I'll Let You Live.

I couldn't help but feel this way. I tried to seem ok, like it didn't bother me that my best friend/the guy I love was hurt. I tried to tell myself he deserved it because for months I felt the same way, but I just couldn't. I couldn't convince myself it was ok, or that it didn't worry me beyond belief. I mean, of course we've fought. We've been best friends forever, but this time was different and I could feel it.

I paced my living room, phone in hand as I waited for Matty to respond to the millionth text I sent asking if Oli was ok.

"What are yeh doin'?" Tom asked an amused grin on his lips. Of course I had let him stay with me, and of course as much as I liked him I told him I couldn't return the 'I love you' which he understood. I'm not the type to love more than one person at a time and Oli had my heart at the moment. If only I could get it back. Although, I wasn't sure I wanted to.

"Waiting on Matty to text me back." I answered honestly and he nodded as he leaned against the wall.

"I'm gonna go to drop dead for a while. Do yeh need anyfing while I'm out?" He asked.

Yeah. If you could return with a tall, lanky, tattooed covered boy that would be great. Thanks.

I shook my head no instead, "No thanks."

"Alright. I'll see yeh in a bit." He said with a grin as he kissed my cheek. I think he just knew, hell, we both knew the truth at this moment.

I nodded and he left as I fell onto the couch trying to calm my worrying. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. Maybe I should just go over to his place. Check on him myself.

Before I could finish my thoughts my doorbell rang causing me to instantly jump up. I quickly walked over and flew my door open only to be taken by surprise to see Oliver of all people.

"Oli." I managed to get out through my excitement. I was just happy to see him, happy to know he was fine.

I bit my lip as he stood there staring at me, "Can I come in?"

I nodded quickly and moved over to let him in.

I closed the door behind him and he walked into my living room.

"Lexi..." he started as he ran his hand into his hair and he turned to face me.

He tugged on his hair as if this was torture for him.

"Oliver I..." I started to say and he threw his hand up to stop me, "No. Juss, let meh get this out."

I nodded and crossed my arms nervously as he paced my floor.

"Where's Tom?" He asked.

"He went to drop dead."

He nodded as he continued pacing and tugging on his hair.

"Oliver."

"Juss give meh a minute." He mumbled and I just watched him nervously.

He breathed in and came to a stop causing me to give him a strange look.

"Are you ok?" I asked slowly.

"Yeah. No. I mean, sort of..."

I raised my eyebrow and he rubbed his neck, "I juss have a lot I wanna say ta yeh, but I mean, yeh know I'm not good wif words."

I nodded not knowing what to say.

"I juss...fuck. why can't I do this?" He groaned.

"Oli. It's just me. Just say whatever. No matter how jumbled up it is." I stated. Honestly I just wanted to know what the hell he was trying to say so anything would work.

"I can't be wifout yeh Lexi. I don't want to be cause yeh make meh happah and I love spendin' time wif yeh cause yeh funnah and easy ta talk ta and juss, amazin'." He said pacing faster than before.

"Oli."

He looked over at me and I grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Chill out."

"I can't."

"Why are you here?" I asked seriously and he breathed in deeply, "I juss miss yeh Lex. I haven't reallah been round yeh in free weeks..."

"And, and I dunno, I juss, I mean, I reallah love yeh." He fumbled out.

I couldn't hold back the smile that hit my face, "yeah?"

"Yeah. I do. I always bloody have. I'm sorrah." He mumbled and I grabbed his hand, "for what?"

"For bein tha one fing I swore I'd neva be ta yeh. Fuck Lex, I've been such a arsehole ta yeh." he said with a sigh.

"It's ok." I said softly and he shook his head no, "it's not. I mean, tha last fing I wanted yeh ta fink was that I was sleepin' wif yeh juss cause I could and that it was juss nuffin."

I shrugged uncomfortably and he held onto my hand lightly, "that isn't what I was finkin at all..."

"Then what were you thinking?"

He sighed, "it's gonna sound so girly when I say it..."

"Yeah well I already know you're a bit girly."

He rolled his eyes and I flashed him a smile.

"I juss, I know it sounds stupid but I mean, of course I wouldn't have objected to sleepin' wif yeh. What bloke would? But, I dunno, I reallah juss looked forward ta when I could hold yeh and kiss yeh aftawards. It wasn't a big deal, yeh know? I juss, loved tha feelin' that for a few moments I got ta pretend yeh were mine."

