and he leaned down kneeling in front of me.

"Alexis..." he whispered, "I know."

"Then let me go home." I sniffled.

"Ok." He whispered, "Ok..."

He pulled me to him and I wiped my eyes as I let out a sigh. No I didn't want to go but I knew I needed to.

"I juss hate this." He mumbled.

"Me too."

He kissed my forehead and pulled me up from the couch, "yeh do what's bess for yeh Lex. I mean that."

I nodded and hugged him tightly.

"Sorry I sort of raised my voice at yeh. I juss fink yeh two are frowin' away somefin' that yeh shouldn't."

"Awe. Are you an in the closet softy?" I askd with a grin and he rolled his eyes, "so what? I believe in love. Sue meh."

"Awe Matty..."

H groaned, "shut up."

I giggled and kissed his cheek.

"When yeh leavin'?"

I shrugged, "ask Tom."

"Tommy when yeh leavin'?" He yelled as he walked to the back. I sat back on the couch with a sigh realizing I had yet to see Oliver. I mean, there was only 2 weeks left of the tour. It wasnt like i wouldnt see him for months. Two weeks wasn't long enough really.

"Once we get into Flordia we're leavin." Toms aid causing me to look up, "Oh. Ok."

"Are yeh sure yeh want to?"

I nodded and he sat beside me, "you don't have to."

"I want to."

"Sure?"

He chuckled, "promise. Plus I don't want yeh ta be alone."

"I'll be fine..."

"I'm goin. And that's that."

"Ok ok."

He chuckled and pulled me closer to him.

"Don't worry love. Everyfing will get betta." He said softly and I wrapped my arms around him. If he believed that so did I.

We didn't see Oli all day and that worried me because we were all on the same bus. Once we got into Florida around 6 since the boys show wasnt until 9 we headed to the airport first.

Surprisingly Oli went with us all inside the airport and to where our flight would soon be boarding. Once i sat my luggage down I was picked up by Jona.

"Jona! You do realize it's only two weeks?" I said as he hugged me tightly.

"I know but it's gonna be sad wifout yeh." He said and I laughed as he put me down.

I hugged all the guys and when I got to Oli I dropped my arms to my sides unsure of what to do.

He bit his lip and took me by surprise by pulling me to him.

I didn't say anything just let him hug me to him.

"Please be careful. I don't like not bein' there cause I don't know if yeh safe and ok." He whispered burying his face into my hair.

"I will." I mumbled and he kissed my forehead before pulling away. His eyes were darker than usual and he gave me a weak grin before walking away from us all.

I bit my lip roughly trying not to cry which for some reason I wanted to.

Matty gave me a look and I breathed in deeply before grabbing my suitecase.

"Ready?" Tom asked and I managed to nod. He grabbed my hand and we waved goodbye to the guys as we went to board the plane.

Once we got on the plane and sat in our seats I felt something in my back pocket. I dont remember putting anything in there...I raised up and pulled out a now crumbled piece of folded paper from my pocket. I looked over at Tom who was gazing out the window listening to his ipod.

I breathed in deepily and opened the paper to notice Oli's handwriting filling the sheet.

'Alexis,
I wish I could tell you everything I've written in this letter to your face, but none the less I truly mean every word.
You mean the world to me Lexi. I love everything about you; your eyes, your smile, the way you laugh. God. I love you. I do. I wish I could say that to you in person. I love you. Seems so simple on paper but when you're standing right in front of me my heart goes into over drive and I can't seem to even whisper those words because you make me so bloody nervous. I mean, do you love me? That's what scares me. Me telling you and you not saying it back. I don't know. What if I did tell you? Would you still be here with me? My mind is in over drive and I haven't been able to sleep since our fight. Go ahead. Call me a coward. I truly deserve that and eveything you've yelled at me. I do however just want you to be happy. If Tom makes you happy then be with him. I mean that, but I know I could make you happier if you'd give me the chance. I use to make you happy, at least I believe so anyways.

