I'll Let You Live.

"Ello?" He said in a sleepy voice and I spoke softly, "Hey."

"Lexi?" He asked a bit more awake now.

"Yeah..."

"What's tha matta? Is everyfing ok?"

"Yeah..." I whispered fiddling with the stuffed animal, "I just miss you."

He grew silent and I waited patiently for his voice.

"I miss yeh too." He finally said softly.

"I got your letter..."

"Oh..."

"Did you mean what you said?"

"Every word Lexi." He whispered and I leaned my chin on my knees.

"I love you." I said softly.

"Have yeh been drinkin'?"

"Yeah. A little."

"Where's Tom?"

"I dunno. Some where. I'm outside."

"Maybeh yeh should go in and find him love."

"We're at my house."

"Oh..."

"He asked me to be his girlfriend, Oliver."

The line went silent for a moment and he finally spoke, "what did yeh say?"

"Yes..."

"Oh."

"I can't wait for you to decide you want a relationship Oli. It's not fair. You change your mind so much and it would be different if I just liked you but I don't. I love you and that makes it hurt even more nd I'm sick of hurting. Tom, he makes me happy he isn't afraid to say how he feels and he isn't afraid to like me back..." I said crying and I didn't even know why.

"I hope he makes yeh happy Lexi." he finally said and I started crying even more.

"That's it? That's all you have to say?"

"Yeah."

I laughed through my tears, "of course it is."

"What do yeh want meh ta say?!"

"I don't know! Just anything!"

"If it's what yeh want than so be it."

"Are you sure you even love me?"

"Yes I am." He said a bit louder now.

"Really? Because I've fought for you for months and here you are giving up."

He sighed, "I only want yeh ta beh happy Alexis! For fuck sake do yeh want meh ta fight for yeh?! Is this what yeh wantin' from this?!"

"I just want something out of you! For once I want to know what you're feeling!"

"Wanna know what I'm feelin'?! I'm fuckin' pissed ok?! I'm irrate that yeh wanna be wif him! I'm hurt that yeh pickin' him ova meh when I juss confessed my feelins for yeh!" He said loudly.

I wiped my tears and he breathed in deepily, "do what yeh need ta do Alexis..."

"I don't know what that is because I love you."

"Reallah? Than why aren't yeh here wif meh? Why aren't yeh kissin' meh instead of my brotha Alexis?!"

"Don't blame this on me! You had a million chances to tell me how you feel! And hell you still can't you had to write a letter!"

"I'm not gettin' inta this wif yeh."

"Of course not. God forbid you have to talk about your feelings."

He laughed, "whateva Alexis go back to Tom."

"If you're ok with that. If you really hate telling me how you feel that badly then maybe you don't love me."

"Yeah? Well maybe I bloody don't then."

I stifled a laugh, "whatever Oliver. I really hope this is what you want." I said hanging up before he could respond. I wiped my face before slowly getting up. When I walked in Tom was laid out on the couch texting.

"Oh. There yeh are. I fought yeh were changin' or somefin." He said and I walked over and crawled on top of him burying my face into the crook of his neck as I wrapped my arms around him. He said nothing just returned the gesture and I closed my eyes tightly.

"Yeh talked ta Oli didn't yeh?" He asked and I whispered a yes.

"Fought so. I could hear him yellin' when I was talkin' ta Matty."

"I hate him Tom. I really do." I said and he held on to me tightly, "no yeh don't..."

"I do...I need you to like block every Sykes number in my phone."

"Except for you." I added quickly causing him to chuckle.

"I fink once the alcohol is offically outta yeh system yeh might not feel that way so lets talk bout it in tha mornin'."

"Are you staying?" I asked raising up to look at him.

"Do yeh want meh to?"

I nodded as his fingers traced my cheek, "then I'll stay."

"Oh no I left our turtle outside." I said with a frown and he chuckled, "I'll go get it for yeh baby."

I nodded moving so he could get off the couch and I laid back down as he walked outside for 30 seconds.

"Saved it from tha rain. It's drizzlin' outside." He said with a grin as he laid beside me and handed me the turtle.