"I dunno, propa stupid I know." He added running his hand into his hair.

"No it's not. I thought the same way..."

"Yeah?" He asked in a surprised tone.

I nodded and his hand tightened on mine.

"If you would have just told me Oliver." I stated and he sighed, "I know. I'm sorrah. I truly am. But how was I suppose a know yeh felt that way? Lex yeh don't get what kind of pressure that put meh in. Not sayin' it's yeh fault but I mean, what if I did and the feelins weren't mutal? I juss was at a war wif mehself ova it. I didn't want to risk losin' yeh all togetha wif. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, I felt the same way." I said softly.

"Yeh don't undastand how terrifyin' tha idea of losin' yeh is ta meh." He stated stepping closer to me.

"Yes I do. Trust me."

He sighed and brought my hand to his mouth pressing his lips gently from my wrist to the palm of my hand. Butterflies filled my stomach just from the contact. I had almost forgotten what that feeling felt like until now.

"I love yeh." He whispered placing his free hand on my lower back and pushing me into his chest.

"I'm scared." I admitted and a hurt look hit his face causing me to regret my word choice.

"Why? Of me?" He asked softly.

I shook my head no, "not of you. Just in general."

"Do yeh not wanna be wif meh?" He asked as if I was ending something we hadn't even started.

"Of course I do. I just, I'm scared. What if we don't work out? Then what? We break up and we can't be around each other? I just can't handle that..." I said fiddling with my shirt and he cupped my face making me look into his soft brown eyes.

How did our roles flip so quickly?

"Lexi. My love." He cooed as he repeatedly brushed my cheek with his thumb.

I bit my lip and a small grin hit his, "it's goin' ta be ok love.We've basically been togetha for years anyways wouldn't yeh say?"

I nodded slowly and he smiled, "then don't worry bout it. We already have each otha figured out so well we know what to expect."

"Yeah."

"Yeah." He chuckled before kissing my forehead and I noticed how complete I oddly felt now that he was here. My worrying and stress went away and was replaced with a calming, safe feeling. I wrapped my arms around his torso and placed my head on his chest. I at least wanted a few seconds of this moment.

"What about Tom?" I finally said ruining the moment we were having.

"What bout him?" He grumbled and I looked up at him, "Oliver."

"What?! Juss cause we're ok doesn't mean him and I are."

"Well, you need to talk to him."

"Why? If it wasn't for him none of this would've happened."

"Exactly and we would be in the same place we were; miserable and fighting."

He murmured something under his breath before speaking, "Ok. Fuck. I get it."

I glared at him and he chuckled, "maybe I should go now talk ta him." He said as he rubbed my back.

"No." I responded with a frown.

"What? Why not?" He asked with a confused look.

"I want you to stay." I answered as I held on to his shirt.

A grin hit his lips and he kissed my cheek, "why?"

"I just missed you." I mumbled and he pulled me to him.

"We'll have plenty of time togetha." He said softly running his hand into my hair.

"What makes you think that?"

He frowned, "I mean aren't yeh gonna break up wif him?"

I grinned, "jeez don't look so sad."

He glared at me, "whateva."

I chuckled, "of course I am." I said against his tattooed neck as I wrapped my arms around him.

"I was bout to say. I'll make yeh if yeh say no or kidnap yeh."

I laughed, "kidnap me?"

"Yeah..." he chuckled as he held me to him.

"Go talk to Tom." I said kissing his cheek.

"Maybeh we should go togetha. Like yeh can be like hey Tom we're ova and then I can be like yeah did yeh hear that yeh bloke? Haha, by tha way yeh can move back."

I gave him a look as i laughed and he chuckled, "juss an idea"

"No. Go." I said pushing away from him and he frowned, "So when am I gonna get ta kiss yeh?"

I laughed, "when this is all over with."

He groaned, "which will be neva!"

"Someone's ova dramatic."

"Fine. I'm goin'." He said grabbing up my hand.

"Be nice. I mean it."

"I swear I will be." He responded as he kissed my hand.

"Gonna be here when i get back?" He asked and I nodded, "Maybe you should go home so I can talk to Tom though."

He rolled his eyes and I spoke, "you are so impatient."

"Maybeh I'm juss sick of sharin' yeh."

"Oh whatever. Go. Please."

"Fine." He mumbled pulling me to him and kissing my cheek before he left.

Once the door closed I sighed and fell onto the couch. Talking to Tom wasn't going to be an easy challenge and I was praying it went better than what I had in mind.