I love you with all my heart,
Oli'

I couldn't help but cry as I re-read the letter over and over again. Wondering if this was just a joke or if he really wrote this. I looked over at Tom who was still staring out the window and whispering some song he was listening to.

I hated Oli. I hated how he once again pulled me back in and yet a part of me wanted to die from happiness from his words written.

I shoved the note into my purse and leaned against the seat with a sigh. This was going to be a long flight.

Once we arrived back in Sheffield we took a cab back to my apartment. Tom had left his car there before we left anyways.

"Why yeh so quiet?" Tom asked carrying my things in for me.

"Just jet lagged I assume." I said falling onto the couch with a sigh. Glad to be home.

"I question if tha idiot lives wif yeh or meh." Tom said picking up sevreral of Oli's shirts from the chair he was about to sit in.

I forced a grin as he sat down.

"Yeh not ok. What's tha matta?" He finally said and I faked a yawn, "nothing. Just tired."

"Gonna go on a date wif meh say, tomorra?" He asked and I chuckled, "of course."

"Well, i'll let yeh get some sleep and unpack." He said standing back up and pulling me up from the couch.

"Ok." I whispered as he pulled me to him.

"I'll call yeh lata."

I nodded and he kissed me softly, "come lock the door love."

"Scared i'll get kidnapped?"

He smiled, "course. Don't want no one tryin' ta take my bird." He said kissing me once more and i followed him to the door.

We said goodbye and I locked the door with a sigh. He was right though. Oliver's things were everywhere. I began to pick up the shirts Tom was talking about and a pair of shoes Oli had left against the wall. I swear. The boy is messy.

I placed them on my bed and went back into the living room grabbing up the watch he left on the table and a belt that was thrown over the chair.

Is it sad that Oli has his own drawer? Im sure Tom wouldnt be patricular fond of knowing that regardless if Oli was his brother. I folded the few shirts and on the last one i brought it to my face and inhaled his smell. I missed him and it wasn't even a day without him. I guess because he wasnt just in the other room he was across an ocean.

I sighed and put the shirts in the drawer leaving one out which I changed into. Yeah, i was ridiculous or obsessive I know.

I pulled the letter out of my purse and re read it once more. Just to make sure I didnt miss a word or two.

Giving up on him now would be simply impossible. He loved me. That was the only thing i needed to read.

I decided to call Matty because I needed someone to talk about this with. He picked up on the 3rd ring in a cheerful voice, "Hey sweetie. Yeh missin' meh already?"

I laughed, "oh yes. You know it."

He chuckled, "what's up?"

"Um, are you around anyone?" I asked and he paused before speaking, "Yes..."

"Oli?"

"No."

"Ok, well he gave me a letter as I was getting on the plane..."

"And what did it say?"

"That he loves me.."

"WHAT?!" He said loudly and I winced, "Yeah..."

"What tha fuck is tha matta wif yeh two?! Yeh make everyfing so bloody complicated I swear!"

"Matt! What do I do?.."

He sighed, "I don't know Lex. Do yeh love him?"

"Yeah." I whispered.

"Tell him."

"Over the phone?!"

"Well, wait til we get back."

I breathed in, "what about Tom?"

"What bout him? He'll undastand."

"I know..."

"Lexi, someone's gonna get hurt eitha way yeh look at it."

"Yeah." I mumbled falling onto my bed.

"Gonna be ok sweetie. Tom will be fine. If yeh love Oli yeh need ta take it."

"I know. You're right."

"Course I am."

I chuckled, "Thanks Matty. I dont know what I'd do wihout you."

"Yeah i'm prettah great..."

I giggled and he spoke, "i know it's late there so I'll talk ta yeh lata sillah bird. I love yeh."

"Love you. Later."

I hung up with Matt and closed my eyes letting out a sigh. He was right about everything and I knew if I listened to my heart it wouldn't settle for anything less than Oliver.