He wrapped his arm around me and touched his forehead to mine.

"You're the sweetest guy I've ever met." I whispered and he chuckled, "I'm sure I'm not. I'm juss nica than Oli."

I kissed him softly and he pulled me to him, "Don't worry sweetie, everyfing will be fine. I won't make yeh cry." He whispered.

"I know you wonlt. You make me happy." I said into his shirt and he rubbed my back, "Yeah?"

I nodded and he moved back to look at me, "back at yeh."

I gave him a weak grin and he leaned in kissing me gently.

Our gentle kissing turned into a bit more serious kisses and lead to my bedroom and a few missing articles of clothing. Which was fine but once he touched the top of my jeans I instantly snapped out of it. Yeah, I hated Oli, well, sort of, but sleeping with his brother..I couldn't let myself do that.

"I can't." I said quickly and he looked up at me.

"I'm, I'm sorry I just..." I fumbled.

"No. No. Don't apologize. It's fine Lex. I mean it. If you're not ready then I don't want yeh to." He said seriously.

I just stared at him and he kissed my forehead, "I mean it. I'm not mad."

"Where are you from?" I asked and he laughed, "um, here?"

"I mean, I didn't know guys like you existed."

"Oh." He chuckled, "Yeah. The ones who are still single and over looked."

"Um you're single?" I asked raising an eyebrow and he smiled, "well, use to be. I recently got a girlfriend. Don't tell her I made out wif yeh though."

"Oh. Secrets safe with me."

He chuckled and kissed my neck, "wanna sleep now?"

I nodded and he kissed me softly before handing me the shirt next to him.

"I think this is yours." I said examining it.

"So? Wear it." He said laying beside me and I slipped on his shirt and laid down.

He wrapped his arms around me and I snuggled into his chest.

"Goodnight love." He whispered as he stroked my hair lightly and I fell asleep not long after.

The next morning I woke up to my phone ringing loudly beside me. Tom groaned and I reached over blindly until I felt it with my fingers.

"Hello?" I mumbled sleepily.

"Lexi. What the fuck did you do?" Matty's voice came at me loudly and a bit angry.

"Huh?" I asked sitting up a bit more awake now thanks to his tone.

"What did yeh say ta Oli lass night?"

"Why?"

"Cause he's gone fuckin' mental is why! He bloody destroyed half our bus! And now he's drinkin' himself into a bloody coma. So what did yeh say ta him?"

"It's a long story..." I mumbled.

"Well I have fuckin' time."

I looked down at Tom who was looking up at me sleepily.

"Go back to bed." I said kissing his cheek and he nodded as he closed his eyes and I got up walking out to the porch.

"Tom stayed I suppose?"

"Yeah..."

He groaned, "Great. Well out wif it..."

I breathed in nervously and went into everything I could remember about the conversation.

"For fuckin sake Lexi." He said when I finished and I sat down feeling anxious.

"Why didn't yeh juss stab tha lad?"

"Why doesn't he just stab me?! Why is everyone on his side?! It's his fault!"

He sighed, "no one's on sides Lexi. But fuck."

"But fuck what? He didn't act like he gave a shit anyways."

"What did yeh expect? Him to bust out cryin'? Yeh know that isnlt him."

"I expected something! Anything would have done! I juss feel like I love him more than he loves meh and why should I risk it all for something so unsure?"

"Yeh have no idea Lexi..." he mumbled.

"Well fucking tell me Matt! Because he never will!"

"Juss listen." He said and I could hear him passing people who were talking loudly.

"Mate what's tha matta?" He said and I heard Oli speak, "nuffin. Juss go."

Guilt automatically took over me and Matty spoke once more "What happened? Is it Lexi 'gain?" He asked and I closed my eyes placing my hand on my face.

"It's all me fault yeh know." Oli said and I bit my lip.

"What is mate?"

"Tha reason she's not here. Reason she's wif me brotha and not meh. She said, well I guess yeh really don't love meh. And yeh know what I said Matt? Yeh know what I fuckin' said? I said well I guess I don'." He said laughing and Matt and I were both silent.

"I said that to tha girl I love." He said his laughter dying down, "I deserve ta be alone yeh know? I mean, she should be wif Tom. He's, yeh know, a good guy...."

"come on so are yeh mate..."

"No I'm not. Even she knows that. She hates meh Matty and yeh know how that makes yeh feel when tha one person in this world yeh care bout more than anyfing hates yeh? Makes yeh feel like yeh juss wanna die."

I silently began crying and Matt sighed on the phone, "don't say that."

"What?! It's fuckin' true! I can't live wifout her! And what if she and my brotha date foreva and get married and...and i'd have to see her on holidays wif him bein' happy while I seat there wishin' I was him. Wishin' I was my own fuckin' brotha! No. I hate him. I hate him because he knew how I felt bout her. He knows that..that I love her. Fuck Matt. I love her and...why the fuck couldn't I tell her that?!" He asked loudly and I heard something crash causing me to wince at the sound.

"I want her here Matty. I juss want her here." Oli said in, I was afraid to think of it...tears.

I was now crying trying to not make a noise on the phone.

"Oli. Mate. It's gonna be ok." Matty said clearly trying to calm him down.

"I need her. I juss need her." He said which was muffled.

"It's gonna be fine Oli..."

"No. It'll neva be fine again. Neva."

"I'll be right back." Matty said and I cuddled up to my knees as he clearly walked away from Oli.

"Don't tell me he doesn't love yeh Lexi. Don't fuckin' sit there and say he doesn't care." He said angrily, "so yeh do what yeh need ta do juss know he's miserable wifout yeh and it juss pisses me off how yeh fink yeh know everyfing. Be wif Tom. Fine. But I honestly don't see how yeh could sleep at nigh'."

"I've gotta go try and fix this mess. Later." He added before hanging up on me and I honestly couldn't believe anthing that just happened.

I cried as I hugged my knees to my chest. Something about knowing he was that upset about it killed me. It killed me and all I wanted to do was be where he was and tell him I was sorry and how much I loved him.

I was sick of crying. I'm surprised Tom hadn't had enough yet.

"What happened love?" I heard and looked up to see Tom.

"Everyone like hates me and I didn't even do anything." I said wiping my eyes.

He sighed and kneeled beside me so we were eye level.

"I don't hate yeh." He whispered wiping my tears away.

"I know, but Matty just called and yelled at me because Oli's upset and it's not fair." I said sniffling and his face hardened, "yelled at yeh?"

I nodded and he stood back up quickly. He mumbled something as he headed back inside and I quickly got up to follow him.

"Tom..."

"No. He shouldn't be yellin' at yeh cause Oli is a fuckin' pansy." He said grabbing up his phone and I bit my lip as I watched him.

"I'm not going to have anyone talk ta yeh like that Lexi. I juss won't." He said placing the phone to his ear and I sighed waiting to hear the wrath of Tom.

"What is yeh fuckin' deal?" He snapped and although I couldn't hear Matty my imagination was running wild.

"Let meh tell yeh somefin, I don't give a fuck if yeh blame her for Oli's issues but yeh not gonna call here at bloody 9 in tha mornin' and raise yeh voice at my bird yeh got it?"

"Oh yeah Matty. Like that makes it true. What tha fuck eva i'm juss lettin' yeh know yeh need ta quit bein a fuckin' douche ta her."

I stared at him as he paced the living room.

"Ha i'm not goin inta that wif yeh if he's got somefin ta say he knows my numba. In fact we live togetha so he can tell meh when he gets home. Bye." He said hanging up and coming to a stop in front of me.

"You just made everything worse."

"How?"

"Now they're mad at me and you."

He shrugged, "I don't care. They are already mad at meh. Parently Oli had a claim on yeh I was unaware of."

"I've never heard you curse so much in my life."

He laughed, "I know right?"

I giggled and he pulled me to him, "it was necessary. Made me propa mad."

"Thanks." I said and he kissed me softly, "no need. I'm not going to have anyone talk ta yeh that when yeh did nuffin wrong."

"You're a good boyfriend..."

He laughed, "I try."

I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him to me, "well at least I have you."

He chuckled, "Yeah I'm not goin anywhere, love."